


If You Don't Know, Let Me Go

by 585322586



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 3 years later, Angst, Band goes on hiatus, Cake, Cake fic, Cashton, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Future Fic, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Mutual Pining, OT4, OTP Feels, Pining, Sounds Good Feels Good, malum, reunion tour, slight mashton, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-04-21 05:00:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 114,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4815938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/585322586/pseuds/585322586
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 2016, after the conclusion of their first headlining tour, 5 Seconds of Summer decided to take a 3 year hiatus in order to grow as individual members before coming back together to create new and better music. Now 2019, the band is gearing up for the preparations of their new album as well as their upcoming reunion tour. At the start of the hiatus, Calum left to LA without a word, leaving Luke to deal with unresolved feelings and a heartbreak he never expected. Connections between the two boys were lost, as Luke gave up trying to figure out why Calum abandoned him and the boys without any warning or any explanation. Knowing he and Calum are soon to reunite, Luke is anxious as to what the bassist has to say and the answers to the questions Luke knows he has to ask. And Calum, truthfully, isn’t sure he’s even ready to come back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!!!! So this is going to be a pretty lengthy fic so I feel there's a lot I have to explain:
> 
> \- Sounds Good, Feels Good never came out in 2015. The band struggled to write new music which CONTRIBUTES to the reason as to why they go on hiatus (you'll find out more about the reason for the hiatus in later chapters)
> 
> \- The band begins the hiatus in 2016 just a little after Calum's 20th birthday.
> 
> \- Luke is currently 22 turning 23, Calum is 23, Michael is 23 turning 24 and Ashton is 24 turning 25.
> 
> \- Luke, Michael and Ashton have been working at a studio in Australia for their record label while Calum has been doing the same in LA. Michael and Ashton also opened up a guitar shop in their home town. 
> 
> \- Their tour is set to start in May of 2019 with the release of Sounds Good, Feels Good following the first show.
> 
> \- Luke, Michael and Ashton have been in Australia this whole time. Presumably. Future plot hint??? Maybe????
> 
> \- Calum has been in LA the entire time. (AGAIN HINT AT FUTURE PLOT??????)
> 
> \- The band hasn't been together with all four of them since 2016, so the week before their tour when they rehearse will be the first time they see each other
> 
> \- They wrote songs while still being apart. That will contribute to reasons why Cake wrote "Fly Away" and other songs have correlations. How they wrote will come later. 
> 
> \- Italicized sections are from the past, because a lot of context is going to come from things that happened previously (if that gets annoying I'm sorry!!) 
> 
> \- The song "If You Don't Know" has a lotttt of significance to this fic (it's also my favorite song by 5sos which I am still waiting to hear live) 
> 
> This is a pretty complicated fic to write so I just want to say thank you for giving it a chance if you read I'll do my best to write something that you guys enjoy! I'll probably be putting a lot of focus on this but I'll still write some other small things here and there when I get writers block for this beast. Thank you so much for reading the first chapter it's a lot of just build up but it really sets up the tone and a lot of plots for the entire story. Love yall lots hope you enjoy! :D

_"Australian band 5 Seconds of Summer have just announced a 3 year hiatus, following the conclusion of their first headlining tour across Europe, Australia and most of North America. The band has kept any true intentions of the hiatus to themselves and have stated that the hiatus is meant to make them improve as artists._

_Drummer Ashton Irwin states that “the only way for [them] to get better is if [they] take time off to better understand [themselves] and their music.”_

_The boys have resided back in their home country of Australia, where they are currently planning to expand their record label “Hi or Hey Records” allowing the boys to work in both Australia and LA. Bass player Calum Hood has since been seen around LA alone, prompting the question of whether or not this hiatus is solely due to a need for growth as a band._

_An insider tells us that arguments between the boys may have contributed to the decision of the hiatus._

_“When you’re around the same people for a large majority of your life, it’s not unusual for you to get sick of them or for arguments to start. That’s what we’re thinking is happening to the boys right now,” the insider tells us._

_Could an argument with Hood be the true reason why this group is taking a break?_

_Lead singer Luke Hemmings has yet to make a statement of the hiatus, last being heard from on twitter a few weeks ago. Guitarist Michael Clifford has also kept low profile, but was photographed last week out in Sydney with some friends._

_“Michael is enjoying the break,” an insider tells us, “he definitely worked himself far too hard on the tour.”_

_When asked about Luke, sources say that he has willingly kept silent on the break._

_“He’s kind of overwhelmed at the moment,” a source says, “he’s dealing with a lot.”_

_Hemmings was last seen out with band mates Irwin and Clifford, failing to acknowledge the absence of Hood._

_“No one knows why [he] isn’t in Australia with them; it’s assumed he’s been in LA now for two weeks without being acknowledged for his absence by his band.”_

_Many fans have taken the hiatus to heart, and the exclusion of Hood to be some sort of sign that the end is very near. With the hiatus in front of them, it’s very uncertain whether or not 5 Seconds of Summer will be able to maintain their fanbase. For the fans that do stick around, 2019 is going to be a great year.”_

* * *

 

The date was April 3rd, 2019, and Luke Hemmings knew he was definitely late for work. But he couldn’t be bothered to roll out of bed, nor could he be bothered to pick up any of the calls Michael was leaving him. He knew that when he showed up at the studio he was going to be in a lot of trouble, and he knew that lying in bed was no justification for absence, but Luke couldn’t find it in him to leave the safe space of his room.

Australia had become home for Luke, Michael and Ashton for the last three years. It was an odd transition from touring the world to staying in one place, but it was a transition they all definitely needed. Luke had quickly found a flat in the heart of Sydney, living across the hall from Michael who he saw frequently for “Muke breakfasts” and “Muke taco Tuesdays”. Despite being on break, the two saw each other almost every single day, occasionally crashing at each other’s places or at Ashton’s when the two of them stayed too late over at his place. Ashton had a place not too far from Luke and Michael, preferring to live further out of the city. Regardless, he still saw Luke and Michael equally as much as they saw each other.

The three of them worked as producers and songwriters for their record label, Hi or Hey Records. It was an odd change of pace, being the ones to work behind the scenes instead of in front of them. They had gone into their new work place with little to no experience, but quickly learned the ways of writing and producing music for artists with different tastes than them. Many bands had vied for the opportunity to be signed by them, the most outrageous signing being Michael’s impulsive decision to sign the Ned Flanders inspired band. Of course, they weren’t as big of a hit as Michael had hoped for, but they were all good guys nonetheless.

The original band signed to their record, Hey Violet, were working from LA with the team over in California. Michael and Ashton occasionally checked in to see how things were going on that side, but seeing as the two of them were also busy with owning a guitar shop they had little time to be bothered with what went down overseas. And Luke also couldn’t be bothered to know what was happening in LA, seeing as he hadn’t been there since the band went on break.

And that was part of the reason why Luke was still lying in bed. Because he knew that the band was set to perform in about a months time, and Luke was nowhere near being emotionally ready for it to happen. They had worked really hard on this new album, putting a lot more personal experiences into them than the last one. Things were tough, though, seeing as they were writing from two different places.

But Luke didn’t like to dwell on this thought, because it brought back a lot of unnecessary and horrid memories of when the band first decided to go on break.

* * *

 

_“Ash do you think we could try going over the chorus again? I don’t think it’s working.” Luke says, turning around to face Ashton._

_“Luke, it hasn’t been working for the last month.” Ashton informs._

_“Yeah, dude, I don’t think this song is gonna cut it.” Michael adds._

_“Come on guys, give it a chance,” Calum contributes, “me and Luke worked super hard on it there’s got to be something we can do to fix it.”_

_“Working super hard on something doesn’t mean we have to keep it, Cal.” Ashton says, a tad harshly._

_“I know, but-“_

_“Ashton’s right, Cal. I think we’re gonna have to try something else.”_

_“Is there anything particularly wrong with it?” Luke asks innocently, “maybe we can try working from whatever seems to be the problem?”_

_“It just doesn’t feel right; something just isn’t working here.”_

_“You’ve said that for almost every song we’ve written in the last four months, bro.”_

_“You don’t think I know that, Calum?” Ashton asks, standing from his drum kit and walking out of the studio._

_“Where are you going?!” Michael yells._

_“I think I need a break. I think we all do.” Ashton spits out, as he leaves the three younger members of the band to stare at each other, dumbfounded._

_“Is he ok?” Luke asks, breaking the silence._

_“He’s.... frustrated,” Michael claims with a sigh, “I think he’s right in saying we need a break though. Wanna go get some pizza?”_

_“I think I’m just gonna stick around here, thanks Mikey,” Calum mutters quietly, “gonna play around on the bass a bit.”_

_“Fair enough, Luke?”_

_Luke looks from Michael to Calum, “I think I’ll stick with Calum. Go make sure Ash is ok.”_

_“Will do! Don’t hook up in here we’ll be really pissed!” Michael yells, walking out the door._

_Luke shakes his head and laughs; the two of them could never really catch a break with Michael. Luke turns to find Calum sitting on one of the amps for his bass, playing on his phone._

_“I wouldn’t exactly call this playing around on the bass, Cal.” Luke says teasingly._

_“Not in the mood, Lucas.” Calum says, not looking up from his phone._

_Luke takes Calum’s harsh tone as an invitation to sit next to him, resting his head on Calum’s shoulder._

_“What’s wrong?” He asks gently._

_“Nothing.”_

_“Cal you’re doing the thing.”_

_“What thing?”_

_“The ‘I’ll sit here and be quiet and give short, cold answers until Luke wears me down and I finally tell him what’s wrong’ thing. And we both know it’ll be a lot easier if you just tell me what’s wrong.”_

_“Will it be easier, Luke? Will it? Will coming up with new hits be easier? Will going to a band practice where we don’t end up angry at each other somehow become easier to deal with? Will knowing that you’re probably holding the band back be any easier?”_

_“Cal...”_

_“What, Luke?”_

_“You don’t seriously think you’re holding us back, do you?” Luke asks, taking both his arms and wrapping them around Calum. “You know this band is incomplete without you.”_

_“I just feel like I haven’t been doing very much to contribute lately... all the songs I write are absolute shit.”_

_“We’re all in a rut lately, Calum, it’s not just you.”_

_Calum sighs, “I know, I know, I just wish there was more I could do.”_

_Luke takes Calum’s chin and points his face towards his own. “You’re doing enough just by being here, dude. You shouldn’t feel any pressure just because Ashton or Michael or I get mad sometimes. I mean, God knows the fair share of fuck ups I provide for this band. It’s all in love and we don’t mean to make you feel bad. I haven’t been on my game in the song writing either, so if there’s anyone to blame really it’s me.”_

_“Luke-“_

_“I think Ashton is right, you know? We could use a break.”_

_“But we have band practice.” Calum argues._

_“Well, half the band isn’t here so I think this is a good excuse for you and me to go back to mine and play some Fifa before mom finishes dinner.”_

_“I do love me some Fifa and home cooked meals.”_

_Luke smiles, “Great, I’ll shoot Michael a text and we can tell them to meet us there later. I’m sure they’d love to have some of my mom’s cooking and play some video games.”_

_Calum smiles back at Luke, “yeah... yeah this could be fun.”_

_“Smiling now, are we?”_

_“Shut up, Hemmings. Just for that I’m totally not going easy on you in Fifa.”_

_“Oh I’m so scared!” Luke says sarcastically._

_“Whatever, dude,” Calum says with a laugh. He starts to walk towards the door when he turns around, “thanks, Luke. I don’t really know how I’d stay sane without you. Love you bro.” Calum walks out of the room towards his car, waiting for Luke to follow._

_Luke is left still standing, taking in Calum’s words a little too personally._

_He sighs to himself and whispers, “yeah... love you too Cal....”_

* * *

 

 

Luke finally gives up and answers his phone, still having yet to move from his spot in bed.

“Hello?” He asks, voice groggy and evidence of sleep still in it.

“Luke where the fuck are you?!” He hears Michael yell.

“Michael-“

“Oh don’t _Michael_ me! You were supposed to be here an hour ago, Luke. We have clients here expecting you, me and Ashton but we can’t exactly start with only me and Ashton here!” Ok, Michael was pissed. And he was in a lot of trouble.

“Ok I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’ll put on some clothes and be there in twenty minutes.”

“Make it fifteen, Luke. We have some serious work to do.”

“Oh, please tell me we’re not working with your Flanders band today.”

“DO NOT DISRESPECT THE NED-AL HEADS!”

Luke sighs, “Whatever, Mikey. I’ll be there soon.”

“You better be mister or I swear to God I will take your penis and sh-“

Luke hung up before he could hear the grotesque thing Michael was planning to do to him. He was definitely going to hear it from both Michael and Ashton when he got there, but he really couldn’t be bothered.

Looking at himself in the mirror, Luke debated on whether or not to shave. The beard had become a staple for him for the last year or so, but he knew he was probably going to have to shave it when they started up their reunion tour. Which, Luke was also not ready for.

The plan was to release the album the night of their first concert in Florida. They decided the easiest plan of action was to do the tour in reverse order of the Rock Out With Your Socks Out Tour. This way, they could end up back home where they could resume work on their next album, as well as continue to provide assistance to their record label. It was definitely a bold move to start a tour without releasing the album first, but their manager and Ashton thought that it was a different kind of experience for their fans. They were fortunate enough to receive the same amount of attention that they did a few years ago. Fans still followed them and stopped them or pictures and occasionally stalked them, but the boys could never be too upset with them seeing as the fans were the key to their success.

The dates for the tour were released at the start of the year on January 1st, a somewhat of a surprise to fans as there was no hints at an album or tour at all. And the press was difficult to deal with, seeing as they were limited on time or interviews and appearances with how much they worked.

The boys were set to appear in an interview with Angus in about a week, to talk about the tour and to inform fans that they were in fact still together if that was unclear. And Luke was still trying to prepare himself for this interview. It’s not like the boys faded out of obscurity when they went on hiatus; they still went to award shows (and somehow managed to win some here and there) and did a few interviews and went out with friends. In no way were they forgotten, and with the world on the edge of their seats waiting the boys knew there was a lot of pressure into coming back. Ashton was working hard as a partial manager of the band now to ensure that their reappearance went fairly smoothly. He was taking more charge now having known a little more of the industry due to working tirelessly on Hi or Hey.

Michael was anxious to start playing again. Of the three of them, he was definitely the most excited to get back on the road and back to arenas filled with thousands of fans. Ashton was definitely excited as well, but felt a bit more pressure than before knowing that he had more responsibilities on this tour as a manager. He knew that the fans had patiently waited for them to return, and he wanted to give them music and shows that would prove to be worth the wait. And it’s not that Luke wasn’t excited to play the shows and see the fans as well; no. It wasn’t the fans he was nervous to see.

It was the bass player who had left him behind three years ago.

* * *

 

_“I thought you said you weren’t going easy on me, dude.” Luke says smugly, watching the screen as Calum angrily jabs at his controller._

_“You’ve obviously been playing this a lot more since we’ve been home.” Calum argues._

_“For someone who’s turning 20 soon, you’re still a poor sport Cal.”_

_“Shut up and play the fucking game.”_

_Luke laughs to himself, watching as the computer generated controlled character of his scores another goal._

_“Yes!” He screams, looking over at Calum who frowns in protest._

_“This is ridiculous.” Calum states._

_“Oh shut up and just admit that I’m better than you.”_

_Calum scoffs, “in your dreams, breadstick.”_

_“Hey! You know I hate being called that!”_

_“Yeah, well you made me angry. Let’s play again.”_

_A knock at his bedroom door makes the two boys turn around. “Guess that game’s going to have to wait.”_

_“You’re lucky. I was getting ready to kick your ass at this stupid fucking game.”_

_Luke chuckles, “in your dreams, dude.”_

_Luke opens his door to find Michael and Ashton standing there, the two boys visibly not as lively as Luke and Calum were just now._

_“Hey guys!” Luke says excitedly._

_“Luke-“_

_“Guys I beat Calum!”_

_“Shut up, Luke!” Calum yells from across the room._

_Michael looks at Ashton, “that’s great, man. But uh... we’ve got to talk.”_

_Calum whips his head around, “about what?”_

_Luke looks at Ashton, who has yet to look at any of them yet, “Ash?”_

_Ashton sighs, finally taking his eyes off the floor and looking at Luke. “Guys... me and Michael were talking and.... we think it would be best for the band if we went on a hiatus.”_

_Calum and Luke immediately look at each other. A hiatus?_

_“Ash, what do you mean?” Luke asks._

_Michael sighs, “what he means is, we take a few years off and get our minds off the music. Take some time to just chill out and live before we go back and use the experiences we’ve gained to write again.”_

_“Me and Mikey think it could really benefit the band,” Ashton adds, “I mean, many bands have done it before and it’s not like we’d stop writing or stop hanging out we just wouldn’t feel the pressure to-“_

_“Are you guys fucking kidding me?” Calum asks harshly. The three boys turn to look at Calum, who has since risen from his spot on Luke’s childhood bed and was now standing amongst them. “Are you seriously considering going on a fucking hiatus just because we couldn’t write a song in four fucking months?”_

_Ashton groans, “Calum, it’s not that simple-“_

_“How is it not simple, Ash?! You think we’re shit right now and you think the only solution is if we just give up completely. What the fuck do you think the fans will think? Do you really think they’d stick around and wait for... for...”_

_“Three years.” Michael says. “We were thinking three years.”_

_“Oh, fucking perfect! Three fucking years! We might as well just wipe ourselves off the map completely and get jobs at car wash stations and at fast food joints!”_

_“Calum you’re being ridiculous.” Ashton argues._

_“No, you guys are being ridiculous! You seriously want to just drop everything we’ve worked for just because we can’t come up with something right now?! You’re both just so content with giving up?!”’_

_“Calum-“ Luke attempts to say._

_“And you, Luke. Are you really agreeing with them on this?! You told me yourself we’re all just in a rut!”_

_“Yeah, I know, Cal, but maybe we could all use a break-“_

_“Unbelievable! You all just want to give up because it stopped being easy. Well fuck you guys! You wanna give up, go right head!” Calum storms passed them and down the hall, reaching the front door in seconds and slamming it shut as he walks out._

_Michael, Ashton and Luke look at each other, absolutely baffled at the scene that had just unfolded before them._

_“W-what do we do?” Luke asks amongst the tension._

_Michael sighs, “just wait, he’ll text us tomorrow after giving it some thought.”_

_Ashton, “yeah, Luke. Don’t worry about him.”_

_“I know, but-“_

_“He’s not mad at us and he’s not mad at you. He’s just... confused. Give it time.”_

_Luke was definitely conflicted, because he did agree with Ashton and Michael that they were all stuck and needed time off, but he also agreed with Calum in thinking they were just giving up. But Calum walking out was what Luke had in his mind right now. He didn’t want Calum to be hurt or blame himself and Luke knew those two things were exactly what were running through his best friend’s mind. Grabbing his phone, Luke texts Calum._

_Lukey: Cal, please text me when you get home safe. I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way and if you think we shouldn’t go on hiatus I’ll back you up. Just text me later or tomorrow, please._

* * *

 

Pulling his denim jacket over his black short sleeve shirt, Luke gives himself one last look in the mirror before heading out the door. He still wore the same clothes he did back then, with the addition of a few more black shirts, shoes, jackets and pants just to change things up. Turning on the radio, he hears one of their songs playing, a song that he and Calum wrote together.

Immediately turning it off, Luke speeds through traffic hoping to get there in the designated time. He knew Michael wouldn’t actually hurt him, but he didn’t want to look unprofessional no matter who the band they were dealing with was.

He reaches the studio in sixteen minutes, and part of him knows Michael will rub that one minute of lateness in his face. Ashton is waiting for him by the door, back to the wall and standing with his arms crossed.

“You’re late.” His band mate says.

“I know I know I’m sorry. Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“You still stressing?” Ashton asks, anger fading completely.

“Yes. Most definitely.”

“Luke-“

“It’s fine, Ash. Really. We’ll talk about it later.”

Ashton and Luke walk into the studio, where Michael is addressing his star band.

“And there he is! A minute late!” Michael yells obnoxiously loud.

“Yeah yeah yeah whatever Michael.” Luke says offhandedly. He looks to the misfit band and smiles.

“Alright boys, we’ve got a lot of work to do.”


	2. Chapter 2

_A week had passed before Luke heard from Calum again. Calum never did end up texting Luke the next morning, and Luke had texted him every day after that for at least a week. Michael and Ashton had tried to contact Calum as well, but were both met with similar results as Luke. The boys had a conversation about the idea of a hiatus and ultimately decided against it; or at least, Luke did enough convincing to them that a hiatus wouldn’t benefit them as much as they would have hoped. It also didn’t help that Calum was ignoring them, so they couldn’t even tell them they were siding with his opinions._

_Part of Luke knows that Calum’s need for ignoring them wasn’t fully just because of the hiatus; the hiatus contributes to it, but Luke also knows that Calum took the idea of a hiatus personally. He knew that Calum probably thought that they didn’t think they were good enough, and Calum was probably blaming himself for the decision to break up the band temporarily. Luke felt awful after coming to this realization, especially seeing as he didn’t back up his best friend at all during that conversation. He just sided with Michael and Ashton because he really believed they were right; he believed that maybe the band was in a rut and the only way out was to forget about the music for a while._

_But Luke, Michael and Ashton agreed that the only thing they needed to do was to work harder, search deeper for song ideas in pieces of their mind they have yet to untouch. There was an easy way out, definitely, but at the risk of losing all they have worked for? It just wasn’t worth it._

_So that’s how Luke ends up at Calum’s house a week later, standing outside his bedroom window debating whether or not to follow through with his plan. In his hand was a pile of small pebbles, and he could sense that by Calum’s light being on that he was at home and awake. With a sigh, Luke throws the first pebble, which barely makes a noise. So he throws another, and another, and another, and another, until he finally sees movement by Calum’s window._

_Confused, Calum opens his window and looks around, only then looking down to be met with Luke’s dorky grin._

_“Hi...” Luke says shyly._

_“Hey...” Calum stares at Luke, “what do you think you’re doing?”_

_“Throwing rocks at your window?”_

_“It’s not midnight, Lucas.”_

_“I know, but I didn’t want to be out late tonight and I didn’t want to risk disturbing you if you were asleep.”_

_Calum chuckles at Luke’s cuteness, “ok, fair enough.”_

_Like smiles, “can... can I come in?”_

_Calum looks uneasy at first, “depends... are you climbing up or do I have to open the door?” He says with a sly smile._

_“You and I both know that I can’t climb up the side of your house.”_

_“Too bad, guess you aren’t coming in then.”_

_“Calum-“_

_“I’m kidding, Luke. I’ll be right down. Let’s go for a walk I’m feeling antsy.”_

_Luke watches as Calum’s body disappears into his room, the light flicking off and the sound of Calum running down the stairs heard from inside. In a few seconds he is met with Calum running out of his house with a beer in each hand._

_“I thought I’d grab you one,” Calum says, handing the beer to Luke, “they’re twist offs don’t worry.”_

_“Cool, thanks.”_

_The two boys start walking down the street towards the park by Calum’s house. Neither of them really had to say where they were walking to; they always ended up at the park when they needed to talk. The walk is in silence at first, only the sound of them guzzling down their beers being heard between them. Luke finally decides to break the silence._

_“You never texted me back.”_

_Calum sighs, “Yeah... sorry about that.”_

_“No, it’s ok... I kind of get it.”_

_“Do you?”_

_“Yeah.... you were still mad and I didn’t do a good job of backing you up at all even though I understood where you were coming from.”_

_“Luke-“_

_“We’re not, by the way. Going on hiatus, I mean.”_

_Calum doesn’t respond right away. “Oh....”_

_“Me and the boys talked about it and decided that you were right in saying we were just giving up. We can definitely work harder and work as a team.”_

_Calum chugs the rest of his drink, “so you admit I was right, then?”_

_“I mean-“_

_“You don’t actually want to go on hiatus, do you?”_

_“No!...”_

_“You didn’t sound very sure there,” Calum points out, “you can be honest with me, Luke.”_

_Luke sighs, “I don’t want to just give up and I don’t want to risk throwing away all that we’ve worked for, but I also kind of agree that we’ve been working ourselves to the ground and our brains are definitely dried out. We need a break, Cal, and you can feel it too. But if there’s a chance we may lose and disappoint our fans, I don’t want to risk it.”_

_Calum turns to Luke and smirks, “always thinking about the fans, aren’t you Lucas?”_

_Luke cocks his head to the side while looking at Calum, “it’s not just the fans, Cal. I don’t want you to... think that we’re going on hiatus because of you.”_

_“You really cut to the chase, didn’t you?”_

_“It was the only way I could say it.”_

_Calum sighs, looking up at the night sky, “I guess you understand why I’ve been so distant.”_

_“Calum we didn’t mean to hurt your feelings...”_

_“I know, I know you guys didn’t. But I let myself get hurt over nothing and I guess I was angry and embarrassed.”_

_“You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”_

_“I stormed out of your house right before your mom finished with the pasta.”_

_“She didn’t mind too much, plus there was more food for the rest of us.” Luke says teasingly._

_“I guess I’ll need to come back over soon then to get my own share of Liz’s cooking.”_

_“Yeah.... you also have to come over because I missed you.”_

_“It was only a week, Luke.”_

_“Yeah but that’s kind of a long time for us, don’t you think?”_

_Calum chuckles, “fair enough.”_

_The two boys end up at the park, sitting in front of the lake on their regular bench. Luke was sitting with Calum’s head against his shoulder, Luke’s arm draped around Calum as the two chatted about the band._

_“Do you ever think about how weird this all is?” Calum asks._

_“How weird what is?”_

_“You know... how big the band has gotten. I mean we just finished our first headlining tour a few months ago dude.”_

_“I know, it’s crazy...”_

_“Do you think we’ll always have fans?”_

_“Our parents seem to love us so yes.”_

_Calum sticks his tongue out at Luke, “you know what I mean.”_

_Luke sighs, “I’d like to hope that we’re one of those bands that’s still playing together when they’re 50 and we have the same fans that we did before.”_

_“Dude, I could totally rock a bass at the age of 50.”_

_“Yeah it’ll be a good look for us.” The two boys laugh._

_“Can we make a promise to each other?” Calum asks shyly._

_“Depends on what the promise is?”_

_Calum takes a deep breath, “no matter how big we get, as a band and what not, and no matter where we are in life and who we’ve become, can we always be best friends?”_

_Luke groans jokingly, “ugh but being your best friend is so much work!”_

_“Hey, you love being my best friend, I give you the best cuddles and we hang out all the time and I sometimes clean when I’m at your house.”_

_Luke pretends to think for a long time, “yeah, I guess I can promise that.” He smiles, nuzzling his head against Calum’s._

_“Good.”_

_Luke takes this moment to look down at Calum, who has taken the moment to close his eyes temporarily. And Luke has to mentally kick himself for thinking to plant a kiss on Calum at that moment, because they had just promised to be best friends no matter what and Luke couldn’t just ruin that right away._

_Calum wanted to be best friends forever. Just best friends. And that’s how it was going to be._

* * *

 

“Alright, good work today, boys! We’ll see you guys next week!” Michael yells, as the Ned Flanders’ band exits the premise.

When they’re out of ear shot distance, Ashton turns to Michael, “so, they’ve improved.” He says somewhat sincerely.

“Haven’t they?! I’m really proud of where they’ve gone.”

“I mean sure, they’ve improved, but they’re definitely not ready for commercial promotion.” Luke says bluntly.

“Oh come on, Luke, they’re trying their best.”

“Trying isn’t going to cut it, Michael. We may have to really work them if we want to get the album out by August.”

“Luke has a point, Michael.”

“You guys have been against them from the start!” Michael states.

“We weren’t against them, per say,” Ashton admits, “we just agreed that they were one of your more.... unconventional choices.”

“Whatever, you guys are haters.”

“Haters? What are you, a 15 year old girl?” Ashton teases.

“Luke are you going to let him talk to me this way?!”

Luke sighs, “you two, I swear.”

“You always side with him.” Michael pouts.

“Well, regardless of who Luke sides with,” Ashton says smugly, “we’re done for the day. You boys want to head to The Rook for some food and some drinks?”

“Drinks? Ash it’s like 3:30.” Luke states.

“So? That’s never stopped us before!” Ashton exclaims.

“I’m in.” Michael says simply. “What about you, Skywalker. You in?”

“... yeah I’m in.”

“Alright! Let’s go!”




The Rook was a bar the boys went to occasionally, having made it their regular since Luke turned 18. The service was impecible and people treated them as if they weren’t celebrities, getting to know them and taking the time to make conversation. This place held a lot of memories for them, like the time Ashton accidentally took the wrong drink and ended up being roofied so the boys had to physically carry him home. Or the time Luke accidentally got into a bar fight because he slipped on an ice cube and pulled some dude to the time. Or the classic time when Michael was dancing with a girl, turned around, and went in for a kiss only to realize he didn’t turn all the way back around and kissed Calum. The two of them hadn’t lived that moment down since.

Calum...

Luke looks to the empty spot of their four sided table, eyeing the place where Calum used to sit. Sometimes it was strange to think that the boys had spent 3 years of their lives without Calum, but it was almost reassuring to Luke sometimes. It was just weird to think the last time they were all at The Rook was the last time Luke was going to see Calum.

* * *

 

_“Hey birthday boy, we’re waiting for you!” Michael calls from the bottom of Calum’s stairs. It was the bassist’s 20 th birthday and the boys were celebrating by going out in Sydney and partying at their regular bar. Things between the boys were settled after their slight argument a couple of weeks back; Calum came back in as if nothing had changed, and the boys went right back to work on their next album. Things were still a tad bumpy in the writing department, but the boys were trying to put less pressure on each other just to ensure the results were less strained. _

_“I’m coming I’m coming!” Calum calls. He’s currently standing in front of his mirror trying to pick out an outfit, with Luke sitting on his bed judging for him. Calum holds up a grey flannel in one hand and a grey crewneck sweater in the other. “Ok, which one?”_

_Luke looks between the two shirts, picturing them both on Calum- and low key picturing them being ripped off Calum. “Uh... definitely go with the flannel and button it up. The tightness around the arms makes your biceps look amazing.”_

_Calum smiles at Luke’s comment, “Why thank you Lucas.”_

_Luke blushes, “any time.”_

_“Are you excited to go out tonight?” Calum asks, ripping off his rugged Drop Dead t shirt and putting on the flannel._

_“Y-yeah,” Luke says, watching as Calum buttons up the flannel. Luke can’t pry his eyes off of Calum’s golden chest, only catching himself staring a few moments later. “I-uh, definitely think we could all use a fun night out.”_

_“Tell me about it. Maybe something will happen tonight worth writing a song about?”_

_“Hm, I wouldn’t rule it out.” The singer says. “You realize people are going to be buying you booze left and right?”_

_“I wouldn’t expect anything less. And I’m expecting my first drink to be coming from you.” Calum states._

_“Yeah, but I don’t like you thaaaat much.” Luke teases, “You know, I still haven’t given you your present.”_

_Calum turns around, “you got me a present?!”_

_Luke chuckles, “of course, dude.” Luke goes into Calum’s closet and digs into the back, pulling out a box he left there.”_

_“You hid my present in my own room?”_

_“It was the last place you would look for presents.” Luke states, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

_“Fair enough.” Calum goes to the box and opens up the top, and sees a bear dressed up in a blue nirvana shirt and black pants. “Is this me?!” He yells excitedly._

_Luke smiles proudly at his gift, “uh huh. I even tried to get the hair right, see?” And much to Calum’s surprise, Luke had gotten a black bear and had somehow managed to make tips of the bear’s hair gold. In the hands of the bear was a box._

_“What’s this?”_

_Luke tries to sustain a smile but fails, “you’ll have to open it to find out.”_

_Looking like a child, Calum pries the box from the bear’s paws and opens the tiny box, pulling out a silver necklace with a silver guitar pick attached to the end. “Dude...”_

_“If you turn the pick around,” Luke says, “it has my initials on it.” Calum turns the pick over and is met with a giant LH etched into the pick. The smile on his face lights up as he puts it on. “Dude... I have no words.” He says as he stares at the necklace in the mirror._

_“And the best part is, I have the same one with your initials.” Luke pulls the chain from underneath his black shirt and shows it to Calum, the CH on his in the same spot as Calum’s LH_

_“These are the cutest things I’ve ever seen.” Calum says, looking at Luke’s necklace._

_“I should probably mention I also got a Luke bear for when we have sleepovers._

_“I just turned 20, dude, I don’t have sleepovers anymore.”_

_“Cal.”_

_“.... we can totally act out scenes with our bears at our next sleepover.”_

_Luke laughs, “that’s what I thought.”_

_“Are you two done in there?!” They hear Ashton yell, “me and Michael want to start drinking!”_

_“We’re coming!” Calum yells. He embraces Luke tightly, and Luke returns the embrace._

_“Thank you, Lukey, these are the bestest presents ever.”_

_Luke blushes at the nickname, “you’re welcome Cally.”_

_Calum pulls apart their embrace, planting a quick kiss to Luke’s cheek. “Come on, it’s time to get fucked up.”_

_Calum leaves the room as Luke touches the spot on his cheek that Calum kissed. Yup. He was definitely going to need a drink._

* * *

 

“So have you guys started packing for tour yet?” Ashton asks.

“Dude, tour isn’t for another month.” Michael states.

“Yes, but we have to make sure that we’re ready and we look our best.”

“As if we don’t look good all the time.” Michael argues.

“That’s what you think...” Luke mumbles. Ashton laughs as Michael flips Luke off. “I honestly don’t think I’m ready for tour...” Luke admits.

“It’s just been so long....” Michael adds.

“Yeah... a long time since.... you know.... the four of us have been together.”

Immediately, the three boys feel a tension come over them. None of them look directly at each other as they each pick spots on either the wall or the floor to stare at.

“It’ll be good to see him, you know?” Michael finally says.

“Yeah..... right Luke?” Ashton asks Luke.

Luke doesn’t respond, still keeping his gaze to the floor.

“Luke?”

Luke sighs, “I think I’m gonna head home, guys, I didn’t get any sleep last night.” Luke throws a 20 on the table and stands up.

“Luke if you want to-“

“Yeah I’ll text one of you. Thanks Mikey.” Luke waves goodbye to his friends as he makes his way down the stairs and out of the bar. He gets into his car, still sober enough to drive without any obstruction.

He turns on the radio and once again hears one of their songs. Luke can feel the tears forming behind his eyes again and he wants to scream out of anger; he needed to stop being sad, needed to stop feeling angry. He just needed everything to stop.

These next few months were going to be absolute hell.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're going to find out more of why Calum left next chapter, and why Luke is so torn up. Ahhhhh
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!


	3. Chapter 3

The drive was longer than Luke had anticipated, but he knew that this is what he got for trying to drive home at 4:30. Driving with the windows open gave Luke the fresh air he needed to think clearly again. He had put Calum out of his mind miles ago, and was now on a mission to head to his parents’ house to pick up some stuff for tour. Ashton was probably right in questioning whether or not they started packing for tour; they were going to be so busy with interviews and working that Luke would probably leave packing until the last minute yet again. So that’s how he ended up parked in front of his parents’ house, the house that he grew up in and spent many days in with the boys dreaming about being huge rock stars.

Liz Hemmings has the door open for him before he can even make it up the front steps of his house, smile on her face wide as she embraces her youngest son.

“It’s so good to see you, sweetheart.” She says pressed against Luke’s chest.

“It’s good to see you too mum,” Luke replies, “is dad around?”

“No, your father is out running some errands for me while I do some housework.”

“Ahh I see.”

Liz gives her son a look over, “have you been sleeping alright, dear?” She asks, noticing the bags under Luke’s eyes.

Luke sighs, “no... not really.”

“You’re not out partying too much, are you?”

“No mum,” Luke says, annoyed, “I’ve just been stressing, that’s all.”

Liz sighs sympathetically, “it’s the tour, isn’t it?”

“Mhm.”

“Have you.... talked to-“

“No mum, I haven’t.”

Liz looks at her son, the sadness on his face breaking her hurt, “Luke, baby-“

“I’m gonna go grab some things.” Luke says quickly, interrupting his mother.

“O-ok, dear, I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” Liz mumbles as Luke rushes up the stairs.

He didn’t know why this was so hard for him. People were sure to ask questions; that’s all people have been doing for the last three years. But now it was becoming too unbearable to him, a little too close every single time to telling the truth as to why he and Calum hadn’t talked. And people have tried to get it out of him, whether it be the media, mutual friends, Michael or Ashton, and apparently even his parents. But Luke swore himself to secrecy, not wanting to bring things up in the past that he was clearly having troubles letting go of. And it’s not like Calum was trying to contact him, either, or anyone else in the band, really.

Looking around at his old room, Luke picks up a couple of shirts off the floor. He hadn’t been home in months, much to the disappointment of his mother. But, out of everyone, she was probably the one to understand Luke’s stress the most, seeing as he could never lie to his mum about how he was feeling. Liz had apparently left Luke’s room untouched since he was home last, the bed still slightly unkempt from where Luke slept on it and failed to clean the next morning. There were clothes on the floor, but Luke’s laundry basket was empty; he would thank his mum for doing some of his laundry later.

Luke decides to start sorting through some of the clothes; he was always prone to stealing people’s clothing on tour so this time around he would over pack to avoid this from happening. There were a few clothes in his drawers that he hadn’t seen in ages: a bunch of his Drop Dead Co. Shirts, a few plain black tees, some red flannels he swore he brought to his flat, and some cheesy underwear he wore a lot when he was younger. Luke picks up the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle boxers and smiles, putting them into the pile of clothes he wanted to bring.

He pulls open the last drawer, pulling out some more flannels and a couple of graphic tees he would wear when he slept. He stops, however, when he feels something hard underneath a white shirt. Pulling the white shirt up, he finds a small box underneath it with mounds of dust on it. Like in a scene from a movie, Luke blows the dust off the top of the box and examines it, no recollection of the box coming to him at all.

When he opens the box, it feels like someone had stuck a javelin through his chest. He places the box down onto his dresser and picks up the object inside; the necklace he used to wear with the silver pick on it, CH engraved in the back. Luke examines the necklace as it appears undamaged by times passing. The letters CH stare back at Luke with a harsh expression as Luke’s eyes falter from looking at the necklace to looking back at his bed.

* * *

 

_The Rook was most definitely alive tonight, with countless amounts of people in it celebrating Calum’s birthday. Fans had tried to get passed security to join in on the festivities but the boys’ managers hired enough security to ensure that Calum had an enjoyable and private birthday party. Maybe if they were more subtle about it, fans would not have found out. That was not the case, however, as the music was bumping loud enough to be heard from many blocks down the road, and the lights were flashing so brightly inside that anyone who stared long enough could potentially go blind._

_When the boys had arrived at 10:00 two hours ago, the celebration was in full swing. Old friends and new friends crowded them, each trying to get a piece of the birthday boy while they could. Luke couldn’t help the smile on his face as he watched Calum talk joyfully to each of his guests, taking the time to actually talk to them and share a few laughs. Luke was currently cradling his fifth beer, sharing some drinks with friends and partaking in a game of beer pong earlier. He had won, obviously. Now Luke was sitting at the bar by himself, watching the people around him catch up and enjoy the music._

_Michael was off with an old fling probably doing some.... adult things. He and Luke were about to play a round of beer pong until she arrived, and Luke could have sworn he had never seen Michael move so quickly for anything in his entire life. Ashton was off with Bryana, who had flown to Australia that afternoon for Calum’s birthday celebration. The two of them were still going strong, and Luke enjoyed her company a lot. Luke had lost sight of Calum a while ago, swamped by the crowds of people wanting to share a drink with a birthday boy. And Luke was definitely content with just sitting here alone; with so many people around, it was a little overwhelming to constantly be talking and making conversation._

_Looking to the dance floor, Luke spots Calum dancing wildly, his best friend appearing to be as drunk as Luke had expected, if not more. He catches Calum’s gaze and immediately Calum starts sprinting through the crowds of people, movements sloppy and disoriented from the amount of liquor in his body. Calum comes in so quickly Luke has to catch him, and Luke laughs as Calum looks at him._

_“You saved me!” Calum screams over the music._

_“It was no big deal.” Luke says with a chuckle._

_“You’re my hero, Lucas!” Calum says, hugging Luke and sitting next to him on a bar stool. Luke blushes with the touch, lucky that the lighting in The Rook was too dim to notice._

_“You having a good night, Cal?” He asks, leaning his head against Calum’s shoulder._

_“You fucking bet!” Calum replies, “it’s my fucking birthday!”_

_“It’s your birthday?”_

_“Yeah! It’s my birthday.”_

_“Cal I had no idea!” Luke says jokingly._

_“Shut up, you totally knew it was my birthday.”_

_“I did?”_

_“Yeah! You got me those awesome presents,” Calum reaches underneath his shirt, “look, see? I’m wearing it!”_

_“Huh.... yeah I guess I did know it was your birthday!” Luke says, laughing at his friend’s obliviousness._

_“You’re so silly, Lucas,” Calum claims, “are you having fun?”_

_“Me? I am, thank you. I could use some more liquor in me though.”_

_Calum jumps to his feet and grabs Luke’s hand, “well, what are we just sitting here for then?! Let’s go get more booze!”_

_“Cal I don’t think you ne-“_

_Luke is swept away by Calum, who at this point is running to the back room where all of his liquor is._

_“I stashed a whole bunch in here,” he says, closing the door to the room behind them both._

_“Is that why you’re so drunk?” Luke asks._

_“That, and people have just been giving me drinks all night.” Calum says happily._

_“I guess that would contribute to it.”_

_Calum pulls out a large bottle of Grey Goose from a cooler, opening the top and handing it to Luke._

_“Remember the first time we got drunk?” Calum asks._

_“Uh huh, you ended up helping me puke for hours because I thought I could handle it.” Luke cringes at the memory._

_“Yeah, that was so fun.”_

_“Helping me puke was fun?”_

_“What?! Ew, gross no! The drinking part!” Calum clarifies._

_“Ahh....yeah that was definitely an experience.” Luke says._

_“So are you drinking up or not?”_

_“I don’t wanna drink alone!”_

_“K, fine.” Calum grabs another  bottle of Goose and tears open the top. “Who would’ve thought we would be able to just casually drink these things?”_

_Luke laughs, “Life is crazy.”_

_Calum raises his bottle, “to me!” he says, chugging some of the drink down. Luke follows, downing a little more than Calum just so he can get to Calum’s level of intoxication._

_“Say, what are you doing after this anyway?” Calum asks._

_“Well, my parents are out of town so-“_

_“Great! Let’s go.”_

_Luke looks at Calum, confused. “Right now?”_

_“Yeah, right now! Bring your bottle of Goose and let’s get out of here.”_

_“But Calum, this is your birthday party...”_

_“Eh who cares, no one will even notice I’m gone.”_

_“Cal I don’t think-“_

_“Come onnnnn Luke!” Calum whines, “I just wanna go to your house.”_

_Luke contemplates this and sighs, “ok fine, let’s go. I’ll just text Michael and Ashton though to let them know we left.”_

_“Yes! I love you, let’s go!”_

_And there was that phrase again. Luke watches as Calum bolts out the door, running towards the back to make a seamless exit. This night had most definitely just taken a turn._

  *          



_The trip to Luke’s is a long one, their driver picking them up in a back alley as they chug down their drinks.  Calum at this point was immensely drunk, almost not being able to form proper sentences. Luke was currently at the stage Calum was previously at, hyperactive and laughing at the drunkenness of his friend. Their driver drops the two boys off as they stumble out of the vehicle, Luke throwing him an unknown amount of cash despite the fact he was already hired to drive them._

_Luke struggles to walk as he also has to support Calum’s body weight. The two of them make their way up the front stairs, but struggle when Luke has to open the front door._

_“Open it Lucas m’cold!” Calum complains._

_“I’m trying I’m trying!” Luke says with a laugh. Calum sure was whiney when he was drunk._

_Calum falls through the door as Luke pushes it open, unaware that his very intoxicated friend was leaning against it._

_“Oh my God, Cal!” Luke yells. Luke reaches to help Calum up as his best friend rolls on the ground laughing. Calum come on.” Luke says, trying to sustain a laugh._

_“You-you just... and I-“ Calum says between breaths._

_“Come on, Cal, let’s get up to my room,” Luke says, pulling Calum off the floor and up the stairs._

_“You smell nice.” Calum says out of nowhere._

_“So do you.”_

_“No I don’t I’m all sweaty.”_

_“Sweaty isn’t a bad thing.”_

_“You’re gross.”_

_Luke sighs, as he pushes his bedroom door open. Calum takes this as an opportunity to move out of Luke’s grasp and flop onto his bed._

_“Cal-“_

_“M’comfy don’t talk to me.”_

_“But Cal-“_

_“I said no talking.”_

_Luke sighs, “Cal, where do I sleep?”_

_Calum looks up for a moment, making eye contact with Luke. He flops onto his back, ripping off his pants and his flannel. “Come cuddle.”_

_Luke is taken aback. Here Calum was, super drunk and only in his boxers asking Luke to cuddle. Luke was usually good at composing himself, but with the amount of liquor in his body, he was definitely struggling. He pulls off his shirt and rips off his pants, going to join Calum in the bed._

_As Luke makes his way into Calum’s arms, Calum smiles, inhaling the scent of Luke’s hair as they lay almost naked on Luke’s bed._

_“Hey Cal?” Luke asks._

_“Mhm?”_

_“We’re best friends no matter what, right?”_

_“Obviously.”_

_“Good.”_

_Luke feels Calum breathing, his heart rate a steady rhythm. Calum glances at Luke as he hugs him tighter, the blond looking up at Calum and smiling._

_Calum takes this opportunity to lean down, pressing their lips together and grabbing at Luke’s ass. Luke responds to this by returning the kiss, putting his tongue into Calum’s mouth as he grabs at Calum’s back. The make out is hot, a release of tension that Luke had been feeling for months. And this moment would have been perfect, had Luke not come back to reality and realized what was happening. Eyes widening, Luke pulls back and releases himself from Calum’s hold, moving to the side of the bed and sitting upwards._

_“What’s wrong?” Calum asks, confused as to why Luke had stopped potentially the hottest make out ever._

_Luke responds to this with a sniffle, followed by a gasp of air and tears. At this point, Calum is confused._

_“Lukey...” Calum says, moving to Luke and sitting up on his knees. “Why are you crying, Lukey?”_

_Luke doesn’t respond, tears pouring down his face heavily. He couldn’t believe what was happening. In his head he pictured this moment going a lot differently, but now that it was real it was far too overwhelming. He always wanted Calum to kiss him, he always wanted the two of them to somehow end up together. But these thoughts were just fantasies that Luke had tried sustaining since he realized he had feelings for his best friend. Now that some of these fantasies were coming true, Luke wasn’t sure he even wanted them to happen in the first place._

_“Did I... did I do something wrong?” Calum asks innocently._

_Luke sighs, tours subsiding slightly, “n-no.... no Cal. You did nothing wrong.”_

_“By then why are you crying?”_

_“It’s.... it’s hard to explain.” Luke states._

_“Lukey...”_

_“What, Cal?”_

_“Look at me.” Calum turns Luke’s body around, heart breaking at the sight of tear still streaming down Luke’s cheeks. “Can you... can you tell me what’s wrong?”_

_Luke thinks for a moment, the chance to run away probably there. But Luke knows he can’t run from this forever, can’t escape the feelings that have been creeping on him for far too long._

_He sighs, “I.... I like you, Calum.”_

_“You like me?” Calum asks, confused._

_“Yeah...I like you. Like, really like you.”_

_Calum is still confused, “then... then why are you crying?”_

_“Because I like you Calum and I shouldn’t and you’re straight and I’ve tried getting over you for the sake of the band and our friendship but it’s been so hard and we just kissed and now everything’s going to be ruined.” Luke says through new tears._

_“Ruined? Why would they be ruined?”_

_“Because you’re going to wake up tomorrow and realize what happened, and then things between us are going to be awkward. And then you’re going to start being distant and we’ll eventually stop talking and-“_

_Calum stops Luke from talking by kissing him again, this time not as rough or aggressive. Luke doesn’t return the kiss at first, still overwhelmed by the tears running down his face._

_“Luke... nothing is going to be ruined.” Calum says._

_“W-what?”_

_“I’m not going anywhere, ok? The thing is... I kind of like you too.”_

_“Y-you do?” Luke says, dumbfounded._

_“Yeah, and I guess maybe I kissed you because I wanted to.”_

_“B-but what about all the groupies?”_

_“You had groupies too, Luke.” Calum had a point._

_“But Cal I... I just don’t want you to leave me because of this.”_

_“Luke,” Calum says, kissing Luke deeply once again. The two of them cling to each other, desperate for the taste of each other’s mouth. “I promise you Luke,” Calum breaths, pulling away, “I’m not going anywhere.”_

* * *

 

 Luke shoves the necklace in his pocket, thinking that he might want to keep it in case he ever needed to bring it up to Calum.

“Hey, Luke?” His mum says, opening his door slowly, “I made you some food to take home.”

Luke looks up at his mum and smiles, “you’re the best, mum.”

“Well isn’t it obvious?” Liz says with a smile, “I’ll let you get back to your sorting. Don’t make too much of a mess now!”

Liz closes his door and Luke is once again left to his clothes and his thoughts. He takes a seat on his bed and sighs, thinking about the memories that this place held. Luke rubs the spot on the bed where Calum once laid, gripping the blanket in his hands angrily. Why had Calum left? Why did he break his promise?

Luke feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

Mikey: Hey, if youre not too tired Ash is gonna come over for dinner and were gonna order Chinese and watch movies if you wanna join?

He shoves his phone back in his pocket; he didn’t feel like responding at the moment. It was because at this very moment, Luke finally allows the tears he’s been holding all day to come out. This was going to be hard.

* * *

 

The California sun was something he still needed getting used to, despite living here for the last three years.

It had been three years. Three Goddamn years away from home and away from everything home held. He blinks awake, the sun shining perfectly on the spot on his bed where his head was lying.

The clock on the wall tells him it’s a little bit passed noon, definitely a little late to be waking up. Underneath the clock, his calendar is pinned against the wall and he scans it over. With a sigh, he looks at the date.

A few more days. There were only a few more days left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks are going to be a huge part of chapters 1-5 just for a warning. These will essentially bring everyone up to speed on reasons why the boys are where they at now. Thank you so much for reading!!!


	4. Chapter 4

The atmosphere of The Rook was fairly sour after Luke had left. Michael and Ashton completely understood, though. They had been aware of Luke’s concern with going back on tour for a while now. And it wasn’t even necessarily the tour he was nervous about; it was just the circumstances of it.

The two band mates had tried to be of assistance in easing Luke’s stress, but they both knew it was something far too out of their control. Luke had been on some unshakable edge for the last three years, and while Michael and Ashton did their best to be there for him, Luke would always just shut down. Even at the mere mention of Calum’s name or LA, Luke would go into a weird mode of not speaking or not... “living”. He would become distant and sad, and refuse to speak or answer to anyone’s call. Luke had tried his best to cover this up in front of the boys, doing a far better job of doing it in front of the presses who questioned them about the separation of the band almost daily. But there wasn’t much Luke could hide from Ashton and Michael; the two of them could read him like a book, and while he may have not been receptive to help, it didn’t mean Ashton and Michael didn’t have some sort of explanation for Luke’s behavior.

The boys always chose the option of not wanting to pry, knowing that when Luke was shut down there really wasn’t getting anything out of them. With tour coming up so quick, however, they can’t ignore the fear in the back of their minds that tell them there’s a chance the band coming back together won’t work.

“So are you coming over for dinner then?” Michael asks Ashton as they walk to Michael’s car.

“Sure, why not?” Ashton replies, “as long as we order food. Not in the mood to cook today.”

“Yeah, neither am I. Chinese good?”

Ashton scoffs, “dude, always.”

The two older boys had done a lot of bonding over the last three years, even exclusively opening up a guitar shop that they go-owned. A lot of their business was definitely fans trying to meet them, but Ashton and Michael thoroughly enjoyed spreading the gift of music onto their fans and even teaching them a few tricks. As much as Ashton wanted to open up a drum store, they both knew that they were better off with selling guitars.

They also frequently hung out whenever Luke was having an episode of sadness, which happened less frequently before. It was pretty simple to fall into routine with each other, having dinner together at one of their respective houses, talking about clients and life, and then passing out in the same bed as brothers.

Because truly, that’s what they were; brothers who were the entire glue that was currently holding together 5 Seconds of Summer. And it pained them to think that their once perfectly knit quartet was now held together by the Mashton thread. It’s not that they didn’t enjoy each other’s company; in fact, they loved it. They agreed on almost anything, only bickered out of comedy, had all the same mutual friends, and were both into the same secret obsessions. It was simply that they just missed the times where the four boys hung out and talked and what not.

Michael and Ashton reach Michael’s building and notice that Luke’s car is not parked in its space.

“Do you think he went for a drive?” Ashton asks.

“Who knows... should I text him about dinner?”

“Yeah he’d probably like that. It’s not like he won’t hear us screaming from across the hall anyway.”

“The only person who ever screams in that apartment is you when we watch old episodes of American Horror Story.”

Ashton sighs, “Horror is in the _title_ , Mikey. It’s supposed to make you scream.”

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.” He says with a laugh as Ashton pouts at him.

The two boys stand in silence in the elevator, waiting to reach the top floor where Michael and Luke lived. Once the doors open, they make the short walk down the hall towards Michael’s door.

“Can I ask you a serious question?” Michael says.

“No, Michael, we’re not going to try hooking up again.”

“Ha ha ha very funny.”

“Sorry, yeah you can ask me anything man.”

Michael sighs, “Do you think... you know... he’ll be ready?” he asks as he pushes his door open.

“Who? Luke?”

“Yeah.”

“... honestly? I couldn’t tell you.” Ashton says sadly. “He’s been freaking about this for so long and we’re due to perform soon.”

Michael walks to his fridge to grab him and Ashton soft drinks, but stops when he sees the picture of the four of them on the fridge. It’s an old picture from when they toured with One Direction; Luke with his tiny quiff and short sleeve buttoned up shirt, Michael with his black hair with the dash of blue and his old Stussy baseball tee, Calum with his quiff and black button up, and Ashton with his tie-dye shirt. It was an odd picture, but one Michael put on his fridge because he enjoyed the memory of it.

Their first tour together that wasn’t super pathetic. They had grown up on that tour as a band, and definitely became a lot closer at the time. It was a melancholy thing to look at every so often; a gracious memory of course, but also a constant reminder that things may never be the same.

* * *

 

_Michael was in a panic. Calum’s birthday had gone great and he had a tremendous time; albeit, he probably should have spent more time with Calum and less time hooking up with... with... ok he forgot her name. Again. But this was probably a sign that he definitely should not have spent his whole night with her. And he felt a little bad for ditching Calum, but from the text he received from Luke he supposed that Calum was in safe hands and was probably going to be sound asleep at his house, super hungover._

_The two of them had plans to do some shopping, Calum claiming that Michael didn’t have enough underwear and Michael coming to a sad realization that he didn’t. And Calum was never one to turn down some shopping or some time spent with Michael._

_Except Calum wasn’t picking up his phone, and it was most definitely 10:00 which was when they were supposed to meet. So naturally, Michael decided to make the trip to Calum’s house, perfectly content with waking up his friend. No one bailed on Michael Clifford! So Michael drives his car, thinking of all the different jokes he can make about Calum drinking too much before he gets there._

_But when he gets to the Hood residence, he’s met with Joy opening the door; a somber expression on her face as she greets Michael._

_Michael asked her about where Calum was, expecting Joy to follow usual protocol and just let Michael run to Calum’s room. This time, however, was not the case. Joy explained where Calum was, and where Calum had went, and Michael felt his heart drop into his stomach. Joy hands Michael a slip of paper designated for him written by Calum, and Michael reads it over before folding it and putting it in his pocket. If he wasn’t in the vicinity of the Hood’s house he would have probably screamed all the profanities in the world out at that very moment, but he had too much respect for them to do such a thing._

_He was now en route to Ashton’s house, not entirely sure what to do about the situation he was currently in. Speeding down the streets, Michael arrives at Ashton’s with a halt, sprinting out of his car to the front door. He knows that Ashton’s mum was currently with Harry and Lauren since Ashton talked about them being gone for a majority of the day last night. Which meant that Ashton was home alone with Bryana, but they were probably awake because Bryana had to pack to fly home. Michael knocks on the door aggressively,_

_It takes him a while but Ashton eventually answers the door, smile on his face fading as he sees the panic in Michael’s eyes._

_“Michael...” Ashton asks with a shaky voice, “wh-what’s wrong?”_

_Michael sighs, and rubs at the back of his neck, “Um... it’s about Calum.”_

_“...Is... is he ok?”_

_“Yeah... yeah I think so...”_

_Ashton cocks his head to the side, looking at Michael confused, “if he’s ok, then what’s the matter?”_

_Michael takes his time to respond, not entirely sure how to bring this up to Ashton. “He’s gone, Ash. He left.”_

_Ashton stares at Michael, wide eyed. “H-he... he what?”_

_Michael sighs again, “he... he bought a plane ticket to LA and just... and just left.”_

  *          



_It took Michael a while to explain what Calum’s mum had told him. Mostly because Michael was also still trying to piece it all together himself._

_“So wait... he came home in the middle of the night crying, booked a flight and just left?” Ashton asks, confused._

_“Yeah... his mum said she couldn’t convince him out of it and he told her he’d call when he got there.”_

_“Wh-what time was his flight at?” Ashton asks, still shocked that Calum had just left without any explanation._

_“6:30 this morning. None of us would have been up to stop him.”_

_“Did his mum say when he was coming back?”_

_Michael sighs, “...no. No she didn’t. He bought a one way ticket, Ash.”_

_Ashton looks to the ground and sighs, he had no idea what was happening but he definitely didn’t like it. “Any  clue what might have brought this up?”_

_“I’ve been trying to think of what happened since I found out...”_

_“I mean... he was pretty upset about the hiatus idea, but I thought we got over that?”_

_“Yeah, I agree, I mean I thought it would be ok when Luke-“_

_And then it hits him._

_“Luke.”_

_“What?” Ashton asks._

_“He went to Luke’s house last night.”_

_Ashton and Michael stare at each other, a series of speculations running through their heads. “Luke’s parents are out of town, right?” Ashton questions._

_“Yeah... yeah they are.”_

_“We’re going to Luke’s.”_

  *          



_The drive to the Hemmings’ household was quiet. Neither of the boys exactly knew what to say or what to ask when they showed up at Luke’s house. They also didn’t know whether or not Luke knew, seeing as neither of the boys would have known had Michael not gone to Calum’s house. It was definitely going to be difficult to bring it up to Luke if he didn’t know; the boy was very attached to Calum and they were positive he wouldn’t handle it well._

_Michael parks his car in the Hemmings’ driveway. He and Ashton run up the front stairs and knock on the door, only to discover that it wasn’t locked. “They probably forgot to lock it last night when they came in...” Michael suggests._

_They’re stopped by the sound of crying, coming from up the stairs._

_“Luke...” Michael whispers, as he and Ashton start sprinting up the stairs. Ashton slams Luke’s bedroom door wide open and is met with heartbreak at the sight of Luke in Calum’s flannel and his own boxers, bare chest covered in tears. Luke has his hands over his eyes, still unphased by Michael and Ashton entering the room._

_“Luke...” Ashton says softly, leaning down in front of Luke. Michael takes the spot next to him, keeping to himself so as to not startle Luke. “Lukey... what’s wrong?”_

_Michael takes Luke’s hands and places them in his own, lowering them into Luke’s lap. This doesn’t stop the tears from running down Luke’s face as he gasps for air through sobs. Ashton takes a hand and runs it through Luke’s messy hair._

_“H-h-h-he left,” Luke stutters through his tears, “wh-where is he? Where’s C-Calum? He pro-promised he wo-wo-wouldn’t leave.”_

_Michael and Ashton look at each other, hearts breaking at the desperation in Luke’s voice. He definitely didn’t know._

_Luke senses the two boys staring at each other, the thought of them hiding something from him enraging him, “guys, wh-where’s Calum?!” he almost shouts._

_Michael grips Luke’s hands tighter in his hands as he takes a look at Ashton, he nods at him as a go-ahead to speak. “Luke...Calum...he, uh....” Michael sighs, “Calum went to LA.”_

_Luke’s eyes widen in shock as he can feel the hand of fate slap him across the face. Calum left? To another country?_

_“H-h-he what?”_

_“Yeah, Lukey...” Ashton adds, “w-we don’t know why he left. And we’re guessing you don’t either...”_

_His mind works a mile a minute as Luke tries to grasp the fact that Calum had literally left. He had hopped on a plane unannounced and abanadoned all of them; abandoned Luke. He promised to not leave. He fucking promised._

_“B-but... but-“_

_“Luke,” Michael says looking at him, “it’s going to be ok-“_

_“No, Michael!” Luke screams, “it’s not going to be f-fucking ok!” Luke stands to his feet and walks towards his window, cold wood floor like ice on his bare feet. “He fucking told me he wouldn’t leave, promised me that no matter what he wouldn’t leave and he just fucking gets on a pl-pl-plane-“ Luke begins to break down, gripping at his sides as he wraps his arms around his torso. Slowly he falls to the floor, sobs loud and painful as Ashton and Michael watch the singer emotionally implode. Ashton is quick to get to his feet and wraps his arms around Luke’s back. The drummer speaks calmly into Luke’s ear, attempting to ease his pain. “I-I hate him. I fu-fucking hate him.” He hears Luke say. Michael watches the scene in front of him and feels like crying himself. He didn’t like seeing his best friends in pain, and there was something about this pain that worried Michael._

_Standing, Michael walks towards Luke’s bathroom that connected to his room. Slowly, he takes the slip of paper out of his pocket and reads it once more, before crumpling it up in his hand and flushing it down the toilet._

_As he walks back towards Luke and Ashton, meeting them on the ground and wrapping them in his arms, he can’t help but get the last few words on the note out of his mind._

_“...please, Michael. Whatever you do, take care of Luke.”_

* * *

 

To this day, Michael and Ashton still didn’t know the whole story as to why Calum had left. From what Luke had revealed to them, the two of them supposedly got into a disagreement, planning to talk about it in the morning. But before they could, Calum made the split decision to leave, thus causing for Luke to go down a spiralling path of anger and hurt. And while Michael had his doubts about the true notion of the “argument”, he felt no need to bring it up as he didn’t want to make speculations out of nothing. And Ashton was already so stressed out about the situation, Michael didn’t want to add more to that.

So Michael kept his thoughts to himself, occasionally looking for hints of it in the ways Luke acted or tensed at the mention of certain words. It all made so much sense to him, but at the same time, it didn’t.

“When’s that Chinese getting here? I’m starving!” Ashton yells from his spot on the couch.

“They said 20-30 minutes it’s most definitely been longer than that!”

Michael moves from his spot in the kitchen and sits next to Ashton. “So... have you heard from-“

“No. I haven’t. Well, not recently at least.” Ashton remarks, “have you?”

“Mhm.”

“And?”

Michael sighs, “well, there’s definitely going to be a lot going on.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah... all I know is Luke can’t know that-“

There’s a knock at the door.

“DUDE THE CHINESE IS HERE!” Ashton practically screams, as he jumps to his feet and answers the door.

“Actually it’s me _and_ Chinese. Saw the guy downstairs and thought I’d pay.” Luke says, handing Ashton the bag.

“YES! Lucas I love you more and more everyday.” Ashton claims, running to the kitchen to open up all the containers.

Luke laughs, “yeah, you don’t mean that.”

Michael walks up to Luke and hugs him, “you really didn’t have to pay for this.”

“Dude, it’s fine. Lord knows you’ll probably be covering me soon.”

Michael laughs, “yeah, in your fucking dreams.”

The three boys each grab a plate of food, and sit on the couch ready to watch some movies. About halfway through the fifth Harry Potter, Michael feels Luke on his shoulder, small audible snores escaping his mouth. On the floor by his legs, Ashton is leaning against the couch with his eyes closed, breathing slowing as he falls asleep. Michael smiles looking at his stupid band mates, but frowns when he turns to his left, staring at the empty spot. He sighs.

Really, Michael just wanted everyone to be ok again.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're probably wondering why they didn't just follow him to LA, or why they didn't try contacting him, or what was on the note Calum left for Michael, or why Calum chose not to tell them, or why he didn't return. Well I can tell you ALL of these questions and more will be answered soon (you're going to grow to hate the word soon, btw.)  
> Next chapter will be all about Calum and from Calum's perspective so look forward to it!  
> Also, Cake being sad defs makes me sad but there's a reason for everything!
> 
> (quick shoutout to my Luke girls out there. As a fellow member, I can assure you there's a reason for everything and as long as our boy is happy everyone should be too!!!)
> 
> Thank you for reading :D


	5. Chapter 5

Calum was on a tight schedule; today he was due in the studio to meet with old friends Hey Violet to help them out with the preparations for their new album. Since their tour back in 2015, the female lead band had definitely taken off, given more publicity and appreciation since being recognized by larger talents such as Taylor Swift and Paramore. And as songwriter and partial assistant manager, it was Calum’s duty to ensure that they had a successful album release in July.

Since moving to California three years ago, Calum was working endlessly with different California based bands. What started with writing for Hey Violet turned into writing for bands such as MKTO, and working with Hoodie Allen and smaller named artists. It was something Calum never imagined himself doing, but having done it so long he didn’t see himself in any other career than this.

Except, Calum knew he had other commitments to make; commitments that were waiting for him halfway across the world. And Calum would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t miss home; didn’t miss the memories and his family and the friends there. There was just something keeping him from going back, and this thing had been gnawing at him for three years.

So Calum stayed, put himself into his work and did a little soul searching. He found that being by yourself for the first time in almost five years was a refreshing thing, despite being terrifying initially. People in LA welcomed him quickly, and he took to adapting to the lifestyle of people in America. He had a few friends he met through Hi or Hey, and he had gone out a couple of times and met some nice people. And fans still swarmed him and asked him for pictures, which, he obviously couldn’t ignore. In the grand scheme of things, Calum most definitely was not alone, but a part of him knows just how alone he really was.

Traffic in LA was something Calum definitely still wasn’t used to; maybe he was used to it, but he still had no tolerance for it. Calum turns on his radio, wanting to occupy himself from the annoyance of traffic.

“5sos fans are getting ready for the return of their favorite Australian-“

Calum turns the radio off. He sighs, gripping the steering wheel harder. There was no doubt in Calum’s mind that he missed touring and missed travelling the world and most especially, missed his boys. He missed the solidified feeling of just having someone around all the time to have fun with and laugh with and sometimes cry with. He missed the physical connections he had with the boys, the playful fights and the hugs backstage. He missed the feeling of safety, feeling that if he was with the boys, there was nothing that could hurt him.

But these feelings were something of the past, something that Calum has slowly lost and has to somehow get back. To be apart from people for three years can be difficult, seeing as the effort for communication was slim. There would be times when Ashton would call or Michael would visit, but there was still something quite off about it all.

Mostly because the only person he really wanted to miss him didn’t.

Luke and Calum hadn’t spoken since Calum left that fateful day. He asked about him occasionally, but he knew that Luke probably still hated him. There were times when management made them tweet at each other on birthdays and event days just so the fans didn’t get suspicious of their lack of interaction. They hadn’t been in the same room as each other in years, and Calum missed the way his best friend would look at him with his dorky grin, eyes glistening as he would laugh at some stupid remark Calum made. There was no denying that Calum missed Luke, missed the way the two of them were like two pieces of a puzzle, fitting perfectly into one another and being complete when together. But now they weren’t together, separated for all this time and Calum couldn’t mend the hurt that he had caused both of them to have.

The media most definitely took a harsh liking to their lack of contact, trying to use it to cause fabricated tensions between the boys. But if only they really knew what went down.

Calum pulls into the parking lot of the record company building. He makes his way into the lobby, heads to the usual elevator and makes his way up. The elevator is empty; playing an old song Calum can’t quite remember the name of. He needed to compose himself before meeting with Hey Violet; the last thing he ever wanted to do was to be unprofessional or show any signs of weakness. As soon as the elevator doors open, Calum puts the fakest smile on his face. He walks down the hall and opens the door to the studio, met with the members of Hey Violet looking up at him and smiling.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite band!” Calum says with arms wide open.

“Calum!” Miranda yells as she runs in for a hug, “we were thinking you weren’t gonna make it.”

“Yeah, pretty typical Calum fashion to just dip last minute.” Casey jokes.

“Ha ha ha very funny Moreta.”

“I live to entertain.”

“So, how are you, Calum?” Nia asks.

“Me? I’m doing ok I guess.”

“You excited for tour?” Rena asks as she plays with her hair.

“Yeah, obviously.” Calum replies nonchalantly.

“Are you sure?” Miranda asks, “You don’t really sound sincere.”

Calum sighs, “I don’t know... I mean-“

“Have you... talked to him?” Rena asks. Calum had been asked about Luke many of times, each time somehow easier to brush under the rug. It was a question that always came up between mutual friends, and each time Calum would say the same thing.

“Not yet. But soon hopefully.”

“Calum-“

“Shall we get to work, team?” He says interrupting Nia. The four band mates look at each other, not wanting to push Calum into talking about anything he didn’t feel comfortable talking about.

With their backs turned as they walk to the studio, Calum takes the opportunity to wipe his eyes with his arm. He groans to himself, thinking about how tough getting back to tour would truly be.

* * *

 

_Calum was under a lot of stress lately. You would think that after his band concluded their world tour that they would all be over the moon and relaxing for the first time in forever. Sadly, this was not the case._

_See, this was the sad truth about the music industry; you never once get a break because if you do take one, you essentially won’t be working. Which is why the 5sos boys were already hard at work trying to write songs for their new album. They had planned to release the album mid 2016, so they were under a tight schedule to satisfy the quota of possible music._

_Except, the band was really struggling to come up with anything, and it really freaked Calum out. He had spent writing time with all three of his other band mates, and every time he thought that they were writing something fantastic all the other boys would scrap it immediately. Ashton and Michael had some good songs going, and he and Luke wrote a whole bunch that probably could work. But every time they would collaborate and brought all their work to the table, it ended with an argument._

_And Calum hated the idea of the band arguing. He didn’t like to think that they for once weren’t getting along and weren’t able to come up with good material right off the bat. So Calum worked himself harder, spending alone time to write something potentially worth bringing to the table at their next meeting._

_But then Ashton and Michael suggest the hiatus._

_And for whatever reason, something inside Calum breaks. He feels betrayed, feels weak, feels like all of his efforts were going to waste to save something that no one else clearly cared enough about. It was disappointing to think his band mates didn’t have faith in their abilities; more personally speaking, any faith in him. Because Calum truthfully was trying his hardest, reaching into the very pits of his soul to find something to write about. He tried writing about being in love, but they had done that way to many times before. He wrote about being sad, but it didn’t fit with the bands’ image. He wrote about school, but it just wasn’t the sound they were all looking for._

_And as much as Calum was disappointed in his band mates, he was more disappointed in himself; disappointed that he couldn’t do anything to contribute and disappointed that no matter what he did, they were never really pleased. He felt like a failure; if only he could come up with better songs and more ideas Ashton and Michael wouldn’t have even come close to suggesting that the band go on a break._

_So in the moment that Ashton and Michael suggest the hiatus, Calum gets angry. The anger in him coming from a plethora of sources: the fact that the band was struggling to come up with new music, the fact that Ashton and Michael clearly didn’t believe in them, the fact that Luke wasn’t doing anything to back him up, the fact that the fans would hate them for abandoning them, the fact that there was nothing Calum could do, and the fact that he straight up was not good enough. When he storms out and leaves the boys in shock, Calum lets the tears fall. He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and sees that it’s a text from Luke, but he’s too blinded by the light of anger to even think to reply back._

_For a week straight he commits himself to trying to write better music, searching for inspiration anywhere he can. But when he continues to fail to come up with anything, he becomes even more upset; his efforts to save the band proving to be futile. But then Luke tells him that the band has decided to stay together, and Calum thinks his anxiety for the band going on hiatus is over._

  *          



_His birthday party was supposed to be a way for Calum to relieve his stress, because truthfully the hiatus thing was still on his mind. They were still struggling with music and as much as Luke reassured Calum that they didn’t have to pressure themselves, Calum knew that they did. And the boys were being super nice about things not working out the way they planned, but Calum couldn’t help but feel unsettled by this. It was almost as if they pitied him or they were talking down to him because they were scared he would freak out at them. It was as if they were babying him._

_Calum loses sight of the boys immediately at his birthday party, engulfed by the waves of people wanting his attention. And he genuinely enjoyed catching up with old and new friends, hearing about what they’ve been up to and what they were currently doing. It was reassuring to Calum that some people also had no clue what they were doing, just as lost as Calum at the moment with the band fiasco._

_Just when Calum thinks he has a moment to himself, someone taps him on the back._

_“Hi, Calum was it? You probably don’t remember me but I work over at-“_

_“The studio over in LA,” Calum says finishing the statement, “Parker, right?”_

_“Yes, that would be me.” Parker replies, “are you having a good birthday party?”_

_Calum nods happily, “oh yeah I’m having a blast. Are you having a good time?”_

_“Yes you boys definitely know how to throw a banger,” Parker states, “but, actually Calum, I wanted to talk to you about something.”_

_“Talk to me?” Calum asks, curiously._

_“Yeah, well, you see, the boys and I over in America were talking to management and they were saying that you boys were potentially going on a hiatus.”_

_Oh._

_“Uh... yeah that was in the talks but I don’t believe it’s happening anymore.”_

_“You don’t say? Well, I’d like to say I’m happy for you boy but this definitely make my request harder.”_

_“Request?”_

_“Well you see, Calum, “Parker says, crossing his arms, “I work with a lot of bands in LA who aspire to have the deep, powerful sound that you boys have. And I know that bass players are especially scarce down where we are; I was going to ask you to come to LA to work the bass on some tracks for some of the bands I know.”_

_Hold on. What?_

_“I’m sorry, you want me to do what?”_

_“Essentially, I want you to come to LA to play the bass for artists or bands in the recording studio. You’ll get credited on the albums and some profit out of it as well, and it’ll be good experience for you to grow as a bassist. This was, however, if you boys were to go on hiatus. You’re an astounding bassist, Calum, and we could really use you down there.”_

_Calum didn’t know how to respond. Someone was essentially hiring him on the spot here and he had no idea what to say, because as great of an opportunity this was, it was just another step closer to giving up on the band._

_“I appreciate the offer, Parker, but I think I’m going to stay committed to the band.” Calum replies politely._

_“Well, you can’t blame me for trying right?” Parker says with a smile, “I’ll at least give you my card for whenever you’re in the area. Have a good rest of your party, Calum.”_

_Parker walks away as Calum stares at the business card in his hand. He slips it into his pocket, and resumes to partying._

  *          



_When Calum wakes up, he’s slightly confused. He recognizes the bedroom but he’s not sure how he ended up in it. But then he looks down to the boy pressed against his side, and everything hits Calum at once._

_The party, the booze, the dancing, Luke, the confessions, the sex, the job offer. All of them come shooting at Calum in one barrage as he stands to his feet and hastily walks to the bathroom._

_Calum looks in the mirror, splashing water onto his face to help him see clearly. And Calum’s mind at this point is trying to piece everything together, searching for a solution for the problems growing in his head that won’t shut up._

_But something in Calum causes him to break down, the pain he’d been hiding for so long finally surfacing as he recalls all that’s been going wrong in his life. It was his fault the band wasn’t coming up with good music; as much as they wanted to put it on themselves it was surely Calum who wasn’t doing anything right. It was his fault they wanted to go on break, because Calum had to make some stupid remark just because he got offended when Ashton didn’t like his and Luke’s song. And God, Luke was probably going to wake up and remember what happened between the two of them and be utterly repulsed by just looking at Calum. He was disgusting. He had just slept with his best friend, and this would definitely cause more problems for the band than there were already possible. The fans would hate him even more than they already did because he’d be the reason they stopped making music. He just couldn’t do it anymore. Everything going wrong was just his fault, and it was an undeniable fact in Calum’s mind that wouldn’t leave him alone. He breaks down on Luke’s bathroom floor, stifling his sobs so as to not wake Luke. He felt guilty. He felt useless. He felt like no matter what he did, it always ended wrong. And in this moment, Calum does something he never thought he’d do._

_He gives up. He needed to get out of here._

_Opening the door, Calum watches Luke sleep on his bed, his best friend shivering at the absence of Calum’s warmth. Calum wants to lean down and kiss him, hold him and tell him that everything was going to be ok like they usually did. But this time, Calum can’t, because nothing was ok. Looking to the floor, Calum spots his flannel that Luke had picked out for him the previous evening, and he wraps it around his best friend to keep him from getting cold. Calum stares at Luke’s sleeping face, tears falling from his eyes as he realizes what he’s doing. He kisses Luke in his sleep, not wanting to forget the taste of his lips._

_“I’m sorry, Luke. I’m so sorry.”_

  *          



_Booking the plane ticket wasn’t hard, the hardest part was convincing his mother that going to LA for a tiny vacation was what he needed. He needed to be alone for a while, do some work on him without concerning the boys with his problems. He didn’t want to leave them completely in the dark, so Calum decides to write Michael a note._

_“Michael,_

_You’re probably very confused as to why I’m writing this note and why I’m leaving. Well, I need to tell you something that I don’t want the others to know. You’ve been my ~~friend~~ brother for years, Michael, so you should know that I’ve been struggling with some things for a while that I can’t explain. I didn’t ever want to bring shit up to you guys, because I didn’t want to bring you guys down. Some things have just gotten to me lately and I’ve done my best to get over them but it’s really hard. I know you got on me with this kind of shit when I started smoking, and I thought things were getting better but they were all just masked by the high of performing. I’m going to LA to get my mind off of things. It’ll be good for me to get my mind off of things and to get some pressure off of my shoulders. Just know that some things have...happened... that are out of your control. Please don’t worry about me. I’m ok. I just really need to work on me right now. There’s a lot I wish I could say and more I wish I could do but I’m struggling and I want you to know that I love you, Michael. I love you a lot. Please don’t let Ashton stress about me I’ll be back soon. And please. Please. Please, Michael. Whatever you do, take care of Luke.  Love, Calum._

_PS. Don't try to contact me. It'll only make this harder. I'll be home soon, I promise.”_

_Calum wipes his tears as he places the note by the front door, his mum would most likely clue in that it was for Michael seeing as his name was on the back. With a final hug goodbye, Calum hops into the cab and makes his way to the airport._

_He would be back. He would be back as soon as he could._

* * *

 

The session with Hey Violet went incredibly well; they had successfully wrapped three songs and were in the process of writing another. Calum was pleased with the work that he had done today, but he was still unsettled by the questions everyone seemed to ask.

_“Are you excited for tour?”_

_“Are you excited to see the boys?”_

_“... Have you talked to-“_

He stops his car, parking in front of his initial temporary LA home. It was a decently sized house in West Hollywood provided by the record company. He was only supposed to be here for at most a month, but a month turned into a year. Which turned into two years. Which turned into three.

But three years was enough time, and Calum knew there were a lot of things he had to do in the short amount of time he had. Reaching into his closet, he pulls out three suitcases.

The band was due to meet in Florida in a month for rehearsals, but Calum had other plans.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the amount of angst, but it really peels back the layers of Calum's character and the reasons for the inevitable hiatus. Just know that I love Calum and I just want to hug him in this and make sure he's ok :( 
> 
> Flashbacks won't be the main focus following this chapter, but trust me THEY WILL APPEAR AGAIN SO BE PREPARED FOR THE HEARTBREAK TO COME


	6. Chapter 6

The past few days passed Luke by quickly; summed up in a wave of work, stress, stressing about work, and working through his stress. They were two days away from their interview on Shazam with Angus, and while they were already prepped on the questions they were going to be asked, something was putting Luke on edge. It had been a while since the band had actually sat down for an interview, at least one that wasn’t just paparazzi screaming questions at them as they would walk down the street.

And of course, Luke was pretty skilled in the art of avoiding questions and making jokes during interviews. Usually, Ashton would take the serious questions or the ones about their music, Michael would take the funny ones, Calum would take the sweet ones, and Luke would do the informative questions. It was a system that they followed just so that they didn’t overlap each other in interviews, but they were always welcome to answer any other question if they so pleased.

But this time around would be different, the dynamic of a trio lacking the immediate chemistry of their usual formation of four. And Luke can remember some of the times where they were succumb to appearing as only a trio; the time that Ashton got his appendix removed and they had to appear in various interviews without him, or the time they had to perform without Michael because the idiot somehow lost his passport. And while they did manage to pull both of those cases, it did feel wrong to be without one of their members.

Luke, however, can’t tell if he’d prefer if they were a full set or if he’d prefer it to just be him, Michael and Ashton. And Luke was trying to do his best to not think about their missing member just to ease his stress before tour.

Which is how he and Ashton end up getting ready at his house to go out to a club. Ivy and Marquee was a club that Ashton had visited a couple of times, and the drummer was persistent on helping Luke calm down before any of the additional stress of tour hit all of them. Michael was quick to reject the idea of a club, preferring to sit at home and watch some CatDog to pass the time.

“Ash what do I wear?” Luke asks, standing in his closet looking through the assortment of clothes he has on hangers. He’s currently dressed in an old shirt and his boxers.

“Hm...” Ashton inquires. Ashton himself is wearing a plain black button up, untucked and buttoned just below the neck, with a pair of ripped black skinnies and black boots. “I’d say go with the black quarter sleeve and some black pants and boots.”

“Alright, cool, thanks.” Luke says quickly, grabbing the items Ashton listed off of their hangers. Luke rips off his shirt and throws on the black shirt Ashton suggested, an old favorite of his to wear on tour.

“Is Michael sure he doesn’t wanna come, Ash?”

“Oh he’s sure!” Michael says, barging into Luke’s room with a bag of chips and his casual clothes on.

“Michael how-“

“You gave me a spare key in case of emergencies remember?”

“Yes, I remember, what I was going to ask was _how come you’re here_?”

Michael shrugs, “I got bored.”

“That doesn’t sound like an emergency.”

“Oh, whatever. I just wanted to see how you two were coming along.”

“Well, we would be out of here sooner if _someone_ wasn’t so shit at dressing themselves.” Ashton teases, directing his gaze at Luke as he speaks.

“Well soorrrryyy for wanting an opinion.” Luke says jokingly.

“I think you’d look great no matter what you wear, Luke.” Michael says with a smile.

“Really?”

“HA. No. Idiot.”

Luke rolls his eyes at Michael, “How do I look?” He asks Ashton.

Ashton stares at him in a joking manner, resting his hand under his chin and looking Luke up and down several times. “It shall suffice.”

“Perfect! Should we get going?”

“What? You two don’t want to hang out with your good pal-“

“No.” Ashton and Luke both say as they walk out of Luke’s room, brushing passed Michael on their way to the front door.

“Oh! That’s fine then! Just abandon me for your drinks and your...your flashing lights and dance floors and-“

“Michael get out of my apartment!”




The driver is already waiting outside when Luke and Ashton reach the bottom of the building. Management had provided them drivers whenever they needed, just out of convenience for all the boys.

“Hey Todd,” Ashton says to the driver as he gets into the back with Luke. Luke smiles at Todd and waves.

“Hey boys,” the driver says, “where we off to tonight?”

“Uh... Ivy and Marquee I believe it was?” Luke says, looking at Ashton for confirmation.

“Ahh you boys going out for a fun night?”

“That’s the plan.” Ashton confirms.

“Alright boys, we’ll be there in twenty.”

“Cool, thanks Todd.”

“You excited?” Ashton asks Luke as Todd starts driving down the road.

“Yeah, it’ll be good to go out and actually have fun you know?”

“You know, we haven’t done this in a while.”

“Go out?”

“Yeah, I mean we always used to last year and what not.”

Luke shrugs, “I guess we just got really busy?”

“That’s unfortunately the case, yeah.”

“Too bad Michael didn’t want to come out with us though...”

“Well you know Mikey, he’s not exactly one for the partying lifestyle,”

“I guess so.”

“Plus, this just means that we get to spend some time together.” Ashton says, smiling cheesily at Luke.

Luke laughs, “I do love my Ashton time.”

“Damn right you do.”

They sit in a silence for a couple of minutes, watching the Sydney nightlife go by through the tint of their windows.

“So, how’s Bryana?” Luke asks.

Ashton looks at Luke almost surprised he asked the question, “She’s great, yeah, just doing some jobs back home and what not.” Ashton answers, “she’ll hopefully be in West Palm if she has the time.”

“Really? That’s awesome.”

“Yeah... sucks being away for so long, though.” Ashton admits. It had been a while since the two of them had been together; blame put on the fact Ashton was always busy working in the studio while Bryana was off somewhere doing shoots or video appearances. The two still made it work, but it was definitely hard to be apart sometimes.

“What about you?” Ashton asks, “any girls yet? It’s been a while since you’ve told us about anything.”

Yeah... There were many things that Luke had yet to tell Michael and Ashton, things that were probably long overdue. For starters, they both didn’t know the true context of the “argument” he and Calum had had. Truthfully, there was no argument, or at least, not one that happened night.

This excuse was mostly due to the fact Luke had also yet to tell anyone that he was gay. Like, super gay. But the media, their fans, and the boys had little to no clue about Luke’s sudden realization in sexuality. They all still knew Luke as the boy who had a few groupies here and there, and Luke blames this on the fact that he was pretty shit at telling anyone anything.

The confession to Calum was the closest Luke had ever come to coming out. And he had thought that he could do it to his best friend, albeit in a way he never imagined in a situation that he also never imagined. But after the betrayal, Luke decided to keep his sexuality to himself.

The confusion of his sexuality to other people was probably due to the fact Luke didn’t stop pursuing girls. This was mostly done for one of two reasons; either because he wanted to maintain the image to the boys, or to get over Calum. And to Luke, only one of those two were really working.

“Uh... no girls, lately. Busy, you know?” He says to Ashton, who nods in agreement.

“We’ve been working way too hard, man.”

“Tell me about it.”

They both feel the car stop as Todd puts the car in park, “alright boys, this is the closest I can get ya attracting too much attention. It’s a five minute walk from here you two gonna be ok?”’

“Yeah Todd, thanks so much,” Ashton says as he exits the vehicle.

“Yeah, thank you Todd,” Luke also says as he follows Ashton.

The two boys walk along the dark road, attempting to blend in with the nightlife so as to not gain too much attention. When they turn the corner, they witness the club they’re attending bumping to the music inside; a surprise to both of them for a Monday night.

“You ready for a night of fun?”

Luke looks at Ashton with a smirk, “you fucking know it.”




Much to their enjoyment, the club is alive with loud music and exotic lighting. Luke and Ashton are sat near the back, their third pitcher in between them half full. The two boys made a pact to stay at each others’ side the entire night; obviously Ashton wasn’t going to be hitting on any girls and Luke wasn’t going to be doing the same either. They were both content with enjoying each others’ company, forgetting about their own problems and committing their evening to having fun.

But then they’re approached by two girls.

“We’re so sorry to interrupt you both, but we’re just such huge fans.” A girl says to them, addressing Ashton as she speaks.

“Oh, no worries at all! Me and Luke were just hanging out.” Ashton says politely.

“Would it be ok if we sat and chatted a bit? If not we can just go.” The girl asks Ashton, who looks to Luke for his opinion on it.

Luke, however, is too concentrated on the girl beside the one speaking to Ashton who is looking at him a little too flirtatiously. He eyes her, not in a rude way, just in a “what are you doing” kind of way. Unfortunately, Ashton perceives the stare as a flirtatious advance on Luke’s part, so he invites the two girls to sit down.

Ashton spends his time talking to the girl about their music and about how she had met a lot of her friends through them. She asks about Bryanna, and that’s Ashton’s clue to know that she has no other intention besides to talk. Her friend, however, is not so subtle in her advances.

“So Luke, “the girl, Kat, says to him, “what are you doing out here tonight on a Monday?”

Luke sighs, he doesn’t want to be rude but he definitely preferred just talking to Ashton, “not much, really, just looking for something to do.”

“Some _thing_ or some _one_?” She says, jokingly, and Luke laughs awkwardly. Man, this chick was not subtle at all.

“Definitely someting.”

“That’s too bad, you know, you’re quite the catch.”

Again, Luke laughs awkwardly, “thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I mean, I would jump at the chance if you were really looking for it.”

“I’ll uh... keep that in mind.”

“I mean, if we could get Calum in there too that’d be great.” Kat laughs, rubbing at Luke’s arm flirtingly.

But Luke is frozen. Frozen at the mention of Calum’s name.

“I’m sorry... what did you say?”

Kat scoffs, “I mean come on, Luke, even _you_ can admit that Calum is sex on legs. I bet you two would have fantastic sex-“

“I think we should go.” Luke says, turning to Ashton immediately.

Ashton, who was previously in conversation with the girl, Taylor, looks to Luke, concerned. “You wanna go?”

“Yes, right now.” Luke says, feeling the anger and anxiety filling in his chest.

“Look, if I said something wrong-“ Kat attempts to say.

“No! No it’s no trouble at all, I’m just not feeling to great right now.” Luke tries to play off his true emotions, which were currently brewing at someone mentioning the words Calum and sex in the same sentence.

“It was nice to meet you both, Luke says, as he hastily makes his way away from his seat. The two girls turn to Ashton, who look at him confused.

“Is he alright?” Taylor asks.

Ashton says, “He was.” Ashton says his goodbyes and follows after Luke quickly. He had no idea what had gotten into the boy; he seemed fine a second ago talking to the other chick.

“Luke!” Ashton calls after him, moving passed the crowds of people.

Luke turns around, and looks at Ashton with a pleading gaze. “Let’s just go, please?”

“Alright, alright, I’ll let Todd know to meet us. We’ll wait for him at that spot.”

The two boys walk out of the club, but are met with a terrible barrage of flashing lights.

“Fuck.” Ashton says under his breath, “come on, Luke, let’s go.” The two boys walk as quickly as they can, paparazzi following them as they make their way to their getaway vehicle.

“How do you think they found out?” Luke asks.

“There were probably people in the club who tipped them off.” Ashton says angrily.

“Boys! Just one picture come on!” One of the photographers shouts at them. The two boys don’t respond, and keep walking.

“Don’t they get bored of getting pictures of our back?” Ashton says, attempting to lighten up the moment between them. Luke doesn’t respond, eyes looking to the ground as he follows Ashton through the streets.

“Luke, have you heard from Calum yet?!” Another one shout at him, and Ashton doesn’t have to turn around to see the emotion on Luke’s face.

“Come on, Luke, just tell us where Calum is-“

“I don’t fucking know! Fuck off!” Luke screams back, which shocks Ashton and all the paparazzi at once.

“Luke-“ Ashton says to him, turning to look at his friend.

“Oooo tension in the group I see!” Another one screams.

And Luke would have screamed back, had Ashton not grabbed his hand and pulled him into the backseat of their car.

“You boys alright?” Todd asks, looking between Ashton and Luke.

Ashton is sitting in the middle seat, arm wrapped around Luke who just stares at his hands.

“We’re ok; just take us to Luke’s please.”

Todd starts driving away and Ashton attempts to get Luke to speak.

“Luke? You alright?” He asks smoothly.

“Why can’t they just leave us alone, Ash?” Luke says dryly.

Ashton sighs, “We’re just getting back on the road, Luke, they want something out of us before that chaos starts.”

Luke rests his head on Ashton’s shoulder, the need for comfort very clear in the younger boy. “Can you stay the night, please?”

Ashton looks to his band mate, feeling the sadness on his friend’s face creep onto his. “Yeah, buddy, of course I can.”




“So, that bad huh?” Michael asks, as he and Ashton commute to the guitar shop for the morning the morning after. The two of them always went in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, talking to their employees and checking in on any sales they’ve made. They also enjoy looking for any potential new guitars to nab before putting them out for the shop to sell.

“It was... interesting... to say the least.”

“I thought you said he was having a good time?”

Ashton sighs, “he was. We just talked and everything was normal and then these two girls came over and started talking to us and then he just... flipped out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah... and then the paparazzi swarmed us and it just got worse...”

“Holy shit...” Michael says in disbelief, “that must’ve been a lot, then.”

“Yeah... I mean you know Luke, he almost never reacts to the paps.”

“I mean, good for him for sticking up for himself but-“

“But it’s just not him. Yeah. I know.” Ashton says sadly.

“And with our interview tomorrow... who knows what will happen.”

“Do you think he’ll be ok?” Ashton asks.

Michael sighs, “eventually, yes. I just think he has a lot to work out.”

“I wish there was more we could do...”

“How about you stay at the shop today and get Todd or Brandon to pick you up and I’ll take Luke out for something to distract him before tomorrow.”

“Ok, but what if-“

“Paparazzi don’t usually get us in the day, and if they do I’ll just get him out of there and he and I can go back to mine and play video games.”

“Ok, but just promise me if anything goes wrong-“

“We can call you, yeah yeah yeah. You know, you do a really good job of supporting the whole “daddy Ashton” joke we have with the fans.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“What do you think I did last night while you guys were at the club?”

“You’re disgusting.”

“But you love me.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? Please enjoy this filler chapter of Muke's beach date. It's kind of my way of presenting the calm before the storm to come in the next few chapters. You'll find out the cause of the storm at the end of this page, so prepare yourself for that. Also I'm really enjoying writing this "supportive but I still think you're an idiot" Michael it's kind of how I picture being his friend in real life tbh.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!!!!!!

Three years ago, Michael would have crumbled under the pressures of the upcoming tour, and the drama that was occurring around his band. He was currently on his way to Luke’s to cheer him up and distract him before their interview tomorrow. The last thing Michael wanted was for Luke to have some sort of panic or some sort of break down in the middle of an interview. He was very concerned for his friend, his behavior changing over the last few months with the tour coming closer and closer. He was concerned about both his friends, really, and as someone in the middle Michael just wanted to do whatever he could to make sure everyone was ok again.

Because oddly enough, this was a position Michael felt he owed to all his friends. Back in 2015 when they were on their first headlining tour, Michael was going through some things; some very shitty things. To put it simply, Michael was spiraling during that tour, caught up in his head from the anxiety of being home and having to please people wherever he went. He didn’t ever bring up his problems to the boys, brushing off his attitude sometimes or his behavior as being grumpy over lack of sleep. And while lack of sleep contributed to it, it definitely was not the root of the problem.

The problem was so much bigger than that. The problem stemmed from the root of having to be in the spotlight 24/7, where everyone is waiting for you to fuck up just so they can tear you to shreds. And Michael at the time was lost in this facade of being “ok” 24/7, just so that everyone around –band and fans included- had no reason to worry about him.

But eventually, the facade broke. Michael started acting differently, angrier and angrier as his need to hide grew and grew. He would isolate himself from the boys after shows and brush it off whenever they asked. And Michael hated himself at the time; hated himself for putting the boys through that and making the fans believe he was ungrateful.

It all changed when the boys stepped in to help, recommended that if they couldn’t help Michael, and if Michael couldn’t help Michael, then someone else could. A professional. Michael seeked help on their break from tour in between shows, and really it helped him see the light.

So now Michael felt a duty as someone who wasn’t directly involved in the drama to help all parties involved; he would help Luke get his footing back and help him make his anxiety for the tour to fade, he would help Ashton with being as reasonable as he could be because he knew Ashton was stressed with the amount of responsibility he had, and he would help Calum with not feeling unwelcomed when he inevitably returned in a month.

He had done a fairly good job of maintaining positive and active relationships with all of the boys. Seeing as the very balance of their band was off, he felt a sense of responsibility to be the glue –along with Ashton- to hold everyone together. So he would hang out with Luke whenever he could, to make sure he was ok and to protect him from the things that hurt him. He and Ashton were always close, but he made sure to work extra hard alongside him both in the studio and at the guitar shop to take some of the pressure off of Ashton’s shoulders. And in terms of Calum, Michael checked in on him whenever he could. He knew that Luke would be destroyed if he found out Michael had been constantly checking on Calum and secretly visiting him, but he knew that once everything was mulled over that he would be able to explain his odd absences.

He missed the times when the band was together, a bunch of misfit losers who would post shitty covers on youtube for the hell of it. He missed the feeling of being complete, the feeling of togetherness and family that having everyone brought. If anything, he just missed the feeling of knowing that everyone was happy, and that everyone was a cohesive unit that no one could break down. Because it didn’t matter how much the media or the fans gave up on them or heckled them; as long as they had each other, nothing else mattered. But that was then, and the reality of there being so much drama was now.

Michael was coping, and he was hoping that eventually everyone could too.




Luke lies in bed, the memory of last night burning itself into his mind. He was supposed to have a good night, a night where he could forget about the worries of work and the tour and most importantly, Calum. But of course, that wasn’t how things worked out and now Luke is right back where he started. Lying in bed, attempting to hide.

There was only one day left until the interview, which meant only two weeks until their tour rehearsal. Which also meant three weeks until the tour began, and here he was terrified for any of the above to happen. He had tried his best to get over his anxieties, but every time he was potentially calmed something would happen. He just needed a break.

Which is the exact opposite of what he thinks he’s going to get when Michael barges in his room.

“Rise and shine!” Michael yells as he jumps onto Luke’s bed. Luke groans in response, hiding under the covers. “Come onnnn Lukey, you can’t hide from me and you know that.”

“Michael the amount in which you come into my apartment unexpectedly is too much.”

“Way to make someone feel welcomed, asshole!” Michael screams, ripping the covers off of Luke. In return, Luke just glares at Michael and sighs.

“Sorry... not having a very good day.”

“You haven’t been having a very good few months, really.”

“Jeez thanks Mikey.”

Michael puts an arm around Luke’s shirtless body, “but that doesn’t mean the rest of these months have to be bad, right? I know shit is kind of weird but in the grand scheme of things tours going to be fun.”

Luke sighs, “yeah, if I can just erase the last three years of anger and sadness maybe this will work but I don’t see that happening any time soon.”

“And it doesn’t have to happen any time soon. Nothing has to be solved, dude, you just have to be the mature man I know you are and work things out for yourself. You can’t just... lay in bed and hide, dude. Nothing gets solved that way.”

“But Mikey-“

“You’re scared and you don’t know what he’s going to say either I know I know. But you can’t sell yourself short and your relationship. You two haven’t even talked about whatever fight you had but maybe talking will help?”

“Yeah... the fight...”

“Luke-“

“Listen, Michael. I really appreciate this, but can we just... forget about it, for now?”

Michael sighs, but smiles at Luke, “Ok, fine. But you’re not spending your day lying in bed. You and I are going out today for a day of Muke fun.”

Luke sighs, “do I have to?”

“You are just so inconsiderate of other peoples feeling sometimes do you just not wanna hangout with me or something!” Michael yells.

Luke groans, “ok, ok fine. I’ll get up and we’ll hangout.”

“That’s the spirit!” Michael says, rolling off of Luke’s bed and standing up, “dress lightly, we’re going to the beach.”

“Michael, you hate the beach.”

“Yeah but you love the beach so we’re gonna go there.”

Luke smiles, “can we get ice cream, too?”

“If you’re a good boy and you eat all your veggies at lunch today then yes, we can.”

Luke rolls his eyes, “you’re such an idiot sometimes.”

“And sometimes you’re just a dick!”

“I yelled at paparazzi yesterday.”

“Yeah, Ashton told me. Proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mikey.”

“I knew that someday you’d finally grow balls.”

“Never mind, I take my thank you back.”




Michael decides on going to Bondi Beach, a spot he knew that Luke would enjoy. For the most part, the car ride was spent singing along to old songs that the two of them enjoyed. It was Michael’s job to make sure that Luke stayed in high spirits all day, and right now he was off to a great start.

“So do we know yet who’s going to be opening for us on tour?” Luke asks.

“Not yet. I think Ashton knows but he’s being a bastard and not telling us.”

“Ash isn’t working himself too hard is he?”

“Ashton? You know he is. But he also loves to keep busy so he’s really enjoying it.”

Luke nods in agreement to what Michael says. Ashton definitely loved to keep himself occupied, “but is there anything we can do?”

“Not really. Ashton’s got this weird system going and I think if we stepped in to help we’d only be in his way and he’d probably yell at us.”

“Yeah and we both know how terribly that went last time.”

“Yeah Ashton is a beast when he’s scary.”

“Hey Mikey?” Luke says, off topic of their conversation.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something important?”

“Sure.”

Luke sighs, “Is he ok, at least?”

“Who, Ashton? I thought I just said-“

“No. Not Ashton.”

“Oh... you mean...”

“Yeah...”

Michael contemplates how to go about this. He was curious as to why Luke was asking him; he almost never brought up Calum.

“Can I ask you why you’re asking?”

Luke shrugs, “I don’t know, to be honest. I mean, if we’re going to be seeing each other soon I have to learn to be civil, right? Might as well start with treating him like an actual person again in conversation.”

“It’s a start I guess.”

“So, is he?” Luke inquires.

“He’s uh... he’s doing decent.” Michael informs, “just from what I’ve heard through people and what not.”

Luke looks to his left at the beach as Michael drives to the parking lot, “that’s good... I guess.”

Michael turns to look at Luke quickly to gaze his expression, “yeah... yeah I guess it is.”

“Sorry for bringing this up I know I’m supposed to be-“

“No, Luke, it’s ok. I mean, again, it’s a step forward, right? And that’s what we hope to achieve.”

“Since when did you become so, responsible?”

“Age has changed me, Lucifer.”

“I highly doubt that.”




Once Michael had parked the car, and simultaneously complained about every other person’s parking job, the two boys made their way down to the beach. It was a Tuesday so it wasn’t very busy, mostly filled with tourists and people who lived close by.

“Dude, waters looking so fucking nice today.” Michael says.

“Mhm, we definitely have to get in on some of that action.”

“Yeah, but first, we have to go build a bitchin’ sand castle.”

Luke laughs, “I thought you said age has changed you?”

Michael scoffs, “you and I both know that was a fucking lie.”

“Yeah yeah... race you to the beach!” Luke says quickly, taking off without any warning.

“LUCAS YOU WERE ALWAYS A CHEATER YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

Michael catches up to Luke, who is putting down his towel and ripping off his shirt, “that wasn’t fair at all, cheater.”

“I think the only thing age changed about you was your nimbleness.” Luke jokes.

“Oh ha ha I don’t know if you remember, idiot, but you are literally a year younger than me.”

“Yeah, but that one year makes all the difference clearly.”

“Whatever, my sand castle is gonna be so much better than yours.”

Luke scoffs, “in your dreams, Clifford.”




The boys spent about five hours at the beach, building sand castles (Luke’s was much better, by the way), and throwing a football around in the water. It was exactly the day that Michael wanted, and from the looks of it, it was exactly what Luke needed. The entire day, Luke had a smile plastered on his face, which in turn caused a smile to form in Michael’s face all day. It was nice to see his friend forget about all his worries, to let loose and not worry about work or music.

They were now at the supermarket, looking for food to cook for dinner. Luke was currently in an aisle alone, contemplating whether to buy ingredients for spaghetti or fettuccini alfredo. He hears Michael calling his name from down the aisle.

“Luke! Luke come quick I need your help!”

Luke walks over, curious as to what Michael needs help with, “yeah dude, what’s up?”

Michael looks at him with a smile, and pulls two boxes of hair dye out from behind him.

“Oh, dude,” Luke says, “you’re dying your hair again?”

“You bet!” Michael says excitedly, “it’s a new slew of touring which means I’m in need of a new hair color. Which one should I go with?”

Michael looks between the two boxes, one a dirty blonde and the other a deep red. Currently, Michael was sporting simple black hair, mostly because over the last year he got tired of having to decide so he stuck with the most neutral thing he could find.

“I say go with the dirty blonde,” Luke suggests, “or, you could get both and try to give yourself strawberry blond hair?”

“Is that how hair dye works?” Michael asks skeptically.

“I’m not sure, I’m not the one who dyes their hair all the time.”

“True....” Michael tosses both boxes into the basket in Luke’s hand, “might as well give it a try! If it looks like shit I’m blaming you!”

Luke giggles, “thanks, Mikey.”




They end up at Luke’s house, Luke cooking the food while Michael stresses about his hair. Luke had grown accustom to cooking, not wanting to have to buy take out or order food in for the sake of avoiding lazy tendencies. Of course, Michael was the exact opposite, so he appreciated coming to Luke’s for dinner for a genuine home cooked meal.

“How’s the food coming?!” Luke hears Michael scream from the bathroom.

“It’s good! Pretty glad we went with spaghetti! How’s the hair?!”

“Hair is... still on my head which is good. Another couple of minutes before the reveal.”

“Great, because dinner needs that much time too.”

Luke smiles to himself as he cooks, fairly content with the day he was having. Besides him bringing up Calum and asking about him, neither Calum nor the tour came to mind. And as much as he agreed with Michael that he needed to start being an adult and moving on, he just needed one more day to really forget his worries and to de-stress before their lives turned upside down once again. And Luke was very appreciative of Michael’s company. He knew that Michael was definitely a jokester and never really took a lot of things seriously, but he really appreciated it when Michael buckled down and showed him how much he cared. He would never say something like this to Michael, though, because Michael would probably kill him for thinking that he cared.

Once Luke finishes with the sauce, he puts it into a large bowl and carries it to the table, placing it next to the bowl of noodles and the plate of garlic bread. Luke had wanted to buy celery to make into a salad, but Michael declined that offer when he laughed in Luke’s face about liking salad.

“Foods done Mikey!” Luke screams.

“Ok give me like, two seconds. Just drying my hair.”

“How does it look?!”

Michael comes around the corner, smile on his face wide as he points up to his hair, “it’s fucking perfect, dude.”

Much to Luke’s dismay, Michael’s hair is the perfect combination of being blond and red. It’s definitely more blond than it is red, but the hints of red compliment the entire thing nicely.

“Dude... it looks sick.” Luke exclaims.

“I know, right?! I’m pretty happy it worked out.”

“Well, now that your hair is done it’s time to eat.”

“Oh, dude I’m starving.”

“Me too.”

The two of them eat in silence, engulfing all the food that Luke had spent almost more than half an hour preparing.

“I always forget that you can cook,” Michael says between bites, “probably one of the reasons I come over here so much.”

“Really? I usually think you just come over here to annoy me.” Luke jokes.

“Yeah, whatever. I’ll be sure to come over here much more now to annoy you.”

Luke laughs, “do it.”

“I will.”

Luke puts down his fork and knife, “but seriously, Michael, thanks for today. I really needed it.”

Michael looks up at Luke, food hanging out of his mouth. He swallows as Luke looks at him disgusted, “dude, no worries. I’m just glad you had a good time.”

“Yeah, I had an absolute blast. It’s been a while since I’ve actually just relaxed.”

“Me and Ashton noticed that.”

Luke sighs, “Guess I’ve been acting sort of weird, huh?”

“Dude, don’t even mention it,” Michael says after taking another bite, “we totally get that this is hard, we just want to help you in any way we can. And if that means taking you to the beach and eating some kickass spaghetti with you then so be it.”

Luke smiles, “you’re the best, dude.”

“And don’t you forget it.”

They spend the rest of their evening sat on Luke’s couch, eating straight from a container of ice cream and watching old episodes of Pokemon. Luke has his head on Michael’s shoulder, who at first was against the idea of cuddling but was now extra fond of it.

“Are you staying over?” Luke asks.

Michael sighs in an overdramatic manner, “if I _have_ to. I mean my place is obviously so far away.”

Smirking, Luke takes another bite of ice cream, “very funny.”

“Aren’t I?”

“What time do we have to get up for the interview tomorrow?”

Michael shrugs, “I think they’re getting someone to pick us up at like 1:00, interview is at 2:00, and then we have to go to the studio I believe.”

“Ok, so we can sleep in then?”

“Yes we can.” Michael says with a yawn, “Speaking of sleep, let’s go to your room I’m about ready to pass out.”

Nodding in agreement, Luke turns off the TV, “Ok, I’ll just put away the ice cream I’ll meet you there.”

“Aright cool.”

Michael walks into Luke’s room and turns on the lights. He walks over to the dresser, looking for a pair of shorts to borrow. His eyes are distracted, however, by a picture turned over on Luke’s dresser. Curiously gets the best of Michael as he turns it over, and he smiles at the picture of the four boys at the end of their show in 2015.

He smiles; maybe going back to the way they were in the picture isn’t so ridiculous after all.




The smell in the air was just like he remembered, completely different from the scent of downtown LA. He walks through the crowds of people, getting somewhat lost due to how long it had been since he last had to traverse the airport. This was a split decision he wasn’t sure he regretted yet, but he had less than twelve hours to figure out whether or not he wanted to bail. Walking out of Sydney Airport, he breathes in, ready for probably the most hectic day of his life. He looks to the night sky, taking in his surroundings as he recalls all the memories home held for him.

Calum Hood was back in Australia, and he was ready to take it by storm.


	8. Chapter 8

Much to the disappointment of Ashton, Michael and Luke had managed to sleep in a little too late. He was currently standing over the two boys who were cuddling under Luke’s covers, and as much as he loved his friends and didn’t want to disturb them, they kind of had a big day ahead of them.

Ashton contemplates the different ways to go about this: he could simply shake them both awake but that would be boring, he could play really loud music and hope that they wake up, or he could be super obnoxious and slam a bunch of pots and pans together until they got up. His mind chooses an option of its own as he subconsciously starts walking towards Luke’s kitchen.

And Ashton _really_ hated the fact he had to do this.

He smirks. Ok, not really.

With a smile wide on his face, Ashton starts to bang the two pots together, jumping onto Luke’s bed and clapping together the two appliances. He does a little dance, and he turns around when he feels a pillow being thrown at his head.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Michael screams, covering his head with a pillow. Luke is sitting up in bed, rubbing at his eyes.

“It’s time to wake up!” Ashton explains, a tone in his voice that makes it seem like his statement was the most obvious thing.

“Are the pots necessary?!”

“Yes they are, Michael,” Ashton states, stepping off of Luke’s bed and placing the pots on the desk beside him. “Now, gentlemen, pop quiz, what time is our interview?”

Luke looks at Michael, who is still covering himself with the pillow, “It’s at 2 I believe.” Luke says, suppressing a yawn.

“Very good, Lucas. Second question, what time are we meant to be picked up?”

“1.” Michael answers dryly, voice stifled by the pillow.

“Correct. Final question, what time is it, gentlemen?”

Luke shrugs, and grabs his phone from the dresser.

12:50. Shit.

Eyes widening, Luke rips off the covers and runs passed Ashton to the bathroom. He shuts it, loud enough to startle Michael into actually sitting up. “What’s gotten into him?”

Ashton sighs, “You’ve got about 10 minutes until we’ve got to go, Mike, so I suggest you grab some of Luke’s clothes and get changed.”

“Can’t I just walk over to my place?”

“No, that’ll take too much time and you already have a toothbrush and a bottle of your hair product here so you might as well just get ready here.”

Michael groans, annoyed at Ashton’s responsible nature, “and why are you here, exactly?”

“Because I knew you two were hanging out last night and I knew you two would sleep in. And would you look at that! I was right!”

“You’re obnoxious.”

“And you have about 8 more minutes to get ready so get to it.”

Michael groans loudly as he hoists himself out of bed, looking through Luke’s closet for something presentable to wear. Luke, in the meantime, exits the bathroom, a look of desperation on his face as he scrambles next to Michael.

“You wear that blue denim jacket with one of my shirts, I’ll wear one of my black t-shirts with something on the back.” Luke orders.

“Ok gotcha, I only have my shorts from yesterday here so I’m gonna need a pair of your girl jeans.”

“Hey!”

“Luke.”

“...they’re all to your right.”

“Thank you.”

 “Ash how much time do we have?!” Luke yells, grabbing a pair of pants and his shirt and running to his bed.

Ashton sighs, “We would’ve had more time had you two not slept in-“

“Alright, dad, let’s calm it down on the lecturing here.”

“Michael, the dad jokes are _so_ three years ago.”

“Maybe you should tell yourself that when you open your mouth and speak sometimes.”

“Now you listen here-“

“Guys!” Luke yells, finally dressed, “enough yelling at each other and more getting ready.”

Michael and Ashton look at each other, then back at Luke, “alright, _dad_.” Ashton says with a smirk.

“I’M NOT THE DAD OF THE GROUP, ASHTON IS!”




After a mix up of almost forgetting their wallets, and Michael almost forgetting to brush his teeth, the boys were finally on their way to their first interview. The ambience in the car was fairly calm, as the three of them were all nervous for this interview for different reasons.

Ashton was nervous because he felt that this first interview was going to be the their first step back into the industry. They had been gone for three years, and the fact that they were about to make a public appearance after being gone for so long meant that they were back in the vulnerable spotlight. And Ashton wanted everything to go smoothly, he knew that he would need to re-prep the boys on the questions they were going to be asked and he knew that the fans would be expecting a lot of explanations from them. If anything, Ashton just wanted this interview to go well to satisfy the fans and remind them about the reason why they stuck around; it was tough feeling like they had been disappointing their fans, but the boys did all they could while on break to make small appearances here and there.

Michael was nervous because he was scared that they had been gone for too long. What if they forgot how to compose themselves during interviews? How does one answer a question? Michael had spnet so much of this break just relaxing and working that maybe he couldn’t just adjust to the rock star lifestyle again But Michael knew that he had to eliminate these thoughts from his mind, his band depended on him.

Luke was nervous because he wasn’t sure he was emotionally prepared for this. He wasn’t sure he was prepared for anything at all. There was sure to be questions about the break and the reasons for it and why Calum was away in LA and why the two of them went from best friends to almost strangers. Luke knew Ashton was going to talk to them before the interview about the questions to remind them, but it still didn’t mean that they could just avoid talking about Calum. And Luke couldn’t even say his name sometimes without wanting to cry or scream, so to have to keep himself in one piece in front of a camera was nerve-wracking.

“You boys nervous?” Ashton asks them.

“No.” “Not at all.”




Arriving at their destination, the boys were greeted to a sight they hadn’t seen in a long time; fans, all compiled in a vicinity screaming for them and waiting for them to emerge from their vehicle.

“Just like old times, huh?” Michael says, turning to Ashton and Luke.

“I can’t believe how many people there are...” Luke says, baffled.

Ashton stares out his window, smiling at the fans they passed, “They’ve been waiting three years for this, they’re obviously excited.”

Luke shifts in his seat, “This is going to be like the hangout we did with Angus and Ash before, right?”

“Mhm, which will be fun because I wasn’t there last time.”

“Yeah, I still can’t believe Angus let Calum slap him with a fucking fish.”

Michael and Ashton freeze at Michael saying Calum’s name. They wait for Luke to react, watching him from their peripherals.

Luke sighs, but then smiles, “that was pretty funny, yeah.”

Ashton and Michael release the breath they were both holding in. Ok, Luke was making progress.

As soon as the car stops in front of the entrance to the building, the three boys are rushed out of their vehicle, escorted by security from each of their sides.

“Yeah, exactly like old times.” Ashton yells, while clinging to Michael as they move through the crowd of people.

“At least we know they’re still passionate!” Michael yells overtop the screaming fans.

Luke is in front of Michael, eyes glued to the back of their security guard. He hears a e fans scream his name and he turns to them politely and smiles, the old feeling of satisfaction coming to him once again. It was an odd feeling, knowing that so many people’s happiness depended on the four of them and their existence. And Luke wouldn’t lie and say that the pressure didn’t get to him sometimes; their personal lives were far from personal and every so often fans got a little too “excited” but Luke appreciated them all nonetheless. Which is why moments like this really reminded him why he was doing what he was doing, it was the feeling of just waving at someone and seeing them cry with joy that reminded Luke that he was the source of a lot of people’s happiness. Somehow, it made his problems seem a lot smaller.

Once the boys are safely escorted inside, they are ushered to a back room, where they are meant to wait there before being called up for the interview.

“This room looks exactly the same...” Michael states, lounging on the couch with his head in Ashton’s lap. Luke was sat near them in an armchair, playing with his fingers as he stared at the room.

“Hey, Ash?” He says, pulling Ashton and Michael out of their conversation.

“Hm?”

“Could you... possibly go over the questions again with us?”

“Oh God I completely forgot!” Ashton says, standing from his spot on the couch.

“Alright, so management got Angus to forward the questions to them just so they could review them and what not. The interview is mostly going to focus on us being excited to be back on tour, and we have to talk about the album and what we did on break. There wasn’t any indication here on whether or not Angus would ask us about why we went on break, but we should probably stick to our usual answer of saying that we wanted to grow as artists and taking a break from music is exactly what we wanted.”

“What if they ask about-“

“I don’t know.” Ashton says, knowing exactly what Luke was going to ask, “there are a lot of ways we could dance around this and it could be kind of hard to wiggle out of it. We just have to tell them that contrary to speculation we are all still brothers and the only reason Calum was away was so we could expand the label. Do you think you can handle that if you’re asked, Luke?”

Luke looks between Michael and Ashton, “I don’t know...”

Michael sighs, “If it gets asked, me or Ash will just step in and take it from you.”

“Yeah,” Ashton agrees, “and it’s not like Angus will just-“

“Did I hear someone say my name?” Angus O’Loughlin says as he enters the boys’ waiting room. At the sound of his voice, all the boys look to the door and smile.

“Angus!” Ashton says, running to hug the Shazam Top 20 radio DJ.

“Holy shit dude, long time no see!” Michael shouts, running in for a hug.

Luke is more timid than the other two, waiting for them to finish their time with Angus before going in for the hug, “It’s good to see you, man.”

“It’s good to see you boys too,” Angus says with a smile, “definitely missed seeing you lot.”

“We missed you too,” Ashton claims, “is Ash going to be joining us?”

“She won’t unfortunately, she’s got other business to attend to.”

“Other business more important than us?” Michael jokes.

“That’s what I said!” Angus exclaims with a laugh.

“Thanks so much for being the first person to interview us, Angus,” Luke says sincerely, “probably weird seeing how long it’s been.”

“Are you boys kidding? It’s an honor that you guys _let_ me!”

“Well we wouldn’t want anyone else, dude.”

“We’re just sorry you’re not getting all of us.” Michael says with a pout.

Angus looks at them all, confused, “Oh? But I thought-“

“Angus?” A production assistant says through the doorway, “you’re needed upstairs.”

Angus sighs, “oh the joys of production. Well, just thought I’d drop by and say hello before we got to business. I’ll see you boys out there!”

“Will do!” Ashton says, as the three boys wave him off. “Alright so as I was saying-“

“Right this way, sir.” They hear a production assistant say from the hall.

“Right this way?” Michael asks wondering who the voice outside could be referring to.

“Thank you so much.”

The three boys freeze. Looking at each other, they stare at the door handle twist, and Michael kind of suspects who’s going to be behind it.

The door opens, and the air in the room immediately shifts.

For the first time in three years, Calum Hood looks at his three band mates, who look at him with wide, anxious eyes.

“...Hey guys...” Calum says nervously.

Michael and Ashton turn to each other, mouths still wide open from the shock. On the other side of them, Luke stands, all color from his face drained and tears forming behind his eyes.

This could not be happening.

* * *

 

_The Shazam-a-hang was already in full swing. It was a fun environment to find themselves in after their full day of countless interviews and weird games. Despite the fact he had previously gotten dunked in a dunk tank, twice, and the amount of ridiculous games and questions they were asked, Luke was having a very good day. It was definitely weird to be missing Ashton, but the three boys were managing to make it work._

_Currently, they were talking about the release of their live album, and Michael was, as usual, making a stupid joke of it._

_“... we’re super duper excited for it,” Michael expresses, “it’s really, you know, like you said; we love playing live and we’re super duper excited.” The fans laugh at Michael’s overuse of the phrase._

_“And there’s some sick cover action,” Ash claims, “I gotta ask, when you do karaoke, ‘cause I know you boys are all massive karaoke fans, what’s your number one go to karaoke track that you will knock out of the park?”_

_“Well,” Luke attempts to say, but is cut off by Michael, “wait, you’re gonna say something different to what I’m gonna say-“ he says to his red haired band mate._

_“Well I was gonna say that I did karaoke like two hours ago at this thing... and, I did... One More Time by Britney Spears.”_

_“Good choice.” Angus declares._

_Knowing that Michael is done his story, Luke finally speaks, “Me and Calum, for Michael’s 18 th birthday-“ _

_“It’s always you and Calum! You and Calum this, you and Calum that.” Michael teases._

_At this moment, Calum moves closer to Luke, who then puts his arm around the bassist. Calum places his hands over Luke’s knee, and Luke can feel the slight blush on his cheeks forming._

_It was an odd thing to be... “in like” with your best friend who was also a dude. Mostly it was weird because Luke was fairly  certain he was straight. But the way Calum had been making him feel over the last few months most definitely begged to differ, and it was moments like these that Luke really cherished._

_“Me and Calum... and not Michael.” Luke jokes, gaining a response from Michael and all the fans._

_This wasn’t the first time that Luke noticed how excited the fans got whenever he and Calum would flirt. He was more than aware of their ship, Cake, and how it was one of the more popular ships amongst the group. The two of them were always close, there was no question about that, but to think that fans saw them in a romantic light definitely contributed to the sudden growth of interest Luke was experiencing. And there was something about the way that Calum fit perfectly into his side, or the way that Luke smiled a little harder than normal whenever Calum said something funny or even so much as looked at him that made Luke think that maybe the fans weren’t far off about this whole “Cake” thing after all._

* * *

 

“Dude...” Ashton says amongst the awkward tension, “what are you-“

“I know, I know, I should have told you guys,” Calum admits, “but it was a split decision and I almost bailed but I’m here now and we need to be upstairs in like, 5 minutes.”

“Calum, what the fuck!” Michael yells, walking up to Calum, faces almost touching.

“Michael, I know you’re probably mad I’m sorry I-“ Calum is cut off by Michael embracing him, smile on the guitarists face unseen by the other boys.

“Dude what the fuck I can’t believe you’re fucking here!” Michael says excitedly.

“I missed you too, Michael.” Calum laughs.

With the embrace keeping the other two distracted, Ashton turns to Luke, who was still stuck staring at Calum like he was a mythical creature.

“Luke...” Ashton says, moving closer to Luke.

Luke turns to Ashton, eyes filled with unshed tears that Ashton wills away with his mind, “Ash... Ash I can’t-“

“No, Luke,” Ashton say in a whisper, so as to not reveal their conversation to Calum and Michael, “you have to do it, ok?”

“But Ash-“

“This is hard and you didn’t expect it, I know. Neither did we. But you can work it out after the interview. Me and Michael will be there, ok?”

Ashton grips firmly at Luke’s bicep, signalling his support before walking over to Calum and Michael.

“What, you think you can just show up here after not seeing me for 3 years and _not_ give me the biggest hug of my entire life?!” Ashton yells as he tightly embraces Calum.

“God, I missed you Ashton.” Calum exclaims.

“Likewise, brotha.”

Luke watches the three boys exchange their embraces, suddenly feeling very out of place. He wanted to scream, wanted to leave, wanted to cuss Calum out for showing up unnaounced and completely fucking his feelings over all over again. This wasn’t supposed to happen; he was supposed to meet them in Florida and give Luke more time to cope. He was supposed to give Luke time to think about what he had to say, the questions he had to ask and the harsh things he had to tell him. There wasn’t supposed to be any possibility that Luke could fuck things up completely for this band, but in this moment Luke isn’t sure he can even make it to the interview without crying or punching Calum out.

“Luke.”

He hears his name, bringing himself back to focus. Calum is looking at him from across the room, with Michael and Ashton staring at Luke from behind Calum.

“Its uh... it’s really good to see you.”

He’s on the spot, and he could definitely just call Calum out right now and blow this entire situation up in all four of their faces.

“It’s uh... good to see you too.”

He opts against it. There was too much riding on this interview going well and too many live at stake for him to take his selfish desires into account. And sure, a few words between them isn’t going to affect much.

But then Calum is striding across the room, and Luke feels like he’s going to vomit. Calum, in the last 3 years, has definitely filled out in muscle. He’s wearing a black t shirt that hugs his body tightly, showing off his biceps and his chest. A signature pair of black skinny jeans hug Calum’s toned thighs, his pants matching the black and white high top converse on Calum’s feet. He still has the same old tattoos, obviously, and Luke isn’t sure whether or not he got new ones. His hairstyle is slightly different, much less wild and curly than when he last saw him.

Calum notes that Luke is nervous; Luke had a habit of biting his lip whenever he was nervous and he was almost causing his to bleed at the moment. He was shifting on his feet, moving the weight of his feet onto each of his black high top converse. The shirt he was wearing showed the definition and broadness of his shoulders, and his shaven face glistened under the light.

Ashton and Michael watch the two, holding their breaths in fear that they’ll start an altercation on the spot. They are both relieved when the two hug, an awkward hug, but a hug nonetheless.

“We’re ready for you boys upstairs.” A production assistant says to them from the doorway.

Ashton looks to all the boys, who look at him nervously.

“Alright boys, let’s do this.”

They’re escorted up the stairs, already the sound of fans faintly in the distance. Michael and Ashton are walking a tiny bit ahead, leaving Luke and Calum to walk awkwardly beside each other in silence in the back.

Luke keeps his gaze concentrated on the ground, not wanting to risk looking at Calum and potentially crying. Calum looks at his surroundings, as if he was in an environment where he didn’t belong.

“Luke-“

“No. Calum. Not here.” Luke says coldly, as they reach the tops of the steps. Luke knew that Calum was either going to bring up the past or bring up the present and the tension between them, but between Calum’s unannounced appearance and the interview there was no way Luke could handle hearing what Calum had to say.

Calum looks at Luke, shocked that he would so quickly shut him down. A part of him knows he deserved it, though, he did break possibly the biggest promise ever and he was still going to have to make up for it.

There was a 10% chance this was going to completely flop, an 85% chance that it was going to go well, and a 5% chance that the band would be ruined forever.

All Luke knew was there was an 100% chance that whatever was about to happen, he was not prepared for.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHhhHHHHhhhHHHHhhhhhHHHHHHHhhhHHHH
> 
> I'm pretty excited for these next two chapters. I should probably tell you guys this now but the plan is basically that there are going to be 5 different arcs in this story, 10 chapters each, so you've just entered the drama-filled section of this arc. And trust me, shit. goes. down. (I'm aware that's 50 chapters and I'm super committed to this fic but who knows maybe I'll wanna do less maybe I'll wanna do more all depends on what you guys want and what I can come up with!) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! Please feel free to leave a comment with any of your predictions or suggestions of things you may want to see happen or any reactions! I'd love to hear what you guys are thinking so far :) 
> 
> And again, all of the questions you may be having will be answered SOON
> 
> ...or in like, the next arc, you'll see. ;)


	9. Chapter 9

You would think that years of dealing with screaming fans and interviews would prepare Luke for this moment. You would think that this would all be second nature to him and that the pressures that came with being a recording artist wouldn’t affect his nerves. You would think that this moment, this one opportunity to re-enter the music industry would be the moment he would be looking forward to the most.

All of the above would be wrong.

There were a variety of things coming to Luke’s mind when the boys round the corner, met with the audience of screaming fans. First, there came the initial fear of the interview. They would be filming this, as well as being broadcasted live, which meant that no matter what he said or did would be on record for the world to view over and over again. This also meant that how he acted would be on a space that people could analyze his behavior on, which meant that he had to keep his composure the entire time. Second, he was currently in a whirlwind of anger and frustration at Calum being near feet away from him. They were sat on the couch with Ashton and Michael in between them, but the space between them was still far too little. Which leads us to issue number three; the fact that he was expected to just sit there and act like the last three years hadn’t happened. How is one supposed to just forget three years of betrayal and heartbreak? Calum left him. Calum broke the one promise he promised not to break and he left Luke vulnerable and broken. And he never checked on him, never said “I’m sorry” and never made the conscious effort to mend the obviously growing gap between their friendship. So yeah, he was pretty broken about having to be by Calum and pretend everything was ok. And sure, there was a lot riding on this interview and the fans are the main priority, but if it was up to Luke he would get up and leave.

“Ladies and gentlemen, your favorite Australian band, 5 Seconds of Summer!” Angus yell into his mic, as the boys wave at the fans who were currently going wild. “Boys it is more than a pleasure to have you.”

“Likewise, likewise.” Ashton responds.

“You know I have to admit boys, it’s quite the surprise to see all four of you here.”

“It’s kind of a surprise to us too.” Michael says slyly, earning a shoved elbow by Ashton.

“Now, tell us Calum, we haven’t seen you ‘round here in quite a while.”

Calum chuckles awkwardly, “yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Well where have you been, man? I mean all your boys were here and you were just off in...”

“LA,” Calum answers, “I’ve just been in LA working on some music and what not. The boy have been doing the same here; we just haven’t been... together, is all.”

“Mmm I see. Michael, how has living in Australia been for the three of you these last few years?”

“Being home has been great!” Michael replies, “I mean, it’s a good place to be after having been away for so long. I mean even before tour we were going from one place to the other to work on music and find inspiration... so you know, it was pretty great to just stay in one spot for once.”

“And you boys still wrote together?”

“Yeah, we managed,” Ashton states, “what we would usually do is we would try to write what we could, and if we were ever stuck on anything or weren’t feeling it we would send it over to LA for the people there to work on.”

“Ahhh which is where Calum would come in, yes?”

“Exactly,” Calum says, “so it’s not like I wasn’t writing with them or collaborating. It was just a change of scenery, I guess.”

“Fair enough. Now Luke you’ve been pretty quiet.” Angus says.

The three boys turn to look at Luke, who looks up in surprise at the sudden attention, “I think it just takes some getting used to, I guess... I mean, we’ve been very under the radar for the last bit, so it... you know, it takes some time to jump back in.”

“I can see how that can happen, yeah. But you enjoyed being on break, right? What did you get up to?”

Luke looks at Michael and Ashton, heart racing at the amount of pressure he’s under, “I spent a lot of my time working, you know, just keeping busy to make the break go by as fast as I could. Me, Mikey and Ash spent a lot of time in the studio, either writing stuff for the new album or stuff for the artists we were working with.”

“And, might I add, you guys wrote some pretty fantastic stuff.” The three boys say their thank yous, as the crowd gives them a clap, “Now, seeing as three years have gone by I’ve got to ask, what are your guys’ relationship status? Ash I know you were with someone when we last checked in but what about now?”

“Well, me and my girl, Bryana, are still together,” the fans aww and clap, “yes, thank you,” Ashton says, “it’s been going well. I mean, she visits more often than you’d think and she only really goes home when she has to work and it’s been really easy. Enjoying every second of it.”

“Wicked, and what about you lot?”

“I’m single.” Luke answers quickly.

“Yeah, I too am enjoying the single life, I mean I try to get Luke to go on dates with me but he never does.” Michael jokes, gaining a response from the audience. Luke looks at Michael and laughs, but his face changes when he sees Calum’s face behind Michael’s.

“And what about you, Calum?”

“I’m definitely single as well.”

Oh. So Calum was still single. Something about this strikes a chord with Luke; had Calum stayed single this whole time? Did he sleep around with chicks in LA? Was he just trying to hide a relationship from the fans? And why did Luke care so much?

“I mean, nothing wrong with being single, right?”

“Definitely not,” Michael says, “it’s just too bad we couldn’t be as lucky as Ashton over here and find us a good’n.”

“On the topic of love,” Angus says, “let’s go into some of the themes you guys wrote about into this new album.”

“This new album is definitely a lot more personal,” Ashton states, “with our first one, we were just so much younger and we hadn’t experienced too much then. But I think that we connect a lot more with the songs we’ve written for the new album and as a band we’ve really  come into our own sound.”

“Yeah I agree with Ash, I mean these songs are a lot more about things we’ve personally gone through and I think they all represent us more.” Luke states.

“And are there any songs you can say that pertain to you individually?”

“I’d definitely say Jet Black Heart,” Michael says, “It’s kind of a personal song.”

“I’m gonna go with Vapor,” Luke says, “or I’d say Fly Away is a good one.”

“This is tough,” Ashton admits, “but I’d have to say Broken Home.”

“Calum, what about you?”

“Fly Away. Definitely Fly Away.”

Luke shuffles with his feet, confused at Calum’s answer. Why was Fly Away personal to him? That was a song he and Michael had worked on in the first place.

“Well we’re gonna take a quick break but when we come back we’re gonna get some Twitter questions for the boys to answer!” Angus announces, while their song “She Look So Perfect” begins to play on the speakers.

“You boys are doing great,” Angus says, “we’ll be back on in five so don’t go anywhere too far.” Angus walks off to talk to someone working behind the camera.

“This is going well.” Ashton states.

“Yup...” Luke mutters under his breath.

“So, what else do we have planned before Florida?” Calum asks, wanting to get back into the loop.

“Nothing really, to be honest, I mean our Manager had pitched the idea of doing a surprise gig at a smaller venue and we obviously couldn’t do it without Calum here, but now that you’re here we could do a surprise free concert and-“

“Are you sure we’re ready, Ash?” Michael asks, “I mean, we haven’t really practiced these new songs.”

“We could always just do a shorter version of our set from the last tour?” Calum suggest, “It wouldn’t be a bad idea to just show people what we’re about again.”

“Do we have a venue in mind?” Luke adds, “what if we can’t find a place by tomorrow?”

“Management can deal with that today,” Ashton states, “that is, if you boys are willing to do it.”

“I’m in.” Calum says confidently. He looks over at Luke, who looks away as soon as they share a gaze.

“Fuck it, I’m in too. It’ll be a good warm up before Florida.”

“What about you, Luke?” Ashton asks, as the three boys turn to Luke.

Luke looks between the three of them, and all of him wanted to say no. They weren’t ready- no, he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to just jump back in this, but he knew he couldn’t disappoint the boys and the fans.

He sighs, “yeah, I’m in too.”

“Great!” Ashton exclaims, “We can announce it at the end of this interview and just tweet the location like we used to do.”

“Won’t it get a little chaotic?” Luke suggests.

“Well, if we announce it last minute people will be caught off guard and some people may not be able to make it out from out of the city so who knows.”

“If not, security will be able to handle it.” Michael reasons.

“What songs will we do?”

“How about the set we did for VEVO Certified?” Calum contributes.

“I’m down for that. We can talk more about it later.”

Luke, Michael and Calum nod. Angus returns to his place across from them and smiles, “you boys ready, we’re about to go back on for part 2.” All of the boys nod, and Luke swallows down his nerves once again. He was doing great, he could last another ten minutes.

“And we’re back with 5 Seconds of Summer!” Angus announces a the crowd claps, “Now boys, we’re gonna take some Twitter questions now before we go into detail about your upcoming tour.”

“Alright we’re down for that,” Calum says, speaking for the band.

“That’s what I like to hear! Alright, our first question comes from @HoodHoranGurl5 she asks ‘What are you most looking forward to on tour?’”

“I think collectively, we’re all just excited to be playing music again.” Michael answers.

“Yeah, we’ve definitely grown as artists and as people and I think, more than anything, we’re just excited to play the music we’ve worked so hard on. Give the fans something to look forward to.” Luke adds.

“Right on right on. @Hemmmotron_ asks ‘Did you miss performing when on break?””

“Definitely,” Ashton says, “I mean, we went from performing almost every single day to working in a different field and it definitely took some time to get used to. But in the end we made a lot of progress and I think the fans will be pleased with the results of this break.”

“Our next question comes from @MukeAFForever who writes, ‘Favorite song from the new album?’”

“I think we all have different favorites for different reasons, like I like the song Over and Out because of the drumming in it.” Ashton says.

“Yeah the drums in that definitely kill,” Michael adds, “for me, I think She’s Kinda Hot is just a good song with a good message. When the fans hear it they’ll kind of understand the message more but I’ll just say the message is pretty unexpected.”

“She’s Kinda Hot is a good one, yeah. I think that Safety Pin, which was written by our good friend John Feldman, is probably my favorite.” Luke answers.

“Ooo you boys took all of my answers!” Calum complains, “I think I’m gonna have to agree with Michael and say She’s Kinda Hot. It was just such an unexpectedly good track, we originally intended for it to be a song just for Ashton.”

“Yeah, and look at it now.” Michael says.

“Well we’re all super excited to hear these tracks, gents.”

“ _Super duper_ excited.” Michael adds, gaining a laugh from Angus, the boys and the audience at the allusion to their last interview.

“Yes, of course, how foolish of me. Alright, last question comes from “5SOS_S505 who asks ‘Why is Calum in LA alone? Are you guys still friends?’”

All four boys immediately tense. Neither of them look at each other, not entirely sure how to answer.

“Well...” Ashton starts, “I mean if we weren’t friends, obviously Calum would not be here right now.” He jokes, attempting to lighten the mood.

“You know, I think that’s very true.  I think the fans have just focused on Calum being in LA at what not, but they have to consider that we don’t put everything online or don’t always appear in public like we talked all the time.” Michael states.

“Any input on the matter, Luke or Calum?” Angus asks, noticing the visible lack of effort the two were putting into the question.

The two former best friends look at each other, a look behind their eyes that reveal their pain only to each other.

“I think that, you know, fans will always look for things to point out,” Luke states,” I mean, Cal was busy with writing and so were we, so we definitely didn’t have time to be seen with each other and what not.”

“Yeah I agree with Luke,” Calum says, “I mean, the boys being in Australia and me for LA was definitely for no reason other than the fact we needed to expand the label. And I just, fell in love with LA so I wanted to go. Gain some independence you know? It’s obviously, you know, there was never any tension or beef between the boys which fans obviously speculated it was simply a matter of needing to be alone to concentrate and grow. Which is what the point of the break was.”

The three other boys nod, but Luke’s mind invests itself in Calum’s words. He was going to need to find out the truth about why Calum never came back; of course, after the two of them were ok with talking.

“Alright I think that’s enough of the Twitter questions,” Angus announces, “now, just before we wrap this up, why don’t we talk a little bit about the tour.”

“Sure,” Ashton says, “so the plan of action is we want to cover all the same cities that we did for the Rock Out With Your Socks Out Tour. We’re going to be starting in Florida and working our way back to Australia. Might as well end the tour with a bang, right?”

“For sure, and are there any surprises or sneak peeks you guys can give us for the tour itelf?”

“Is it ok if I say it?” Michael asks, turning to Ashton who nods, “Well, obviously this tour is going to be focusing on our new songs and what not. But the fans shouldn’t be too disappointed about their old faves disappearing...”

“Yeah, you can maybe expect some throwbacks to some of your fav 5sos oldies.” Ashton teases.

“As long as you guys play Good Girls at least once I think I’ll be content.” Angus jokes.

“For you, Angus? We can do that.” Calum jokes back.

“Well boys, it’s been lovely to have you-“

“Before we go!” Ashton states, “We just have one quick announcement that I’m sure the fans will love to hear.”

“The floor is yours, Ashy-boy.”

“Well, the boys and I have plans to play a surprise gig tomorrow and everyone here is invited!” The fans scream and applaud, as Ashton and the boys wave.

“A surprise gig?! No way!” Angus shouts.

“Yup! Admision will be free but we will unfortunately have to cap it if it gets too full. We’ll be tweeting out the secret location tomorrow so be sure to check your social medias!”

“What fantastic news to end this interview on! Thank you 5 Seconds of Summer lovely to see these boys again, and please look forward to the premiere of the single from their new album Sounds Good Feels Good in a week, right here on Shazam top 20!”

The crowd applauds as the camera pans away from the boys, signalling that the interview had concluded.

“Jeez, boys, want to spring up an unexpected announcement on me like that” Angus teases.

“We love to keep you on the edge of your seat, Angus” Michael jokes, “can we expect you and Ash there tomorrow?”

“Oh, you bet. I’ll see you boys then?”

“Yeah, for sure!” Calum responds happily. The four boys wave at Angus as they make their way out of the rooftop room. “So what’s the plan?” he asks.

“Well I think right now we should head to the studio and-“

Before Ashton can finish, Luke is rushing passed him, swiftly running down the stairs.

“Luke?!” Ashton calls out.

Luke doesn’t turn around. He has to get out of there. He could survive the interview and he did his best to keep his compsure but he needed to leave and to get out of this situation now. Rushing out of the building, Luke finds himself surrounded by fans. Luckily, in anticipation of the band coming out of the entrance, security had blocked off a pathway right to the cars, and Luke does his best to walk swiftly but casually at the same time. He smiles shyly and waves, wanting to get out of the spotlight as soon as possible. He all but jumps in the vehicle, directing the driver to take him home.

He was done for the day, and all he needed was to be at home.




When Luke gets home, he slams his door shut, running to his bedroom and flopping onto his back. It’s then that Luke allows the tears he’d been holding to fall, a release of all the stress and anger he had been carrying the whole day.

This whole thing sucked. Why couldn’t Calum have just stuck to the plan and met them up in Florida? Luke was doing so well. He even had the necklace in his pocket, something he slipped in quickly before Michael or Ashton could notice. He was getting better, getting over every emotion that had weighed him down since that dreaded day in 2016.

But Calum came back, and it brought back all the hurt and the pain that Luke had been feeling over the last three years. And it sucked. It sucked because there was nothing he could do about it and he had to be better for the sake of the band. It was just so. Fucking. Hard.

Unexpectedly, Luke feels a pair of arms pull him up by the shoulders, and he is shocked when he collides with a body he later finds out is Michaels. He doesn’t know how long Michael holds him, nor does he know how long or how hard he cries, but the entire time Michael just rubs his back, telling him it was going to be ok and that he had every right to be upset.

“Luke...” Michael says, trying to ease the crying of the poor boy.

“Mi-Michael-“

“I know Luke, I know. You don’t have to say it.”

“I-I hate him, Michael.”

Michael sighs, “Maybe you do, Luke, maybe you don’t. I just don’t think you two have given yourselves a chance to really talk about whatever happened to determine whether or not you really do or don’t.”

Luke cries harder, and Michael tightens his hold on the vulnerable boy.

Luke mumbles something into Michael’s shoulder, something Michael can’t make out.

“What was that, Lukey?”

It’s barely audible, but Michael hears Luke say the words “I don’t want to do the tour.”

Michael tenses. There was no way he was letting Luke back out of the tour.

“Luke, you don’t mean that.”

“Michael I-“

“No. Luke.” Michael pulls back, holding Luke by the shoulders as his friend continues to cry, “I’m not letting you back out of this fucking tour. You and I both know you could never forgive yourself if you disappointed the fans and yourself. Backing out of the tour will solve nothing, and it’ll only spark questions again about the band and even though you hurt now, Luke, you know that you can get over it.”

“Michael-“

“I’ll be there with you every step of the way. So will Ashton. So will the fans. We still have a ways away before actually starts and we’re sorry for kind of forcing this surprise gig on you Luke but please, trust me, music and performing will help you see more clearly and then you’ll be ready to talk to him. Just, trust me. Please Luke.”

Through his tears, Luke looks Michael sincerely in the eyes. He can tell that Michael is trying really hard, if not for the benefit of Luke but for the benefit of the band. They had gone on their three year long break, and if they were to just randomly announce their withdrawal from this highly anticipated tour because Luke couldn’t handle it, the fans would surely abandon them.

“Ok, y-you’re right. I’ll do the tour.”

Michael smiles, “that’s more like it. Now, I know we’re all supposed to be at the studio right now but I told Ashton I was coming by here first. I’m assuming you don’t want to come but-“

“No, Michael. Go. They probably need you there.” Luke says, wiping his eyes with his left arm.

“Luke if you-“

“No, Mikey. You’ve honestly helped enough just by being here. Go to the studio.” Luke urges with a forced smirk.

Michael sighs, “fine, but if you need anything-“

“I’ll call you. I know.”

Michael smiles, hugging Luke, “Ok, just, take the day to prepare for tomorrow, ok?”

Luke sighs, “yeah, I’ll try.”

Michael hugs Luke goodbye, “ok, I’ll catch ya later, idiot.”

Luke laughs at Michael’s sudden return to his old self, “yeah, whatever you say asshole.”

Michael smiles at Luke as he leaves Luke’s room. Luke flops back onto the bed and covers his hands with his eyes.

He had to do this. He had to do it for the fans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Luke :( 
> 
> I've definitely missed writing the four of them in one scenario together, but it's definitely gonna take a while before they go back to their old, 5sos-y ways. Next chapter is the surprise gig and trust me when I say the angst from it is reeeeaalll. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Tell me what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things to apologize for:  
> 1\. The longer-ish chapter (these chapters aren't even that long tbh). You'll understand why it's long when you finish it though...  
> 2\. THE ANGST. 
> 
> Whenever you see bold in this fic it means they're singing fyi. 
> 
> Also THANK YOU THANK YOU for reading this fic! We're only about 1/5 of the way through and there's already such positive responses to it, it just makes me more motivated to work harder on it. I've been anticipating this chapter for a very very long time so to post it now is such a good feeling! I've got a lot planned out for this fic so look forward to it we're going to be following the boys on this reunion tour and all of the drama/fluff that comes with it! I'd love to hear what you guys think of it so far!

It was weird for Calum to be waking up in his old bed, more so weird to be waking up to Michael lying next to him, fully clothed and staring at him as he comes to. He had been home for a total of one day, and the amount in which Calum had been overwhelmed since coming home was far too much. Straight from the airport, Calum had come home to a surprised mother and father, his sister out of the country travelling. His parents were over the moon to have him back, but scolded him for not coming home or contacting them enough. His room was visibly untouched, still neat and organized from when he left all those years ago.

From his house, he went straight to the interview. He had contacted their manager about any upcoming events the other boys were doing, and the interview was the only thing on the list thus far. So he went, and thought that it would’ve been a good idea to show up and surprise the boys.

Oh, how wrong he was.

Because when he got there, he felt an overwhelming feeling of exclusion. It wasn’t that the boys didn’t involve him in the interview or failed to greet him at all when he arrived, it was just the fact that the three had grown up in the last three years together. Without _him._ For the last three years, they had worked alongside each other in Australia while Calum was alone in LA. The dynamic was somewhat different; they seemed more in tune with each other and seemed to be on all similar wavelengths. And then there was Calum, pulled back into a world by a split decision, a world he left behind and wasn’t sure he belonged in anymore.

When he and Ashton got to the studio yesterday, and were joined by only Michael moments after, the feeling of exclusion came once again. But not from the entire group, just from the person he was hoping would be most excited to see him.

Calum would be lying if he said the hurt and angry look in Luke’s eyes when he entered the room didn’t upset him. If anything, it just reminded Calum of all of the guilt and the sadness Calum experienced while he was away. He felt guilty for leaving, for running away from his problems when the only real problem was his inability to cope. At a moment when Luke was most vulnerable, Calum had left to work on himself. And while Calum has tried to justify in his mind again and again that he’s under no obligation to consider other people’s feelings before his, he can’t shake the feeling that maybe his problems would have been solved had he not hurt his best friend.

So Calum knew he had a lot of work to do in that department; he knew that he and Luke most definitely needed to talk, but it was clear Luke wasn’t ready. And he can understand, with tour coming up and their show today that Luke is probably prioritizing being there for the band before himself.

What Calum doesn’t understand, however, is why Michael is in bed with him.

“...Mikey?” He says, wiping the sleep away from his eyes.

“Mhm?”

“...Why are you in my bed?”

Michael shrugs, his head resting on his palm as one arm holds his head up, “Don’t know, thought I’d come by before we head to the venue.”

“...any particular reason why?”

Again, Michael shrugs, “Just wanted to hangout, I guess.”

Calum sighs; he forgot how strange Michael was sometimes, “what time is it anyway?”

Michael pulls out his phone, staring at the screen, “its 11:00, which means we have about two hours before Ashton comes to get us and we head to the theatre.”

“Ok...” Calum says, “have we finalized a set list yet?”

“I think so, Ash and I discussed it some more last night when you left.”

Calum nods, “cool...”

“Yup. Should be a good show.”

“Yeah...” Calum says, mumbling, “Hey, Mikey?”

“Mhm?”

“....Was it a bad idea... that I come home?”

“Why would it be a bad idea?” Michael asks, even though he already thinks he knows the answer.

“I don’t know... I just don’t feel like I should have.”

“I think it’s pretty cool you’re here,” Michael admits, turning so that he’s lying next to Calum on his back, “I’ve definitely missed having you around, even though you’re particularly lazy and wake up at like 11:00 but then again I do the same thing so it works.”

“But don’t you think-“

“Cal. You shouldn’t feel like you don’t belong here because of Luke.”

Well, that was blunt.

“...Well... I mean...”

“Look,” Michael starts, once again turning on his side to talk directly at Calum, “I don’t know what happened between you two and I’m definitely an impartial party who has seen Luke struggle and is seeing you struggle, and I’m definitely under bro code so I’m not going to tell you what Luke and I have talked about, nor will I tell him what you and I talk about.”

“That’s fair.”

“What I will say, though, is that I think you two should really talk about it. I’ve been telling Luke the same thing but-“

“It’s complicated. It’s really, really complicated and I fucked up.” Calum says, sighing at the memory.

“...Can I-“

“No. Michael, you can’t know. Not yet at least.”

“Alright, fair enough. Just know that when you do, and if it goes to shit, you were my friend first.”

Calum chuckles, “Thanks, Mike. But I don’t exactly want to think about things going south just yet.”

“Give it time. I’m sure an opportunity will arise.”

Calum shrugs, “yeah, maybe.”

The two friends remain laid down, staring at Calum’s ceiling in silence. For Michael, it was almost surreal to have Calum this close to him again. He had spent a year trying to figure out why his best friend had left, and a year after trying to figure out why had hadn’t come home. He had respected Calum’s request and hadn’t contacted him while he was gone. In that first year he was gone, Michael had waited. He waited for Calum to call or to come home or to give any sort of indication that things were ok. The only time he ever heard from Calum was a simple tweet that said “Happy birthday mate” and that was it.

And it pissed him off. He was upset because it was a shit greeting, yeah, but he was also upset because it was the first thing Calum had said to him in months. And in those months, Michael had spent all his time trying to figure out why Calum had left His only source of an answer was Luke, but Luke was dealing with his own shit to give Michael any sort of straight answer. They were also occupied with the launching of their studio in Sydney, and he would’ve liked to have some sort of indication from Calum that he was ok or coming home. But there was none.

So to have Calum next to him now, after years of confusion and being left in the dark, was almost too good to be true. When he saw Calum behind that door yesterday, Michael wasn’t sure if he was more excited or super pissed off. And Michael most definitely had his reasons to feel both.

“Michael?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we just... sleep until we have to go?”

“Fuck, I thought you’d never ask.”

Calum smiles, lifting up the covers for Michael to sneak under. The two of them lie back to back, sharing Calum’s pillow.

“Hey, Mikey?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Michael scoffs, “You’re so fucking gay.”

“Only for you, babe.”




Ashton sighs, “I feel like I’ve been in this situation before,” he says loudly, staring down at Calum and Michael asleep in Calum’s bed. Second day in a row he’s had to come wake up his band mates, and second day in a row he was not pleased. Walking over to the side of the bed with Michael in it, Ashton pulls out his phone. He grabs Michael’s phone off the side table, unlocking it. Scrolling through both phones, he sets an alarm for a minute away, holding both phones on either side of Michael’s head.

A minute passes, and Ashton watches in satisfaction as both alarms blare in both of Michael’s ears.

The guitarist jolts up, anger and annoyance clear as he tears and groans at the sight of Ashton, “Oh for fucks sake, not again!” He yells.

“Have a good sleep, did we?”

“You are such a prick sometimes, I swear.”

“Awww did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” Ashton jokes.

Calum sits up in bed, watching the interaction between the two with a smile, “hey, Ash.”

“Mornin’ sunshine. Or rather, afternoon.”

“Is it time to head to the show already?”

“Yup! We have a lot of ground to cover and we have to rehearse and do sound check.”

“Wait, weren’t you going to pick up Luke first?” Michael asks, leaning up against Calum’s old dresser.

“He told me he would get a ride and meet us there.” Ashton replies. He can feel the immediate tension in the room, noticeably mostly by Calum’s sad expression.

“I mean he could’ve just-“

“Cal, it’s fine. He just needed a little more time to get ready is all.” Ashton says with a smile, trying to reassure the bassist, “now get dressed, Luke may have needed more time but at this rate he’s going to beat us there.”




“So what’s this set list looking like?” Calum asks, the three of them in the vehicle on the way to the venue. The boys were playing at the State Sports Centre, a much smaller venue than where they would usually play as the capacity was about 5000 people. The surprise concert has been advertised since its announcement as a benefit concert, where the money the concert will raise will go towards a charity of the boys’ choice.

“Well we’re going to start with End up Here like always,” Ashton says, “and based on our set list from Vevo we’re gonna go into Voodoo Doll, then we’ll do the Permanent Vacation thing we used to do, followed by Don’t stop, Disconnected, Long way Home, Rejects-“

“Heartache on the Big Screen, Amnesia, Beside you, Kiss Me Kiss Me, Good Girls, and then end with She Looks so Perfect,” Michael adds, finishing Ashton’s sentence for him.

“Alright sweet, and what about the encore?”

“We’ll have to talk about that choice,” Ashton states, “seeing as we’re going to be doing the throwback song thing, we have to decide which song we want to do for today’s gig.”

“Did you guys have something in mind?” Calum asks curiously.

Ashton and Michael look at each other, “we have a couple ideas, but we think we should discuss them as a full band.”

“Probably for the best, yeah,” Calum says, in response to Ashton’s answer, “and we’re going to do one throwback song at every concert?”

“That’s the plan, yeah. Usually what we’ll do is we’ll look for suggestion tweets and some of the most popular songs we’ll do for that night.”

“I like that.” Calum says.

“We do too, it’ll really please the fans who have been here from the start, you know?”

“So is there any chance we can do Teenage Queen?” Michael jokes.

Calum and Ashton both cringe, “never mention that song. Again.” Ashton orders.

Michael smirks, “whatever you say, _dad_.”

“OH FOR FUCKS SAKE, MICHAEL.”

Yeah, Calum definitely missed these boys.




Arriving at the venue, the boys are hit with a wave of nostalgia as they walk through the corridor and into the main arena. Their old stage is currently being set up, a stage they hadn’t stepped foot on in almost three years.

“Kind of brings old memories back, doesn’t it?” Michael states, staring at the crew building the stage.

“Yeah, it kind of does.” The boys turn around and see Luke walking up to them, dressed with a cup of tea in his hand. He smiles and waves at the boys, making sure to not directly look at Calum. “The green room is back this way, if you guys wanna come. They have our instruments set up for now so we can practice.”

“Dude, yeah let’s go.” Michael says, running passed Luke and down the hall. Luke follows, with Ashton and Calum walking behind him.

When the boys enter the green room, Michael is already shredding on his guitar. Ashton sits behind his drums, while Luke and Calum toggle with their guitars, trying to get the old feel of their instruments back.

“God, it’s just been so long,” Ashton says to himself.

“Since you played the drums?” Calum asks.

“No...since, we’ve just all been in this formation together.”

The air in the room immediately falters, Ashton looking at the guitarists in front of him not look directly at each other. Michael coughs, signalling Ashton to either change the topic or to start playing.

“Should we get rehearsal started?”




Rehearsals had gone extremely well, the boys all remembering their parts as if no time at all had passed. The only real indication of any sort of difference would be the tension between Calum and Luke. Usually on stage or in rehearsal, the two younger boys would goof around with each other, walking up to each other on stage and singing in the same mic every so often. Even Luke gave them a signature move by kneeling down in front of Calum that the fans loved. But in rehearsals, the two barely interacted. In fact, they barely looked at each other at all. It was a tension both Michael and Ashton caught onto very quickly, and something both boys knew the fans would catch as well.

“Wait!” Ashton yells, just before all the boys put down their instruments.

“What’s up?” Michael asks.

“We still haven’t decided what song we were gonna do for the encore.”

All the boys look at each other, none of them really knowing what song they want to do, “Didn’t you say you had an idea?” Calum questions.

“Yeah, we did, mostly based off of what the fans wanted.”

“What do the fans want?”

Michael and Ashton look at each other and sigh, and Michael knows he’s the one who’s going to have to say it. “If You Don’t Know.”

Immediately, Luke and Calum look at each other. If You Don’t Know was a song the two boys had written with Joel and Benji, and was on the Don’t Stop EP. It was a song that Luke loved, a song that he felt was constantly overlooked and was never really given appreciation too. The fans took appreciation to the song as well, the boys very aware at how badly fans wanted to hear the song played live.

But something about the song just felt wrong now.

“Let’s do it.” Luke says, much to the surprise of himself and his other band mates. Yes, it was a song written by Calum and Luke. Yes, it was a song that had a lot more meaning to him now. Yes, it was a song he had removed from memory because it was in the list of songs that made him want to cry. But the fans wanted it, and had been wanting it for so long. And Luke reminded himself: he was doing this for the fans.

Calum looks at Luke, who isn’t looking back at him. If You Don’t Know was one of Calum’s favorite songs that he and Luke had written. And Calum had thought that Luke would reject the idea immediately, so he’s caught off guard when Luke agrees to it.

“Cal?” Ashton asks, “Is that ok with you?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah I’m down for that. Haven’t played that song in a while though.”

“We’ve got time.” Luke says, not directing his statement to Calum.

“Oh, I should probably tell you guys now,” Ashton begins, remembering the meeting he had had this morning, “we’ve got some more interviews lined up before we head to Florida in two weeks. And a photoshoot. But those are all spaced out so we’ll probably have some time to relax after this.”

“When’s Florida again?” Michael asks.

“We leave on the 25th, first show is on the 4th of May.”

“Wait who’s our opening act?” Luke questions.

“Honestly, I don’t even know yet,” Ashton admits, “we had some people in mind but we’re all waiting for confirmation. At this point I think it’s just ‘figure it out when we get to Florida and meet them’ kind of thing.”

Luke nods, he was hoping that they could get a band that they knew so that he could have more friends to hang out with on tour. The more people to keep him away from Calum, the better.

“Now that that’s all cleared up, should we get started then?”

“Yup.” “Yes.” “Let’s fucking do this.”




The show was set to start in the next ten minutes, and the boys were all beaming with excitement. The seats were all filled, fans making their way quickly to the theatre once the band had tweeted their location almost two hours ago. Thankfully, security was experiencing no problems as fans were equally excited but behaved.

Back in the green room, each of the boys were currently to themselves. Luke was sitting in one of the arm chairs, sipping some tea and listening to his music. Ashton was stretching in a corner, while Michael was on his computer in another. Calum was lying on the couch, no music in and no distraction; just the silence in the room and the ceiling keeping him occupied. Every so often, Luke looks up at him, thinking to make conversation but the immediate pain in his heart keeping him from doing so. And Calum was experiencing the same thing; though it may look as though he’s doing nothing, he was currently thinking of different ways to bring up the issue to Luke. The biggest issue being the fact he had to _think_ about something to talk to Luke about. His best friend was mere feet away from him for the first time in three years, and here they were, exchanging maybe four or five words each to each other in more than 24 hours.

“You nervous?” Michael asks, jumping onto the couch next to him.

“Me? Nah, I’m more excited than anything.”

“I think we all are. We’ve all definitely gotten better at playing over the last few years.”

“Oh, I know right? I mean your solos were killing it at rehearsals.”

“Were they ever _not_ killing it?” Michael jokes.

“I guess you have a point.” Calum says with a smirk.

“Are you boys ready?” Ashton asks, joining them on the couch.

“More than ever.” Michael replies.

“I’d love to give some inspiring speech right now if _someone_ would join the conversation.” Ashton says, eyeing down Luke.

Feeling Ashton’s eyes on him, Luke looks up from his phone, pulling out his headphones and joining the conversation. “What did I miss?”

“I was just about to give a speech for the band and I wanted you to be part of it.”

“Alright, well I’m listening. Let’s hear it.”

Ashton sighs, “well, gentlemen. This is it. Three years later and we’re still playing the songs we love with thousands of fans ready to hear them. This is only the pre-tour business but it’s our first time performing in a long time so I want us to go out there and absolutely murder it. We may be a little rusty, or we may just be better with age, who knows, we’ll see tonight. All I know is I’ve been waiting to play with you boys for a long time and I’m more than fucking ready to play a rocking show tonight.”

“Fuck, I’m so ready.” Michael says, standing and pulling up Ashton, “It’s about time we headed to the stage, you fuckers ready or what?”

Luke and Calum look at each other, the first time either of them had really acknowleged the other in the room. Calum smiles, and Luke responds with a tiny smile back.

“It’s game time.” Calum says, standing to join the boys.

The three boys begin walking out of the room, and look back at Luke who remains seated.

“Lukey?” Ashton says, concern on his voice.

Luke looks up at the boys, attempting to hide the shaking of his hands. He was nervous. Really fucking nervous. More nervous than he would’ve thought. But there were people in front of him an out there that counted on him, and he couldn’t just back out now and disappoint everyone.

He stands, looking at the three boys harshly. He could do this.




The feeling of performing again was a rush all of the boys missed. The reaction of the crowd when they first ran out was more than overwhelming; overwhelming may actually be an understatement. It had been a while since they were met with a wall of screaming that loud, a while since they were on a stage in a room of people who loved and appreciated them that hard. All of their songs had gone by without any error or any hesitation. The fans still screamed back the lyrics like they had never left their systems, and the boys smiled at them with sincere appreciation.

It was shocking at first to think that these fans had actually stuck around. All of them had thought that they would have lost their fanbase at this point. But being met with the amount of love in the room they were feeling, the boys were more than ready to do this all again around the world, meeting the same level of love each and every night.

They were currently waiting behind the stage to come back on for the encore, all of them covered in sweat and smiles wide on their faces.

Ashton is the first to run back out, taking his place at his drums. He bangs on them, signalling for all of the other boys to run back out and take their places. Luke is the one to speak for the introduction of the encore.

“Are you guys having a good night?!” He screams into the mic. Fans scream back at him, no words exactly audible but their energy indicating their response. “Good, I’m glad to hear it! So we’re going to do the encore now, and usually we would’ve done Good Girls and What I Like About You but this time we’re going to be doing something different.” Again, the fans scream, in what Luke perceives as anticipation and excitement. “This time around, we’re going to be playing some of your guys’ old favorites at each of our stops on the tour and we thought we might as well start here, tonight.” The fans erupt in screams, and Luke smiles at Michael. “Here’s ‘If You Don’t Know.’”

In response to this, the fans scream wildly; clearly a fan favorite amongst them. The guitar rift starts and Luke can feel the goose bumps on his skin. He had been able to make it through this song in rehearsals, but he was feeling a lot different now. The drum kicking in beats in rhythm with his heart, pounding heavy in his chest as he feels the chills go up his back.

“ **Tonight we’re fading fast, I just wanna make this last.** ” Memories of Calum’s immediately come back to Luke, memories that Luke had kept locked away for years now.

“ **If I could say the things that I wanna say, I’d find a way to make you stay, I’d never let you get away, catch you in all the games we’ve played**.” And so much of Luke wishes he made Calum stayed. If only he had woken up or if he had called him or told him to come home maybe he wouldn’t have gone. He had begged Calum to stay, begged for him to not leave him after Luke had let Calum see a side of him he’d tried to hide away. And Calum left. If only, he had stayed.

“ **So go ahead, rip my heart out; show me what loves all about. Go ahead, rip my heart out, that’s what love’s all about.** ” Calum had done just that. He had taken Luke’s heart and ripped it out. And as much as Luke kept saying how much he hated Calum, and how much he wished it was the truth, he knew it wasn’t. He still loved Calum. He still loved Calum with all of his broken heart.

“ **I want you to want me this way, and I need you to need me to stay**.” Calum told him that he liked him back. He told him he felt the same way and promised to stay. But to Luke, he guessed these were all lies.

“ **If you say that you don’t feel a thing, if you don’t know, let me go**.” And Calum had. When Calum left, Luke took that as a feeling of Calum letting him go. It was a rejection that Luke didn’t expect, and one that he thought he could get over. But he hadn’t, and probably wouldn’t any time soon.

“ **Let’s forget the past, I swear we’ll make this last**.” Calum was close to breaking down. Why had they agreed to do this song? He wanted to forget the past; the past was filled with regret and guilt that he was still having trouble letting go of. If only he could forget the pain he was feeling back then, maybe he wouldn’t have left and maybe he wouldn’t have abandoned the band.

“ **’Cause I remember the taste of your skin tonight, and the way that you looked, you had those eyes. I remember the way it felt inside, and the names of the song that made you cry**.” Calum remembered it all. Remembered how Luke had cried and confessed his love to him that one night. He remembered the way Luke looked at him through his tears and the scared look in his eyes when Calum had kissed him. And Calum remembers the feeling of wanting to make Luke’s tears go away. He remembered how his heart almost skipped a beat when Luke told him he liked him, a feeling he always thought was one-sided on his part. He remembered kissing Luke, how right it felt and how the sparks immediately flew between the two of them. He remembered the way he and Luke fit perfectly into one another, how even if they weren’t together it still felt like they were one. That feeling was probably the one thing Calum didn’t remember anymore. He didn’t remember how to be Luke’s other half and it hurt him inside.

“ **You would scream, we would fight, you would call me crazy. I would laugh, you were mad, but you always kissed me. And the shirt that I had, that you always borrowed. When I woke it was gone, there was no tomorrow**.” He remembered waking up, looking in the mirror in Luke’s bathroom and making the split decision to leave. He remembered covering Luke with hi flannel; a favorite of Luke’s. He remembered his heart breaking at abandoning his best friend, and he was so selfish to leave him there like that to wake up alone and broken. He remembered it all. He remembered it all because he was still so in love with Luke, but Luke hated him.

“ **I want you to want me this way, and I need you to need me to stay. If you say that you don’t feel a thing; if you don’t know, let me go**.” Calum stares at the side of Luke’s face as he sings. The tears in Luke’s eyes are unshed, and Calum wishes he could walk up to Luke, wipe them away, and kiss him right on that stage. But he can’t.

“ **Go ahead rip my heart out, if you think that’s what love’s all about. Go ahead rip my heart out, go ahead rip my heart out**.” Luke can feel Calum’s eyes on him and he wants to cry. He wants to cry because he’s angry at Calum for making him feel like shit these last three years, for breaking his promise and leaving Luke alone and in the dark. He was so, so angry. But he was also sad, because in the process of being angry he lost his best friend; a pain probably just as bad as getting your heart broken. So to feel both of these forms of pain embodied in the same person? It was all too much for Luke to handle.

“ **I want you to want me this way, and I need you to need me to stay. If you say that you don’t feel a thing; if you don’t know, let me go. Let me go. If you don’t know, then just let me go**.”

 Fans erupt in a chorus of screams and cheers as the band finish the song. Michael places his guitar down, and walks to the top of the stage. Ashton joins him quickly after, coming from behind and hugging him. In their place on stage, Luke is frozen, and looks up to the left to meet Calum’s gaze. Calum stares back at him and the two share a brief moment on stage before Luke starts running. He runs off stage, into the back where no one can see him. Tears start to fall as Luke runs into the green room and shuts the door, leaning against it and crying.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do this every night and expect to be able to wake up the next morning. How was he supposed to cope with hating Calum but being in love with Calum and having to pretend to be ok around Calum every single day for the next few months? He just couldn’t do it.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Luke?” Calum says so softly it’s almost unheard.

Luke stands up, hand hovering over the doorknob. He could just pretend he wasn’t there, pretend he was gone and ignore Calum and the questions probably coming from the stage and the confusion the fans were feeling when they saw him run off.

His heart decides for him, as Luke opens the door.

Calum looks at him, sadness on Calum’s face breaking Luke’s heart. Luke steps back and wipes his tears away angrily as Calum walks into the room and shuts the door.

“Luke...” Calum says, attempting to reach out to the singer. Luke quickly takes a step back, attempting to avoid any contact with Calum. Calum sighs, “Luke, I’m sor-“

“No.” Luke says angrily through his tears, “No, Calum. You can’t just come back here, expecting to apologize and expect me to just take it. You can’t just come home unexpectedly and hope that things between us are suddenly ok. You left, Calum. You left me when you promised me that you wouldn’t and you told me you liked me and I told you how I felt and you said we could work it out but I woke up to find out you were gone. And I know you probably want to talk about this right now but I can’t Calum. I fucking can’t.”

Calum stares at Luke, his heart breaking at the pain Luke is obviously in. It hurt him even more to know this was all Luke’s fault. “But Luke I can explain-“

“No, Calum. I told you, not right now. I need more time, ok? I need time to... to think about this and put up all my walls again that I spent years fixing. I thought I could it- thought that I could just do the tour and forget everything but then you show up out of no where and-“

“Luke.” Calum says abruptly, interrupting Luke. “Ok. We won’t talk about it now. We won’t talk about it because you’re not ready and I’m not ready to tell you the truth either. But we have to do one thing-“

“Calum-“

“No. Luke. We have to do one fucking thing,” Calum sighs, “for the sake of the band and the fans, we have to be ok again. Or at least, pretend. Because we can’t go on every night and not do our typical stage stuff and run off after the show angry at each other. It’s going to tear this band apart and the fans are gonna catch on and all of our hard work will be for nothing.”

Luke sighs, accepting the inevitable truth of the situation, “but how do we pretend?”

“We just... put aside our differences until we can talk about it, I guess. Acknowledge each other like we’re friends, tweet each other, play with each other on stage. When we’re not in the public eye we can just, go back to not talking if that’s what you want. But just know that I’m ready to talk whenever you are.”

Luke looks at Calum, the hurt on Calum’s face shared between the two of them. If only this hadn’t happened, and they could just hug it out and be best friends again. If only it were that easy.

“Ok...” Luke says, “for the band.”

Calum forces a smile, “cool.... can I at least... hug you?”

Surprised by the request, Luke doesn’t answer immediately. “Y-yeah. Yeah that would be ok.”

Calum steps forward and eliminates the space between them. They cling to each other, gripping like their lives depended on it. Time passes and they don’t know how long until Calum pulls back. “I’m gonna go check on the guys, you can stay here and take all the time you need.”

“O-ok. Thanks.”

Calum reaches for the door handle and opens it, looking back at Luke before he walks away. “And Luke? I really, really missed you. And I’m sorry.”

Calum walks away before Luke can respond, and with the shut of the door Luke allows the tears to fall again.

What he fails to see, however, are the tears that begin to fall from Calum’s eyes as he walks away, the wall he had up crumbling down all at once.

They were both broken, both angry, but most importantly, both still in love with each other.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going into part 2 of 5 so here's just some things to remember:  
> \- Luke and Calum are pretending to be friends. They have yet to talk.  
> \- Luke still doesn't know why Calum left, nor does anyone else in the band.  
> \- Michael and Ashton don't know about Luke and Calum hooking up, still thinking that an argument lead them to acting the way they are now.  
> \- None of the band know that Luke is gay.  
> \- Luke doesn't know that Michael and Ashton were in contact with Calum, nor does he know about Michael going to LA.  
> \- You'll find out what happened when Michael went to LA in this part of the story.  
> \- The tour starts on May 4th, 2019. They're set to leave for Florida on April 24th. 
> 
> Sorry for how long the update took.... university can most definitely keep you busy. I'll try my best to maintain a steady flow of updates! 
> 
> Thank you so much for the positive reception it means a lot to me that you guys are reading and enjoying :) Let me know what you think of the story so far/possible predictions you might have for the future!

A week and a half had gone by since Luke’s breakdown at their surprise show and in that time he and Calum had somewhat successfully been pulling off their plan of pretending to be friends. News outlets and fans were initially skeptical of the events of their gig; something the band expected with Luke running off stage before they could do final bow. Ashton and Michael were unaware of this moment happening while on stage, only realizing after turning around to find both Calum and Luke not there. The band had been doing a good job of covering up the story when asked about it in interviews, blaming Luke’s nerves and the bands’ overall exhaustion for the reason he needed to get off stage. And the addition of stating that Calum simply ran after him to check if he was ok worked to also put some suspicion to rest on the whole “Calum vs. the band” rumors.

Which was a whole other spectrum of issues with the media the band was dealing with. Fans were picking up on the seemingly tense dynamic the group was currently facing. Because as much as Luke and Calum were working at pretending to be friends, their usual flirtatious bromance and friendship was most definitely off. Even Ashton and Michael were skeptical at first when Luke and Calum would sit next to each other at interviews, or goof around in photoshoots, or even wave at paparazzi together whenever all the boys went out. There was something behind their eyes and something in the forcefulness of their smiles that clued the older boys in on Luke and Calum’s scheme to fake their friendship. It was most noticeable at band practices when the boys were noticeably different than how they would act in public. In rehearsals, things were the same as they were at the rehearsals prior; they were distant, cold, and not at all in tune with each other. And Michael and Ashton could sense things were off, but not until recently they couldn’t identify it. They’d both thought to say something about it, but each time would opt against it since they could tell their friends were trying their best at maintaining the bands’ image.

For Luke, it was definitely hard to pretend that Calum was his best friend again. Sure, it was easy to just sit next to him or gesture to him in interviews; those were simple enough. But when it came to being asked questions about Calum being away, and Luke knowing the true answers to those kinds of questions, Luke found he struggled to keep his composure. He had to pretend like the only reason Calum went away was for the sake of the band, not because Calum had abandoned them for no reason, and probably ran away because he was scared of Luke and his feelings.

For Calum, it was difficult to have to keep talking about going away; a constant reminder of the fact that essentially, he was the reason for the hiatus. It was somewhat easy to brush off the question each time, blaming it on needing to get out and wanting to experience a different field of work. But Calum knew that these were not true; maybe they were part of what he did while he was there, but definitely not the reason why he left. And he had still yet to talk about why he had gone. Michael and Ashton were under the assumption that Calum was taking some time away, and that an argument between he and Luke was the final thing that pushed him to go. Luke was, from what Calum assumed, probably under the assumption that he left because of what the two of them did. Calum wanted to tell Luke that that wasn’t true, that Luke was actually the only reason why Calum might’ve come back. But Luke still wasn’t ready to talk, and Calum wasn’t sure he was ready to tell the truth either.

Florida was 3 days away, and the boys had one final interview with Smallzy before being cleared to leave for the start of their tour. Their first single, She’s Kinda Hot, dropped four days ago, and was currently being well received by critics and the fans; most definitely a huge weight of pressure off of all of their shoulders. All of the boys were anticipating the release of their album, and with it happening at the start of the tour, they were feeling the mixture of emotions about their first show. Currently, Luke and Ashton were at Luke’s, cooking lunch before heading over to the building to have their interview.

“So you’re all packed for tour?” Ashton asks, taking a bite of the chicken Luke had cooked.

“Mhm,” Luke replies, “somehow managed to not do it on the last day this time.”

“You’ve changed, man.”

“Oh, shut up.” Luke says, as Ashton laughs at him softly.

“So you think you’re ready for tour then, yeah?” Ashton inquires.

“I think so.”

Ashton watches Luke as he eats, “You sure you’re ready?”

“Ash you already asked me I told you I pa-“

“That’s not what I meant, Luke...”

Luke looks up at Ashton, reading his expression, “oh...”

“Yeah...” Ashton says, “sorry, if you don-“

“No, no it’s ok,” Luke responds with a sigh, “I think I’m ready. I’m not sure....”

“You’re not sure?”

Luke sighs, “I mean, I think I’m physically ready and I’m super excited to be on the road again... it’s just that... things still aren’t... you know...”

“The same?”

“No. Not at all.”

“But you guys talked?” Luke doesn’t respond, continuing to distract himself with the food in front of him, “wait,” Ashton says, “you _have_ talked to him, right?”

“...No...”

“Luke you guys still haven’t talked?”

“It’s not that easy, Ash.”

“I’m only asking because-“

“We’re doing it for the band, ok?” Luke states coldly, “it’s for the best.”

Ashton sighs, “Yeah but Luke-“

“Look,” Luke interrupts harshly, “I’m not ready to talk. He isn’t either and that’s just how things are. I’ll do my best to put on the same act I’ve been putting on but just... please don’t say anything about it. It’s hard enough as it is, believe me.” Luke stands from the table, grabbing his and Ashton’s now empty dishes and moving to the sink to wash them.

Watching his friend distract himself, Ashton sighs. The band’s dynamic appeared much better on the exterior, but when analyzed from the inside, they were definitely far from ok. Besides dealing with the stress of Luke and Calum’s tension, Ashton was stressed out about the preparations for tour.

On the Rock Out With Your Socks Out Tour, Ashton took little to no responsibility, acting more as solely a band member who went with the flow of whatever management thought was best. This time around, however, Ashton was in a position where he had a larger say in the way production went; he went to the meetings and gave his ideas, to which most of the people in charged complied with. He was doing his best to balance the preparations for the tour, as well as ensuring the band maintained a respectable image and composed themselves in public. Both of these were proving to be very difficult for Ashton.

The public eye was equally his friend and his enemy, for various different reasons. Ashton’s leadership of the band is something he tries to not enforce too hard; all the boys were equal members of the band, and therefore should be of equal importance. But as the oldest and the one in charge of most of the bands’ publicity, Ashton is constantly on edge whenever the boys have been out in public or at interviews. After the incident at their surprise show, it took all of Ashton’s efforts to ensure that the band was ready to face the questions the media and the fans had to ask. It was easy enough to brush it off as nerves and emotions, but for the fans who knew them better than themselves, it would be harder to sell a story. With the photoshoots they’d had over the last few days, Ashton was always readying himself for the worst, whether it be another public break down or simply a joke gone too far. He was all for having fun and for free expression, but with the amount of pressure the band was under for being gone for so long, Ashton had to make sure everything was close to perfect.

Which is why this Luke and Calum situation scared him so much. Truthfully, he and Michael had thought that they were better again. It was a gradual change as the week went on, watching as Luke and Calum would slowly become more comfortable with one another and ply with each other in a similar way that they used to. And it was reassuring for the two older ban members to watch this happen, seeing as they were all on thin ice after the events of the surprise gig. But then at a photoshoot, Ashton watched closely at the way Luke would joke with Calum, and then turn away from him as soon as a camera was out of his face. Or the way that Calum would smile whenever Luke talked to him, but then noticed Calum would never smile whenever the band was alone and out of the limelight. It was as though they both had switches they turned on whenever a camera was near, and they would both shut down whenever they were off the hook.  Michael had started noticing it too. When the three younger members were caught by paparazzi, Calum immediately started to stand closer to Luke and laugh, despite the fact he was doing his best to stay away from the blond prior to that moment. And while both of the boys appreciated the effort that Luke and Calum were making in trying to fake it, faking it was not going to last them the entire tour.

“Ash?” Luke says, standing in front of him with his jacket in his hand, “should we start heading over?”

Ashton looks at Luke, unsure of how long Luke had been standing there trying to get his attention, “Oh, yeah, yeah we probably should. Sorry, got distracted.”

“No worries, you definitely seemed lost in thought though. Everything ok with you?”

“With me?” Ashton asks, somewhat surprised Luke is concerned about _his_ well-being, “yeah, everything’s fine. Just thinking about tour and what not.”

“Don’t work yourself too hard, Ash.” Luke states, walking up to Ashton and placing an arm on his shoulder, “I’m sure everything we’ve got going on right now will work out eventually.”

Ashton stares at Luke, baffled by his friend’s optimism. He smiles, “Yeah, I sure hope so.”




Calum was distracted yet again, looking off at some unknown thing in the distance while Michael was attempting to tell him a funny story. For the last week, whenever the two of them had been together –something that was happening more often than not- Michael noticed that Calum’s mind was always somewhere else. And he didn’t want to pry, but he knew that it probably had to do with Luke. They were currently at a pizza parlor, grabbing lunch before heading out to do the interview with Smallzy. Michael was craving pizza and he dragged Calum with him wherever he went, mostly because Ashton was usually busy with tour stuff and Luke was his breakfast person. Attempting to complete his hilarious story about Ashton walking in on Michael’s “personal time”, Michael sighs as Calum is still lost in thought.

“...And that’s how I got a girl pregnant last night.” Michael says out of nowhere, attempting to catch Calum’s attention with his change of story.

Much to his delight, Calum does, as he spits out his Coke that he had been drinking, “I’m sorry, you did what?! Michael, we talked about using protection you know better than that I can’t beli-“

“I’m glad you were listening to my story, then.” Michael says sarcastically.

Calum sighs, “You, you didn’t actually get a girl pregnant.”

“ _Now_ you listen.”

“I’m sorry...”

“It’s ok,” Michael says offhandedly, “actually no, it’s not ok. You’ve been like this since you’ve gotten here, dude, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing.” Calum really wishes it was nothing. Everything would be so much easier if it was a “nothing” he was dealing with. But this nothing was definitely a something, and this something was eating him alive. They were doing a good job at maintaining their cover, but “good” was depending on who you asked. It was good that they were keeping up the act and fans were making less assumptions, but bad because it was doing nothing in terms of helping Calum deal with being in love with Luke. Sometimes when they were deep in their cover, Calum would get the idea that things between them were actually getting better. But as soon as the cameras were off, Luke would go back to shying away, and it was always just a constant slap in the face to Calum that the reality was, he was facing the consequences of his actions. This is what he got for abandoning the boy who loved him, and he took for granted.

They were about three days away from Florida and it didn’t seem as though Luke was ready to talk. By this point, Calum just wanted to talk to get it over with. He was tired of having to pretend nothing was going on between them, he was tired of faking a smile for the sake of the band, he was tired of crashing after every high and thinking that things between them would be better again. He just wanted to distract himself with the music and hope that things would fall into place soon. When a napkin flies into his face, he looks up, startled.

“Cal, you’re doing it again.”

“Sorry...”

“We should probably get to the interview.” Michael says flatly, standing from his seat.

“Michael I said I was-“

“Calum, I don’t really know what you expect me to say, mate. You can’t say nothing’s wrong and keep doing this.” Mchael sighs, frustrated, “You won’t talk to me, Luke won’t talk to me, nor will either of you talk to each other, and this whole ‘fake be friends’ thing is very irritating.”

“We’re not-”

“Calum don’t give me that bullshit, please. I’m trying to be a good friend here to both of you but you’re both making it very frustrating for us. Me and Ash are trying to do our best to help you both but you don’t seem to want our help nor do you seem to want to help yourselves and if you’re just going to be like _this_ on tour I highly doubt we’ll last the entire thing. We appreciate you’re both trying but faking it isn’t the answer. Doesn’t seem like it’s helping you, anyway.”

Calum stares at Michael, taken aback at the honesty of his friend. “I... I’ll try my best to fix it.”

Michael’s heart breaks at the sadness in his friend’s voice, he sighs, “shit... sorry... didn’t mean to... explode on you like that...”

“It’s ok. I deserve it anyway.”

Calum stands and walks out passed Michael, “No, Cal I didn’t-“

He watches as Calum continues to walk to their car, taking his place in the passenger seat. Michael mentally kicks himself; he was going to have to talk to Calum again after the interview.




Ashton and Luke are already in the NOVA vicinity when Calum and Michael arrive, the two of them arriving moments before their interview is set to begin. Their car ride was fairly tense, something that Michael kept attempting to fix. In silence, the two walk into the studio, seeing Ashton and Luke chat with Smallzy.

“Smallzy!” Michael yells, running up to hug the radio host.

“Mikey! My boy how are ya mate?” Smallzy asks, embracing the eccentric haired boy.

“Good good, nice to see you.”

“Likewise, and Mr. Hood!” Smallzy yells, catching the bassist’s attention.

“Nice to see you as always, Smallz.” Calum says.

“A hearty reunion I must say. Shall we get this interview started, gents?” Smallzy says, gesturing the boys to their designated microphones.

Each boy stands behind a respective microphone, with Ashton, Luke, Michael and Calum standing from left to right.

“You boys ready?”

“Ready as we’ll ever be.” Ashton says, turning to all the boys who nod in agreement.

“That’s what I like to hear, we’re on in a few seconds boys so get ready.”

The boys smile and look at each other, Luke and Calum sharing a quick smile and glance before turning away. Standing between them, Michael suppresses an eye roll.

“Aaanddd we are live, with 5 Seconds of Summer!” Smallzy yells into his microphone, “boys, it is lovely to have you here today.”

“It’s great to see you,” Luke says.

“We’ve been anticipating this interview for a while.” Ashton adds.

“I’m touched, boys, now I just gotta start off by saying it’s so lovely to be having you boys here. It feels like it’s been forever.”

“Three years, even.” Michael jokes.

“Yeah, maybe specifically three years,” Smallzy continues, “Now, we know you boys are due for a tour soon, which, of course, is always exciting. How are you boys feeling about hitting the road again?”

“I think it’s exactly what you said,” Calum replies, “it’s definitely, you know, been quite a while since we’ve all gotten the honor to do what we love around the world and I think we’re all just excited and to get back out there.”

“I agree, yeah, I think when you’re away from performing for so long, the idea of coming back into it is just, too good to be true. It’s kind of like starting all over in a way; you know, we’re going back into this as different guys than we were before and we’ve all changed and learned and I think this time we’ll be ready to show something new.” Ashton states.

“Now, this something new you’re talking about would most likely be the sound of your new album, Sounds Good Feels Good. Is there any special reason why the album is named this?”

“I think it was just a moment we shared in the studio once,” Luke says, “we had just finished the vocals to a song called Money, which is the first track off the album, and I remember turning to Michael after we finished recording and I kind of just said ‘sounds good, feels good’. We all kind of just stopped and thought about it and it definitely fit with the general theme of the album.”

“Ahhh so you’re the genius behind the album name this time then, Luke?”

“We were just as surprise as you are.” Ashton jokes, “Luke isn’t ever much of an ideas guy.”

“Yeah, he’s more so of a ‘stand at the front of the stage and look pretty’ kind of guy.”

“Thanks guys.” Luke says as everyone laughs.

“Good to see things in the band haven’t changed.” Smallzy says, “now going back to the album, what should fans be expecting from this highly anticipated album?”

“I think fans will find that they can connect to the songs more, mostly because as a band we found these songs to be a lot more personal.” Calum says, “like, we’ve definitely grown up with our music and we’re writing about things that mean a lot more to us, so I think the fans will feel that when they hear some of those songs.”

“And the first single for the album, She’s Kinda Hot, dropped a few days ago, which I must say, by the way, is a hit.”

“Thank you so much.” All the boys say.

“I gotta ask, what was the inspiration for that song? I mean fans were a little skeptical of it at first with the name and all but what did you guys think when you decided to make that the first single?”

“I think that song kind of just, is a summation of the new sound we’ve worked towards.” Ashton states, “the song itself, it’s kind of an anthem for the misfits, which is not what one would think with the title of the song. But as a band we felt that the message of the song is one that can speak to a lot of our fans, like, no matter what happens and who you are things will be alright and you know, we’re really glad people like it.”

“It’s definitely something we didn’t expect to be the first single,” Michael includes, “but I think it’s a good song to represent the new album. It’s got a good sound, good message, and it’s crazy good when played live.”

“I’m sure it’ll be a hit on the tour. Now, in terms of tour, you boys have been working your butts off in the studio working on both this album and for your record company. With how much time spent away, are you boys ready? I mean, that’s quite some time to adjust to a fairly stationary lifestyle.”

“It’s kind of like what Ashton said,” Calum says, “It’s a lot like starting over when you’re away for so long. You have to learn to adjust and you have to learn how to handle being away for so long, and I think as a band we’re definitely ready to face whatever tour life has in store or us.” In the back of his mind, Calum knew that this statement was very off. But he wasn’t going to just admit on our how messed up the band actually was at the moment.

“Speaking of being away, Calum, you were very absent for the last few years. How was that for the band?”

“It was fine.” Luke says, and it really pained him to say it.

Picking up on Luke’s strain, Ashton speaks, “yeah, we definitely missed him but Calum did some great work in LA and we’re really proud of how much he’s grown as an artist since the break started. I mean, we all grew, but seeing as he was away for so long it was nice to reunite and see that he was well and that he had given himself a name overseas.”

“And it’s definitely great to have him back, too.” Michael adds, “it’s good to have the boys together again.”

“It most certainly is. Well, we’re going to take a short break here to give your new single a listen, but we have a very nostalgic surprise for 5sos when we get back.” Smallzy gives the signal and the boys’ single starts to play. “You’re doing excellent, boys.”

“What’s this surprise you’ve got for us?” Michael asks, curiosity eating at him.

“You’ll just have to see, Mikey.” Smallzy teases.

“Please tell me it’s a cake again.” Ashton jokes.

“I know how much you boys love your cake.” Smallzy responds with a wide grin. Luke and Calum turn to each other, an impulsive response to the word “cake”. “They should be bringing your surprise in here soon.”

“How has the song been doing on the charts, if you don’t mind me asking.” Calum questions.

“It’s been at number one since its release so you boys have most definitely done well for yourselves.”

“Wait, really?!” Michael says excitedly. “Holy shit that’s awesome.”

“Well you boys deserve it. We’re on in a minute so get ready.”

The boys nod and look at each other, small smiles shared between them. Ashton leans close to Luke, “you doing ok?”

Luke just turns to Ashton and smiles, wanting to push away any stress out of his mind.

“And we’re back with 5 Seconds of Summer! Now boys, that single is quite something. And just before we get into this surprise I gotta ask, Ash, how do you manage to sing and kill at the drums at the same time?!”

“Honestly, Smallzy, it’s definitely a work in progress.” Ashton says as all the boys laugh, “I mean, I didn’t get too many solos on the last album and I’ve definitely gotten more to sing this time around, and singing and drumming can be hard but I’m working on it.”

“Well you’re doing a fantastic job. Now, before the break, we told 5sos we had a little surprise for them. Nothing big, just something that is going to bring back a lot of memories. Can we have those brought out please?”

A production assistant walks out with four paddles, and the boys all laugh and smile.

“Oh my God, yes!” Michael exclaims, “I was secretly hoping it would be the paddles.”

“Well we know how much you boys love to be honest so we thought we’d go ahead and do round three of the yes/no game. You boys all know how this works, fans know how this works, so let’s get to it. We’ve got questions here submitted by fans once again, so let’s get started. Are you boys ready?”

The boys all flip their paddles to yes, with Michael and Calum changing them to no afterwards for joking purposes.

“Aright 50/50. Ok first question, have you ever messed up on stage?”

Luke, Michael and Calum all immediately flip their paddles to yes and groan in the process, memories of the countless of times they’d messed up lyrics haunting them. Meanwhile Ashton ponders with his paddle stuck in the middle. “I’ve broken the drums a couple of times on stage does that count?”

“I’d say it counts.” Luke answers.

“Did you miss your band mates while on break?”

Michael turns his paddle to no, gaining a laugh from Smallzy. “I saw these idiots way too much.” Michael says, gesturing to Ashton and Luke. Ashton turns his paddle to yes with no explanation, and Luke and Calum both hesitate but eventually put their paddles to yes.

“Mikey you are just heartless.” Smallzy jokes.

“I mean, fine I guess I missed them.” He says, turning his paddle around.

“Next question, have you ever farted and blamed it on someone else?”

All the boys immediately respond with yes, turning to each other and laughing. “It’s almost a daily thing.” Ashton says through laughter.

“Sometimes it works and sometimes it really doesn’t.” Michael admits.

“Good to know good to know, have you ever not showered for more than three days.”

Calum and Luke both turn their paddles to no, while Ashton and Michael turn theirs to yes.

“Ew, what, when have you guys not showered?!” Calum yells.

“Yeah, and why?” Luke adds.

“I mean, sometimes you just get lazy.” Michael states, “and sometimes you just don’t feel like you need to shower because you’re not going out.”

“Also, with like, hair and stuff sometimes you need it to be dirty to make it look good, you know? Second day hair, it’s a thing!”

You can still shower but just not wash your hair.” Calum says while laughing.

“Well... whatever Calum.” Ashton says in mock anger.

“Have you ever been in love?”

Ashton chooses yes, thinking to past relationships and to his current girlfriend. Michael also turns his paddle to yes. Luke and Calum both ponder their answers for the same reason, and both ultimately turn to yes.

“Wow, follow up question, are you in love right now?”

Ashton sticks to yes, blush on his face forming. Michael changes his answer to no, content with his single lifestyle. Luke and Calum both hesitate once again, looking at each other quickly. Luke puts his paddle halfway, while Calum flips it to no. And there’s part of Luke that feels immense pain from Calum doing this, but Calum feels it because of the fact he knew he was lying to himself.

“Have you ever eaten a whole pizza to yourself?”

Luke and Michael both proudly hold up yes, thinking back to the amount of movie marathon nights they would have where they would order a large pizza for each of them. Calum and Ashton respond with no, disgust on their face at their two band mates.

“Last question; are you excited to see your fans again on tour?”

The boys all smile and hold up yes, thankful for the easy question to end off the game.

“Well boys that was the yes/no game, once again, thank you for playing.”

“I honestly love these paddles way too much.” Michael says.

“That’s a tad... weird.” Calum jokes.

“You know what I mean!”

“Now boys, we’re about to wrap this up shortly but there’s just a couple of things I want to talk about before we do” Smallzy says, “Now Luke, most of my mentions told me to ask you about the show you guys did at the State Sport Centre, and about your little fiasco on stage. I guess my question is, what was that all about?”

Luke sighs, once again pressured by this question, “I think, you know, if anything because we’ve been away for so long it’s pretty hard to just adjust to the lifestyle again. I really enjoyed the show and I was doing fine throughout it but by the end I just got so... so mentally exhausted and I feel really bad for not doing the bow and for making people worry but you know.. sometimes you just need to take a tiny break and I do appreciate the fans for understanding.”

“It’s good to hear that you’re doing well. And Calum you went off after him, was it hard to calm him down? Did you two have a good bro talk?”

“We definitely talked, yeah,” because that wasn’t a lie. They definitely had a talk, but it wasn’t about what Smallzy was referring to. “I think it’s important that we take care of ourselves, and we, prioritize our mental well being and what not.”

“For sure. Well gentlemen I guess I’ll just end off here with asking what are you most excited for about hitting the road?”

“I think it’ll be fun to just see the world again.” Calum says, “and I think the fans will be more than excited to have us back in their countries and cities.”

“We’re all very appreciative of the fans for sticking around,” Ashton states, “It must’ve been hard to wait all this time or us to come out with anything but we really think we’ve given them something to look forward to.”

“And I think that’s probably the most exciting part, just knowing that we’re going back out there for the fans and that their wait will finally be over.”

“It’ll be good just to make all those connections again with them, and you know, remind them why they stuck around.” Luke says, finishing off Michael’s statement.

“I’m sure the fans will be more than pleased with what you have to give to them. Well that brings us to the end, boys, it was once again lovely to have you and best of luck on the start of your tour.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Malum chapter, but the ending had to be put in for reasons you'll find out later. (I'm terrible and brush things off as later or soon all the time I'm sorry)
> 
> I want to peel back the layers of Michael's character a bit and this chapter is my start of it. (Don't worry, Ashton will be getting this at some point too! The focus here is still the cake babies!!!)
> 
> Michael in this story is just such a caring character and he just loves his band mates and wants the best for them I just really love Michael and want to be his friend.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> And don't think this whole "Luke getting hit on by guys at bars" thing is a one time thing................. ;)
> 
> Ps. this is totally not what I imagined Malum doing in this story but now that I make the comparison maybe it's exactly what I want to imagine. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/dd/6c/3d/dd6c3dfff11c84eadd8e6ade29618513.jpg

5:00am was far too early to be getting up, and Michael is more than willing to risk missing their flight if it meant he got to sleep in another few hours. Their flight was set to leave at 7:00am, and according to Ashton they would be arriving at around 2 in the afternoon. From their arrival, the plan is to leave everything at their hotel and immediately head over to the studio they organized to rehearse in. It was going to be a long travel, mixed in with a fully packed day, and all Michael wanted to do was sleep.

Naturally, his sleep was disturbed by Luke barging into his house, fully clothed and ready to go.

“You’re lucky that it’s me coming to wake you this time and not Ash,” Luke says jokingly, “at least I won’t dump water on you or something.”

“Fuck off, Luke,” Michael mumbles into his pillow.

“That’s not very nice, Michael.”

“I don’t care about nice, just me fucking sleep.”

Luke sits next to Michael in bed, stroking the guitarist’s head, “but if you keep sleeping we’ll miss our flight and you know Ashton will rip your throat out.”

“I can live with that.” Michel says flatly.

“Except then our careers would be over because you wouldn’t be able to sing anymore...which would mean all of our efforts would be futile and worth nothing and-“

“Luke, shut the fuck up already. Also why are you petting me?”

“I don’t know, thought you’d like it.”

Michael sits up, “Ok you know what fuck this, this is too fucking weird I’ll get up, ok?”

Luke smiles to himself, satisfied at his successful attempt at getting Michael out of bed, “I mean, if you _want_ to get up I won’t stop you.”

Michael tosses his used boxers at Luke’s head, “you’re a dick.”

“Yeah and right now I can see yours in the mirror.”

Michael smirks, “don’t act like you’re not impressed.”

“Yeah, no, you’re right this is getting too weird I’ll be in your kitchen.”




The car ride to the airport is mostly in silence, mostly seeing as all the boys were feeling the effects of minimal sleep. Michael currently has his head on Luke’s shoulder, while Luke stares out the window listening to his music. In the seats in front of them, Ashton and Calum are both trying their best to stay awake, wanting to save their tiredness for the long flight. Ashton turns around, watching Michael sleep as Luke looks up from scrolling through his phone.

“How does he just manage to sleep like that?” Ashton says to himself, but loud enough for the others to hear.

“Michael can sleep anywhere, dude. Laziest and luckiest person I know.” Luke answers.

“Luke?” Michael mumbles in his sleep.

“Hm?”

“Shut up.”

Ashton stifles a laugh as Luke sighs, going back to his business and ignoring Michael completely. Calum stares out the window, attempting to temporarily shut out the sound of the rest of his band mates. For Calum, the last few days were spent with his family, mostly because he felt bad for leaving them again after being gone for so long. And while his family was definitely the priority, he also used them as an excuse to be away from the band. Michael had attempted to ask him to hangout many times, but Calum would bluntly turn him down, stating that he needed time to spent with his parents.

Calum was on edge since Michael yelled at him, something he never expected from the strawberry-blond haired boy seeing as he knew how stressed and upset Calum currently was. He couldn’t help it if his mind wandered or if he was lost in thought about how he could be better for the band, and he honestly thought that coming home would be helping him with all of his problems. But seeing as he was still feeling isolated, still feeling guilty, still feeling useless, and still feeling like the band was better off without him, it was clear that home hadn’t helped at all. If anything, it just brought back a lot of unwanted feelings, and new feelings that piled on top of the old feelings. He had wanted to talk to Michael about it, wanted to possibly reach out for help. But right now, Calum thought that it was best that he just keep to himself once again; the band was the main priority right now, not him.

“Cal?” He hears Ashton call his name, and it’s then that Calum realizes their vehicle is parked and in front of the airport. Ashton is standing outside the van, Luke behind him with some of the luggage and Michael somehow managing to still be sleeping on Luke’s shoulder. “You getting out of the vehicle?” Ashton says with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Calum smiles, “Yeah, yeah I’m coming.”

The airport is fairly empty, which was probably for the best seeing as the boys were not mentally prepared to deal with any fans. The boys work their way through customs as quickly as they can, wanting to get on the plane so they can immediately pass out. They were travelling with their tour manager, and most of their production team. Ashton was currently sat talking to their tour manager about the plans for when they were going to land, and Luke was asleep in an arm chair, somehow managing to fit himself in a comfortable position. Calum was sat alone, reading a book on the origin of music. He’s interrupted when he feels the presence of someone sit next to him, and all of him prays that it’s not Michael or Luke.

“Hi...” Michael says to him, and Calum doesn’t look up. “Calum-“

“What?” Calum says, a tad harsh for his own liking.

Michael sighs, “still mad, huh?”

“I’m not mad at you, Michael. I said it was ok.” Except it kind of wasn’t, but Calum didn’t want to believe that.

“It doesn’t really seem like it’s ok.”

Calum sighs, “Michael I’m just tired, ok?”

“Have you been tired these last few days while you were ignoring me then?”’

“Michael, I told you I was spending time with my family.”

“Ok we both know you were using that as an excuse so-“

“Michael!” Calum yells, surprising some people around them, “Just... let me be alone for a bit, ok?”

Michael opens his mouth to say something, but falters. Turning around defeated, Michael takes a seat across from the sleeping Luke, playing with his hands as he looks at Calum. The guilt Michael was feeling for yelling at him was starting to really get to him. He should have known he was going too far and should ahve understood why Calum was being so distant. It was hard to just come back into a dynamic as if nothing had changed after three years.

“Stop pushing him.” He hears Ashton say next to him.

“What?”

“You know how Cal works, dude, probably better than I do, but you know that if you just push him towards something he’ll shut down.”

Michael sighs, “Yeah I know, but I just want him to know I’m sorry.”

“He probably knows your sorry and is probably willing to forgive you, but he still needs some time to be a little bit angry and the least you can do is give him that.” Ashton reasons.

“Why are you always right?” Michael says, annoyed at Ashton’s wisdom.

“I’m not _always_ right. Just most of the time in most scenarios.”




The plane ride was long, but all the boys spent most of it either asleep or attempting to sleep. Calum was lucky enough to get seated next to Ashton, who shared his computer so the two could watch movies when they both couldn’t sleep. Michael and Luke were passed out the entire time, only waking up ever to eat or to use the bathroom. They boys were all woken an hour before landing, being told by that they should be ready for fans at the airport. They were travelling with security, naturally, so the boys were fairly safe for most of the trip.

“Can you believe we start tour soon?” Michael asks, turning to Luke.

Luke smiles, “It’s pretty surreal I’ll tell you that much.”

“Tell me about it. How you feeling?”

Luke shrugs, “I can never really tell anymore.”

“You still haven’t talked, huh?”

“No...” Luke sighs, “but I think it’s kind of working for us.”

“Yeah... I mean again whatever works best for you two I guess.”

“What about you?” Luke asks.

“What about me?”

“I mean... you seem kind of off lately. Everything ok?”

Michael sighs, “Yeah, kind of. Calum’s mad at me right now though so it’s kind of weird.”

“He’s mad at you? Why?”

“I just said some things I shouldn’t have, and now he’s being weird.”

“Oh...” Luke says, not entirely sure how to respond. Part of him felt bad knowing that Calum was currently isolating himself from two of the three other members of their band.

“It’s ok. I’ll work things out with him soon.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah... Ash just says he needs some time to be angry at me and that he’s forgiven me already. It’s just a matter of time.”

Luke nods, not having any words to say but wanting to get across to Michael that he understands. Before he can speak, the captain’s voice comes on and states that they’re close to landing. Both boys put their seatbelts on, and wait for the plane to land.

They were finally in West Palm, which meant the tour was coming up shortly.




The boys were right to be cautious stepping out of the airport, as fans were swarming from every entrance and exit. Luke was wedged between Ashton and the back of their security guard, attempting to get out of the crowd and into their getaway vehicle. Michael and Calum were walking beside each other, security in front of them and behind them. Michael turns to look at Calum, who looked more unsettled and nervous. As the boys hop into their vehicle, they all release the breath they were previously holding.

“I forgot how passionate people in Florida were.” Ashton jokes, fastening his seat belt in the back seat next to Luke.

“So are we heading to the hotel then?” Calum asks.

“I think we’re just going to head to the studio. They’re gonna check in for us so we can spend as much time as we can with rehearsing.”

“What about our instruments?” Michael inquires.

“They should have some for us to use there while they transport ours. Shouldn’t take too long.”

“What are we gonna do about lunch?” Luke asks, sounding the most concerned of all the boys.

“I anticipated lunch so there should be pizza when we get there.”

“Jesus Christ Ash since when did you become so reliable?”

“Simple, Calum. One of us has to be reliable seeing as the rest of you are idiots.”

“Hey!” The three of them shout.

“Tell me it’s not true.” The three boys remain silent, “my point exactly.”




Rehearsals had gone well, a few minor mistakes and some miscommunication but the boys managed to work out what they could. They had yet to decide on an official set list, but they decided they would come to one when they mastered all of the new songs. They were all currently in all their respective hotel rooms, each of them resting or getting ready for dinner. They had plans to go out to the closest pub they could find for some food and possibly some drinks; most likely, drinks would be involved.

Michael was lying in bed; not exactly sleeping but most definitely not getting ready either. The entire rehearsal, he had wanted to walk up to Calum and talk to him and joke around, but each time he did Calum would brush him off and part of his brain knew that he wasn’t supposed to even try. And it sucked, because there really was no reason for the two of them to be fighting in the first place. If Michael had just kept his mouth shut and not taken Calum ignoring him personally then the two of them wouldn’t be in the situation they were in now. And yeah, Ashton was right in saying that he needed to give Calum space and wait for him to approach him but Michael was not about to wait around for Calum once again. He had already done that for the last three years, he wasn’t going to do it any longer. Which is why Michael ends up going all the way to the lobby to get an extra room key for Calum’s room; he was going to break into Calum’s room whether he liked it or not.




Calum’s muscles relaxed under the warm water, the bassist scrubbing at his skin in the shower. It had been a long day of travelling and rehearsing, and all Calum wanted to do once he got to the hotel was shower. It was fun to play around on the bass with the band again, but it was definitely hard work perfecting the new songs and figuring out how to improve them live.

They were sounding great in terms of instruments, and he wouldn’t want to be boastful but he felt he had definitely improved vocally as well. The rest of the boys all sang a lot better too, most notably Luke who was able to hit notes before that he once struggled to do. It was refreshing to see that in the time away, they had all definitely improved; something the fans would be expecting seeing as the point of the break was to get better.

Finishing his shower, Calum turns the water off and steps out, drying his wet hair with his towel and wrapping his towel around his waist. Exiting the bathroom he walks across the room to his suitcase, pulling out a clean pair of underwear and clothes to go out in. He pulls out a plaid shirt, inspecting it.

“I wouldn’t wear that, it could get hot.”

Calum jumps at the sound of the voice behind him, turning to find Michael sitting in the chair in front of the bed eating a bag of chips.

Groaning angrily, Calum walks across the room and snatches the bag out of Michael’s hands, “what the hell do you think you’re doing here?! Also those are my chips.”

Michael shrugs, “dunno, got bored.”

“I don’t think boredom is a justifiable reason to break into someone’s room, Michael.”

“Maybe I wanted to talk, too.”

Calum sighs, “Michael I told you-“

“I know, I know, you told me it was ok and you told me you wanted to be alone.”

“Yes, Michael, that is correct. And yet, for whatever reason you keep preventing me from being alone and it’s really starting to bother me.”

Michael scoffs,” Well, I’m sorry I’m just trying to be your fucking friend.”

“Why can’t you just listen to me for once?!” Calum shouts, “Why can’t you just leave me alone for a minute you’ve been suffocating me ever since I got home.”

Michael stands now, angry at Calum’s accusations, “Maybe because I can’t, Calum! Maybe because I can’t and don’t want to! You keep insisting you want to be alone but did you ever occur to me that I _don’t_ want to be alone?!”

“Michael what the hell do you-“

“Maybe I want to be around you because I missed you. Ok? Is that what you wanted to hear? It sucked not having you around and I spent years respecting your wishes and not contacting you and even when I did you brushed me off right afterwards and now that I finally have my best friend back you expect me to just not want to be with him 24/7?!”

Calum looks at Michael, his own anger subsiding slightly, “Michael...what-“

“And you know, it’s hard for me to just, let you be alone because I don’t want you to exclude yourself again and leave! You want the truth? That’s the truth, Calum. As much as I don’t want you to leave again because it’ll ruin the band, I don’t want you to leave again because it’ll ruin _me_!”

“Michael...”

Michael sighs, running his hands through his hair. “You can tell me to do a lot of crazy shit, Calum, because you know I’ll do whatever you ask. But just... please... don’t ask me to be ok with being away from you again.”

* * *

 

_Two years had gone by since Calum had left, and not a day had gone by that Michael regretted not calling him and demanding he come home. After the band decided on going on hiatus, Michael continued to respect Calum’s wishes of not contacting him at all. He respected that his friend needed space and time to heal from whatever demons he was battling, and he knew that if he wanted to be a good friend, he would give Calum all the time and the space he needed._

_Except, now that two years had gone by, Michael wasn’t sure he could do it anymore. It was tough being without your best friend; sure Michael had Luke and Ashton but things with the two boys were just different. Luke was calmer than Calum, he was more relaxed and kind and sweet and didn’t really enjoy getting into too much trouble. Ashton was more responsible than Calun, more so since he started taking up more responsibilities with his free time. Even though Michael loved hanging out with Luke almost every day, and working alongside Ashton was easy and always fun, he missed the connection he had with his long time friend. To have someone in your life for so long and to just not hear from them for years was an emotional pain Michael was tired of having. This brings Michael to start thinking drastically, making up schemes and plans behind Luke and Ashton’s back. Eventually though he makes a choice: It was a choice that he had spent weeks questioning, but a choice nonetheless that he puts all of his heart into._

_That’s how Michael ends up at LAX, waiting for a cab with a bag with enough clothes to last him three days. He had disclosed to Ashton his plans, who had supported him in his impromptu trip. Luke had no idea that Michael was gone, and Michael had no plans of telling Luke that he was going to meet up with Calum – maybe not “meet up”, but Michael was most definitely going to see him. He had come with a mission and wasn’t going to go home without completing it._

_Someway and somehow, he was going to bring Calum back home._




_Calum was wrapping a busy day, writing songs with fellow Australian Troye Sivan. It was endearing to be able to work with someone who reminded him so much of home, but it was also saddening because of how long it had been. Troye had talked to him about home, and it was a nice conversation, had it not reminded Calum about how long it had been._

_Grabbing his things, Calum makes his way out the door, praying that he still had time left in the parking metre. From within the lobby the building, Calum can see someone sitting on the hood of his car, and he was more than ready to give this person a good talking to._

_When he steps outside, however, he’s met with a different wave of emotions._

_Michael looks up, watching Calum’s facial expression go from some sort of annoyance to utter shock in seconds. “Hey stranger,” he says nonchalantly, “fancy running into you here.”_

_Calum doesn’t know how to respond, shocked at the sudden appearance of one of his band mates. He hadn’t realized that seeing one of them would make him feel this guilty, the knowledge of him abandoning them slowly creeping into his mind as he tries to fathom that Michael is here right now. And Calum can’t convey anyting that will come across well enough that can depict how sorry he is for abandoning the band, or how sorry he is that he left them behind without explaining anything, or why he said he would be home soon but was now gone for two years._

_Michael is fast to move to Calum as the younger boy cries, and Michael is at first confused as to why he’s crying._

_“Ok, how about we get you home so you’re not out in the streets of LA crying and we can talk there, yeah?”_

_Calum nods against Michael’s shoulder, and hands the keys to the older boy. “Y-you know how to drive, right?”_

_“Oh yeah, we should be fine.”_




_The drive to Calum’s is in silence, both of them not exactly sure what to say to the other. There was a lot that they could talk about, seeing as they were away from each other for two years, but at this moment nothing is coming. If anything, they were both just overwhelmed to see each other again, seeing as they never really had a proper goodbye._

_“It’s just upcoming on the right,” Calum says, gesturing to the somewhat large house up the street._

_“Jesus you’ve been living here for two years? No wonder you didn’t want to leave.” Michael jokes, but he can tell from the way Calum smiles awkwardly that it was a fairly uneasy thing to joke about._

_The two jog up the stairs, Calum letting Michael in first. The house is just as big on the inside as it appears on the outside, somewhat resembling their first LA home when the song wrote many years ago._

_“So...” Michael starts, “do you want to ask questions first or shall I?”_

_Calum looks at Michael, still uncertain what to say, “you really just cut to the chase there, didn’t you?”_

_“I mean, I would say hello again and what not but you crying in the middle of the sidewalk was hello enough.”_

_Calum sighs, walking to his living room and plopping onto his couch, “I really don’t know what that was...”_

_Michael joins him, sitting so close their knees are touching, “It’s ok, I know it’s pretty tough having to see this beautiful being again,” he says, gesturing to himself._

_“I really missed you, Mikey.”_

_“I missed you too.”_

_“I’m really happy here, though.”_

_“Oh yeah?” Michael asks, trying to hide how hurt he sounds, “Is uh... is everything ok now?”_

_“I don’t know...” Calum admits, “I don’t really know how I feel.”_

_“Well, you left for a reason, right? Is that reason solved?”_

_Calum thinks about Michael’s question. Part of him was still hurting over the band going on hiatus, and part of him still felt as though it was his fault in the first place. Most of him, however, is still in guilt and regret of all of his actions, starting with abandoning the band and ending with hurting Luke. “Not really, no...”_

_“But you said you’re happy here?”_

_“I am... but just because I’m happy doesn’t mean everything is fixed.”_

_“...Can’t you be happy and be at home, too?”_

_Calum sighs, “Is that why you came here?”_

_“Do you blame me?”_

_“No... not really.”_

_“I still don’t know why you left in the first place, Cal,” Michael states, “the note you left didn’t exactly clue me in on anything.”_

_“So you got the note?”_

_“Yup, picked it up from your house instead of you for the shopping plans we made.”_

_Calum rests his head in his hands, “Oh fuck I totally forgot I made those plans with you I’m so sorry.”_

_“Don’t sweat it,” Michael says, “In the grand scheme of things, it really means nothing now.”_

_“Doesn’t mean I can’t still feel bad about it though.”_

_“How’s the music scene here?” Michael asks, attempting to change the topic to give Calum some time to relax._

_“It’s pretty good, been writing a whole bunch and what not.”_

_“Yeah, same with us back home.”_

_“Worked with Troye today, actually.”_

_“Holy shit no way!”_

_“Yeah apparently he’s been wanting to work with me for a while.”_

_“Dude that’s fucking sweet.”_

_“Yup...”_

_The two fall into silence._

_“How’s Ashton?” Calum eventually asks._

_“Ash? He’s doing ok. He’s been working himself to the ground though with the studio and with the opening of our guitar shop.”_

_“Oh yeah! I saw you tweet about that how’s that coming along?”_

_Michael smiles proudly, “pretty good, actually. A lot of our customers are fans but it’s kind of nice to just talk to some of them and what not.”_

_“That’s awesome, I’m so proud of you guys.”_

_“Thanks, dude. It’s been pretty fun.”_

_Michael watches as Calum plays with his ring, a question in his mind he wants to ask but knows he shouldn’t._

_“You can ask about Luke if you want, it won’t kill you.” Michael says._

_Calum stops playing with his ring, eyes still glued to the floor but widening in shock._

_“I... I mean....”_

_“Cal-“_

_“Tell me one thing.” Calum says, still not looking directly at Michael._

_“Sure thing.”_

_Calum sighs, “Does...does he... hate me?”_

_Michael hears the heartbreak in Calum’s voice, the pain behind it sounding built up over the last few years. “He doesn’t hate you, Cal,” Michael says, “he’s just... confused I think. He’s been... struggling.”_

_Calum scoffs, “he and I both.”_

_“What even happened between you two?” Michael questions, trying to piece together what exactly made Calum leave._

_“I don’t wanna tell you.”_

_“But dude-“_

_“Michael.” Calum spits, finally looking up at Michael, “Please... I promise you that one day I’ll tell you... but right now I just... I just can’t. Ok?”_

_Michael sighs, “Ok. But I want you to answer a question for me, ok?”_

_“Sure.”_

_“Do you think you’ll come home soon?”_

_Calum looks away from Michael, guilt eating away at Calum’s heart. “I’m not sure.”_

_“But Cal-“_

_“I’m not ready Michael. Please, just understand that I can’t go back.”_

_“But Calum-“_

_“No, Michael. No buts. I just... need to stay here until I’m ready.”_

_“When will that be?” Michael questions, somewhat angrily._

_“...I’m not sure. But just know that as soon as I am I’ll come home and you’ll be the first person I come to.”_

_Michael wishes he had it in him to force Calum to come home now. He wished that he was strong enough to say “please come home, I need you and it sucks being without you”. But Michael can’t, because for the first time in years he’s seeing first hand just how much Calum is struggling, and it hurts him to know that his friend is dealing with so much baggage the idea of coming home is too much for him to handle. He wishes there was something he could do, something that would make things for Calum easier and something that would solve whatever happened between him and Luke. But it wasn’t that easy. And it never would be._

_“Mikey?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Are... are you doing ok?”_

_There were many ways Michael could respond to this question. He could tell the truth and tell Calum about how freaked out he was by all this. And how badly he missed and needed hi best friend to come home because being without him was getting too hard. He could tell him about how he didn’t understand why the band fell apart and why Luke was sad all the time and why Calum wouldn’t come home. He could also say that he was dealing with the pressure of having to take up responsibility and how he was watching Ashton drain himself ever day with dealing with band stuff and work stuff._

_Or he could lie. He could tell Calum that he was doing fine and that he was managing and being strong. He could tell him that he was coping without him but he was doing well and he was just excited to start touring again. He could tell him he was ok, so that way Calum wouldn’t have to worry about him and could focus on getting better so that he could come home sooner._

_“Yeah. I’m doing the same as always.”_

_“You were always strong, Mikey.”_

_Michael forces a smile, “They say I have a jet black heart.”_

_Calum laughs, “that could make for a good song title.”_

_Glancing at the guitar across the room, Michael stands and grabs it, “well, if my efforts of making you come home are for shit why don’t we just spend whatever time I have here and write some songs?”_

_Calum smiles, “I’d like that a lot actually.”_

_Michael resumes sitting next to Calum as he strums out some chords, while Calum starts to write down some possible words to the song. In black ink at the top of the paper, he writes:_

_**“Jet Black Heart”** _

_Michael may have failed at his mission, but if it meant he could have just three days with his best friend again, it didn’t matter._

* * *

 

“Michael....” Calum says, watching his friend fume, “I... I had no idea you felt that way.”

Michael scoffs, “Of fucking course not, you don’t expect me to just unload all this shit on you, do you? You’ve got your own shit to work out and I can’t just-“

Michael is cut off by Calum hugging him, and Michael doesn’t initially hug back.

“You’re such an idiot sometimes,” Calum says against Michael’s shoulder, “you don’t have to be strong all the time, Mikey.”

Michael sighs, anger disappearing as he sinks into Calum’s shoulder, “don’t I, though?”

“No, dude, you don’t.” Calum pulls away and smiles at his childhood friend, “I’m sorry. Ok? I know you didn’t mean to yell at me I understand I’m being kind of difficult right now... I’m also sorry for not realizing that you were struggling so hard.”

“Dude I don’t want you to think I’m struggling,” Michael admits, “you’ve got your shit, Luke has his, and Ash has his. I just need to make sure all of you are ok.”

“Well, who’s gonna make sure you’re ok?”

“No one has to.”

“Except, I kind of do.” Calum says, playfully pushing Michael’s shoulder.

“You’re such an idiot.” Michael says playfully.

“Yeah, well you are too so I guess we’re idiots together.”

Michael sighs, “Sorry again for yelling at you... and for breaking into your room.”

Calum laughs, “it’s ok. How about we just get ready to go out and we can enjoy some good for and some drinks? You can buy me one.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m buying you a drink.”

“But Michael I thought you missed me.” Calum teases.

“Shut up, you prick.”

“You love me.”

“Not at all.”

“But you kind of do.”

“Shut up. Also you should probably put some clothes on I think me and the rest of the world are tired of seeing your semi-decent body.”

“Hey!”




It was 10pm and it was safe to say all of the boys were slightly intoxicated. They had been escorted to the closest pub they could find, and were now enjoying some drinks and some good music. Calum and Michael were sat in a booth, waiting for Luke to come back with their drinks. Ashton was back at the hotel with Bryana, who flew in a couple of hours after them.

“Where the hell is Luke?!” Michael yells over the music, I want my drink.

“Here, I’ll go find him.” Calum says, ignoring Michael calling his name.

Calum stumbles walking out of the booth, feet betraying him as he walks to the bar. It takes him a while but eventually he spots Luke, but he’s surprised when he does. Luke is chatting with someone about the same height as him, a boy with tan skin and hair styled with an undercut. Luke is laughing at something the boy said and Calum feels something flaring in his stomach; possibly the shot of Fireball whiskey or possibly jealousy, he wasn’t sure. After he decides he’s seen enough, Calum walks away, ears red with anger as he slides into the booth.

“Did you find him?” Michael asks.

“Yup.”

“...and...where is he?”

“Where’s who?” Luke questions, handing Michael and Calum their drinks.

“Fucking finally! I needed this drink. Give me like, two seconds though gotta piss.” Michael hops out of the booth and waddles to the bathroom, bladder full of beer.

Luke sits next to Calum, a silence falling between them.

“So who the hell were you talking to?” Calum questions, ignoring how angered and jealous he sounds.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“That guy at the bar. Who was he?”

Luke scoffs, “I don’t know just some guy who wanted to talk. What’s your problem?”

Calum brushes Luke’s question off, “nothing just don’t see why you’re wasting your time talking to guys like that anyway.”

Luke rolls his eyes, “I’m gay, Calum.”

“Wh-what?”

“I thought that would be obvious to you.” Luke says in an aggressive tone.

“...Since when?” He had to ask, because blame it on the alcohol or his lack of memory, but he always thought that Luke was straight.

“Three or four years, give or take.”

“Do the other boys know?”

Luke takes a sip of his drink, then places it down where he picked it up, “nope. And it’s gonna stay that way.”

“Hey gentlemen what did I miss?!” Michael yells, sliding in next to Calum.

“Nothing, I’m just gonna go to the washroom I’ll be back.” Luke says, talking to Michael and not Calum.

“You having a good night or what?!” Michael screams at Calum, chugging down his drink in one gulp.

No, Calum was not having a good night. No, Calum did not expect Luke to just come out to him out of the blue. No, he didn’t know why he was letting himself get so jealous about some guy Luke was never going to see again. No, he was not going to let this get to him. No, Luke coming out to him was not a sign that they were suddenly going to get together and be friends again, he was probably just telling Calum so he’d stop questioning him. No, Calum was not over thinking Luke being gay now as a chance that eventually they could get together.

No. No. No.

It had definitely been a long day, and all Calum wanted to do was go home and sleep it off. Hopefully tomorrow would be a lot better.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

It had been five days since the boys first arrived in West Palm, and each day was spent at rehearsals or in their hotel room. Fans were starting to pick up on their regular hang outs, so for the sake of safety, the band had been asked to go from the hotel to rehearsals and back without any stops along the way. Some nights were spent together in the restaurant and bar of the hotel getting some drinks and talking about the songs, but most nights were spent in solitude in each of their hotel rooms.

Nights in solitude were the exact opposite of what Calum needed, because solitude meant being alone and being alone meant thinking and thinking meant absolute trouble. His mind was everyone and nowhere at the same time, dancing around the problems in his head that reality was shaping in front of his eyes.

All Calum knew was, it should not have come as such a surprise to him that Luke was admittedly gay.

For what felt like forever, Calum had one day hoped that he could muster up the courage to profess to his best friend how he actually felt about him. It was around the time when they were working on their first album that Calum realized that he was falling for Luke. There was just something about the way Luke smiled and the way he sang and how passionate he was about what he loved that drove Calum crazy. It was bad enough that he and Luke spent almost every waking hour together, and in that time he had grown an attachment to the taller, lankier boy.

Calum had wished that there was a chance Luke could like him back. He knew that he flirted too often with Luke for Luke to be comfortable, and even though sometimes Luke flirted back Calum just thought he was being nice. So when Luke professed to him that he had feelings for him first, Calum was completely caught off guard.

And the thing was, Calum didn’t know what to do with that information. Because as much as he liked, or rather, _loved_ Luke, he also really liked chicks and he had always thought he was straight. His feelings for Luke were not so much an insecurity, but more so confusion. He had tried his best to deny these feelings at first, but whenever Luke would smile or Luke would brush up against him Calum would feel the heat radiating off Luke’s body and would feel his heart jump at the glow of his smile. It most definitely sucked, being so confused about his feelings, because it drove Calum to a lot of weird things. Mostly, it drove him towards more women, which in turn probably drove Luke away from him. He can admit that he was slightly unsure about how he felt about liking another boy; more than anything he wasn’t upset or embarrassed by it. He just didn’t know how to cope with the new experience and wasn’t sure how he and Luke would work in whilst dating in the public eye.

Calum should have known that Luke was gay the moment he confessed his feelings for him; nothing else could make it more obvious. But part of Calum knows he wants to deny that Luke was, or is, gay. It would make things easier for Calum and his heartbreak would mend knowing that he didn’t have a chance at all; much more reassuring than having a chance and being denied. If Luke was straight, Calum wouldn’t have to deal with the potential awkwardness of traversing what it’s like to date a boy. If Luke was straight, Calum could just ignore his feelings for Luke and if, or rather when, they start talking again, they could just go back to the way they were before without any turmoil or other options in between. If Luke was straight, Calum could feel freedom, a sense of knowing that nothing was ever going to happen between them for the sole reason that sexually they just did not add up.

But Luke was gay, and this was now driving Calum’s mind into the possible ways that they could work. Unfortunately, his mind was working overtime at a time when he should be paying attention.

“Calum!” He hears Ashton yelling at him.

Calum looks around at the rest of the band, all of them staring at him judgingly, “Y-yeah?”

“Dude you totally missed your cue...again.” Michael states, frustration evident in his voice.

Calum looks at Michael, upset that he was disappointing the band. He turns to Luke, who quickly looks away, “I-I-I’m sorry.”

“We only have a few days left to rehearse, Cal, we have to make sure we’re ready.” Ashton articulates.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’ll focus this time I swear.”

The other band members turn back to their respective positions, Calum mentally kicking himself for hindering the band once again.

They get through about two songs before Calum’s mind starts to wander again during Fly Away. It was a song that he had started and he sent to Michael when he couldn’t conclude it. The song was supposed to be about flying around the country, a testament to their growing success and how they were living in each moment. But part of the song was inspired by what the title suggests, “flying away” wherever away may be. And for Calum, that was to California, away from the band and the problems he thought he could escape.

“Calum!” He hears Ashton yell once again. He turns and sees that Ashton is now standing, a more intimidating ambience to him than before. “Calum, come on, man, you have to fucking focus.”

“I _am_ focusing!” Calum attempts to argue.

“You’re not! You’re really not!”

“Ash I’m trying!”

“I can’t even count how many times this has happened today, Calum, I’m not even counting how much this has happened on other days too. The rest of us here are trying to focus and you’re really not doing a good job of contributing to that.”

Calum can feel the anger rising in him, and he pulls his base strap over his head to place his guitar on the ground. “Well I’m sorry if I’m a little preoccupied with the fact that I’m just getting used to this again! I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this is maybe the fifth or sixth time we’ve played together in three years!”

“The rest of us seem to be doing just fine.” Ashton argues.

“Yeah, well maybe that’s because you guys are all just tight knit and you all have great friendships and you guys spent all this time together instead of halfway across the fucking world!”

“Are you seriously blaming us for you deciding leave without any notice?!” Ashton screams.

“Ash-“ Michael says, attempting to intervene to prevent a major argument from starting.

Calum scoffs at Ashton’s statement, “If only you fucking knew, Ash. You think you’re hot shit for being mr. Responsible in this fucking band? Well no one fucking asked for your help! It was your idea for us to go on hiatus in the first place so don’t get on me for leaving to deal with my own shit!”

“Oh, so you’re saying it’s _my_ fault now?! It’s my fault you decided to just leave without telling us, because for whatever reason you thought that running away would solve everything?! Let me ask you something, Calum _did_ it solve everything?! Did everything just magically fix itself because you ran away? Huh? Was it worth it?”

“I don’t fucking need this from you! Why don’t you fucking get off my back for once Ash and mind your own Goddamn business!”

Brushing passed Luke on his way out the door behind Michael, Calum keeps his fists clenched and his body tense. There was no way he was about to get into a fist fight in the middle of rehearsal, no matter how offended or angry he was. He needed air, and he needed it fast.

“Ash, what the fuck?!” Michael screams, “That was totally uncalled for.”

“But Michael-“

“I know he was distracted but you didn’t have to go and bring up the past like that!” Ashton deflates, sinking down until he’s sitting on his drum stool.

Luke had been silent the entire exchange, not siding with either party in the matter. It was wrong of Ashton to call Calum out and single him out like that, but Calum should have been focusing like the rest of the band. Luke looks up and turns to Michael, who looks at him with knowing eyes.

He was still mad at him, but Calum did not deserve exclusion once again.

“I’ll be right back.” Luke says quickly, jogging out the door, giving Michael some time to talk to Ashton.

“Dude, Ash, what the fuck.”




Calum was fuming, but he wasn’t sure if he was more upset at Ashton or himself. It was wrong of Ashton to mention Calum’s past decisions, and it was wrong of Calum to take the bait and pursue an argument that no one in the band was particularly looking for. But he knew he had to defend himself; he wasn’t about to let Ashton make some false accusations about him without there being consequences. He had felt a wave of nostalgia at Ashton picking him out once again, reminding him of the night they first suggested going on a break. He remembered it all: Michael and Ashton showing up at Luke’s, them telling them about their idea, Calum storming out the door angry and upset, and Luke making sure he was ok. It was an old memory, locked away with all the bad moments Calum was attempting to block from his mind.

Mostly because these memories reminded him of how angry he was with himself. It was a downward spiral of “if only”. If only he hadn’t been so shit at writing songs, if only he hadn’t run away, if only he hadn’t hurt his best friend and betrayed his other best friends, if only he had the courage to confront his demons back then, if only he had the strength to be a better person.

If only.

So part of Calum was mad at himself for once again disappointing the band. He sits with his knees hugged against his chest, head resting between them as he sits in some random hallway. He looks up at the sound of footsteps, confused as to who they belong to. Calum resumes placing his head between his legs; he was shamed, and he had no intention of talking to just anyone.

Rounding the corner, Luke spots Calum hunched over on the ground, and Luke feels his heart break immediately at the sight. All of this was far too familiar: the yelling between Ashton and Calum, the increase of the argument, and Calum running away. All of it was so familiar that it made Luke somewhat uncomfortable; remembering how that night had transpired into what was probably the downfall of the band’s dynamic. Back then, Luke had opted to side with Michael and Ashton because he genuinely thought they were right, and back then he had texted Calum to make sure he was ok. He may still be hurt by Calum now, but Luke was not about to make the same mistake twice.

“H-hey.” He says nervously, hands in his pockets as he stares down at Calum.

Calum looks up, surprised to be met with Luke’s compassionate eyes, “O-oh... hi...”

Luke takes Calum’s greeting as an invitation to slide down to the floor next to him, back to the wall and side practically touching Calum’s, “How... how you doing?”

Calum sighs, “I’ve been better.”

“Yeah?” Luke says, “You...you wanna talk about it?”

Stiffening, Calum turns to Luke optimistically, “you... you wanna talk to me?”

“Yes?”

“But... but I thought you hated me.”

The sound of defeat and sadness in Calum’s voice absolutely breaks something inside of Luke. “No...no Cal. I could never hate you.”

“But... but I thought-“

“Just because I’m mad, Cal, doesn’t mean I ever stopped caring.”

Bashfully, Calum smiles at this, his heart racing slightly, “Oh...”

Luke sighs, “Yeah...do you... wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“What isn’t wrong nowadays.”

“Don’t say that, Calum.”

“Aren’t I right, though?” Calum says, dejectedly, “I mean, I come back into this group after three years and for whatever reason I thought everything would just go back to normal and I’d fit right back in but no matter how hard I try I feel like all of you have just... grown up without me and I feel like I don’t even belong anymore. I mean, you don’t talk to me, Ashton is always too busy to hangout or talk, even Michael and I weren’t talking at some point.”

“But that’s better now, yeah?”

“It is... but it still isn’t enough to keep me in high spirits when the band is together.” Calum sighs, “I just... I just feel so unimportant. I feel like this band isn’t even my band anymore. I feel like it’s ‘5 Seconds of Summer’ and ‘Calum’. I just don’t add anything and I don’t belong and-“

“Calum you’re ridiculous.” Luke says, laughing slightly at his best friend, “Calum, you mean so much to us and to this band. I mean... I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you. I guess I let my selfish desires get in the way and it’s definitely been awkward trying to ignore you and be as far away from you as possible. I mean, it’s getting kind of hard to pretend in front of the cameras because it’s just... so forced, you know? And I know that Ash is super busy, heck even in the last year I feel like I barely see him without it being work related. I just feel like Ash is working super hard and he wants everything to go perfectly and he’s kind of losing his grip on being a young adult and relaxing, you know?”

“Yeah... I guess.”

“And I know what Ashton said was wrong and I know it probably triggered something in you from the past and there isn’t any way to justify what he said but I think you have to give Ash some credit. Yes, he said some pretty awful things and he hurt you, but Ash is working himself to death for this band and he’s stressed out all the time and barely has room to breathe right now and I guess he is just high strung right now and he needed to let out his frustrations on someone.”

“And of course, that someone was me.” Calum states sadly.

“Yeah, but it’s not like Ashton intended for it to be. It just happened that way unfortunately. And Calum,” Luke turns to Calum looking him in the eyes, “you are valid. You are a key member of this band and this band is nothing without you. I...I’m nothing without you.”

Calum looks away from Luke and back down to the ground. This conversation was becoming a little too much too quickly.

“Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“Will we ever be ok again?”

It was a question that Luke felt was coming, but something he wasn’t sure he wanted to answer.

He sighs, “Do you know what Michael said to me that Ashton said to him when you and Michael were not talking?”

“No, what?”

“Michael told me that he was freaking out that you hadn’t forgiven him, even though you kept insisting that you had. And Michael kept persisting on trying to make things better between you two and if anything it just made you more angry. So Ashton told Michael that you had already forgiven him, and Michael didn’t believe him. But then Ashton told him that you had already forgiven him ages ago, you just needed more time to be mad.”

Calum contemplates this, “I guess that’s true, yeah.”

Luke sighs, “Where I’m going with this is... I’m definitely still mad about a lot of things. If anything, I’m more confused than mad. I just need some... some time, I think Calum.”

“How much time do you need?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been asked this question a lot and I never know the answer and I really wish I did. I just need more time to think about things and figure out how I feel about certain things...”

“Oh...”

“Yeah...”

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Sure.”

“Do you forgive me for leaving?”

Luke looks at Calum, not knowing exactly how to respond. He stands to his feet and walks down the hall a bit. Not turning back to Calum, he speaks, “I forgave you for leaving a long time ago. What I haven’t forgiven you for is breaking your promise.”

Calum takes Luke’s words to heart, the guilt he possessed in the past coming back to him in a different form. It’s not so much a self-depricating form, but more so a self-reflective one.

“I’ll give you all the time you need!” He screams at Luke down the hall.

Luke smiles, but doesn’t turn back to Calum, “You should probably come back to practice. I’m sure Michael has given Ashton enough of a beating for yelling at you and he’s ready to apologize.”

A small smile creeps onto Calum’s face as he stands to follow Luke.

He just needed time, and time was all that Calum could give him.




“I... I really don’t know what that was.” Ashton admits, staring down at the ground and not looking at Michael directly.

“Dude you said some pretty nasty shit to him.”

“I know! I know I did... I’m just... frustrated.”

“Is being frustrated some sort of excuse for bringing up someone’s past mistakes?”

“Michael I didn’t mean to!”

“Well then why’d you do it?!” Michael yells back. There was something bothering Ashton, and Michael knew he was going to have to work to get it out of him.

“He just... wasn’t focusing and we were supposed to focus.”

“Ashton that’s a dumb fucking excuse.”

“Well, what do you want me to say, Michael?!”

“Well you can start by saying sorry to him and admitting that you were a dick.”

“But he wasn-“

“Ok, listen Ashton.” Michael says sternly, “I don’t know what pole has been shoved up your ass lately but this is really unlike you. You’re not usually someone who starts arguments with other band members, nor are you someone who would dismiss apologizing to someone, ever. What’s up, dude?”

Ashton sighs. Michael was right. He had been freaking and he had said some words to Calum he really shouldn’t have. If anything, Ashton was angry right now but mostly at himself.

“I....I just-“

“Just what, Ash?”

“I’m just so fucking stressed, Mikey.” Ashton finally admits, “All this tour shit is really messing with my head and I can’t sleep or do anything without thinking about making the tour perfect and I’m honestly just so tired right now. I just need to make sure everything for this tour goes perfectly for the fans and then I can relax.”

“This tour doesn’t have to be perfect, bro,” Michael argues, “no one is going to expect us to be absolutely perfect. The fans just want to experience us all over again and we can do that without pressuring ourselves.”

“But that fans deserve perfection, Michael,” Ashton says, “we’ve been away for three years and we’ve worked so hard and they’re gonna expect so much out of us and I just don’t wanna disappoint them.”

“We couldn’t disappoint them if we tried, dude.”

“Yeah... but I could.”

Michael cocks his head to the side in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“The fans know how much more responsibility I have on this tour,” Ashton admits, “If anything goes wrong they’ll probably blame me for it or some shit.”

Michael sighs, walking around the drums to pull Ashton up from his seat, “Ash, no one is gonna blame you for anything if this tour doesn’t go the way we planned. You’ve got yourself all worked up over nothing, dude. And if anything, all it’s really doing is killing you.”

Ashton groans, “I just... want what’s best for the fans.”

“I know you do, I get it. But at what cost, though? Your mental health? Your relationship with the rest of your band?”

“I just don’t know how to not stress out about this tour.”

“Just start by taking fewer responsibilities,” Michael suggests, “We have people who have done it before, who’s to say that you can’t just give one of them your role so you can focus more on the band?”

“That makes a lot of sense.”

“Yes, it really does And I’m sure you would’ve thought up the same thing if you weren’t so freaked out inside this massive head of yours.” Michael says, poking at Ashton’s forehead.

Ashton swats Michael’s hand away from his head and smiles, “thanks, Michael.”

Michael shrugs, “We’re partners, dude. Always have been, always will be.”

At that moment, Luke enters the room with Calum following behind him. Immediately, Ashton runs passed Michael and embraces Calum, who steps backwards in shock.

“Cal... Cal I’m so fucking sorry.”

Calum doesn’t react, still shocked by the embrace.

Ashton sighs, “Cal I know you’re probably still mad at me and I had no right to say any of the things I did but please, please forgive me. I shouldn’t have brought up what happened before we’ve all moved passed that and I’m so glad you’re back and I’m such a prick for even suggesting some of the things I suggested I don’t even want to think about what I said to you. I just feel so bad and please forgive me I-“

“You were right, Luke.” Calum says over Ashton’s shoulder, “he _was_ ready to smother me.”

Ashton pulls back, mock offended by Calum’s statement, “I beg your pardon?” He says with a smile.

This time, Calum hugs him first, “I’m sorry too. I should probably start focusing more so we can be in top condition for our first show. The past is the past, dude, let’s just forget about it, yeah?”

“Yes. Yes I am so with you on that.” Ashton claims, hugging Calum tightly.

Michael and Luke watch this exchange from afar, smiling at the quick reconciliation of their band mates. “So you talked to him, yeah?” Michael whispers to Luke.

“Not about what you think. Just had to make sure he was ok.”

“It’s a start.” Michael claims.

“In some ways, yeah.”

“You think you two are gonna be ok?”

Luke watches Calum smile, already going back to his joking relationship with Ashton.

“Yeah... maybe someday.”




The comfort of a giant bed was all that Luke needed after their long day of rehearsals. They had plowed through the set a couple more times, with no interruptions or arguments to hinder them for the rest of the rehearsal. Luke was fairly content with what he had accomplished today, not only had he talked to Calum like an actual human being, but he had succeeded in helping his friends patch up their arguments. If only he could do that with his own problems, things in the band would be perfectly solved.

Luke contemplates going down to the restaurant to get some food, hunger getting the best of him. But the comfort of the bed speaks to him, and he feels himself drifting slowly. He is interrupted, however, by a knock on his door. Curiously, he looks through the peep hole and opens it, met with a worker with a large tray of food.

“Room service!” The attendant says to him.

Luke looks at him confused, “I didn’t order anything.” He informs the man.

“I was told to bring this up to this room, it’s already been paid for. May I bring it in?”’

Confused, Luke steps to the side to let the man in, who places the tray on Luke’s table. Luke tips the man before ushering him out the door. He walks up to the tray cautiously, opening all the tops slowly.

In front of him was a large, beef burger with onion rings, some fries on the side, a beer, and a lava cake covered in raspberry sauce and ice cream. This reveal left Luke more confused than anything, but was definitely not something he was going to turn away.

Picking up the plate with the burger on it, Luke notices a piece of paper underneath it. Slowly, he peels the paper off the plate and reads it.

_To Luke,_

_I realized I never said thank you for earlier, you definitely helped me see a lot of things more clearly. Please take this monstrous meal as a thank you (don’t worry, it’s paid for and I made sure to tell them how you like your beef patties done and how crispy to make the fries!). Knew you’d be hungry when we got back so I ordered it as soon as we got in. Hope you enjoy your food and see you tomorrow for rehearsals!_

_From, Calum_

_P.S. I know you still need time, and I’ll give you as much of it as you want._

Luke smiles down at the note, sliding it into his back pocket. His smile widens on his face at the thought of the kind gesture Calum had done for him, and he makes a mental note to remind himself to thank him for all of the food tomorrow.

They were still on some weird terms, and in no way was Calum forgiven. But after today, Luke was convinced that maybe, just maybe, they would be ok soon.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably warn you... don't get too comfortable with the idea of everything going well so soon.... (you can hate me it's ok I understand) (Enjoy it for the time being though because yay progress and Luke and Calum finally somewhat talking!!!!!) 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> P.S. CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW I LITERALLY POSTED TWO CHAPTERS AGO ABOUT THEM DOING THE YES/NO GAME WITH SMALLZY AND THEN YESTERDAY THE BOYS DID THE VERY SAME WITH SMALLZY TO PROMOTE THEIR UPCOMING TOUR FOR SOUNDS GOOD FEELS GOOD WHICH IS WHAT THEY WERE DOING IN THIS STORY KIND OF WEIRD AND KIND OF HILARIOUS HOW FUCKING RAVEN OF ME THAT WAS SO RAVEN


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fun/adorable chapter before the events of chapter 15! Their tour is starting next chapter and I'm super excited to start getting into that part of the story! Starting next chapter I'll probably have to start letting you guys know where they are in the world at the beginning just to make sure you're not confused. This is the part of the story where we start following them on the tour, and let me tell you things get verrrryyyyy interesting on the road. There's a lot of angst, a lot of fluff, and a lot of answered questions yet to come! I'll just say that starting after 15 things start to pick up in the Cake department ;)
> 
> Sorry for the long awaited update hopefully I'll have chapter 15 up for you tomorrow or the day after! 
> 
> Thanks again so much for reading :D

“Alright you boys ready?”

“Hell yeah we’re ready,” Michael answers, “Luke, Cal?”

“Let’s crush this.” Calum yells. Luke nods in agreement.

“Let’s kill it then! 1, 2, 3-“ Ashton bangs his drum sticks together, eyes focusing on the three boys in front of him. They're currently doing their last song on their last day of rehearsals, and the boys are more than ready to absolute destroy She’s Kinda Hot and head home.

Michael begins with the guitar, smiling across the room at Luke who watches him intently. Once Luke hears Ashton jump in with the drums, he knows it's time for him to start.

**My girlfriend’s bitchin' ‘cause I always sleep in, she’s always screamin' when she’s calling her friends. She’s kinda hot though, yeah, she’s kinda hot though**

The last few days of rehearsals went by swiftly and easily for Luke. After the initial blow up between Ashton and Calum, things mellowed and the boys were right back to work. They were all in a fairly even place; Ashton and Michael were both finalizing the set lists and Ashton was stepping back from a few of his responsibilities. And surprisingly, it was Michael who was the one taking up most of these responsibilities in order to help out Ashton. Calum was back to his smiling ways, hanging out with the boys instead of shying away in group situations. This was all tailored back to Luke, who too was starting to change his behavior to better the band.

After his talk with Calum, Luke had come to realize the amount of pressure he was putting on Calum, being the reason that Calum probably felt so out of place. And it was still true and still ran through his head that most of him was still angry at Calum, and that the two of them still needed to get whatever happened between them out of the way so they could both fully move on. But Luke had a heart, and his heart told him that treating Calum the way he had was not fair and definitely wouldn’t be good for the band. They didn’t have to say they weren’t pretending to be friends anymore, it kind of just slowly happened. In no way are they back to the way they used to be; they would need to talk first before ever getting to that point again. However, they’re not ignoring each other and they’re not purposefully avoiding contact, so that was enough.

And with tour starting in less than 24 hours, and the album dropping very soon, Luke couldn’t be bothered to think about his stresses. He was just focusing on the positive, the new and hopefully better life of touring.

**My shrink is telling me I’ve got crazy dreams. She’s also saying I got low self esteem, she’s kinda hot though. Yeah, she’s kinda hot though. She put me on meds, she won’t get out of my head, she’s kinda hot though.**

For the most part, Calum was feeling a lot better in terms of his position in the band. The boys were acting more as a unit instead of individual members, or in Calum’s brain “everyone and then Calum”. It was refreshing to feel the dynamic fall into place again, especially with tour coming up the next day. This meant that Calum wouldn’t have to stress about the show and could just go into it with the intention of having fun.

The boys had crushed each of their rehearsals and were in the talks about their final set list, and Calum was feeling fairly confident about the boys’ abilities. He was more than impressed with how each of the members of the band had grown: Ashton’s drumming was harder than ever, and his ability to sing and play drums was still astounding to Calum; Michael’s solos and the amount of what he could do with the guitar was intimidating, and from the sound of the record Calum knew the fans would be pleased with the amount of Michael they were getting on the album; and Luke always blew Calum away, from his strong vocals to the amount of passion he has while playing, it was easy to get lost in the way the lead singer commanded a song. And it wasn’t even Calum’s feelings that were distracting him.

Calum had left Luke that note a few days back, and he had happily been met with a similar display of food the next morning for breakfast. There wasn’t as long of a note attached, simply a piece of paper that wrote _thank you for understanding_. Regardless, it was exactly what Calum needed to hear back.

Because now he didn’t need to worry about him and Luke. The main priority was playing a rocking show, and then if Luke was ready to talk after that, he would be ready too.

**My friend left college ‘cause it felt like a job. His mom and dad both think he’s a slob; he’s got a shot though. Yeah, he’s got a shot though. When you’ve got bigger plans that no one else understands you’ve got a shot though.**

**They say we’re losers and we’re alright with that. We are the losers of the not-coming-back’s, but we’re alright though. Yeah, we’re alright though. We are the kings and the queens of the new broken scene, yeah we’re alright though.**

Michael was happy. Things between the band were definitely looking up after the weeks of awkwardness and tension and confusion. Any animosity between any of the boys was almost, if not, completely gone. Of course, Luke and Calum still seemed like they had things to work out but they were acting less cold towards each other which, to Michael, was a good thing. Ashton was definitely pouring himself more into the music, mostly because Michael was a courteous enough friend and took on the stupid lame jobs for him.

The album was dropping tomorrow and Michael couldn’t contain his joy. The fans could probably tell by how often he tweeted about it and how excited he got whenever someone mentioned the album. There were initial fears that this tour and the album wouldn’t work out, but looking at the boys around him now, Michael is certain things are going to work.

**Sometimes I’m feeling like I’m going insane. My neighbor told me that I got bad brains, but I’m alright though. Yeah, we’ll be alright though. ‘Cause we’re the kings and the queens of the new broken scene, and we’re alright though.**

Alright was the perfect word to describe how Ashton was feeling. It was a mixture between anxiousness for the tour to begin and the album to start and the happiness at how well the band was coming along. There was also the shred of fear in Ashton’s mind that he was attempting to subdue, but as someone who wants what’s best for other people, Ashton just wants the best for all of the fans.

He’s scrolled through twitter and read the replies, watching from behind a phone screen the level of excitement all the fans were feeling. And of course, Ashton was feeling this excitement too. It had been three, long years of waiting and working and here they were, so close to the beginning of a new adventure.

**They say we’re losers and we’re alright with that. We are the losers of the not-coming-back’s, but we’re alright though. Yeah, we’re alright though. We are the kings and the queens of the new broken scene, yeah we’re alright though.**

**Na na na na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na na. But we’re alright though. Yeah, we’re alright though. We are the kings and the queens of the new broken scene, yeah we’re alright though.**

Ashton throws his drum sticks up in the air and yells in excitement, as Calum puts his bass down on the ground. Luke watches as Michael plays the final few chords of the song, strumming the strings aggressively once he ends.

“Dudes!” Ashton yells, as the three younger members turn to him, “we’re fucking done.”

“First show’s tomorrow.” Luke states with pride.

“Yeah it is,” Michael continues, “I don’t know about you guys but I’m fucking stoked.”

“You don’t think the rest of us are stoked?” Calum jokes.

“Well, I mean you’re probably stoked but not as stoked as me.”

Ashton stands from his stool, walking in front of his drum kit towards where all the boys are, “I'm hella stoked, and I don’t know about you guys but I feel like celebrating tonight.”

“Celebrating?”

“Yes Lucas, celebrating.”

“I’m in.” Calum states.

“Knew you would be.” Ashton says, high fiving Calum in the process, “Mikey, you down for a party?”

Michael groans, “eh... I kind of want to just sleep.”

“Yeah I’m totally with you on that.” Luke agrees.

“Fine, you two be lame and stay home while me and Calum party it up.”

“Won’t you guys be super tired for tomorrow?”

“We won’t think about that yet,” Calum says, “Like Ash said, we be celebrating.”

“Before we even think about getting any celebrating done I gotta ask,” Luke starts, “I don’t know if you’ve been keeping it from us or you legitimately just don’t know but who exactly is opening for us?”

“Well funny you should mention that-“

“Oh God, we don’t have anyone opening for us do we?” Michael panics.

“Of course not, we do-“

“But they’re assholes.” Calum finishes.

“What? No, that’s not-“

“Why haven’t you been telling us in the first place?”

“Michael-“

“Yeah, what else have you been keeping from us?”

“What?  Calum there’s-“

“Ash just tell us who’s opening for us!”

“I would but-“

“But?”

“-But you guys keep interrupting me and I’m trying to tell you-“

“That you have the best opening act ever?”

All the boys turn towards the door and smile as Hey Violet walks through it, arms full with instruments and faces wide with smiles. Michael is the first to react, running up to them and hugging Nia, who was the first to walk through the door. Ashton and Luke follow, individually going up to each member and sharing small conversations with them.

“Well well well, fancy seeing you here.” Rena says to Calum with a smile.

“Why didn’t you guys tell me you were coming on tour with us again?!” Calum shouts overdramatically.

“Because we really didn’t know for sure until a week ago.” Casey answers.

“Yeah, it was always up in the air and eventually Ash called us up and said we had the spot.”

“And you were hiding this from us the entire time?!” Michael yells at his band mate.

Ashton shrugs, “I thought it would be a fun surprise!”

“Well, it’s definitely a reunion tour now then.” Luke states.

“Don’t get too sentimental on us, Hemmings.” Miranda jokes, shoving Luke lightly with her arm.

The group shares a laugh before Rena speaks up, “We hate to ruin this epic reunion but we’ve got some rehearsing to do.”

“Yeah, if we’re opening up for the most anticipated band of the year we gotta be just as good.” Nia continues.

“Fair enough fair enough, we’ll see you all for pre-show lunch tomorrow as always?” Ashton asks.

Casey smiles, “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”




After parting ways with Hey Violet, the boys are escorted back to their hotel, stopped by a few fans on the way that were waiting for them outside the hotel. Currently, Ashton and Calum were in Ashton’s room, getting ready for a night out. They had decided on getting a few drinks from the closest bar they could find, not wanting to spend too much time out in order to conserve their energy for the first show.

“What do you think?” Ashton asks, holding up a black, long sleeve shirt and a grey floral button up.”

“Um... definitely go with the black one,” Calum answers, lying on Ashton’s bed aimlessly.

“Cool, thanks.”

“So where did Bryana go off to again?”

“Oh Bry?” Ashton asks, pulling the black long sleeve over his head, “She had to go to New York for a day to do a photoshoot but she should be back by tomorrow for the show.”

“I’m really glad you two are still together.”

Ashton smiles, “Yeah, I am too.”

The two turn when they hear a knock at the door, and Ashton is quick to open it.

“You’re looking average.” Michael says nonchalantly, walking passed Ashton to sit on the bed.

“Gee, thanks Mikey.” The drummer says dryly.

“No worries.” Michael says with a smile.

“Mikey are you sure you don’t wanna come out with us?”

“Yeah, come on it’ll be fun!”

“As much as I’d love to, I’d rather not waste any money on some overpriced booze at some tacky bar.”

“What do you plan on doing then?”

“Well, Calum,” Michael reaches into the bag he carried in, pulling out a bottle of Captain Morgan’s Rum, “I plan to drink this and watch a movie.”

“You just said you didn’t want to waste money on overpriced booze!” Ashton argues.

“Exactly, this baby only cost me like 20 bucks. If I went out tonight I’d probably be spending triple that.”

“And you plan to just sit in your room and drink this alone?”

“No Calum I’m not a weirdo, I’m gonna force Luke to drink this with me and watch a movie.”

“You’re gonna what?”

“Relax, Ash, I’m not _actually_ gonna force him. I’m just gonna convince him that a drunk movie night with me is the perfect way to celebrate; Michael style.”

Calum sighs, “You’re so weird.”

“Yeah well fuck you, Calum! You’re just jealous because you’re gonna be spending like, too much money on really shitty drinks.”

“Where’s Luke anyway?” Ashton asks.

“He’s napping, but I can wake him up easily.”

“He’s gonna kill you, you know.”

“Nah, Luke’s fine.” Michael says with a shrug.

Ashton sighs, “Alright, well as much as I’d love to see Luke tear you to shreds, me and Cal have some Cashton celebrating to do.”

“If Luke goes crazy don’t hesitate to call us.” Calum says in a serious tone, hugging Michael on the way out.

“Please, what’s the worst he can do?”




Ashton and Calum end up at a dingy bar a couple blocks down the road, full from the Friday crowd. The streets were surprisingly tame, not many fans around their hotel or in sight following after them.

“So did you ever hit up any chicks when you were over in LA?” Ashton asks from across the table, taking a sip of his first beer.

“Hm?”

“I said did you hit up any chicks when you were over in LA?”

“Uh, yeah, a few.” This was a lie. Calum hadn’t tried to hit up anyone at all while he was in LA, mostly because he was still figuring out what to deal with his feelings for Luke. Between those thoughts and his constant busy schedule, Calum couldn’t find time to pick up any chicks or have any one night encounters.

And it wasn’t like Calum even wanted to in the first place. In fact, he wasn’t even sure who he would want to pick up in the first place. He had very deep feelings for Luke, that was a fact, but he wasn’t sure if this meant that his feelings for girls were completely gone or still there.

Luke seemed to have made the full realization that he was gay, and as much as Calum wishes he was in the same place as Luke, he just couldn’t make any sort of realization (not that he had to, of course).

“Any of them worth bringing up?”

Calum shrugs, “No, not really. Focused mostly on the music and what not.” Looking for something to change the subject, Calum’s eyes fall on the pool tables in the back. “You down to go play some pool?”

Ashton scoffs, “Dude, always!”

Calum leads the way to the back as the two pick up a pool cue each.

“8-ball?” Ashton asks.

Before Calum can answer, he feels a tap on his back. Turning around, he’s met with three men, all around the same age as Calum and Ashton.

“Excuse me,” The Asian one says first, “we were actually gonna come play at this table.”

Calum shifts uncomfortably, feeling the eyes of the three men in front of him, “O-Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“Hold on a minute...” He hears the shorter brunette in the back say, “aren’t you Calum Hood from 5 Seconds of Summer?”

Well, this wasn’t exactly how Calum imagined he’d meet fans tonight.

“Uh, yeah that’s me.”

“Dude, I’ve been waiting for this album to drop for so long!”

“Why thank you! You know me and the boys have been-“

“As we were saying,” The Asian man says, forcing the smaller brunette to deflate, “we were wondering if you were interested in playing us for the table.”

“I’m sorry does there seem to be a problem here?” Ashton asks, finally joining the conversation.

“Holy crap, Ashton’s here too!” The smaller brunette yells.

Ashton lights up at the attention, “Ah! We have a fan I see!”

“Yeah I’ve been-“

“So how’s about it?!” The smaller brunette sighs, once again being talked over.

“They want to play us for the table.”

Ashton shrugs, “Sure, seems like it could be fun. Will it just be two of you then?”

“Yeah, names Oscar by the way,” Oscar says, reaching out to grab Ashton’s hand, “shorter one is Brett and our tall friend here is Grant.” The taller, African-American man waves, finally being noticed in the conversation.

“I’m Ashton, this is Calum. So shall we get this game started then?”

“I can’t believe I’m playing pool against Ashton and Calum from 5 Seconds of Summer!” Brett screams.

“Actually, you won’t be. Me and Grant got this one don’t we Grant?” Grant responds only with a head nod.

Brett sighs, “You guys always get to do the fun stuff.”

“Don’t worry Brett, you’ll get to play soon,” Calum reassures, “so, who wants to break?”




Luke could’ve sworn his dream was nice and lighthearted. He was on stage at a show and the crowd was singing along, and it may have been weird that the rest of the band was gummy bears but Luke thought nothing of it.

But then he hears screaming, and he stops mid-song to look out into the crowd to find out where the screaming was coming from. It’s not until a few moments later that Luke blinks awake and realizes the screaming is coming from real life.

“Luke!” Michael screams from the other side of the door, banging it aggressively. “Luke! Good God man please open the door! Luke!”

Quick to his feet, Luke grabs the closest object he can find for self defence, and runs to the door. Thrusting it open, he’s met with Michael standing in a pair of sweat pants and a tank top, a bottle of rum in his other hand while his free hand waves at the confused boy.

“Michael, what’s wrong?!” Luke screams.

Michael shrugs, “Nothing, just wanted you to open the door.”

Fucking. Michael. “But-but you sounded like you were in danger!”

“Have you seen the paint job on these hallway walls? Let me tell you, if they went any shade closer to yellow we’d all be in danger.”

Luke rubs his hands over his eyes, frustrated that he fell for Michael’s trick, “Ok, first of all, I fucking hate you. Second, why did you feel the need to come into my room with a bottle of rum sounding so panicked? Third, why are you sitting on my bed?! I’m trying to sleep! There’s another bed right next to it you can sit on!”

“Ok well I love you too, you wouldn’t answer the door if I didn’t convince you I was in danger, and I’m lying in _your_ bed because you and I are going to have a Muke movie night and we’re going to drink this rum and watch a sad movie and I’ll laugh at you while you cry.”

Luke sighs, “Michael-“

“Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“Michael I want to sleep.”

Michael groans, “But we haven’t spent any time together and I bought this just for us because I know you love rum and I’ll even let you pick the movie.”

He really should say no just to spite him, but Luke doesn’t have the bone in his body to deny some drinks and a movie.

“You know,” Luke starts, “I still haven’t seen The Fault in Our Stars.”

Michael gasps, “Well what are you standing over there for?! Let’s crack this bottle open, pay a stupid amount for a movie and get to Muke-ing!”

“Please, Michael, never use the phrase Muke-ing ever again.”




Calum and Ashton sit at a table on the opposite side of the bar, watching Oscar, Brett and Grant joke around by the pool table.

“I can’t believe we lost...” Ashton says sadly.

“Correction: _I_ was playing an amazing game, and you were too until you sunk the 8 ball by accident. So in other words, you lost.”

Ashton scoffs, “It was a mistake anyone could’ve made.”

Calum laughs, taking back his drink, “say, what time is it?”

“I don’t know let me check.”

Ashton reaches into his left pocket, expecting to feel the tightness of his phone as he pulls it out of his pocket. But when he reaches into his pocket, he feels nothing. Panic wipes over his face as he feels for his phone in his other pocket, only to be met with the same result.

“What’s wrong?” Calum asks, watching his friend anxiously feel around his pockets.

“I-I can’t find my phone.”

Calum sighs, “Did you put it down anywhere by accident?”

“Not that I recall...”

“Let’s retrace our steps and maybe we’ll find it, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah let’s do that, that seems smart.”

“The only place we’ve been is the pool area.”

Ashton eyes the pool tables, “Maybe those guys from before have seen it?”

“Good call let’s go.”

Calum and Ashton make their way to the pool tables once again, Ashton walking faster than Calum in anticipation to find his phone.

“Ashton! Calum!” Brett yells excitedly.

Ashton smiles shyly, “Hello again, uh we were just wondering if you guys have seen a phone around here? I seem to have lost mine.”

“I think Grant found a phone a while ago, right Grant?” Oscar asks, to which Grant nods.

“Great! Do you think I could get that back please?”

“Sure, no problem Ashton!” Brett says.

Grant stands to hand Ashton the phone, but is stopped by Oscar. “Actually...”

“Actually?” Calum asks confused.

“How about we play for it.”

“What?!” Ashton asks alarmed.

“You heard me. You beat us, you get the phone and the table. You lose, you walk away with no phone.”

“What the hell are you guys gonna do with a phone?!” Calum inquires.

“Dunno, sell it maybe?”

“Come on guys don’t be ridiculous here.” Ashton reasons.

“Scared you’re gonna lose, Timberlake?”

Ashton stops, “What did you call me?”

“You know, Timberlake, gotta keep the boy band rep alive.”

As if everyone in the bar was suddenly involved in the current debacle, the crowd around gasps as Calum looks at Ashton with eyes widened.

“They are not a boy band!” Brett yells.

“Can it, Brett.” Oscar says harshly, “So, what’s it gonna be, N’Stink?”

Calum looks at Ashton, sensing a change in air around the drummer, “Ash...”

Ashton snarls, “Phone or no phone, no one... and I mean _no one_ , calls us a boy band.”




¾ of the way through the rum and Luke could swear this movie couldn’t be moving any slower. All he wanted to do was get up, but he was currently crushed under the weight of his very enthralled band mate.

“Mikey?”

“Hm?”

“What’s happening exactly?”

“They’re about to kiss for the first time.”

“What happened to the Amsterdam thing?”

“Shhhhh, if you paid more attention you wouldn’t miss anything.”

“Michael I’m-“

Luke looks down at the older boy cuddled up to his side, and Luke has to surpress every urge in him to laugh.

“Mikey... are you.... are you crying?”

Caught, Michael turns away from Luke, wiping his eyes with his arm, “What?! No! God, Luke you drunken mess you’re seeing things.”

“Awwwww Mikey!” Lukey says, reaching out to wrap his arms around Michael, “It’s ok, you can cry around me.”

“Luke I’m going to kick your ass if you don’t shut up.”

“Let’s just watch the movie, ok Mike?”

“You wipe that stupid smile off your Goddamn face.”

Luke laughs, but is met with a punch to the arm, “Ow!”

"I told you to wipe the smile off your face."

"Ok! Ok I'm sorry."

“Good, now shut up and watch the rest of the movie.” Michael says, as he shuffles away from Luke.

“If you want to cuddle me you can, Michael.”

“Shut up, Luke.”

“....Michael....”

“Fine. Move your arm around me it’s much more comfortable that way.”




There were currently two striped balls, a single solid and the 8 ball left, and with Calum readying his shot Ashton could only pray that Calum could at least knock out one of their stripes.

“Come on Calum you’ve got this!”

“Yeah, you can do it Calum!”

“Brett stop cheering for the other team!”

Calum takes a deep breath, straightening his pool cue as he realigns his shot. Pulling his right arm back, Calum makes contact with the cue ball, and watches as it knocks one of their balls in a side pocket.

“Yes Calum!”

Calum smiles at Ashton as he realigns his next shot. He attempts to get the last ball in a corner pocket, but misses the pocket by a few inches.

“Alright, my go.” Oscar says, aligning himself behind the cue ball. Oscar hits the cue ball, watching as it glides and hits their last solid into the corner opposite from the one Calum was aiming at. The crowd around the table erupts into silent chatter, as Calum and Ashton look at each other tensely.

“Alright, it’s about time ended this,” Oscar says with a smile.

“I am not about to lose my phone.” Ashton says under his breath.

“Don’t worry, dude, there’s no way he’s got this.”

“But what if he does.”

“Ash just trust me.”

“Yeah Ash, just trust him.” Oscar says over his shoulder. With the swift motion of his right arm, Oscar succeeds in hitting the 8 ball in the corner pocket, as the crowd around erupts into cheers.

Ashton hangs his head in defeat, while Calum looks at the pool table, shocked. There’s no way they just lost.

“Sorry, boys, looks like you’re walking out of here phoneless.”

“Yeah yeah whatever dude.” Calum says, as he grabs Ashton by the arm and pulls him away.

“Did that really just happen?” Ashton asks, turning to Calum as they walk away.

“I’m really trying to pretend in my mind that it didn’t.”

“Ashton! Calum!”

Ashton and Calum turn around to see Brett running after them, “Oh hey Brett,” Ashton says to the shorter boy, “what can we do you for?”

“Well, I’m really sorry you guys lost the game.”

Calum sighs, “No one’s fault, dude, they just played a great game.”

“Yeah, well I still think it’s a little unfair of them to just put those odds on there like that.”

Ashton scoffs, “You and me both.”

“Which is why I brought you this.”

Brett reaches from his pocket and hands Ashton his phone, who smiles widely and hugs the smaller brunette.

“Dude! Thank you so much!”

Brett laughs shyly, “It’s no big deal. Just swiped it when they weren’t looking.”

“Are you going to the concert tomorrow Brett?”

Brett scoffs, “You bet, got somewhat decent seats if I do say so myself.”

“Well how’s about you get you and your friends and just go right into the pit. We’ll tell security to let you in.”

“Really?! You guys would really just do that?!”

“Dude of course! You just saved me loads.” Ashton states.

“Thanks guys! Look I should probably get back to them before they ask questions but it was really nice to meet you both and I can’t wait for tomorrow!” Brett runs off happily.

“Yeah! You too bud!” Calum turns to Ashton, “You about ready to head home?”

“Yup. I think I’ve had enough celebrating for one night.”

“Good, me too.”




With the bottle of rum lying empty on the floor, Luke holds Michael closer as the two get to the end of the film.

“Wh-why did he have to die?” Luke says through tears.

“Because sometimes... sometimes life just isn’t fair, Luke.”

“They were so perfect together.”

“I know.”

“A-and he took her to Amsterdam!”

“I know!”

“Did we use up all the tissues?”

Michael sniffles, “Yeah...”

Luke sighs, “Dammit...”

Suddenly, the two boys jump at the sound of the door handle opening.

“Hey boys! You wouldn’t believe the night we ha-“

Ashton stops mid sentence as he watches Michael spring to his feet and Luke wipe at his eyes. Calum joins them in the room and looks at the scene in front of him, just as confused as Ashton.

“Um...” Calum starts.

“No words!” Michael yells.

“What’s... uh.... what’s going on here?”

Luke sighs, “Michael made me watch this stupid movie and-“

“You didn’t think this movie was stupid when they were at his funeral!”

“Michael don’t mention the funeral I’m very sensitive right now!”

Ashton sighs, taking up a spot in the bed opposite of Luke, “Well, I’m glad you two had a good night.”

“Shh the movie isn’t over yet.” Michael says, taking a spot next to Ashton.

“If you’re going to cuddle me and cry please refrain from getting too many tear stains on this shirt.”

“Shut it, drummerboy.”

Calum laughs at the exchange between the two older band members, and feels butterflies form in his stomach when he realizes the only seat left is the one next to Luke in bed. Slowly, he walks up to the empty side of the bed, “Um...” he says cautiously, “is it... is it ok if I sit here?”

Luke looks up through his tears, making direct eye contact with Calum, “Uh... yeah... yeah sure go ahead.”

Calum takes his place next to Luke, keeping a safe distance between them. He looks to the floor and spots a tissue box, and picks it up. “I think you might need these.” He says, gesturing to the box to Luke.

Luke smiles, grabbing the box from him, “Thanks.”

Calum takes a tissue and dabs at Luke’s eyes, whispering in Luke’s ear, “I still don’t like seeing you cry.”

Luke shivers at Calum’s voice, overwhelmed by the proximity the two of them are in, “Don’t worry, these aren’t bad tears.” He says, attempting to make his voice low enough so the other two members can’t hear him.

Calum nods at this and returns back to the movie, watching as the main character (who, he had no idea was called) lies in her backyard.

Feeling an unfamiliar weight on him, Calum looks to his left at Luke leaning his head against his shoulder, and Calum does everything in his power to control the thoughts going elsewhere in his mind.

On the other bed, Michael has tears pouring down his face as Ashton watches him uncomfortably, “Y...you alright, Mikey?”

“This stupid movie does this to me every time.”

Ashton laughs, “You had a very interesting night then.”

“Michael rubs angrily at his eyes, “Tell me about it, how was yours?”

“Almost lost my phone to a game of pool.”

Michael scoffs, “Sounds pretty typical to me.”

Ashton looks passed Michael to the other bed, watching Luke asleep on Calum’s shoulder as Calum follows slowly in rythm.

“Hey, Mikey.” He says in a whisper, pointing to the direction of the younger boys.

Michael lifts his head away from the direction of the screen and looks to his left, smile on his face wide as he turns back to Ashton.

“We should probably follow their lead.”

“Um...”

“I meant the sleeping part. Big day ahead tomorrow.” Ashton clarifies.

“Right, gotcha.”

Ashton stands from his place on the bed and moves towards the opposite bed, pulling a blanket over Luke and Calum. He moves towards the light switch, flicking it off before crawling next to Michael.

“Night Mikey.”

“Night doofus.”

“That’s not very nice.”

“Whatever.”

“...Michael if you need to cuddle-“

“Put your arms around my waist because Luke kept putting his arms too high on my back and it made me uncomfortable.”

Ashton laughs to himself, doing as he’s told. Slowly he feels his eyelids shut as he mind continues to race.

Tomorrow was a big day, a day that had been 3 years in the making. It was 3 years of working, confusion, and a lot of unnecessary stress, but tomorrow was proof that all of that bullshit was worth it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the lack of an update ahhh!!! But to make up for it, I gave you guys a longer-ish chapter, as well as a PROMISE that a new chapter will come to you guys tomorrow!!!! I'm in the editing process of the 16th chapter and because I feel so bad I'm dedicating all my time to it tomorrow.
> 
> Really hope you guys enjoy this chapter it kicks off the rest of the tour pretty well. Also the ROWYSO memories kind of made me sad but what can you do. Sorry if the song thing gets annoying but it's gonna be pretty significant to some of the future plots as you saw with If You Don't Know sooooo yeahhhhhh 
> 
> Enjoy! :D

_It was December 3 rd, 2011, and the boys of 5 Seconds of Summer were currently moments away from playing their first official gig as a band. The boys had somehow managed to book a show, despite their lack of experience or knowledge on how to play a live show. Michael had been the one to get the band out to the public, being the one to book the gig and push the boys into asking (pressuring) people into coming to the show. The Annandale Hotel wasn’t nearly as bumping as their 1000 invites had intended, but the boys were unable to focus on numbers due to the sheer amount of nervousness they were all feeling._

_Ashton and Michael were off going over their music once again discussing back and forth the different song choices and covers they wanted to do. As the two eldest members of the band, it was their responsibility to make sure the gig didn’t end in a complete disaster, with the music being the main priority. Ashton had joined the band not too long ago, having been contacted through Michael. He was the oldest, which automatically fit him into the assumed leadership role for the band. Michael worked alongside him well, the one who probably knew the ropes best and had the best sense for playing up a crowd._

_Calum was off in his own world, strumming away on his bass in the back room on a couch across from Michael and Ashton. He wasn’t as nervous as he should have been, more so excited to finally be showing their music off to however many people eventually showed up. To his left was his best friend, Luke, who was currently the perfect image of someone about to have a break down. Luke was shaking his legs uncontrollably, eyes glued to the floor as his body appeared tense next to Calum’s. His hands trembled as they rested on his thighs, and his breathing was quick and unsteady. Sympathizing for his friend, Calum turns and watches Luke shake._

_“Luke?” Calum asks his shorter friend, moving closer to him to let Luke know he was close._

_Not moving his gaze from the floor, Luke responds in a whisper, “Y-yeah?”_

_“Are you alright?”_

_Luke scoffs, “Alright? Yeah of course I’m alright why wouldn’t I be alright?”_

_“Because you look like you’re about to explode,” Calum says through a laugh, “it’s ok if you’re nervous, you know.”_

_Luke stiffens, “I-I’m not nervous.”_

_“Then why are you shaking?” Calum places his hand on top of Luke’s leg, attempting to stop his friend from shaking his leg up and down._

_“Because it’s cold in here.”_

_“You have a sweater on.”_

_“S-still...”_

_“You don’t have to lie to me, you know. I won’t make fun of you.”_

_Luke sighs, “I know...” Looking up, Luke’s eyes meet Calum’s._

_“Why are you nervous, Lukey?” He knew that Luke was nervous, and Luke would deny it to the end just to not look weak or small in comparison to the rest of the band._

_“I don’t know... What if people think we suck?”_

_Calum sighs, content with Luke finally admitting his insecurities, “People won’t think we suck, dude. If they come to this show it’ll be to support us, yeah?”_

_“I guess... but I have to sing so much and I’m not that good and people are gonna judge me.”_

_“Oh Luke...” Calum says sweetly, “But you were the one who started uploading videos in the first place and you sound great in all of them. You obviously don’t suck.”_

_“Yeah but that’s because if I did suck I could just start over until I sounded good. I can’t edit and redo real life, Calum! It just doesn’t work that way.”_

_Calum laughs at Luke’s comment, much to Luke’s annoyance, “But you won’t have to edit or redo anything. You have more parts because we know you can handle it, Luke. We wouldn’t assign parts in songs if we didn’t think the person who got them couldn’t do them well. We’ve been practicing them a whole bunch too there’s no way you don’t got this by now.”_

_“Yeah but-“_

_“No buts.” Calum states, shuffling closer to Luke, “You’re a great singer, dude, and you’re gonna kill tonight and even if we don’t, we’ll just learn from this and be better next time.”_

_“What happens if I get nervous on stage and I forget to sing or play? Then there won’t be a next time!”_

_Calum shrugs, “Every time you’re nervous, just look over at me.”_

_Luke looks at Calum, puzzled, “Look over at you?”_

_“Yeah, just look at me and picture us jamming out together at your house and imagine there’s no one else in the room. Just us. It’ll make things easier that way.”_

_Smiling at Calum, Luke rests his head on Calum’s shoulder, “Thanks.”_

_“Don’t mention it. I mean, one of us has to be the sane one.”_

_“Hey!”_

_“You boys ready to play a rockin’ show?!” Michael screams at the two younger boys, as he and Ashton approach._

_“Yeah you bet!”_

_“What about you, Luke, you ready?” Ashton asks the youngest boy._

_“Y-yeah. It should be fun.”_

_“Man, I can’t wait to get out there and see all those people cheering for us!” Michael enthuses._

_“You really think there’ll be people out there cheering for us?”_

_Michael scoffs, “Dude, of course. We invited a lot of people and at least 1000 said they were coming. This thing is gonna be intense.”_

_Much to Michael’s disappointment, only about 12 people showed up. But even though it was a select audience, the boys played a fantastic show._

_And every time Luke got nervous, he looked over at Calum, and all at once, his nerves would disappear._

* * *

 

Luke sits in the very back of the band’s van with his headphones in to drown out the noise. In the front seat, Michael and Ashton are frantically talking back and forth about the show that’s about to happen- their first show of the entire tour. It had been a long time coming, getting to this point and working through three years of work and separation. There were many trials, many tribulations, and not enough down time, but Luke couldn’t imagine things going any better than they were right now.

The band was in a good place, everyone working side by side just to ensure that this tour started with the bang it deserved. The album was dropping tonight, right after the conclusion of the show. There were already plans for press the next day in the next city, and the boys couldn’t wait to see what the fans thought of the album. In the most non-egotistical way, Luke had the album blasting through his headphones, listening through the tracks excitedly in the anticipation of the album finally being released.

To his right, Calum was also drowning out the world through music, listening to what Luke imagined was his pre-show playlist. Waking up with his head against Calum’s chest was definitely shocking to Luke, bringing back some locked away memories and some equally hidden emotions. He had jumped out of bed immediately, for the purpose of getting ready and also getting out of whatever situation he had gotten himself in to. Ash and Michael were asleep in the bed next to theirs, so Luke took Michael’s key to shower and get ready in Michael’s room. They had to have seen Luke and Calum sleeping together and cuddling, which meant they most definitely were going to ask either of them questions about it.

And Luke would like to think it would be easy enough to just brush it off as their typical business, but seeing as their typical business had changed over the last three years, he knew an easy explanation wouldn’t be the case.

As much as Luke would hate to admit it, thing between him and Calum were definitely shifting. Part of him was trying really hard to be mad still, festering the anger and betrayal he felt when Calum first walked through the doors at their Shazam interview. But slowly, that anger was depleting and Luke really wasn’t sure he wanted the anger gone. He still needed time, and right now his heart was not agreeing with the logic of his head: Luke’s head knew that Calum had done him wrong and knew that the right emotion was anger, but his heart just wanted Calum, wanted to be close to Calum and to wake up every single day on this tour in Calum’s arms.

But there were more important things to think about, like tour and the album release, so Luke didn’t dwell on the combat of his heart and mind.

“Luke?” He hears Calum call out to him as Calum shakes his shoulder.

Luke pulls out both of his headphones, “Yeah?”

“Wow, you must’ve been really into whatever you were listening to.”

“What do you mean?”

Calum chuckles, “Well, we’ve been sat in this car parked now for 5 minutes and you haven’t even acknowledged the fact we’ve arrived at the venue or the screaming fans outside.”

Luke looks back out his window, and is met with tons of desperate and happy faces screaming at his window.

“Oh... My bad.” He says sheepishly.

“Michael and Ash already left the vehicle because Dave wants us to go in pairs just to not overwhelm security and the fans.” Calum explains as he unbuckles his seat belt.

“Should we be heading out there now?”

Calum scans the side of the van, “Yeah, I think Dave should be about ready to take us.”

“I can’t believe we’re actually here...”

Calum smiles, “Tell me about it. It’s been a long time coming.”

“You’re telling me,” Luke says, “Alright, you get out first.”

“Using me as your human shield; very admirable Hemmings.”

“Wasn’t my intent but now that you mention it, thanks.” Luke states, humoring Calum as Calum walks out the sliding door.

Immediately, fans erupt into an explosion of screams, as Calum presses his body against their security guard Dave’s back. Luke follows behind, body close to Calum’s but not close enough for them to be touching. Security had advised them not to take any pictures, as there were far too many fans swarming the arena at this time.

Luke can hear the scream of the fans, and part of him feels slightly overwhelmed at the attention. Subconsciously, he grabs at Calum’s waist to guide him through the crowd. Feeling the touch, Calum speaks to Luke over his shoulder, “You ok?”

Luke nods, “Yeah, just needs getting used to again.”

“Mhm.” Calum says through a laugh, as he turns back around to face Dave’s back.

After moving through the seas of people, the two younger boys find themselves in the safety of the venue doors.

“Mikey and Ash are on stage waiting for ya to do soundcheck,” Dave informs them, “I’ll bring you to them now.”

“Cool, thanks Dave,” Calum says cheerfully as he and Luke follow behind Dave. As they make their way down the corridor, Calum turns to Luke, who still looks unsteady despite being away from the screaming crowds.

“You alright?” He asks his taller band mate.

“Hm? Yeah I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem very fine.”

Luke shrugs as he shoves his hands in his pockets, “Guess I’m just nervous for today.”

“Fair enough.”

Calum and Luke walk into the arena as Dave steps to the side, allowing for Calum and Luke to take in the setting all over again. Their stage was set up the same way it had always been, and Michael and Ashton were already playing around on their respective instruments in their old places.

Feeling the excitement under his skin, Calum smiles at the open arena. This was it; three years of waiting and they were finally about to play their first show again as a group. He turns to Luke, who looks back at him and returns a smaller smile.

“You boys coming to rehearse or are you just gonna stand there and smile stupidly at each other?!” Michael yells into the microphone, as Calum and Luke turn away from each other and laugh.

“Yeah, we’re coming!” Calum shouts.

“Don’t shout it’ll ruin your voice!” Ashton demands through his microphone.

“Ash don’t shout at them it’s bad for you!”

“Michael, you are yelling!”

Luke looks to Calum and laughs, “Those two are idiots.”

“Tell me about it.”

* * *

 

_The high energy was a mixture of excitement and sadness, as the boys embrace each of the respective members of the crew of the Rock Out With Your Socks Out Tour. It was always hard to end off your last show, let alone the last show on your first ever headlining tour. The show went exceedingly well, with no screw ups and no shortage of energy from the crowd. The banter was hilarious and the music was intense, and the boys couldn’t be more happy to end their first tour with a show like this._

_The boys were currently in their dressing room, just the four of them after the rush of goodbyes they shared with the entire crew. They were sat on the couches, none of them exactly sad but definitely disappointed in the end of the tour._

_“I can’t believe we did it...” Calum says, downing the beer in his hand._

_Ashton cracks open a beer and takes a sip, “Did what?”_

_“Just... this,” Calum gestures to the entire room, “I mean, we just finished our first fucking headlining tour.”_

_“I can’t believe it’s over...” Michael says sadly._

_Luke nods in agreement, “I know, me either... It feels like we just started yesterday.”_

_“Remember when we got Cal’s cousin to play the bass?” Ashton says with a fond smile._

_Calum beams at the memory, “Oh my God, yes. That was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”_

_“Maybe, I mean Harry absolutely killing Rejects was pretty cute too.” Michael argues._

_“That kid is going places, I tell ya,” Ashton states with pride._

_“What are your guys’ favorite memories from tour, go.” Luke demands._

_Calum chokes on his beer, “You can’t just expect us to go on memory road right now; the tour literally just ended!”_

_“I think it’s the perfect time to talk about this actually.” Michael argues in agreement with Luke’s request, “I mean, we can’t just sit here sadly in this dressing room and drink beer and not talk about how we killed Pizza every time we played it.”_

_Ashton chuckles, “I can’t believe we actually played that fucking song live.”_

_“Dude the fans loved it,” Calum states, “Arguably, it’s our most rock-esque song.”_

_“It’s a fucking song about Michael wanting pizza!”_

_Calum laughs along with Michael and Luke, “Exactly! That’s why it’s so fucking hilarious.”_

_“Do you remember when that chick played the bass and knew how to play Boulevard of Broken Dreams?” Luke contributes._

_“Dude that was fucking epic,” Calum expresses, “we have some pretty talented fans.”_

_“Yeah some of those people we brought on stage were actually fucking killer at guitar.” Michael states in agreement._

_“Most of them were definitely better than Michael, I’ll tell you that much.” Ashton jokes, as Luke and Calum laugh._

_“Well excuse me, Mr. ‘I’m just gonna sit on this stool and hit things and it’s the easiest job in the world’”_

_“Alright alright easy there boys,” Luke says, sipping his beer._

_“Remember that time Luke forget the words to ‘Long Way Home’?” Calum teases._

_Luke scoffs, “You’re one to talk.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Kiss Me Kiss Me?” Luke argues back._

_“Touche.”_

_“Yeah we’ve messed up on stage a lot,” Michael says tensely._

_“These aren’t exactly times we’ve messed up but I think Michael improving songs on stage was hilarrriiousss.” Ashton reminisces._

_Michael laughs to himself, “Oh my God I don’t even remember half of those.”_

_Calum sighs, “I’ll definitely miss those...”_

_“What I won’t miss is Michael spitting on us during What I Like About You.”_

_“Oh God, those were the worst!”_

_“I like to test the elements on stage.” Michael states with a smirk._

_“Yeah, both water and fire apparently.” Calum jokes._

_“I WAS WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO BRING THAT UP!” Michael yells through a laugh._

_“Oh my God that was the craziest fucking thing!” Ashton says._

_“Mikey I hope that never happens to you ever again.” Luke voices._

_“Trust me, next tour there most definitely won’t be pyrotechnics.”_

_“Dude, next tour?” Calum questions, “Wow I can’t even think about a next tour.... we just finished this tour.”_

_“You know us,” Michael says, finishing off his beer, “We’re gonna try to take a break, but we’re just gonna get back to work on this next album and completely forget to take time off.”_

_“Why do we do this to ourselves?” Luke asks._

_Ashton shoves Luke’s arm, “Because we love what we do and we love our fans?”_

_“Oh, right.”_

_“I’m definitely gonna miss anticipating what Michael would say during that one part of Good Girls.” Calum admits._

_“Dude, I’m gonna miss coming up with shit to say on the spot.”_

_“You know what I’m gonna miss?” Ashton asks._

_“No, what?”_

_“The feeling of final bows.”_

_“Geeze, Ash, way to just get emotional on us here!” Michael yells._

_“Well, it’s true! Those were always the best!”_

_Calum hands Michael a new beer, “I say we toast right now and finish off these beers and get out of this place.”_

_“Alright,” Michael agrees, “What are we toasting to?”_

_The four boys raise their bottles and look at Ashton to speak, “To us. For finishing our first tour and to hopefully many more tour to come.”_

_“To us!”_

* * *

 

Perfect Vodka Amphitheatre was filling up with fans quickly, as people from all over were collectively coming in high anticipation of the first show. The energy of excitement radiates through the arena as the four boys remain in their dressing room, each of them doing their respective pre-show routines.

In the corner, Ashton stretches as he mentally thinks through the set of the show and the gimmicks. It had taken a lot of Ashton’s time and effort to get to where they were now, his efforts in contributing to the tour definitely taking a toll on him over the years. But if there was something Ashton loved it was the result of hard work, and he was more than ready to satisfy the patient fans who stuck by them all these years. Selling out an opening show without even releasing the music that’s meant to be played was enough of an indication of how loyal their fans really were. For all they know, they could just play Rick Astley for the next three hours and drop an album of poorly covered songs. And of course, the 5 Seconds of Summer boys were all about a good prank here and there, but they knew that their fans were better than that to be tricked.

Michael sits in the opposite corner with his laptop and his headphones in. Before shows, he liked to chill and calm himself before hitting the stage to release all of his energy. All day, Michael had been anxiously awaiting the show to start, his eagerness to play the new music growing stronger and stronger as the anticipated start of the how grew nearer and nearer. And this was all stemming from the years of anticipation Michael had for playing again, having the band back together and doing what they loved as a team. It was a long, tedious process of dealing with unnecessary stress and drama but none of that mattered anymore. Sure, there were a few kinks to work out and they definitely weren’t perfect but they were close enough and that’s all that Michael cared about.

In an arm chair, Calum sits scrolling through twitter on his phone, reading the tweets of the eager fans both at the show and at home. It was almost as if he was reliving the past, watching everyone do the same routines they used to, and watching as the crew and the band worked steadily as a unit to work towards the best show. It was all too familiar, even the feeling of nervousness was common ground to him.

But what felt most familiar was the sight of Luke, sitting across from him on the couch with his legs shaking and his face breaking into a nervous sweat.

Calum stands and seats himself next to Luke, putting at his thigh as he nudges him with his shoulder, “Still get nervous, huh?” he says in a joking manner.

Luke doesn’t look up, instead focusing on a spot on the floor to avoid looking at Calum,  “And you don’t?”

Calum hums in response, “I do. I just do a better job at hiding and controlling it.”

Luke sighs jealous of Calum’s better ability at concealing his nervousness, “If only I had that luxury.”

Scanning Luke over, Calum watches his facial expression as he speaks, “Do you... wanna talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” He says in an effort to avoid discussion.

“Why you’re so nervous.”

“I’m-“

“Luke, don’t even try to bullshit with me right now because we both know it isn’t going to work.”

There was no getting out of this conversation, so much like a lot of Luke’s decisions lately, he decides to just go with it, “I just don’t want to disappoint people.”

“Luke how could you ever disappoint anyone?”

“Because the fans have been waiting for this for three years, and that’s a lot of time to anticipate something great to happen. And what happens if I screw things up or the fans hate the music? What if all that hard work goes to waste?”

“Well, there’s no doubt in my mind that the fans will love whatever we put out regardless of time, but if you think about it, they’ve been waiting for so long that anything they hear will be like the best thing they’ve ever heard. And if you ask me, I feel like this new stuff we have coming out is a lot better than our old stuff.”

“I get that, but just because the stuff is good in theory doesn’t mean itll sound good if one of us messes up on stage.”

“Luke, I’m gonna ask you a question.”

“Did you have to announce it so professionally like that?”

“Yes, yes I did,” Calum says in an arguing tone, “Now, tell me, Luke, how many times on the last tour did you mess up on stage?”

“Cal-“

“Just answer the question.”

Luke thinks for a moment, replaying a few significant screw ups in his head, “Maybe a handful, I can’t exactly think of a number.”

Calum nods, “Ok, now tell me, how many times after those screw ups did we just continue on and continued to play shows?”

“... Every single time.”

“Well then, why the worry then?”

“Because this time is different, Cal.” Luke says as he holds his head in his hands.

“How so?”

“Because the fans have such an expectation of us this time, and I already screwed up the last time we performed by running off stage and all that bullshit.”

Calum sighs, the memory of that night vivid in his head, “Ok, but if you think about it, this time will be a lot more different than that.”

“How?”

“Well, I mean... I’d like to think that the band dynamic is a lot better now. I don’t know about you but I’m definitely feeling a lot less stressed out than I was at that show.”

“I guess...”

Calum rubs up and down the top of Luke’s thigh where his hand is resting, “You just have to remember that we’re doing this because we love to do it, not because it’s required of us. The moment you stop thinking and start... living, you’ll feel less pressure and you’ll just allow yourself to feel the moment and enjoy yourself.”

“Ok yeah-“

“Do you remember what I told you at our very first show?”

“You told me to look at you every time I got nervous.”

Calum smiles, gripping tightly at Luke’s hand, “Just do that again, ok? We’re a team. We’re all in this together.”

Luke finally meets Calum’s eyes as he melts into the warmth of the older boy’s stare. Blue eyes meet chocolate as the two stare longingly at one another, feeling the physical and emotional connection between them. A small smile emerges on Luke’s face as he highs contently, “Thank, Cal.”

Satisfied with his ability to help Luke, Calum chuckles, “Anytime.”

The moment between them is interrupted by Michael and Ashton sitting on either side of them, both of them ready to play their first show.

“You boys ready to fucking rock?” Michael questions.

“Hell yeah we are,” Calum states confidently.

Ashton nudges at Luke’s side, “Luke?”

Looking up at the drummer, Luke smiles, “You know I’m fucking ready.”

“Good. I can’t believe we’re about to start this all over again.” Michael admits as he places an arm around Calum’s neck, “Feels like forever since we ended the last tour.”

“That’s because it _has_ been forever, Mikey,” Ashton suggests, “The people out there have been waiting for this and frankly, so have we.”

“And the album drops at 10:30?” Calum asks.

“Mhm. Should be available on iTunes as soon as we step off the stage.”

“I can’t believe we did it.” Luke says with optimism.

“I’m really proud of us, guys.”

“Michael, are you getting sentimental on us?” Calum teases.

“Shut it, Hood, I have your head ready for a head lock at any moment.”

Ashton stares at the clock on the wall, “We should probably start heading towards the stage, Hey Violet should be done with their set soon.”

“You know, they’ve gotten a lot better since we last saw them.” Luke states.

“They’ve really been working hard to put out better music. I’ve worked with them a shit loads in the studio.”

Michael pulls himself up to his feet, “Alright, enough talk. Let’s get to the stage so we can start up this fucking tour.”

The rest of the boys stand, and look amongst each other, “Group hug?” Ashton inquires.

“No.” “Ash...” “Dude you’re dumb.”

“Boys...”

“Ok fine.” “Come here.” “Ugh fine.”




They could hear the screaming of the fans before even stepping on the stage and the boys could feel the energy pulsing through their veins as they run out onto the stage. Ash is behind them, banging harshly on his drums as the boys position themselves to start the set. Fans are going wild as the boys look at each other and smile, the feeling of familiarity beating in their hearts in rhythm to the sound of Ashton’s drums.

The three guitarists strum at their guitars with their backs to the audience, as the lights slowly start to come up revealing the three of them standing there. Ashton continues to wail at his drums, as he watches the three boys run up to the microphone.

**Take my money!**

At the sound of the first three words, the fans immediately erupt into louder screaming, the years of waiting finally ending for them and the band they love finally back together.

**Black jeans, white tee, black converse, you know she gets it right. Blue hair, blue eyes, I saw her, I couldn’t help but I was like**

Luke could feel the audience watching him, their screams of delight enthralling him to sing with more energy and more passion. He can feel the nerves coming up on him, and he does his best to keep them down.

**I wanna be (be), be in the game, I wanna know (know), your middle name, if we could go (go), it won’t be the same, ‘cause right now, you’re killing the game. Everybody’s gonna go big tonight in a couple hours we’ll be like**

**Take my money, take my keys, drive this car through the drive thru please. From the floor to the ceiling, rhyming and stealing, everybody in the place catch that feeling like oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, take my money**

Michael was singing with all of his heart, the smile on his face not fading as the fans scream for him. This was the feeling he missed for so long, and now that he was here, he couldn’t imagine being without it ever again.

**Late night, pass out in Tokyo, New York, LA, Chicago. She said her friends would like the show; backstage, we’ll let them in**

Calum looks over and spots Luke staring at him, and Calum returns his stare by smiling and singing confidently into his microphone. The words come out with ease as Calum relaxes into the eruption of noise around him. To anyone else, the sound of a large arena screaming would shock them, but to Calum, this sound was more soothing than anything else in the world.

**They wanna be (be), be n the game, I wanna know (know) what we gotta say, and in the front row, you’re going insane, and in the back row, you’re killing the game. Everybody’s gonna go big tonight in a couple hours we’ll be like**

**Take my money, take my keys, drive this car through the drive thru please. From the floor to the ceiling, rhyming and stealing, everybody in the place catch that feeling like**

Ashton couldn’t be happier, the sound of the fans pumping through his blood as his arms flail along to the beat of the song. His grip around his drum sticks is tight, as he puts all of his power into each bang he makes.

**Take my money, take my keys, drive this car through the drive thru please. From the floor to the ceiling, rhyming and stealing everybody in the place you could all**

**Take my money, take my keys, drive this car through the drive thru please. From the floor to the ceiling, rhyming and stealing, everybody in the place catch that feeling like oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, take my money**

**Take my money**

**Take my money**

The fans shout in joy as they finish the first song, and Calum looks over at Luke and smiles. Michael shares this look between the two of them as all the boys turn around to share the moment with Ashton. They could tell that this was going to be a great start to the tour.




The show was going better than any of them could have ever hoped for. The fans, from what it sounded like, were loving all the songs they were playing. There were no screw ups, no trips, and most importantly no awkward tension on stage. Each of them were performing with everything in them, urging each other to play better and supporting each other on stage. It was a good and familiar feeling, and as the boys run back on stage for the encore, they can feel the smiles still strong on their faces.

“West Palm how are we feeling?!” Michael screams into his microphone, the fans returning with a response of enthusiastic screams. “Now, as you guys may have heard from the last show we played, every night the encore is going to be a song from our past that you guys really want to hear. And we thought what better way to start off these throwbacks than with the song we opened with every night on our last tour!” Fans shout in excitement as all of them know what song is about to come, “Alright, we wanna hear you go fucking nuts can you do that for u West Palm?!”

The fans respond as the boys ready themselves to play their first throwback song, Ashton’s drums cueing them in.

**You walked in, everyone was asking for your name. You just smiled, and told them trouble. My head spins, I’m pressed against the wall just watching your every move, you’re way too cool, and you’re coming this way, coming this way**

Luke can feel Calum walking to him as he sings the first verse, and Luke can feel the smile growing wider on his face. The entire show, whenever Luke got nervous he looked over at the bassist, and even he couldn’t deny that looking at Calum immediately made his nerves go away. He couldn’t help the way Calum made him feel, nor could he help the way his heart pumped faster as Calum walks up to him. Unintentionally, his mind goes back to the first night of the Rock Out With Your Socks Out Tour and thinks about how he felt that night. It was like reliving a memory all over again, and it was exactly what Luke wanted to feel.

**How did we end up talking in the first place? You said you liked my Cobain shirt, now we’re walking back to your place, you’re telling me how you love that song about living on a prayer. I’m pretty sure that we’re halfway there and when I wake up next to you I wonder how, how did we end up here?**

**How did we end up, how did we end up here?**

Fans sing back the lyrics as the boys sing the chorus, enthralled that after all these years, the fans still remember the words to their old songs.

**Next day out, everybody thought you were so insane. ‘Cause you were so far out of my league. My friends say I should lock you down, before you figure me out and you run away. But you don’t and you won’t as you kiss me and you tell me that you’re here to stay.**

Calum can feel Luke to his side as he sings his part of the song, Luke returning the same action that Calum had done during Luke’s part. Calum tries to focus on the song, but his mind wanders to what he’s heart is thinking about: Luke. It’s a good feeling, knowing that they can be the same around each other on stage again. There’s no pretending, no faking, and no tears and that’s all Calum could hope for. He really had no idea how he ended up here, in love with Luke and longing for the moment they can work out their problems. But all he knows is at this very moment, they’re ok, and that’s just what Calum wanted all these years.

**How did we end up talking in the first place? You said you liked my Cobain shirt, now we’re walking back to your place, you’re telling me how you love that song about living on a prayer. I’m pretty sure that we’re halfway there and when I wake up next to you I wonder how, how did we end up here?**

**Cal me lucky ‘cause in the end, I’m a six and she’s a ten. She’s so fit I’m insecurity, but she keeps coming back for more.**

Ashton looks into the audience, looking amongst the excited faces until he finally spots Bryana amongst a few of her friends. He winks at her in the crowd and she smiles, and Ash can feel his heart swelling with love. There were many things going on right now that he loved: Playing for the fans, knowing that they liked the music, his girlfriend in the audience, his band mates in front of him together again. Suffice to say, he definitely felt lucky.

**How did we end up talking in the first place? You said you liked my Cobain shirt, now we’re walking back to your place, you’re telling me how you love that song about living on a prayer. I’m pretty sure that we’re halfway there and when I wake up next to you I wonder how, how did we end up here?**

**How did we end up, how did we end up here?**

**How did we end up, how did we end up here?**

Michael screams into the microphone as he jams out on his guitar, his excitement coming through his voice as he lets out any last shred of energy in his body. Michael hadn’t felt this happy in a while, finally feeling a sense of serenity over the years of hard work and confusion. It was reassuring to know the fans still loved and supported them, and Michael couldn’t contain his excitement for this kind of life.

As the band finishes playing the song, they each walk up to the end of the stage and wait for Ashton, who holds a microphone in his hands as he approaches.

“Thank you, West Palm!” He screams at the fans, “What a great way to start off the Sounds Good Feels Good Tour!”

The three other band mates look at Ashton and smile, each of them holding a respective microphone.

Ashton continues speaking, “We just wanted to say a few things as this is the first night of tour, and you know that we’re not very used to being serious so please bare with us for a little bit.”

“Yeah, Ashton is making us be serious but don’t worry we’ll go back to talking about nudity and shit next show!” Michael screams in contradiction to Ashton’s statement.

“Thank you, Michael,” He says sarcastically, “Well first off, as a band, we just wanted to say thank you so much for sticking by us after all these years. It’s truly a blessing to know that even though we weren’t putting out music or weren’t as active, you guys stayed by our side and didn’t give up on us.”

“Yeah, we really couldn’t thank you guys enough for having faith in us and staying by us. It really means a lot.” Calum adds.

“We’re really glad that we can give you guys new music and we really hope that you guys can take something away from our personal stories on this new album. As a band we really just want to give you guys what you deserve and we hope you guys enjoy the album.” Luke contributes.

Michael nods along to Luke as he speaks, knowing it’s his turn to talk once Luke is done, “The album should be released in the next few minutes so we really hope you guys enjoy it! We worked super hard to give you guys the best album we could write and hopefully you guys hear that in the new music, so yeah. Hope you guys like it!”

“Now shall we boys?” Ashton says, as the four boys of 5 Seconds of Summer come together to do their bow.

5 Seconds of Summer are back, and they’re ready to take the world by storm all over again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! As promised, here's chapter 16. Probably one of my favorite chapters and the start to one of the most important parts of the whole story. Not to provide any spoilers or anything, but 16-18 are either gonna make you love me or hate me (probably both I can live with that)
> 
> Hope you enjoy this story and thank you to those who leave positive responses and kudos it honestly means so much to me I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story we've got so much more to go! :D <3

Tour life was great. Sure, there were the downsides of not sleeping in a large enough space when on the road, and sometimes there wasn’t a lot to do inside of the bus, and having to pick up everything and leave immediately sometimes sucked, but regardless it was always worth it since it meant the boys could do what they loved most. They had just finished their second show in Tampa and were on the road to North Carolina. Thankfully, they had the day off the next day, which meant that they could do some much needed sleeping in.

Calum lies awake in his top bunk, unable to sleep due to still being on the high from performing. There was something comforting about being in the presence of thousands of people, all in a room for the purpose of enjoying music. The sound of fans screaming was something that definitely took used to, but it was something that now gave Calum the energy he needed to perform. He can remember the first show where fans sang back their lyrics, and it’s something that reminds him about the reasons why he’s in a band. It’s that moment that Calum loves the moment of listening to the crowd feel the words they wrote, and the pride he feels internally that someone as significant in the entirety of the world could touch even one other human soul. These were typically the thoughts that hit Calum each night after coming off stage, and lying in his bunk now he remembers each and every show, and each experience he got every night. Two shows in and there was no doubt in Calum mind that this was going to be a fantastic tour, an opportunity to relive all the moments he longed to live through again.

The album had dropped after their first show, and since then it had been rising on the charts around the world. Fans all over were motivating each other to support and buy the album, taking to social media to promote and advertise Sounds Good Feels Good. The band was quick to gain publicity from the album drop, news outlets crediting them for making the “comeback of the century”. They had already done a few phone interviews and were meant to do many more, presses and radios wanting to know the scoop from –apparently- the hottest band at the moment.

The publicity was nothing new, but after years of being out of the spotlight it was a little overwhelming to say the least. If anything, it was just a reminder to them how dedicated their fans really are to them, seeing as they immediately have a connection to the new album and have been working hard to ensure it does well. It was definitely very, very exciting.

Which is why Calum is unable to sleep at the moment, prompting him to give up and head to the back of the bus to watch some TV.

Jumping out of his bunk, Calum makes sure to keep quiet, knowing that Luke is asleep across from him and Ashton below him. He figured that Michael wouldn’t be asleep, seeing as he had probably the worst sleep schedule amongst the four of them. Much to his enjoyment, Calum finds Michael sitting in the back of the bus, old episodes of Pokemon playing while Michael snuggles in a blanket.

“Care for some company?” Calum asks, waiting for an invitation to join Michael under his cocoon.

Michael turns his attention away from the TV and smiles, “Ah, couldn’t sleep either huh?” He says, as he lifts up part of the blanket for Calum to slip under.

“Nah, got too much to think about.” Calum responds as he slips in next to Michael, resting his head on his shoulder.

“You? Thinking? That’s new.”

Calum scoffs, “Might I remind you which one of us dropped out of school first?”

“School is not a proper assessment of who is more intelligent than the other.”

“...Actually Michael, I’m pretty sure it is...”

“Oh, whatever, dude. Did you come back here to out-smart me or did you come back here to watch some sick ass TV until we both pass out?”

Calum laughs at Michael’s acknowledgement of his victory, as Calum snuggles deeper into the blanket, “Definitely to watch TV with you.”

“That’s what I thought,” Michael replies cheekily, “So what you up thinking about?”

Shrugging, Calum lifts his head off Michael’s shoulder, “Just about tour and the album and what not.”

“Dude how much did you miss being on tour?”

“More than I thought I did,” Calum admits, “I forgot how much I loved performing and being on the road.”

Michael grins, “Oh I fucking love being on the road, I get to watch TV _and_ play guitar around the world it’s like my two favorite activities all in one.”

 “The only thing that would make this better is if we had a tour dog again.”

“Dude you were _obsessed_ with RJ.”

A bump in the road causes both of them to jump slightly, only to resume their previous position, “Do you blame me? He was badass. Even the fans loved him.”

“Have you been reading what the fans think of the album?”

“Oh my God, Yes!” Calum says with excitement, “I can’t believe they actually like the new stuff.”

“Can you blame them?” Michael argues while shrugging, “I mean we finally put out new music after three years and it’s fucking great music.”

“This just makes me more excited for the rest of the tour.”

“You and me both, brother.”

Calum yawns, leaning against Michael in the process, “Do you mind if I-“

Sighing, Michael rests his head against Calum’s, “By all means.”

“Cool, if I pass out-“

“I won’t move you, I’ll probably pass out here too.”

Smiling, Calum closes his eyes, “Thanks mate.”

“Yeah yeah whatever.”

Michael watches as Calum drifts off to sleep, and he smiles to himself as he continues to watch the TV screen. It was a good feeling to have Calum against him like this, mostly because it meant that tour and the band were both working out. If you asked Michael when Calum first showed up, he would sadly admit that the band was not at all ready for tour life again. There were far too many blatant issues and not enough cooperation going on between the group dynamic. But thankfully, things were working out, regardless of whether hatchets had been buried or not.

Feeling his eye lids slowly close, Michael allows himself to sink against Calum, feeling the warmth of his band mate next to him.




It’s noon when the boys arrive in Raleigh, North Carolina, and their only order of business involved checking into the hotel and doing a quick phone interview with Dan and Maz. The four boys are currently jammed in Luke and Ashton’s room, waiting for the phone call to indicate the start of the interview.

Luke seats himself beside Michael on the edge of his bed, leaning back with his palms against the mattress, “So we’ve got nothing else planned for today?” He asks Ashton, who is furiously typing away on his phone.

Ashton looks up and cocks his head to the side in thought, “I believe this is it today. Most of our stuff will come up later in person and on the road. Dan and Maz just really wanted to get some time with us because we couldn’t when we were back home.”

Calum walks into the main room from the bathroom and takes a seat next to Ashton on Ashton’s bed, “So we can just chill out after this then?”

“Basically, yeah,”

“Why don’t we do something tonight?” Michael suggests, joining in on the conversation, “Feels like forever since we’ve all gone out and done something.”

“Like, go out to a bar?”

“I wouldn’t mind that too much,” Luke states, “I guess it _has_ been a while since we’ve really gone out.”

“Ash? You in?”

“Oh I’m definitely in,” Ashton responds, “Just so long as we’re not out to late and we-“

“And there he goes again,” Michael teases, “Daddy Ash at his finest.”

Ashton doesn’t even respond to the boys’ laughter, instead focuses on his phone to ignore their recurring joke, “They should be contacting us any minute now.”

Luke sighs, turning towards Michael, “Please don’t make jokes about me having diarrhea again you’ve done that the last like, five interviews.”

Michael chuckles to himself, “Yeah because it’s hilarious dude.”

“Maybe we could get some sick sponsorship.” Calum teases, as Luke flips him off.

Ashton feels the vibration of the phone in his pocket, “Oh guys, we’re on.”

Ashton picks up the phone and puts it on speakerphone, “Ash! Hey buddy it’s Dan and Maz!” Dan yells at him from the other line.

“Hey guys!” Ashton screams back, “got the other boys with me too.”

“Mikey, Calum, Luke, great to have you boys,” Maz says.

“It’s good to hear from you two,” Calum responds, “Sorry we couldn’t get to you back home.”

The boys hear Dan laugh, “It’s alright, mate, I mean we’re chatting now that’s all that matters. Now, first order of business, congratulations on a very successful album drop.”

“Thank you very much,” Luke says, “It’s been surreal having this finally drop after so long.”

“Your fans have definitely been longing this album I tell ya,” Maz states, “Have you been looking at what the fans have had to say about it?”

Calum looks to the other boys while he answers, “We’ve definitely looked at some of the tweets and the reviews, yeah,” 

“And you know, they’ve all been super sweet and the fans are all just super excited and I don’t know, it just feels really good to know they really like the new music,” Michael says in continuation off Calum’s statement.

“Totally, and you boys know that your fans, the 5sosfam, are great at keeping up on social media, have they been doing a good job of promoting you guys and getting your name back out there?”

“Oh most definitey,” Ashton answers, “We have the greatest fans in the whole world. They all just work together and enjoy our music and it’s really invigorating as a band to know that, regardless of time and regardless of the past our fans have stuck by us and are working hard to let the world know that we are in fact back in the game.”

“And coming back into the game, how was that? ‘Cause you know, you guys were kind of out of it for a while.”

“I think the best thing about the break is it definitely helped us all grow, you know, like it sucked not being able to be on the road and being together but it was definitely a learning period and, as fans can tell from the album, spent that time working extra hard to produce the best music.” Luke answers, fiddling with the rings on his finger while he spoke.

“Yeah it was really great being off, especially for Luke because of his severe diarrhea,” Michael jokes.

The boys –minus Luke- erupt into laughter as they join Dan and Maz in reacting to Michael’s statement, “Luke, buddy, you dealing with some bowel issues then?” Dan teases.

“Yeah you know, shit happens sometimes,” Calum jokes, invoking another round of laughter.

“Well put, Calum,” Maz announces, “But going back to the tour, how’s that going for you boys? Has it been easy to readjust to the tour lifestyle?”

“It’s definitely been some sort of transition, whether that be a good or bad thing,” Ashton says, “It’s refreshing to be back on the road and doing what we love, but it’s still kind of, fresh in our heads and we haven’t done this in a long time so it definitely is taking some getting used to.”

“Yeah I agree, I think that after you’re off for so long you forget how overwhelming tour life can be, but once you get back into the groove of things it’s as if you never really left.” Calum continues.

“Alright well we’re gonna let you lads go but it was lovely to chat with ya,” Dan yells.

“Do call us up if anything new happens!” Maz adds.

“Yeah of course thanks for calling us guys!” Ashton responds, as the phone call ends.

“Well that was easy.” Michael says as he collapses down onto Luke’s bed.

“Easy for you to say, we don’t talk about _you_ needing to shit every single time,” Luke voices in an annoyed tone.

Ashton stands from his place while chuckling, “Well what can we say, Luke, you’re an easy target.”

“So we going out then?” Calum says, attempting to save Luke by changing the topic.

Ashton nods in agreement, “I’m down for that, how about we get ready, head out for some dinner then we can find some bar to hit up?”

“Do you think we’ll need security on us?” Luke questions, as he moves towards his suitcase.

Michael looks up at Luke, “If we’re smart about it we probably won’t, I don’t think the fans know we’re here yet.” He says, sitting up.

“Great, then why don’t you and Cal go back to you room and get ready and we’ll meet by the elevator in an hour?” Ashton says to Michael.

“Sure we can do that, come on Michael.”

Michael stands to his feet and walks passed Luke, “Let me know when that diarrhea problem dies down.” He jokes, as Calum pulls him by the arm out of the room.

The door shuts behind them and Luke sighs, “I hate him so much sometimes.”




After a fairly tame dinner, the boys decide to walk back towards the direction of their hotel, thinking to just stop at a bar on the way back. Thankfully, fans that did spot them only asked for a few pictures, mostly spending their time with the boys talking about the new album and happy they are to have them back. It was nice for fans to approach the boys as people, mostly seeing as the boys preferred to converse with fans instead of simply taking a picture with them.

Walking without a bodyguard was usually something they couldn’t do in the past, Dave or one of the others always accompanying them wherever they want. Now that they were a bit older, the boys felt as though they could handle themselves while being out in public, despite initial argument from Dave and the rest of the security squad.

They’re walking back to the hotel, Calum and Michael in front with Luke and Ashton behind, “So you handling tour life well?” Luke asks Ashton, who Luke knows is probably under the most stress out of all the boys.

Ashton shrugs, “I’ll be honest, I thought this would be a lot harder to deal with but it’s actually going fairly well. What about yourself?”

“I’m about the exact same as you right now,” Luke answers, “I thought this would be a lot harder but it’s actually going a lot better than I expected.”

“Is that in reference to the tour or to you and Calum?”

Luke looks ahead of him at Michael and Calum, Michael saying something funny to Calum and Calum laughing with his head tipped back, “A bit of both I guess.”

Ashton watches Luke watching Calum, “You guys seem a lot better, have you actually talked yet?”

“Not exactly...” Luke admits, “I mean, I guess I’m ready, it’s just awkward to bring up you know?”

Ashton nods, “Yeah I get that. But you know you’re not gonna get any closure on it if you don’t end up talking to him. And that can be pretty bad since you might end up angry at him all over again if something happens.”

Luke purses his lips together in thought, “Yeah, that’s true...”

“If it ever comes up again, just ask him what you have to ask him. If you guys are really meant to go back to normal and your whole argument was stupid, then you’ll get out of this clean. I mean, only you’ll really know how it’s gonna go seeing as me and Mikey have no clue what the hell made you two fight anyway.”

“Yeah, we’d prefer to keep it that way...” Luke states, shoving his hands in his pockets, “I’m just scared that I’m gonna say the wrong thing, or that I’m getting way ahead of myself and this whole, us being ok thing won’t last.”

“If it’s meant to last it will, dude. You both definitely seem happier, so just work off of that.”

Luke nods, taking in Ashton’s words. Yes, him and Calum definitely needed to talk still, and it was probably Luke’s fault it hadn’t happened seeing as Luke wasn’t sure where the talk would lead.

He was currently caught right now between his emotions. Their “fight”, as it will, was still a bruise to his ego he couldn’t shake off. Calum told him he loved him, and then left, breaking Luke’s heart and betraying his trust. And Luke told Calum he loved him, and promptly ignored him upon his return, thus causing Calum to feel more exclusion than he already felt. He either loved Calum or hated Calum, and he really couldn’t decide. And the fact of the matter is, he still has no true idea as to how Calum truly feels. He had offhandedly mentioned to Calum he was a gay, a weird, impulsive choice Luke had made that one night out. And Calum hadn’t said anything of it, or not yet anyway; which kind of scared Luke, because it either meant Calum didn’t really care or it meant that Calum was avoiding it because he thought Luke was still in love with him. Which, as Luke was starting to realize, was true.

So Luke kept avoiding bringing up the past, as much as he wanted and needed to. There was the chance that if Luke told Calum how he felt, Calum could say he still felt the same way and they could work out. But there was also the chance that Luke could tell him, and Calum could admit that he was just super drunk that night and couldn’t face Luke the next morning, influencing him to leave. And Luke knew that if his suspicion of the second option was proven true, he wouldn’t be able to cope.

“You guys down to go into this place?” Michael asks, turning around to face Luke and Ashton.

Ashton looks at the bar, not exactly empty but not entirely full either, “Could be decent, let’s go in and get a table.”

The two older boys walk in, leaving Calum and Luke outside, “You still with us?” Calum asks Luke, who is still visibly in thought.

“Y-yeah, sorry. Guess I really need a drink.” He jokes.

Calum chuckles, “You and me both.”




It’s close to 10 when the boys start to feel the effects of the alcohol. Calum is sat between Michael and Ashton in a booth, the three of them reminiscing about embarrassing moments from their past.

“But like, when Michael fell on stage during Voodoo Doll at that one show I didn’t think I could make it through the rest of the show without laughing,” Ashton admits, pouring himself more beer out of their shared pitcher.

“That really fucking hurt, you know, so I hope you feel bad for laughing.”

“Oh trust me, we don’t feel bad for laughing at all,” Calum states through his laughter.

“Well you fell on stage during Amnesia that one time.”

“It was raining!”

“So? And Ash you can’t even get close to falling on stage because you sit the whole time!”

“It’s a luxury in itself, bro, it just means I’m least likely to embarrass myself.”

“Except for those times where you fucking broke your drum kit.” Calum teases, poking Ashton in the side.

“That just means I play a rocking show!”

Michael shakes his head in disagreement, “Yeah whatever you fucking say. Where the hell is Luke, by the way?”

Calum looks around the bar after taking a drink, “I have no idea, I thought I saw him a second ago but I lost him.”

Ashton stretches, “Well, I don’t know about you two but I’m getting pretty worn out.”

“I’m with you on that, dude,” Michael admits, “Should we wait around for Luke?”

“You two can head out if you want,” Calum says, “I’m sure Luke will sure up eventually and we can head out.”

Ashton looks at Michael, “You wanna go?”

Michael nods, “Yeah, as long as you’re actually ok with it Cal.”

Calum brushes Michael’s skepticism off, “Dude, it’s cool. If anything Luke’s probably just in the bathroom and our jokes about him having diarrhea issues are true.”

Michael stops midway out of the booth, “Oh my God if that were actually true I’d cry.”

Handing Calum money for their share, Ashton slides out of the booth, “Alright, we’ll meet you back at the hotel. Don’t hesitate to text us if you need us.”

“Yeah will do!” Calum yells, watching Michael and Ashton walk away.

Calum pulls out his phone and looks through twitter, reading fans tweets and smiling to himself. He does this for another few minutes before growing curious as to Luke’s whereabouts. Filling himself another drink, Calum starts to scan the bar, looking from the front of the bar to the back where the darts were. Luke definitely wouldn’t be by the front because that was too in the open and people on the outside could photograph him, and Luke was too uncoordinated to enjoy darts.

Calum looks to the middle of the bar, and looks at the people sitting atop bar stools. He tops when he spots a broad back and smiles, Luke always did have a nice back but these last few years were definitely good to him.

His thoughts are abruptly stopped, however, when he sees who Luke is with.

Luke is sat chatting with another man, an equally tall, model looking fellow with slicked back brown hair and shaven sides. This mystery man sits with his shoulder touching Luke’s, his body leaning in closer towards Luke’s while he talks. Luke, on the other hand, is completely immersed in whatever it is this man is talking about, and there are at least five times where Calum catches him staring at the man’s lips.

Feeling his stomach churn and his cheeks ignite, Calum knows he has to step in. This man was definitely flirting with Luke, and for whatever reason, Luke was flirting back. No, Calum was not jealous; he was simply looking out for his band mate. His... friend. That’s all it was.

Quick to his feet, Calum glides across the bar towards Luke and the man, but stops when he sees the man whispering into Luke’s ear. His mind could be playing tricks on him, but he swears he sees the man say “Come home with me.”

Calum’s feet move quicker as he approaches the bar, body fired by jealousy and rage that the man would even think to bring home someone as good and pure as Luke. Luke was better than this guy, definitely not someone you would pick up at a bar. You would need to grow to earn Luke’s trust, meet him, treat him well, and then ask him to go steady. There was no way Luke was a dude you could just pick up.

“Luke!” Calum screams as he closes in, fake smile plastered on his face as Luke turns to look at him.

“Uh, hey Cal,” Luke says confused, “Wh-what’s up?”

“Oh, not much, just thought I’d come by to check on you, because, you know, that’s what friends do and all.” Calum all but spits out, “You know, Ash and Mikey already left so we should probably get going.”

“Right now?” Luke questions, turning to the guy sitting next to him and then back at Calum, “I didn’t even know that they left.”

Calum nods, “Yup, they did. We’ve got a big day tomorrow, which is why we should probably leave too. Right now.”

Luke turns to the mystery man, “Hey, I’m sorry I-“

“It’s no worries,” He says in his dark, musky voice, “If you’ve gotta go you’ve gotta go.”

“Yup, and we do!” Calum announces, “I’ll wait for you outside so you can pay.”

Calum walks away with his head held high; this man had nothing on him. Sure, he was like, model hot, and his voice was the human version of a warm hug, but Luke was his friend, and if Calum felt an odd sense of pride that he just butt in on this man’s attempt of taking Luke home, then Calum would blame it on friendship.

Luke joins him shortly, hands shoved into his denim jacket pockets as he and Calum make the trek home. They walk in silence, Calum occasionally turning to look at Luke who has his eyes glued to the street.

“You have a good night?” Calum asks, kicking a rock down the sidewalk.

“Yeah, it was pretty fun, good to finally go out again.” Luke answers dryly, still staring blankly ahead of him.

Calum knows he shouldn’t ask, nor does he think it’ll do him good to ask, but he does anyway, “So... who was that guy at the bar?”

This prompts Luke to turn his way, “Oh, Joe? He’s just some guy who came up and talked to me.”

“Joe, huh?” Calum inquires, “He, uh... he looked... nice.”

“Yeah, he was definitely nice.” Luke states.

Calum chuckles to himself dryly, “I mean, I don’t want to make any accusations but I think he was definitely-“

“Hitting on me?” Luke says for Calum, “Yeah, he definitely was.”

“Oh,” Calum responds, “And?”

“And what?”

Calum knows he’s prying, but he can’t help himself, “Were you... were you interested in him?”

Luke shrugs, “Kind of?”

“Oh...”

“Yeah, it was refreshing to just talk to someone and open up you know?”

“Yeah, I guess so...” Calum says in almost a whisper, “But I mean, there will be other people out there, right?”

“I suppose,” Luke states, “I mean, he gave me his number, so.”

“He gave you his number?” Calum says a tad angrily.

“...Yeah... Look Cal if something’s wrong-“

“What? Why would anything be wrong?” Calum says, attempting to save himself from being called out.

“I don’t know... you’re just acting kind of funny.”

“I guess I’m a little drunk, sorry,” He answers quickly, “Had a lil too much to drink.”

Luke looks at him skeptically, “Right...”

“Have there been other guys?”

Shit. Why did he say that.

“I’m sorry?”

There was no getting out of this one, “You know... like have you had a boyfriend?”

“Oh...” Luke says, somewhat uncomfortably.

“Look if you don’t wanna talk about it-“

“No! No it’s ok,” Luke interrupts, nervously looking back down to the ground, “It was just, unexpected is all.”

“Yeah I don’t even know why I asked I guess it was dumb-“

“No.”

“...No?” Calum questions.

“No.”

“No, it wasn’t a dumb question?”

“No, like, I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

Calum looks at Luke, his heart beating quickly in his chest as he watches him, “Oh...”

“Yeah...” Luke can feel Calum’s eyes on him, making him nervous.

“Have you been with-“

“I’ve been with no one in the last three years, Calum.” Luke says, cutting right to what he assumes Calum was wondering.

“Oh...”

“You’ve said that a lot this walk.”

“Sorry... I just...”

“Have you?”

Calum looks at Luke, confused, “Have I what?”

Luke looks up, a somber look on his face, “Have you been with any girls?” It was painful for Luke to ask, the question of Calum’s sexuality still looming in the air around them. Part of him really didn’t want to know the answer, there was a chance that Calum could tell him right now about all the girls in LA that he probably slept with and Luke wasn’t even sure why he wanted to know in the first place.

“N-no. No one since I left.”

“Oh.” Luke says simply. It was all he really needed to say, and it was the answer Luke needed to hear.

“Yeah...”

The two of them walk in silence, the night sky filling the sound and the space between them, “Are you-“ Luke starts, before stopping himself.

“Am I?” Calum pushes, seeing Luke physically struggle to get the words out.

“Are... are you...” Luke doesn’t continue, but his face and his inability to speak clue Calum in into exactly what Luke is trying to ask.

It was a question he had been asking him for years now as well, him definitely not as certain as Luke in that department. So for Luke to be asking him right now, was difficult, to say the least.

“I don’t know.”

Luke turns to Calum, who this time isn’t looking back, his eyes glued to the sidewalk in a similar fashion to Luke’s previously. There was a chance that Calum was answering a completely different question to what he assumed Luke was asking, but judging by Calum’s exterior, and the awkward air in between them, he knew that Calum knew exactly what he meant.

“We’re here.” Calum says, as Luke turns to his right and spots the hotel doors.

“Right... we should probably...”

“Yeah...”

The two of them ride up the elevator in silence, not sharing a glance between them as the small proximity of the elevator is enough for them to suffocate in the tension. The doors fly open as both boys walk down the hall, stopping in front of Luke and Ashton’s door.

“Well... this is my stop.” Luke says jokingly, as he fishes for his key card out of his pocket.

“Yeah... well... I’m glad you had fun tonight.” Calum responds shyly, a tiny smile plastered on his face.

Luke looks at Calum and smiles, “yeah, me too. Goodnight, Cal.”

Luke pushes the door open, and Calum can feel the tension between them still, “Luke.” He says unexpectedly to both him and Luke.

Turning around confused, Luke stares at Calum, the shorter boy’s face an unreada ble expression, “Y-yeah?”

He wants to say it. He just wants to say those few words that will let Luke know how he truly feels. He doesn’t want there to be this uncertainty between them, the questions they both know are in the air potentially answered by him just saying these words right now in this moment. They both know there’s something there, both know there’s answers to questions from their past they have yet to talk about but both know can’t bring up. And all of those could be gone if he could just say them right now.

“I... I...”

Luke can feel it, the words on Calum’s tongue that he can’t express. He knows what those words are, and he knows that he isn’t sure he can handle hearing them. What would happen if Calum said them to him right now? Would he say them back? Would he slap Calum across the face for saying those words? The last time he said them, he left. Would he do that again if he said what Luke knew Calum was trying to say?

“You what, Cal?” He says in an attempt to get the words out of Calum.

Calum can feel Luke’s eyes on him, and he can feel his heart beating rapidly as his mind races just as face. “Just say it, Calum,” He thinks to himself, “Just say it now and it will all be over.”

“I... I hope you have a good sleep.”

Calum turns on his heels and walks down the hall, leaving Luke to stand in place completely frozen. Luke watches Calum as he walks away, his eyes following the bassist as he all but runs down the hall and into the safety of his room. Luke closes the door in front of him, finally able to breathe after holding his breath the entire exchange. He can feel the tears running down his face and he angrily wipes at them, feeling the words in his head betraying him. He sighs to himself, running his hands through his hair as he turns his back away from the closed door.

“I love you too, Calum...”

           


	17. Chapter 17

From within the safety of the wings, he can hear the roar of the crowd, increasing in sound and effect as the lights come back on onstage. He can feel the roars of excitement work their way down his spine, chilling his bones as he stands, waiting. The others are around him, each hyping themselves up to run back out, each of them in their own zone, just as he is. He wipes his sweat with a towel, handed to him by a stage hand and he thanks the man graciously. They were moments away from the encore, and the adrenaline is pumping through him faster than ever. Downing what remained of his water bottle, Luke chucks it to the side and prepares himself to run back out for the encore. Virginia Beach is where they were currently playing, or rather, almost done playing. The main set had gone well, as usual, no one forgot any words and everyone nailed their parts.

Except, the air in the room was definitely different.

It wasn’t tension necessarily, more so, unresolved questions that were now surfacing at the oddest of times. Three days had passed since their night out in Raleigh, and Luke was left puzzled as to where he emotionally stood with Calum. He looks to the bassist and he can tell that Calum is purposefully not looking at him, instead engaging himself with strumming at his bass. They weren’t fighting, they weren’t mad at each other; it was nothing like that.

From what Luke could gather, Calum wasn’t sure whether or not he was straight, or gay, or anything of the sorts. And Luke could tell that Calum was struggling with this, as Calum’s behavior towards the question were indication enough of how uncertain he was. And in Luke’s mind, this meant that there was a chance that all of the talks of “I love you” from the past could potentially be fake. It could mean that all of the longing that his heart had been doing could all be for nothing. But Luke would like to think he could give Calum more credit than that; Calum wasn’t someone who lied to please other people. He was real, a genuine person who was confident enough in himself that he didn’t need to fake anything for someone else to like him.

Yet, for the first time in a long time, Luke finds that Calum may just be faking. He can’t figure out, however, who Calum is faking for.

It should mean something to him that Calum keeps questioning him about other guys. And it wasn’t Luke’s fault for being an approachable male figure; his smile and tallness made him stick out easily in a crow. There had been three occasions now where Calum had cornered him about another guy: There was that time where Luke had blatantly come out to Calum, the night in Raleigh with Joe, and earlier today when Luke had simply asked a guy what he thought of the new Latte at Starbucks and he had told him it wasn’t worth it.

He hears the beat of Ashton’s drum and he’s back to rock star mode, his feet moving before he can even register as he runs up to his centre microphone. The wave of intensified emotion hits him in the chest as he looks out into the crowd and smiles, hands from all places reaching out to him as he waves and reaches back. Performing was definitely a feeling he missed, being able to look out into a sea of bodies and know that each and every person in that room was in there for the purpose of joy and the love of music. It was always refreshing to know that people supported them and that people genuinely liked them.

He turns to Michael who nods, giving him the cue to start playing.

**Oh-oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, this is everything I didn’t say**

**Wait, don’t tell me, heaven is a place on earth. I wish I could rewind all the times that I didn’t show you what you’re really worth (what you’re really worth)**

Calum knows that he’s staring; he can’t help his eyes from falling onto Luke as he sings this damn song. Luke is over by Michael, and the two of them are goofing around together while Calum sings, his eyes following as Luke moves away from his mic towards Michael’s side. The truth of the lyrics were evident than ever as Calum reflects on he and Luke.

**The way, you hold me, I wish that I had put you first. I was wrong, I admit, numb from your kiss while you were slipping through my fingertips.**

He was definitely confused, because as much as he really wants to confess to Luke how he feels about him, the guilt and weight of the past still haunt him in a melancholy way. He wants to tell Luke how he feels, but he’s scared that he doesn’t feel the same way back. He broke Luke’s heart by leaving, and he knew from the moment he saw Luke again the damage was still there. Sure, they were acting like friends now, but there’s a vast difference between acting like _friends_ and acting like classic Calum and Luke. And as Calum sings his part of the song, he truly wishes that Luke could listen, and realize that what he was singing was really everything that he could not bring himself to say.

**Taking every breath away, with all of the mistakes I made, from all the letters that I saved; this is everything I didn’t say. I wish I could’ve made you stay, and I’m the only one to blame. I know that it’s a little too late; this is everything I didn’t say.**

**Wake me up now, and tell me this is all a bad dream. All the songs that I wrote, all the wrong that I hoped would erase from your memory (erase from your memory). Holding onto a broken and empty heart, flowers I should’ve bought, all the hours I lost, wish I could bring it back to the start.**

He can feel Calum’s eyes on him as he sings, and he thanks the Gods that he’s singing from the middle of the stage so he has the excuse of looking forward and into the crowd; Calum has the view of Luke somewhat in front of him so it won’t look as obvious if he’s staring. Luke really does want to look at Calum though, see if he can read him better while singing. Calum was never the type to be good at words, much like Luke is himself. They both were prone to fail in expressing themselves well, instead using music as a prominent expression of language.

He could feel them in the air, the things that it seemed like both of them wanted to say but couldn’t.

_I love you._

_I always loved you._

_I never stopped loving you._

But these are all halted by the three words Calum said the other night.

 _I don’t know_.

From Luke’s perspective, this could mean a variety of things: Calum didn’t know what his sexual orientation was and it was confusing to him, he still isn’t sure if kissing Luke was a regret, or he just doesn’t know whether he can or ever did have feelings for Luke.

And as much as it only appeared like a short answer to a short question, Luke could feel that there was something behind the answer Calum wasn’t able to say. What this was though, Luke couldn’t figure out.

**Taking every breath away, with all of the mistakes I made, from all the letters that I saved; this is everything I didn’t say. I wish I could’ve made you stay, and I’m the only one to blame. I know that it’s a little too late; this is everything I didn’t say.**

**I hope you know, for you I’d sacrifice to make this right. Whoa-oh, whoa-oh. Someday, I’m sure we’ll pass each other by. Until that time...**

Michael looks to his left and spots Calum staring at Luke again, and he can tell that Luke is doing his best to keep his eyes focused on either the crowd or his guitar. Things were going on between them that Michael could put into his bag of speculation, but as a third party in their relationship he didn’t think he was in any position to be making speculation.

There was definitely something off, however, something that wasn’t there before.

**Taking every breath away, with all of the mistakes I made, from all the letters that I saved; this is everything I didn’t say. I wish I could’ve made you stay, and I’m the only one to blame. I know that it’s a little too late; this is everything I didn’t say.**

  *          



Stepping off of the stage, Ashton swings his arm around Luke, who wraps his left arm around Ashton’s waist, “Good show?” The drummer asks.

“You bet,” Luke says, nodding in response to Ashton’s question, “nothing feels better than the moment you step on that stage, you know?”

“Totally, except, maybe not as good as the moment you step _off_ of it if you know what I mean.”

With a yawn, Luke rubs at Ashton’s waist, “Oh trust me, I definitely know what you mean.”

“I don’t know if it’s age bringing us down or these shows are getting more tiring to do.”

“Age?” Luke questions with a chuckle, “It’s been 3 years Ash not 30.”

Ashton releases his hold on Luke and punches him in the arm, “You know what I mean!”

“Clearly I don’t.”

“It just takes some getting used to, the early mornings and the long shows.”

Luke shrugs, “Welcome back to tour life, dude.”

Behind them, Michael and Calum are walking side by side in silence, as Calum is too concentrated in watching the way Luke and Ashton interact. This was Ashton for crying out loud, why was Calum so interested in watching the way Luke acted with him?

“Just take a picture if you’re gonna stare that long, dude.”

Calum turns to Michael, a look of confusion on his contrasting the look of amusement on Michael’s, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he argues for himself.

Michael laughs to himself, “You’ve been staring at them since we got off the stage and haven’t said a word, it’s like you were in some weird trance or something.”

“Merely appreciating my love of Lasthon is all.”

“Oh please, dude, spare me.”

Calum sighs, he hadn’t been intended on getting caught staring. He still didn’t know why he was staring in the first place.

“Hey, Mikey?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re bros, right?”

“I don’t know, Calum, are we factoring in the fact we’ve known each other since childhood and the fact that prior to the last three years I saw you every day of my life or are we ignoring that?” Michael replies sarcastically.

“Fine, be a dick.” Calum whines, shoving his hands into his pockets aggressively.

Michael nudges Calum playfully, hoping to gain a reaction, “Hey, come on buddy,” he teases, “what’s up?”

“Nothing... it’s stupid I guess.”

“Calum you’re not stupid just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Is it stupid that I’m jealous of the way Luke acts around... you guys?” He refrains from saying “other guys”.

“Honestly? A little.”

“You just said I wasn’t stupid!”

“ _You’re_ not stupid, but the fact that you’re jealous of a relationship that is equal with every other relationship in this group is kind of dumb.”

Calum sighs, rubbing at the back of his neck embarrassed, “You’re right, it’s stupid. Forget I said anything.”

“I mean I guess I can see where you’re coming from though,” Michael muses, “I mean, you two aren’t exactly back to where you used to be right? Seeing him act like that with me and Ash is definitely a reminder that things between you are still weird.”

“I didn’t really think about it that way...” He says, putting into perspective what Michael is saying.

“Exactly, you just gotta give it time before you guys act like you guys again. Now hurry up we’re going to dinner with HV at the hotel.”

Calum watches as Michael jogs ahead to meet Luke and Ashton, running up behind Ashton and jumping on his back. He smiles at the exchange, the band he grew up with visibly still the same three idiots he always knew and loved.

It was reassuring that those three hadn’t really changed, they were still humble and still loved each other almost as much as the fans. Quite the easer on Calum seeing as he wasn’t sure what he was getting himself into when he came back after years of being away.

“Cal!”

He looks up to see Luke calling at him, Ashton and Michael stopping beside him as he stands to wait for Calum.

“You coming or what?”

Smiling, Calum shouts back, “Yeah, I’m coming!”

Jogging up to the band, he slaps Ashton on the butt, gaining a laughter as a response from the older boy along with the other two band mates.

It was definitely nice that most things hadn’t changed, but Calum knew he was going to need to work harder to fix the gap between who he and Luke are, and who they used to be.




Getting to the hotel was always a struggle with the amount of fans who would wait around for them to exit. Of course, their passion was always endearing and they always did their best to take as many photos as they could, but it was always overwhelming to come right out of a show and have to put on their “photo faces”. So after half an hour of making sure they got to each of their fans, the boys eventually make it to their hotel, scurrying into their hotel rooms as soon as they could to meet the members of Hey Violet for dinner.

Luke hears a faint knock at his door as he scrambles to find a decent shirt, throwing aside two black ones and picking up another black one- if Luke’s fashion sense was anything, it was consistent.

Walking shirtless to the door, he opens it without checking who it is, “This is definitely a sight I could come home to every night.” Michael teases, closing the door behind him as he takes a place on Luke’s bed.

“Ha ha very funny now help me pick something to wear.”

“Luke, what does it matter everything you wear is black.”

“So?! Some black doesn’t go with other black and there’s this whole system and-“

“Just pick a shirt and show me and I’ll tell you if it’s good.”

Luke turns back to his suit case, scrambling through it desperate for something to find, “How about this?” He asks, holding up a black Obey shirt.

“Yes, it’s perfect, now let’s go.” Michael insists, standing to his feet and making his way towards the door.

“That didn’t sound very sincere.”

“Well I’m sincerely hungry so let’s get a movin’.”

“Michael that-“

“I know it didn’t make sense Luke for fuck sakes Ash and Cal are already down there we need to go _now._ ”

Sighing, Luke tugs the shirt over his head, making sure he doesn’t ruin his hair in the process. He follows Michael out the door as the two make their way down the hallway.

“How do you think tonight’s show went?” Luke asks Michael.

Michael shrugs, “Pretty standard if you ask me. Crowd was good, we were good, just an all around good show.”

“Yeah agreed. I mean as fun as it would be to see you fall on stage again I don’ think we should risk anything like that happening yet.”

“You laugh now, but your time will come where you either fall on stage or a light from the rafters falls down on you.”

Hopping into the elevator, Luke shakes his head, “I highly doubt one of the lights would just fall on me like that.”

“Weirder things have happened on stage, dude. You can never be too sure.”

The elevator doors open and Luke follows Michael towards the restaurant. It’s close to midnight, which should be about the time for a restaurant to close, but luckily for them their hotel was willing to stay open until the hours of 1am. As they approach the round table, Michael takes his seat beside Calum, leaving the empty seat between him and Ashton to Luke.

“About time you guys showed up,” Nia jokes, “thought you guys were ditching dinner on us.”

“Me and Luke? Miss food? You have to be kidding me.” The table erupts in laughter at the honesty of Michael’s remark, as he and Luke begin looking at the menus.

“So where are we off to next, Ash?” Miranda asks from his left side.

“I believe we’re heading to New York tomorrow to play two shows, but we should have the day off tomorrow so we’ll be in Wantagh for 3 days.”

“Didn’t we hit up a few shows between Wantagh and Virgina Beach last time?” Calum questions.

Ashton nods, “Yeah, unfortunately we couldn’t get anything in between to work with our schedule so we’re gonna have to back track after Wantagh and then go from there.”

“You’re really doing a good job keeping shit together, Ash.” Casey remarks from the opposite side of the table.

“What can I say, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

After a waiter comes by and collects everyone’s orders, the group erupts into tiny conversation with each other.

“I’ve gotta say, Calum,” Rena says directly from Calum’s right, “You’ve definitely worked at improving those bass skills.”

Calum waves her off, “You’re one to talk, Lovelis, don’t think I don’t see how you shred that bass during your set.”

Rena laughs, shoving Calum playfully, “Stop! I mean I’m only following the advice you gave me from when we worked in studio.”

“I guess I’m a pretty great teacher.” Calum jokes.

Shrugging, Rena replies, “I wouldn’t go as far as to say you’re great...”

“Shut up you know that I’m a fantastic bassist.”

“See I would’ve agreed five minutes ago but now you’re getting cocky so I think I change my mind.”

Calum looks at her in mock offense, “And to think I taught you all that I knew,” he jokes, “No appreciation for educators nowadays.”

Luke watches this entire exchange go down, completely ignoring the fact that Ashton was asking him a question.

“Luke?”

Turning to Ashton, Luke blinks back to reality, “Huh?”

 

Ashton stifles a laugh, “I was just gonna tell you that you were drinking my drink but it doesn’t appear to be an issue anymore.”

Luke looks down at his hands and notices the empty cup, “Shit... sorry Ash.”

“It’s cool it’s cool, just don’t do it again or else I’ll start to think you’re doing it on purpose.”

The table erupts into polite laughter as Luke awkwardly contributes.  He does notice, however, the fact that Calum and Rena hadn’t even acknowledged what had just happened around them.

It was weird to describe the feeling in Luke’s stomach at the moment. It was a pathetic cross between jealousy and betrayal, both in which Luke knew were wrong for feeling. There was obviously nothing going on between Rena and Calum, they were just two friends who were conversing and were so focused on whatever it is they were talking about they couldn’t help but ignore everyone else. That’s all it was really. Nothing more to it.

“-And the chocolates you get on your pillow are always so good.” He hears Calum say.

“Oh my God, I know right! That and the tiny, wrapped up soap that’s usually in some funny shape like a leaf or something.”

“Yes!” Calum replies with a laugh, “Those always make me feel so oddly satisfied when I see them.”

“I know, right? They just look so complete and they look so cute and it makes me not want to use them-“

“But you can’t not use the soap because you can’t stand to have dirty hands!”

“Yes! Yes that exactly!”

Calum and Rena erupt into laughter at their odd conversation about the little things they love about tour. For Calum, it was nice to find someone else who wasn’t one of the boys who understand so much about his life.

“The worst part about hotel rooms is definitely the TV,” he suggests, “You can just never figure out how to make the remote work and by the time you do you don’t feel like watching TV anymore.”

“Dude, yes, and it’s like, how am I supposed to watch reruns of old cartoons when I can’t even figure out how to get out of that one stupid advertisement channel without accidentally spending twenty bucks?”

“Trust me the amount of times I accidentally bought a movie and forced myself to watch _because_ I spent money on it is ridiculous.”

Luke can feel the glare forming in his eyes as he continues to watch the two bassists interact. He starts to formulate all the reasons in his head why Rena and Calum would work out better as a couple: She was shorter than him so they would look really cute in photos, and when she wore his clothes they would be big on her and she’d wear them all the time; They both play the bass so they could practice songs together and they could have cute jam sessions where they rock out along to other tracks with bass in them; they’re both in bands so the media would eat that up instantly and fans already love Rena so there wouldn’t be any controversy at all.

He had to stop this. They were just talking, there was no need to get jealous. Except he couldn’t help the pang in his heart every time he saw the way Calum’s face would light up at whatever Rena said.

He then looks down at his phone lighting up, and he picks it up, puzzled. He sees a text from an unknown number, and reads it carefully.

???: Hey, it’s Joe from the bar. I’ve been meaning to text you and I just haven’t gotten around to it yet so sorry. How’ve ya been? : )

Luke looks up at Calum and Rena, and contemplates putting his phone away for a second. He looks up though to find that Calum has placed his arm around the back of Rena’s chair, probably in some sort of resting manner but to Luke it meant so much more.

With a sigh, he types out a response.

Luke: Hey! Nice to hear from you again! I’m good. What’s new?




Food comes to the table shortly as conversation at dinner remains light and fun, as the two bands continue to catch each other up and talk about returning to the lifestyle of touring. Calum and Rena were still fizzling out of having a personal conversation and contributing to the group, and it’s only when Calum isn’t lost in conversation with Rena does he notice that Luke wasn’t contributing to the conversation at all.

Every time Calum looks over, Luke is either typing a response on his phone or reading a response on his phone, with a dumb smile plastered on his face while he does both. There’s something about his smile that bothers him, something about it looking a little fishy to Calum.

“Calum?” He turns to find Rena staring at him, puzzled look on her face.

“Y-yeah? What’s up?”

“Oh nothing, just wanted to ask why you were staring at Luke again.”

This makes Calum choke on the fry he just lodged into his mouth, causing everyone around him to look at him with concern on their face. The plus side to this, at least, is Luke finally looks away from his phone.

“Dude, are you alright?” He hears Michael say to him, handing him a glass of water.

“Y-yeah,” He says between coughs, “Just... went down the wrong way I guess.”

“You should probably eat slower, it’ll help you grind up your food more.” Miranda suggests.

Calum holds a thumbs up, slightly embarrassed, “I’ll be sure to do that, thanks.”

“Anytime.” Miranda says, going back to her conversation with Ashton, Nia and Casey.

“Did I say something wrong?” Rena asks innocently, lowering her voice so that no one else hears her.

“No, no not at all,” Calum claims, “It was just an unexpected question I guess.”

“You two doing ok now?” She asks, looking at Luke and then back to Calum.

Calum shrugs, “In many ways, yeah. Definitely have a long ways to go.”

“You two can do it, you guys were super close all of last tour.”

“Yeah but that was then, and this is now.” Calum says with a frown.

“Dude,” Michael says, nudging Luke, “You’ve been on your phone all night, what gives?”

Luke looks at Michael, a look of confusion on his face, “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ve barely touched your food and the only time you’ve looked up when was Calum was choking just a second ago.”

Luke takes a fry and plays with it between his thumb and index finger, “Guess I’m just not that hungry.”

“Yeah, you being hungry is never the case, dude.”

Smiling at Michael’s comment, Luke pops the fry in his mouth, but doesn’t miss the sight of Calum feeding Rena some of his food behind Michael’s head.

This time, it’s Luke who chokes on his food, prompting everyone at the table to once again look up from their meals concerned.

“Dude holy shit!” Michael yells, handing Luke his glass of water, “What is with people tonight and choking on their food.”

“Sorry... sorry... I should uh... try that chewing thing Miranda suggested.”

“It works wonder, I tell ya.”

Luke looks down at his phone embarrassed, but doesn’t miss the glance Calum sends his way.




If there was anything about tour the boys complained about most, it was the difference between sleeping in a bus versus sleeping in a hotel. After dinner, both bands had run to their rooms and collected all of their stuff, piling into their respective tour buses once they were complete. They were set to be in somewhere in the afternoon, which meant they had the night off to do whatever they pleased.

In the bunks below him, Luke can hear Michael and Ashton snoring, both of them completely unaffected by the movement of the bus and the sound of the nightlife passing them by. He figures that Calum is asleep to, due to the lack of noise he’s heard from Calum’s bunk in the last hour.

He shouldn’t have been so bothered by Calum and Rena at dinner, he shouldn’t have felt the need to text another boy to get his mind off of it either. But there was something about Calum flirting with him that hurt him, made his fear of Calum not reciprocating his feelings only more prominent to him. Of course, Calum was under no obligation to not flirt with girls – or anyone really- just because of what happened three years ago. And of course, he said that there had been no one over these last couple of years but that could just mean that he completely dedicated himself to working on the music.

Calum was under no oath to not like anyone else that wasn’t Luke.

That was the thought circling his mind, but it was a thought that made his chest hurt and his eyes feel like pouring out tears. He figures that sleep wouldn’t be happening any time soon, so Luke jumps out of his bunk and slowly makes his way to the back of the bus.

Expecting to be alone, he is surprised to find Calum sitting on the bus watching TV.

“Oh... you’re awake.” He says, awkwardly leaning against the frame of the sliding door.

“Y-yeah,” Calum responds, surprised to find Luke standing there, “Couldn’t really sleep so I thought I’d come back here.”

“We have the same mindset then I guess,” Shrugging, Luke walks over to the opposite side of the couch and takes a seat, tucking one of his legs underneath him as he attempts to get comfortable, “Have you been here long?”

“Kind of, unlike Mikey and Ash, and you, I thought, I can’t sleep so easily on one of these things.” Calum says, gesturing to the bus they’re in with his arms stretched wide.

“Trust me, I struggle just as much as you do.” Luke jokes, turning his attention to the TV screen.

He could feel that awkward air between them again, and he knew Calum could sense it too solely from the fact that Calum couldn’t look at him for more than a second. There was something that Calum wasn’t telling him, or something Calum wasn’t admitting to that Luke knew was there. But Luke wouldn’t credit himself as someone who would push someone else to do something they’re not comfortable with, nor does Luke feel that he should ever speculate something of someone without any proof.

“So... you and Rena huh?” He says it without thinking, and he immediately wants to crawl back into his bunk and hide.

Calum freezes at his question, frozen by the awkwardness of it and how abrupt and harsh the question sounds. He could sense that something was off about Luke at dinner, but he didn’t think it would be something like this, “Uh... what about us?” He asks, playing ignorant in hopes that Luke was referring to something completely different.

Luke can feel the anxiety in his chest. Why had he opened his stupid mouth? “You guys were... uh... flirting at dinner and what not.” Fuck! He really shouldn’t be talking about this.

“Oh...” Ok, so that’s definitely what Luke was getting paranoid about. But Calum wouldn’t consider what happened at dinner as flirting, they were just friends talking.

“Yeah...” Luke says awkwardly, rubbing at his leg.

“And... and what about us flirting at dinner?” Calum questions, because no way Luke was getting out of this for just bringing this up for no reason.

Looking at Calum, Luke can feel the tint of a blush forming on his cheeks, “Nothing! Nothing! I was just wondering... if... you know... that was anything?”

Calum shrugs, “Not really... we were just.... talking.” He says honestly, because from his perspective that was really all it was.

“Oh yeah?” Luke asks, “Didn’t... didn’t really look like just talking.”

Calum is taken aback by this; was Luke really getting at him for this? “Oh? What did it look like then?”

“I don’t know... you seemed to be way more interested in what she had to say than what the rest of us did.” Luke didn’t know why he was getting so offended, nor did he know why he was still letting this get under his skin and why he was being so accusing. Calum had just told him it was nothing, but it really hadn’t looked that way to him.

“Well, I guess I was just intent on listening to what my _friend_ had to say.” Calum responds with a hint of annoyance, putting emphasis on the word “friend” to give Luke some sort of clue as to how ridiculous he was being.

“Well, I mean-“

“And look who’s talking, you were more interested in your phone than what any of us had to say either.” Calum argues. Why was he arguing exactly?

Left hook. Luke feels the first punch being thrown as he realizes Calum had been watching him, “I was texting.”

“Yeah, texting in the middle of dinner. A bit rude, don’t you think?”

He sighs angrily, “It was important, ok?”

“So important that you couldn’t look up, nor say a word to contribute to any conversation?”

“Ok, listen-“

“Who were you texting anyway?”

“Joe.”

Right hook. Luke can feel the punch being thrown towards Calum land directly in his lower jaw, but Luke also feels it in his stomach as well. This conversation was going south, and it was going south fast.

“Joe? Like from the bar?” Calum couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Here Luke is, accusing him and victimizing him for “flirting” with Rena and he’s spending his time texting some dude he met at a bar?

Luke shrugs nonchalantly, not wanting to show his anger rising, “Yeah, that one.”

“You’re texting _him_?” Calum continues, feeling his body tense at the idea of Luke and this guy texting all night.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”

“You just met him, dude! And here you are already texting him and what not you have no idea who this guy is!”

“Isn’t that what we used to do with groupies?”

Calum groans, pinching the bridge of his nose before he speaks, “This is different!”

“How?”

“Because-“

“Because those were girls and this is a guy?”

Uppercut. Calum is taken aback that Luke would even accuse him of having a problem with any sexuality other than hetero. With his anger increasing, Calum stands to his feet attempting to tower over Luke, “Do you really think I’m that kind of person, Luke?!” He yells.

“I don’t know, are you?”

“No! I’m absolutely not at all that kind of person and I can’t believe you would even insinuate that I am!”

Luke can feel the rise of the conversation, and he immediately wants it to stop. They shouldn’t be fighting, he shouldn’t have said anything, shouldn’t have assumed Rena and Calum were going to be a thing, and he definitely shouldn’t have texted Joe.

“O-ok well-“

“What’s up with you and guys anyways? Huh? Why do you suddenly feel the urge to hit on every guy that we see at a bar but fail to for the last 3 years?”

Another punch to the stomach. “I have _not_ been hitting up every guy that we see! What the hell are you talking about?!” Luke is standing now, face to face with Calum, so close their noises are almost touching.

Calum scoffs, “Oh please, don’t tell me you just happen to talk to a different guy every time we go out. Has it ever occurred to you that you aren’t even out to the other guys yet? Why is that? Why haven’t you come out yet?”

“Why haven’t you?”

Knockout.

He can feel the words tumbling out of his mouth, and he sees the impact they have on Calum’s face. He’s frozen, looking at the damage that he had caused in a fight he shouldn’t have been part of. And Luke can feel the regret and guilt sinking in as he watches Calum’s face go from shock to pure outrage in an instance.

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” Calum announces, staying in place for a few moments before walking away.

“Calum, wait-“

“It’s fine, Luke. You should probably head to bed soon.” He watches Calum disappear, as he falls back onto the couch.

Rubbing his hands over his eyes, Luke plays out the scene in his head over again, and he knows that he shouldn’t have made any false accusations in the first place.

And they were doing so well, too. So well on their way to being fine again. If only, Luke thinks, he had been able to keep his stupid fucking mouth shut.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me! Also just a quick disclaimer, absolutely nothing against Rena and I in no way represent who she actually is accurately, she is solely used in this story as a device to initiate conflict between Calum and Luke and I wish I knew her in real life because she seems super cool and I also love Hey Violet and they may show up more in this story and yeah don't hate her and don't hate me please ahhhhhhhh
> 
> (Also, in no way do I believe that anyone has an obligation to decide upon their sexual preference if they are uncertain. Again, this is written as a plot device between two boys who are dealing with a lot of different emotions and I do not condone the same type of mindset. As a proud supporter of the LGBT community and the proper treatment of LGBT members I see this happen to people a lot and I think no one, under any circumstance, should feel pressured to decide who they are, especially not for anyone else. Calum in this story is just struggling to figure out/come to terms with who he really is, and that's ok and it is asshole-ish for Luke to both insinuate Calum to be a certain sexuality or imply for him to come out, it is again a device used and written for this character to convey his character's personal conflict and confusion in terms of the emotions with another character. Don't know why I felt obligated to say this really but I just wanted to get this point across. I guess as authors and writers we sometimes fear that what we write presents some sort of representation as to who we are as people and what we believe, and we fear that if our readers read something that they may find controversial, it may translate to what readers think we condone/believe in. It's definitely a scary thing to write something that other people may find offensive or crude or disrespectful but as readers we have to remember that these are fictional characters, written with their own personalities and mindsets and beliefs, and sometimes they'll be completely different from what the author believes or spot on it all depends. Idk, rambling while you guys should be appreciating cake sorry sorry sorry I just want you guys to know I guess if you ever find anything i this story that may throw you off I don't mean to offend anyone and I'm terribly sorry if something does. I love and appreciate you all for even reading one chapter if that's all you were interested in, or if you're one of those people who has read every single chapter I appreciate you just the same. Just, thank you thank you thank you for reading this it mean so much to me that people genuinely are enjoying this beast <3)
> 
> Ok back to the Cake, hope you enjoy the read! This is part 2 of 3 in this 3 chapter saga I'd like to entitle "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WHAT THE FUCK"


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Super quick note but we're now on chapter 18 which means there's only 2 chapters left of the 2nd arc of this story.  
> Fyi, this arc in my notes is titled "Cake figure it out" while the first one was called "We (readers) figure it out"  
> What the 3rd arc is called? You'll find out in chapter 20 ;)
> 
> Also this is literally the longest chapter I've written so far for this story (10,000 words sorry) but when you get to the end you'll realize why. (Just... don't listen to your sad playlists during this chapter fair warning) 
> 
> Really hope you guys enjoy this chapter and the story so far can't wait to see where the story goes from here! Let me know what you guys think in the comments! 
> 
> :D <3

Luke wakes up on the couch in the back of the bus, cold and uncertain of where they are in America. That was the strangest thing about going on tour, the fact that you would fall asleep and could wake up in a completely different state. The sun was out and Luke could feel the warmth of it beaming onto his body from the window across from him, and he covers his eyes from the glare as he sits up. Running his hands through his hair, Luke blinks blankly at the TV screen, still playing the same show from last night. He stands up and stretches, making his way through the bus.

He stops, however, when he finds himself in front of Calum’s bunk.

Yes, he remembered everything that happened last night. The fighting, the accusing, the judgement, everything. There were two sides to how Luke felt at the moment, and the two of them were definitely very contradictory. On one hand, Luke felt absolutely terrible. He had no right to accuse Calum of hitting on Rena at all. It made complete sense for Calum to defend himself; they were _friends_. Friends get lost in conversation all the time and friends let other friends try their food and laugh extra loud at some jokes because they’re funnier than others. But of course, Luke’s jealousy had to get the better of him and he just had to make his jealousy evident to Calum by talking poorly of his intentions with Rena. And then came the part where Luke essentially called Calum out on his lack of knowledge on his sexual identity, and as someone who took time to figure out his, Luke definitely had no right to insinuate Calum to be one thing over another. Most especially, he had no right to make any remark on Calum needing to come out in any form. Part of it was mostly a jab at Calum’s words of the past, which Luke knows is petty and won’t solve anything, but it also came from a sense of insecurity that Luke was just a drunk hook up, and that his three years of longing for Calum would just result in futher heartbreak.

On the other hand, he was pissed. Who was Calum to make any sort of statement about him and other men? Was it Luke’s fault that guys always approached him, and that Luke was never one to turn down someone willing to have conversation, regardless of if they were flirting or not? Luke was a nice guy, and nice guys interact with other people whenever anyone shows any sort of interest in them. It may look bad and it may look like Luke is some sort of promiscuous character, but he really isn’t. He hasn’t even kissed another guy since Calum.

There were times he got close, yes, and there were a few guys who left an impression on him, but none of them were Calum so none of them mattered.

Sighing to himself, Luke continues through the bus and into the kitchen area. It wasn’t exactly too spacious, but it was enough for the four boys to be able to eat somewhat comfortably with each other. When he enters, Michael looks up at him and smiles, a piece of toast in one hand and his other hand scrolling on his laptop.

“Mornin’” He can hear the grogginess in Michael’s voice that let’s him know that Michael hadn’t been up for too long.

Sliding into the booth next to him, Luke smiles, “Morning. Do you know where we are?”

“We’re not too far from the hotel actually,” Michael informs him, “bus driver says it’ll be another half hour or so and then we can just chill for the rest of the day.”

Luke lets out a satisfied sigh, as he stretches his arms, “Thank God, definitely need a break right now.”

Michael looks at Luke, raising an eyebrow, “Really? You seemed pretty good yesterday.”

“Didn’t get much sleep last night really.” He shrugs, attempting to brush off his need for a mental break as tiredness.

“Really? Why not?”

He knew the question was due to come the moment he said he hadn’t gotten any sleep, “just couldn’t sleep I guess,” He says nonchalantly, as Michael looks at him suspiciously before taking another bite of his toast.

“Right... well Ash and Cal are still asleep so if you wanna make some food before they wake up I highly recommend it. Don’t have to make any food for anyone else when you wake up early enough.”

“I’m surprised you’re up this early to be honest,” Luke admits, “Aren’t you usually the one who’s still asleep on the bus when the rest of us are already in the hotel?”

Michael shrugs, “I just hate sleeping on these things, ok? I’m still that lazy sack of shit you know and love.”

Chuckling to himself, Luke stands and walks towards the fridge, opening it with a groan. That was another thing that sucked about touring: fridge was never quite as full as it would be at home. As he inspects the fridge he feels a body move passed him, and he refrains from looking at who he is out of sheer terror.

“Mornin’ Cal.” He hears Michael say cheerfully, as Calum grunts a response in return. He’s still looking in the fridge as he surprises a gulp. How was Calum feeling this morning after their argument yesterday?

Luke grabs a carton of milk and shuts the fridge, reaching to a box of cereal beside him on the counter as he reaches above him in a cabinet for a bowl.

“You look like shit,” Michael says to Calum as he suppresses a laugh. Calum had the biggest bags under his eyes, eyes that were red and puffy. His usual cheery posture was replaced by an obvious slouch and a lack of the “Calum cheer”. As much as there was a joking aspect to this new look Calum was rocking, it definitely was not something Michael wanted to see too often.

“Thank you Michael what a lovely thing to hear first thing in the morning,” Calum spits back sarcastically. He knew that Michael really was harmless and meant nothing of it, but this was not the morning to be making jokes with him.

To put it bluntly, Calum was pissed off. Pissed off because of fucking Luke who had decided to let his jealousy of Rena get the best of him, despite the fact that Luke had guys falling at his feet and Calum hadn’t even looked at anyone else since he arrived. Who was Luke to accuse him of flirting with one of their good friends? It didn’t make sense. And why would it matter so much to Luke anyway? He had all these guys and shouldn’t even be concerned of who Calum speaks to, regardless of if he’s flirting or not- and in this case, definitely _not_.

He had spent his night in bed tossing and turning, rage keeping him from sleeping as all he wanted to do was cuss Luke out. But he knew that it was for the best that he didn’t, because all that would accomplish would be more awkward tension and he knew the band most definitely did not need any more of that. He was definitely hurt by what Luke had said, yes, and he knew that they were young adults now and it would be better to just let it go and move on.

But Luke wasn’t getting off the hook so easily.

Raising his hands in defence, Michael smiles at Calum, “Alright alright I get it. Rough morning. Some food would probably do you good.”

Calum sighs, running his hands over his face as he looks at Michael, who looks at him shyly, a knowing look in Michael’s expression that lets Calum know that Michael can tell something’s wrong.

Luke is still attempting to occupy himself with his bowl of cereal when he can feel Calum near him again, seeing Calum open the fridge from his peripherals as he pours his milk into his cereal. He knows that he should say something, a “hi” or “good morning” at least to be a good friend. It was for the best they both let this go, Luke knew that, and he knew he was going to be the bigger person this time and try to reach out.

There’s something in their body language that clues Michael in into the tension between Calum and Luke once again. Both of them act on autopilot around each other, not even looking at each other or acknowledging each other despite being in such a confide space. He looks at them puzzled; weren’t they just fine yesterday?

Finishing with his milk, Luke moves closer to Calum to place the carton back in the fridge. As he pulls his hand out of the fridge, Luke knows that their closeness is probably the open door into a tiny conversation with Calum.

“Good morning.” It sounds weird coming out of his mouth, as he attempts to smile at Calum, who looks at him with daggers in his eyes.

Much to his surprise, however, Calum just stares at him, and reaches back into the fridge for the carton of milk Luke had just returned. Calum retrieves the milk and looks Luke over once again, still refraining to say anything.

Ok, Calum was definitely mad.

Watching the awkward exchange go down, Michael sighs to himself. Once again, there was something going on between Calum and Luke and for whatever reason, they were being weird around each other again.  God, his friends could be such teenage girls sometimes.

There was one thing Michael knew for sure: He was definitely going to have to talk to Calum about this.




They arrive at their hotel and, as per usual, are met with a select few of clever fans who had somehow figured out their location and where they were staying before they had even arrived. As lovely and as passionate their fans were, sometimes they could be very scarily smart. Michael does his job of making sure that each fan there gets at least a picture of a conversation, and he knows that he’s going to be one of the only few people who do this with how both Luke and Calum were acting in the morning. Once Ashton exits the bus, he does the same as Michael, smiling at everyone as he stops to a select individuals to talk and take some pictures.

Once he hears everyone calling Calum’s name, Michael braces himself for what’s to happen. Of all of the boys, Calum was definitely the one who got the worst attention when it came to how he acted sometimes in front of fans. It wasn’t Calum’s fault that he was terrible at hiding how he was feeling, and that fans always caught him at the wrong time in the wrong place. And he really did try his best to be happy and be his peppy self in front of the fans, but, as Michael definitely knows, it can be hard to fake a smile sometimes.

So it’s no surprise to him when he sees Calum walk passed him in a blur, right into the hotel without acknowledging any fans. He can hear the small conversation between some of the fans as Calum disappears, most of them remarking his attitude and his mistreatment of fans. There was no way Michael was letting them say these kinds of things again.

“Guys guys guys,” He says to the gathered crowd, “Give Cal a break for me, yeah? He really does appreciate you guys and he works super hard but he didn’t get any sleep last night so he woke up with a bit of a mood. Trust me, he gave me the cold shoulder too. Just don’t think he doesn’t care about you guys or that he doesn’t love you guys because he definitely does. Can you do that for me?” The people around Michael all nod, and shout back things about how Michael is a good friend and how lovely Michael is and he can’t do anything but smile. It’s not his intention to look like the good guy at all, he really just wants people to give his best friend a break.

Once they all finish with the fans, Michael makes his way up to his hotel room, bag slung over his shoulder as he stands with Ashton and Luke in the elevator. Ashton and Luke are in some conversation about which song to do for tomorrow’s show, but Michael can’t be bothered to be part of the discussion. The elevator doors open and Ashton and Luke part ways and head to their rooms, and Michael knows he should do the same but he knows he has to make a stop first.

He bangs on Calum’s door with two knocks, shifting on the balls of his feet as he waits for Calum to answer the door.

When Calum opens the door, he’s already in a pair of basketball shorts and a loose shirt, bags still under his eyes and scowl still evident as well, “Michael?” Calum says, as he rubs at the back of his head, “Shouldn’t you be putting your stuff away?”

“Nah, haven’t even been to my room yet,” Michael admits, “Can I come in?” Calum steps to the side as Michael enters, placing his bag on the floor as he takes a seat on Calum’s bed. “I thought I’d come by and see you before I went to my room. Seems like you need some company.”

“Oh yeah?” Calum asks with a hint of a smile on his face. Leave it to Michael to know that he needed cheering up, “And what makes you think that I want you?”

Michael places his hands over his heart in mock offence, as he collapses dramatically onto the bed, “Wounded! All I wanted was to see my best friend smile and here I am, heartbroken on his bed in a pile of shame.” The next thing he knows, Calum is jumping on top of him, his body limp and seemingly dead on top of Michael’s as Michael laughs.

Calum looks over at Michael as he wiggles himself off and next to Michael on the bed, “You’re too good to me.”

“Well what can I say, if I could be my own best friend I would but that’s kind of lame and sad.” The sound of Calum’s laugher is music to his ears as he places his hands behind his head. First part of his job was already looking to be complete. “So you gonna tell me what’s got you so worked up or what?”

“Do you even know how to be subtle anymore?” Calum nudges Michael’s side with his elbow, as he stares at the ceiling. He was definitely not prepared to tell Michael how he really felt about Luke, so going into depth about what was bothering him would be difficult. But knowing Michael he was sure to ask again.

“Come on, don’t try to change the subject. What’s wrong, bro?”

Calum sighs, rubbing his eyes with his palms, “I don’t know, dude. Just one of those days-“

“Oh please, Calum, this isn’t ‘one of those days’ because I can tell when it is, and you and I both know that there’s something else.”

Fuck. Why did Michael have to know him so well? “I mean... I guess there is something.”

“Alright, progress. You gonna tell me what this something is?”

“Do I have to?”

“Well I mean you don’t have to, but I bet you anything it’d help. And don’t lie to me again and tell me it doesn’t involve Luke because I was there in the kitchen this morning.”

Fuck. Michael knows way too much about him. “It... it’s weird, I don’t know. We just got into a stupid fight.”

“Again?” Michael says, as he turns to his side to look at Calum, “You wanna talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about exactly?” Calum questions, “I mean, we exchanged some harsh words, he said some things, I said some things, we went to bed and woke up and I think I’m still angry so we’re just gonna go with that.”

“I mean, he did try to reach out this morning.”

“Yeah I know and I probably should have said something back but I just couldn’t. Don’t judge me, I know it was wrong.”

Shrugging, Michael bites at his bottom lip. This whole “Calum and Luke” thing was becoming exhausting, and Michael knows in the back of his mind there’s something about the two of them that Calum isn’t telling him. But if Michael was anything, it was a good friend, and good friends don’t just make wild speculations without being confirmed anything. “Maybe you two are just worked up because of tour and needed an excuse to let out some anger?”

Calum sighs, turning to mirror Michael’s position. There was part of what Michael said that was probably right, but then again there was so much Michael didn’t know, “You think so?”

“Totally dude. I mean, tour takes a lot out of all of us and we all need to let out some steam sometimes. Guess you two just chose to let out your steam on each other?”

“Yeah... I guess...”

“It’s a good thing we got today off, right? Just take today to relax and maybe we can do something fun later or something.”

Almost as if on cue, there’s a knock at the door, as Calum throws himself up from his position on the band and opens the door to an excited looking Ashton. “Hey Ash,” He says cheerfully, as Ashton walks into his room.

“Hello hello, Oh! Michael’s here too, perfect.” Ashton says, as he takes a spot on Calum’s bed.

“What’s up, Ash?”

“Well, Michael, just got off the phone with an old friend of ours who’s in New York and wants to meet up tonight.”

“Oh, who is it?” Calum asks, excitement in his voice at the idea of seeing an old friend.

Ashton smiles,“Mr. Niall Horan.”

“No way, Niall’s here too?!” Michael yells, as he sits up from lying down.

“You bet! And he wants to meet up at some bar. Don’t know where yet but he’ll give me the details and I can get us a driver to pick us up and drop us off. That is, if you two boys are in.”

Michael bounces in his seat; Niall always knew how to have such a good time, “Dude of course I’m in. I’ve missed Niall.”

“Me too, Cal, you in too?”

“Yeah, I’m in.” Michael was probably right in saying he needed to have a tiny break, but there was only one thing that could potentially ruin this “break” for him.

“Great! I’m gonna stop by Luke’s room and let him know, be ready to get out of here by 8ish!” Ashton yells as he walks out of the room, moving passed Calum on his way out.

There it is. Luke.

“You gonna be ok?” Michael reads Calum’s face as soon as Ashton says Luke’s name, his friend visibly tensing at the mention of the guitarist’s name.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.” Calum says it enough that it’s believable, but even he isn’t convinced that Luke being there won’t make things a little tense.

“Ok if you say so. Now, how’s about we just lay in your bed and watch some TV together until we have to go out?”

Calum grins; he really did love Michael, “Sounds perfect.”




In the car on the way to the bar, Calum is sat between Michael and Luke, Ashton in the front seat. He can feel Luke next to him, the taller boy as Calum can suspect trying his best to ignore Calum as best as he can. They still had yet to exchange any words, and Calum would probably like to blame that on the fact that they both needed some time to reflect on the argument still. It made sense, yeah, but Calum was definitely tired of the arguments and the need to think about them.

On his other side, Michael is attempting to lighten the mood with some awful singing along to the songs on the radio. Ashton joins in eventually, and Calum does his best to laugh and keep the mood light despite the fact Luke fails to contribute.

When they arrive at the bar, the outside is busy, a line up built at the entrance that the boys all see as they exit the vehicle. They had planned to meet their driver at 1 around the corner, somewhere out of plain sight just in case someone tipped off paparazzi about their location. Thankfully, Niall had tipped off the bouncers and informed them the boys were coming (they really did hate to use their fame to get around things, but sometimes it just seemed necessary).

The bar is filled with different sorts of people, all enjoying drinks with their respective groups of people. Ashton is the first to spot Niall sitting at a table, and the drummer is quick to run across the bar.

“Niall!” Ashton screams, as he and the One Direction member embrace.

Niall is also quick to jump and return Ashton’s hug, “Ahhh Ash! So good to see you again, mate.”

“I wanna hug Niall next!” Michael announces, as he shoves Ashton aside and embraces Niall, “Hey buddy, long time no see.”

“Of course, Michael, been too long man.”

“Niall!” Luke says, walking up to the Irish lad and squeezing him, “How’ve you been?”

“Same as always, working hard but hardly working. It’s lovely to see you, Luke.”

“Likewise,” Luke says with a smile, moving aside to sit next to Ashton.

“And last but certainly not least, Mr. Calum Hood,” Niall moves closer to Calum and hugs him, as Calum melts into Niall’s embrace, “You been doing well lad?”

“Yeah yeah of course. So fucking good to see you dude.”

“I’m glad to see you boys... _all_ of you boys,” Niall teases, “How’s tour life mates?”

“Tour is life... tour life,” Ashton jokes, “still not as fun without you and the other boys there.”

“Yeah I can only imagine the lack of nudity and good times without us,” Niall says, humoring Ashton, “but the shows and fans are good?”

“Dude, of course,” Calum answers, “definitely missed being on tour.”

“How are the other boys?” Michael asks.

“The boys? They’re good. Lou brings his little one to writing sessions sometimes, it’s great to see him being all fatherly and what not.”

“Awww that sounds adorable,” Luke contributes.

“It is. What about you boys? Girlfriends? Kids soon?”

“Definitely no girlfriend and no kid any time soon.” Michael answers bluntly, “Yeah, all of us are single and kidless, ‘cept for Ash over there.”

“Ahh of course. Well, how’s about we get some drinks in us and catch up, yeah?”

All the boys nod, they were ready for a wild night.




Hours go by and Calum finds himself alone wandering the bar. He had lost Ashton, Michael and Niall not too long ago, the three of them wanting to remain seated and chat still while Calum wanted to mingle with some fresh faces. Luke, naturally, was also doing the same, and Calum wanted to do his best to ensure that he not run into Luke tonight.

There was enough liquor in his body for him to act impulsively, and there was no way in hell he would be able to handle his impulses like this.

But then, he spots him.

Luke is sitting at the bar with another man, this one buff with ashy blond hair cut with an undercut. The man is about the same height as Luke with stubble, and he can’t help the blood coursing through his veins in rage at watching Luke talk to this specimen.

Why did Luke have to do this? Was he just trying to spite Calum?

And Calum feels as though he shouldn’t care as much. Maybe Luke really didn’t like him back anymore, maybe there wasn’t a chance that they could actually work things out and that all of Calum’s time of waiting for Luke and being hopelessly in love with him would fall to shit.

Maybe. Just maybe. But Calum Hood would not let himself go out like this.

His feet move before he can think as he pushes through the crowds of people, eyes still locked on Luke as bodies bump into his. Luke still hasn’t spotted him, completely hypnotized by the guy talking to him as Calum fights all urges in him to punch the dude in the face. Yes, there was jealousy running through him and yes, he was acting impulsively. But at this very moment, Calum could give less of a flying fuck.

It’s a swift movement, but he’s quick to grab hold of Luke’s wrist and pull him away from the bar, Luke completely in shock as he doesn’t initially react to Calum pulling him away. Perhaps, he doesn’t even know who grabs him because his eyes are still focused on the guy at the bar. Calum doesn’t even look back at Luke as he moves through the crowd once again, pushing people out of his way as he makes his way out of the bar and into the streets. Thankfully, a cab is right in front as he pulls Luke into the cab and reaches across from him and shuts the door.

“Where you boys headin’?” The stingy cab driver asks him from his spot in the front seat.

“Garden City Hotel,” Calum answers, as he turns to Luke, who still has yet to register what had just happened.

Luke can probably blame it on how he had to drink, and probably due to how confused and surprised he is, but it takes him some time to realize where he is and where he just got removed from.

He was sitting at the bar, talking to some guy named Will who was telling him about how he saw them when they came last tour when suddenly he was being pulled out of the bar. At first, Luke thought that he had done something wrong and that security was throwing him out, and Luke was more than prepared to start apologizing and figure out what he did wrong.

But then he hears a voice, the voice of the cab driver’s voice and then the voice that responds. It snaps him back into his senses quickly, and as he turns to face the speaker next to him, he feels the anger in him appear.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” He shouts, ignoring the cab driver in front as he shoves Calum beside him, “Calum what the fuck?!”

“What? Angry because I pulled you away from another boy toy?”

Luke scoffs and laughs, his laughter mostly out of disbelief, “OH, so this is what it’s about again? Well you know fucking what Calum what I do isn’t any of your fucking business and-“

“None of my business?! What does that fucking matter, Luke. I’m doing you a fucking favor.”

“Excuse me?! Doing _me_ a favor?! How is forcing me out of a bar doing me a favor exactly?!”

Calum knows they’re yelling and they should really stop, but he can’t stop the words from coming out of his mind, “You said so yourself, you’re not out to the guys, what would happen if one of them saw you, huh? What would you say?”

“Oh, I don’t know, that I was talking to a _friend_?! You’d know a lot about talking to friends, wouldn’t you?!”

“Ok you know what Luke-“

“We’re not gonna do this here.”

Calum stops, just now realizing that he and Luke are in each other’s faces. He pulls back, eyebrow raised in suspicion as Luke sits back, face pointing out the window as he refuses to look at Calum, “What do you mean-“

“We’re not gonna just...sit in the back of this fucking cab and yell at each other. You wanna yell? You wanna say what you wanna say? Fine. We’ll talk. But back at the hotel.”

“How the hell do you expect-“

“Calum. Not. Here.”

Calum can’t believe what he’s hearing. But part of him knows that Luke is right and it’s very uncivil of them to be having an argument in the back of a cab with someone in the front seat. So Calum does as he’s told, and stares out the window until they finally arrive. He of course doesn’t forget to let Michael know that he and Luke are gone, blaming their random departure on Luke feeling sick and needing to go home. Michael replies instantly, telling him that they’ll be home later and to tell Luke to feel better.

Calum doesn’t feel like doing that exactly.

He pays the driver before stating an apology, to which the driver ignores as he drives off. Luke is already on his way to the elevator, and Calum is hot on his trail as he follows him. Luke is doing a far better job at containing his anger, as Calum can feel the scowl on his face as he walks through the hotel lobby.

They ride up in the elevator and again don’t look at each other, and Calum wishes that things were different and they weren’t on their way to Calum’s room to probably yell at each other and make things worse between them. But that’s how things were, and potentially, how things were always going to be.

They get to Calum’s room and Calum moves towards the window, pulling off his jacket with his back still turned. Luke is standing by the door still, his arms crossed and hip popped out, standing in an intimidating manner that Calum can see from the reflection of the window.

“So are you gonna tell me why you decided to be a complete asshole and pull me out of that fucking bar?” Luke finally says, as Calum can see the anger returning to his face.

“You wouldn’t fucking understand, Luke.”

“Really?! Is that all you have to fucking say?! Calum what you did wasn’t fucking cool and-“

“Why do you do it, huh?!” Calum turns back around, fists clenched and jaw tightened as he stares Luke down.

Luke looks at him confused, “Why do I do what?”

“Why do you feel the need to talk to these guys every time we fucking go out?! Are you just not satisfied with the company of your own band that you need to occupy yourself with some different piece of meat every time we go to a bar?”

“Excuse me?!” Luke is walking closer to him, and Calum can see the blood rushing to his face as he goes red with anger, “What the hell are you implying here? I’m just fucking talking to people, Calum, most of them are fans of the band and just so happen to run into me. Is it my fucking fault that people wanna talk? No! It’s not! And frankly, you need to loosen up and just let me talk to these people because it’s none of your fucking business what I do.”

Calum turns back around, face again to the window as he can no longer look at Luke anymore. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to express to Luke but it would just make things worse between them and Calum already had so much to deal with with this argument going between them. He couldn’t do it. There was no way he could do it.

“What exactly is your deal, Calum!? Why do you have such a problem with me talking to guys at bars? Ash and Mikey never seem to have a problem with it. I mean, they probably think that I’m off talking to chicks and they never really question me about it or when I disappear, but at least _they_ don’t heckle me and don’t... don’t accuse me of being some slut who talks to guys and treats them like meat. I told you, Calum, I haven’t been with a guy in years and the fact that you just... just assume that I’m this provocative person is so fucking wrong of you and I’m sorry to tell you but you’re fucking wrong. I’m not that kind of person and who are you to think I am?! And I think you need to mind your own business and not tell me what to do with my life because it’s not yours. It’s mine.”

He can feel the words forming in his mouth and he wants to shout them, but he has to stop himself. He can’t do it.

“Why do you do it, huh Calum? Why do you have such a problem with it?”

“Don’t say it,” He think to himself, “Don’t you fucking say it.”

 Do you just hate the idea of me being with a guy because you want me to be straight? Do you just not want to accept me the way I am? Tell me, Calum, what the fuck is your problem?!

“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, LUKE, THAT’S MY FUCKING PROBLEM.”

The world stops around them as Calum keeps his gaze directed to the world outside the window. He refuses to look at Luke’s face in the window, because he knows that it’s gonna break him and he’s gonna end up breaking himself. He sighs to himself; he’s already told him, he might as well tell him how he really feels.

“I’m in love with you, Luke, ok? Are you fucking happy? I’m in love with you and the fact that you keep talking to these guys... it hurts. Ok? It fucking hurts. And I don’t want to blame my actions and my rage on jealousy but that’s exactly what it is. I’m jealous, Luke, jealous of all the guys you give attention to and all the guys you end up talking to because they’re not me. Fuck, I even get jealous how you are with Mikey and Ash sometimes because you’re just so close to them and not me and it fucking kills me. Because I know that we just aren’t that and maybe never will be and it hurts and I can’t fucking take it sometimes. Are you happy, Luke? Is this what you wanted to hear?”

His back is still turned, but he can hear Luke sniffling, he knows that right now Luke is crying. And Calum wants to cry too but right now he’s emotionally numb. His feelings were up in the air, and they were there for Luke to either accept or decline.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

That makes him turn around. When he does, Luke has tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t look mad, though. In fact, he looks even more pissed than before.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Calum?”

Luke doesn’t know how he feels anymore. Calum had just admitted he was in love with him. Words he wanted to hear Calum say for so long, words that he heard once all those years ago and words that Luke was waiting for. But right now, none of that mattered. Call it blind from rage, but Luke couldn’t even think about the fact that he had confirmation that Calum still had feelings for him, and that Luke’s feelings were not one sided. There’s only one thing that goes through Luke’s mind: If Calum loved him, why did he leave and not come back?

“What?” Calum asks with a harsh tone.

“What? What?! Calum, whAT THE FUCK. You think that you can just come back after three years and tell me that you still fucking love me?! You still love me, Calum? Really? WELL THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU LEAVE, THEN?!” It was a question Luke knew he had to ask, and a question that both of them knew was lingering between them the minute Calum came back into Luke’s life. It was something they had been avoiding to talk about, but amongst all this anger Luke felt it was time to bring it up. He doesn’t even try to stop his tears from falling as he continues to scream at Calum, “Why, Calum? Why the hell did you leave when you fucking promised me that you wouldn’t?! You told me you loved me. You told me that night you loved me and you wouldn’t leave me and I woke up and you were GONE.” Luke can’t even look at Calum anymore, the pain from the memories too hard for Luke to handle, “I was scared that if I told you that you would freak out and would tell me you didn’t feel the same way and things would be weird between us. But what you did? It was 100 times fucking WORSE than anything I could have ever imagined. You fucking betrayed me, Calum, you betrayed me and I spent YEARS hurt and sad and confused and what did you do? NOTHING. You didn’t call, you didn’t text, you didn’t fucking come home. What the hell did you expect me to do, Calum?!”

Calum is taken aback by what Luke says to him, despite the fact they’re all things he expected Luke to say when they finally had this talk. But something about them strikes something in Calum, a nerve he didn’t ever want to bring up but was now feeling the need to say.

“I can’t fucking believe you. So you thought you could just... just abandon us and then come back and expect everything to be ok? What the hell were you thinking?!”

“Luke you don’t fucking understand-“

“What don’t I understand?! Tell me Calum, because I’d really like to know what it is I don’t understand. Really, I just don’t understand why the hell you left and why the hell you decided not to come back. WHY DIDN’T YOU COME BACK, CALUM?!”

“I WAS LUKE, I WAS GOING TO COME BACK.”

Luke deflates, as he hears the words escape Calum’s lips as he turns back around.

“You... you what?!”

“I said I was going to come back.”

He wants to believe him, wants to hope that Calum really didn’t want to leave him and the boys and that there was a chance that everything was just a mistake.

“What do you mean I was going to come back?!”

Calum still has his back turned as he wipes at his eyes, finally allowing for his tears to fall as he releases all of the emotion and energy he has left, “I was going to come back, Luke. After a month.”

Luke searches for the words in his brain as he registers what Calum says, “Well... well then why didn’t you?”

“Because.” Calum shouts, physically deflating as the exhaustion of their argument starts to show, “Because of something I heard on the way to the airport.”

* * *

It had been a month. A solid month of working in LA and keeping himself and Calum was about ready to come home. LA had definitely been good to him as a temporary home; _the people were friendly, the studio people were easy to work with, and he was definitely making a lot of connections with the bands he was assisting._

_All this time he had been gone, however, he couldn’t help but think about the boys back home. He definitely felt bad for leaving them, but Calum knew better than anyone that sometimes you just needed to take some time off for yourself. It wasn’t like he was going out of spite for anyone of the boys; he just didn’t want to burden them with what he had to say._

_Because really, Calum had a lot to say. He wanted to say “I’m sorry that I contribute so little to this band” or “I’m sorry that I cause trouble sometimes” or “I’m sorry that it takes me a while to see things clearly and I really love you guys.” He wanted to say it all, but he needed some time to get over this self-deprecation and move on to focusing on the band’s career.He had a lot of explaining to do, he knew. But he also knew that the boys would understand._

_Mostly to Luke._

_This entire trip, all he could think about was Luke. How much he loved Luke and how much he knew he had to apologize to him. Calum still stalked their tweets and looked for them on Instagram and other places, and he did notice that Luke was fairly absent on most of these platforms._

_The night of his birthday was still so vivid to him. The confessions and the morning after definitely the most significant to him. He knew he told Luke he wouldn’t leave, and he knew that he made an impulsive decision with probably a lot of consequences, but Calum knew he needed some time. He needed time to reflect and figure his shit out because frankly, there was a lot he was confused about and adding a potential relationship with one of his oldest and closest friends was definitely no help._

_With this new information came a lot of new possibilities. It meant that potentially, he and Luke could be a thing and all their platonic flirting would turn into actual flirting. It meant that Calum was potentially not straight, something he never thought about until his feelings for Luke began, but something even then he chose to ignore. It meant that There would be a new dynamic in the band; they had dealt with the boys in relationships before, but never relationships with one another._

_And with that, came the possibility of ruining everything._

_Because truthfully, there was a thought still in Calum’s mind, the thought that potentially Luke would wake up and realize that Calum was worthless and not worth loving and the dynamic of the band would be off. How would they function, knowing that two of them had had sex and one of them was in love with the other? It just wouldn’t. Which is part of the reason why Calum made the split decision to leave upon seeing Luke next to him the next morning._

_His abrupt vacation was also to help the band. Being over in LA, Calum found a lot of inspiration. He found a lot more to write about and new perspectives from the different bands he worked with and he was more than ready to come home and get to work with the boys._

_So yeah, Calum definitely had a lot to explain, but he knew that he was coming home to a great environment and he definitely needed to see his boys again._

_Shoving his bags into the cab, Calum sits happily in the back seat, waiting anxiously for the cab to finally arrive at LAX. He’s so happy, he almost misses what he overhears on the radio._

_"Australian band 5 Seconds of Summer have just announced a 3 year hiatus, following the conclusion of their first headlining tour across Europe, Australia and most of North America. The band has kept any true intentions of the hiatus to themselves and have stated that the hiatus is meant to make them improve as artists.”_

_He stops. He thinks his ears may have deceived him, but then the radio announcer continues._

_“Drummer Ashton Irwin states that “the only way for [them] to get better is if [they] take time off to better understand [themselves] and [their] music.”_

_He can’t believe what he’s hearing, “Excuse me?” He says quietly to the driver, “Could you turn that up please?”_

_The driver does as Calum asks, and part of him wishes that the driver had actually just shut it off. If only he was prepared for what he was about to hear next._

_“The boys have resided back in their home country of Australia, where they are currently planning to expand their record label “Hi or Hey Records” allowing the boys to work in both Australia and LA. Bass player Calum Hood has since been seen around LA alone, prompting the question of whether or not this hiatus is solely due to a need for growth as a band.An insider tells us that arguments between the boys may have contributed to the decision of the hiatus.”_

_His stomach tightens as he covers his mouth with his hands, complete shock overtaking him as he continues to listen to the radio._

_“When you’re around the same people for a large majority of your life, it’s not unusual for you to get sick of them or for arguments to start. That’s what we’re thinking is happening to the boys right now,” the insider tells us.Could an argument with Hood be the true reason why this group is taking a break?Lead singer Luke Hemmings has yet to make a statement of the hiatus, last being heard from on twitter a few weeks ago. Guitarist Michael Clifford has also kept low profile, but was photographed last week out in Sydney with some friends.”_

_Luke._

_Guilt immediately hits Calum as he listens intently to this band announcement. A band announcement that he was not at all included in._

_"Michael is enjoying the break,” an insider tells us, “he definitely worked himself far too hard on the tour.”When asked about Luke, sources say that he has willingly kept silent on the break.“He’s kind of overwhelmed at the moment,” a source says, “he’s dealing with a lot.”Hemmings was last seen out with band mates Irwin and Clifford, failing to acknowledge the absence of Hood.“No one knows why [he] isn’t in Australia with them; it’s assumed he’s been in LA now for two weeks without being acknowledged for his absence by his band.”_

_Tears are running down his face now as Calum’s guilt turns into betrayal. How could they do this to him? How could they just decide as a “band” that they were gonna go on break for three years without him? He thought all that talk about the hiatus was over, he thought that he could just come home and they could start working again. They had so much time, too. They weren’t putting any pressure on themselves and they could most definitely get some new work done now._

_“Many fans have taken the hiatus to heart, and the exclusion of Hood to be some sort of sign that the end is very near. With the hiatus in front of them, it’s very uncertain whether or not 5 Seconds of Summer will be able to maintain their-“_

_“Turn that off!” He yells, as the cab driver is startled by the loudness of his voice._

_Calum wants to scream. He feels the wall that he had spent the last month building break down again as he allows the betrayal and anger to overtake his mind. He’s still in disbelief when he pulls out his phone, Luke’s name the first one he sees as he types out a message. He reads it back, and it says “How could you guys?”_

_But he doesn’t send it, instead deletes it and shoves his phone back in his pocket._

_“Cab driver?”_

_The driver grunts in response._

_Calum sighs, wiping at his tears with the sleeve of his baseball tee, “Turn this car around. I want to go back. I’m staying here._

* * *

 

Calum is in tears as he finishes his story, back still turned to Luke as he attempts to compose himself in front of his best friend. And he can’t see it, but he feels it. Luke is breaking.

“I was going to come back, ok?” He says, not necessarily in a yell, but still loud and aggressive with a hint of sadness, “I was on my way home and...and I heard that radio make that announcement and I just... couldn’t. I just couldn’t come home anymore because I couldn’t face you guys.”

Calum turns around, and Luke is sobbing as he listens to Calum speak, “I didn’t think I could ever come back, really. I felt so... betrayed. I felt like you guys just forgot that I was part of the band and made this decision without even considering me or my feelings. You guys knew that I didn’t want to go on a break and you guys knew how I felt about us just giving up... And the fact you guys just decide to go on break when I’m not there?”

Luke starts to move closer to Calum, all the anger he was feeling immediately disappearing as it’s replaced with guilt and sadness. He should have known. He should have known that the hiatus was a bad idea and that it would hurt Calum. And he didn’t do anything about it. Instead, he went with his selfish desires and his pain from Calum leaving and used that to fuel his support for the hiatus going through. Ash and Mikey had thought about Calum, definitely, but Luke was less compassionate at the time. But now that he knows what Calum went through, he realizes he really should have been.

“But then  I realized something.”

Luke looks up and into Calum’s eyes, and he can see the sadness behind them as he continues to move towards his best friend, “Wh-what... what did you realize?”

Calum can feel Luke’s presence much closer, and Calum does his best not to completely break down but he feels it coming, “I...I realized that the hiatus was my fault.”

“C-Calum...” Luke says, shocked that Calum would put so much blame on himself.

“I thought that you guys made this choice without me, made this choice without even considering how I was feeling and what not. But then I realized that you guys didn’t make this choice without me, you made it because of me. Here I was preaching about not giving up and not losing faith in the band, and then I just... just ditch you guys without any warning or any explanation and leave you guys one member down. What the hell were you guys supposed to do? I couldn’t have left at a worse time, and it took me so long to realize this and the minute I did I just couldn’t... couldn’t even think about how I’d be able to apologize to you guys.”

“Calum... Calum that’s insane-“

“And you know what, Luke?” Calum can’t control his tears anymore, allowing them to fall at will as he speaks, “I regret it all. I regret... I regret leaving Australia and coming to LA by myself to work on myself when I could have just done that at home with the help of you guys and less pressure on myself. I regret my decision to stay and the fact that it took me so long to gain the courage to come home. I regret... hurting you, Luke. If I could go back now, you know what I’d do that morning I left? I’d stay. Luke. I’d fucking stay by your side and you’d wake up, and I’d be curled around you and we’d be awkward at first because of what we had done. But you know what would happen after? We’d realize we were meant to be. And everything... was just waiting to fall into place and we were finally figuring it out. I regret it all, Luke. I really do.”

“Calum... Calum please... you can’t...” Luke wants to reach out to Calum, wants to hold him and tell him it’s not his fault and that he loves him so much and he regrets a lot of things too, “Calum if I could go back... I...I wouldn’t have said yes, Calum. I wouldn’t have said yes to the hiatus and the only reason I did was because I was so, so angry. I was so angry and hurt and I let those emotions take over and I know Mikey and Ashton... they were so lost and confused and didn’t know how to help and I didn’t know what to tell them and I know you think the hiatus was your fault, Calum, but you need to trust me and believe me when I tell you it was absolutely not your fault. It wasn’t and I wish I could make you see that and make you see how much you’re worth and how... fucking wonderful you are and if I could have just said no back then, you would have come home. And it sucks, Calum. Because of all these things going right back then, here we are now. Drunk and angry and confused with one another and if we could just go back in time we wouldn’t be like this now.”

A large sigh escapes Calum’s body as he listen to Luke speak, the first words exchanged between them tonight that weren’t through screaming or yelling. And it’s refreshing, knowing that Luke has a lot to regret too. But it also hurts him, because he can tell how much he hurt Luke and he can see it physically and he just wants to erase that pain forever and let Luke be happy.

“I think...” Calum starts, “I think we have to let go, Luke.”

Look is startled by this, “L-let go of what?”

Calum sighs, “The past. It’s killing us, Luke. We can’t keep dwelling on the mistakes and shit we did back then and not expect it to drive us to doing shit like this every night.” Calum gestures to the two of them, both with tear stains on their faces and clothes and faces still red.

“Cal...”

“And I’m sorry, Luke. I’m genuinely so fucking sorry for breaking your promise and hurting you. Because I know how hard it must’ve been for you to tell me how you felt and I know I pushed it out of you. And that night... that night where you told me you cried to me and told me you were scared that you telling me would ruin us and I let that happen, Luke, and I just... am so sorry.”

“Cal... you have no reason to be sorry,” Luke admits, “Calum, you were going through so much and I failed to notice that and I know that... I know that it was foolish of me to expect so much out of you after such a large confession and I know you put pressure on yourself with the hiatus and what not but Calum, just know and remember it was not your fault at all. And I’m sorry, Calum, I’m sorry you went through those three years thinking it was your fault and... thinking you needed to be alone when in reality you needed us the most and we failed you. You needed us Calum, just as much as we needed you.”

Calum smiles, as the tears continue to roll down his face. It’s impulsive, and very inappropriate in the grand scheme of things, but Calum walks forward and laces his and Luke’s hands together, the blond smiling down at Calum’s gesture as he looks up at him.

“I’m sorry for accusing you of doing anything with Rena...I know I shouldn’t have but-“

“I did the same for you with all the guys and tonight I fucking forced you out of a bar and I’m sorry.”

The two of them stand in silence and just look at each other, three years between them now in the air as they finally allow themselves to see into each other’s minds again for the first time in a while. Calum can see the pain and misery in Luke’s eyes, while Luke can see the guilt and betrayal in Calum’s both of them had a lot to be sorry for, and both of them had many regrets, but amongst those, they still managed to end up here in this moment.

“So, what does this mean?” Luke asks.

Calum looks at him confused, “What do you mean?”

Luke sighs, “We’ve both said what we have to say... and I know this conversation had a very... shitty start. But we’ve both gotten everything out there and I just wanna know... where do you think we can go from here? Because really, Calum, I can’t even tell you how much I fucking missed you when you were gone. It was like my other half wasn’t there and I couldn’t do anything about it and everything reminded me of you. You were everywhere I looked and I had to do my best to forget about you to make things easier for me but I never could and now here we are, three years later with a lot of baggage and nothing holding us back.”

There are many ways Calum can go about this, most options ending fantastically but a few of them ending tragically. With a deep breath, Calum takes a leap of faith.

“Well... can I ask you one last question?”

“S-sure.”

With a breath of confidence, Calum looks Luke directly in the eyes, “Over these last three years...  I never stopped thinking about you either. The amount of times I would pick up my phone and I typed out your name or I dialed your phone number and then just.... gave up? I wanted you, Luke. Wanted you so bad but I just couldn’t do it because I was honestly convinced you hated me. I thought that there was nothing that I could do to win you back and that you were gonna move on and all that stupid bullshit. But now we’re here, Luke, and I love you just as much as I did back then. And I know I’m hard to love and I know that I’m not even sure what I am exactly, but all I know is I want you, Luke Hemmings. I want you so bad and here we are with the past far behind us and the only thing I remember is you saying you loved me first and I hold on to that so tight. I love you, Luke, I really do.”

Calum’s proclamation causes a blush to tint Luke’s cheeks as he listens to Calum confess his love to him. To anyone else, this would probably be far too much and would be uncomfortable. But for Luke, this is what he’s been needing to hear for three years.

“S-So... what’s your question?” He says, seeing as Calum failed to actually ask him anything.

Giggling, Calum looks away nervously, gulping before he looks back into Luke’s eyes, “I guess what I’m a-asking... is... uh...”

He knows what he’s going to say. He can see it in his eyes.

“Do you... do you still....”

All the words are there. Luke knows what he’s going to say before he even has to finish hi sentence.

Do you still love me?

Do you still want me?

Do you still think that we could work out?

And much to Calum’s surprise, Luke answers his question, by pressing their lips together and removing the space between them. The space between them has lasted for three years now, a space that both of them felt deep pain by and a space that they wished they could forget. But it was some sort of baggage that would haunt them, of the time where they lost touch and potentially lost each other. But those years were done, because they were here now, in a hotel in the middle of a country that was not home, with no one else around them but them. And the kiss is worthwhile, fireworks between them as the space between them is finally gone.

Luke is the one to pull back, eyes opening and meeting Calum’s once more.

“I still do, Calum. And I never stopped.”

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy the chapter! :D 
> 
> I'm thinking of possibly making a tumblr dedicated to my writing and primarily this fic because I'm really liking the direction it's going in and potentially there could be more to come from it. What do you guys think? Is it worth it? I mean that way you guys can give requests and potentially we can talk about the fic or something I don't know just a thought in mind 
> 
> Really glad you guys liked the previous chapter, I'm totally on your side when you guys say FINALLY I've been wanting them to talk for forever too. But as you guys know, stuff gets in the way and feelings get confusing and yeahhhhh but hooray for Cake bb's finally getting it right :) 
> 
> ALSO WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON SOUNDS GOOD FEELS GOOD? (I can't tell you how much easier it's going to be for me now to talk about the album now that it's out and I can put the songs into the fic)
> 
> My personal favorites include Outer Space/Carry On, Vapor, Castaway, Permanent Vacation (Because God bless finally a studio version) and INVISIBLE BECAUSE CALUM WHAT THE FUCK

The sun hits Luke’s face through the blinds as his eyes slowly blink open, his vision blurred as he rubs at them to see more clearly. He attempts to sit up, but finds that he can’t. And it’s only then that he realizes he’s trapped within Calum’s embrace, as he turns to the bassist asleep beside him. Luke is also slow to realize that he’s shirtless, only noticing after seeing Calum shirtless as well. Though he had woken up next to Calum a couple weeks before, and by no means this should have freaked him out as much as he did, but Luke could feel his heartbeat increase, his eyes darting around the room to try and recollect his memories and thoughts. Somehow, however, Calum can sense Luke’s tension, and he rubs at the younger boy’s back in his sleep.

Luke freezes at the touch, Calum’s cold hand moving gracefully along the curve of Luke’s spine. He watches Calum in his sleep, a smile creeping on Luke’s face as he starts to calm and sink into Calum’s chest. It took him a moment, but now the memories of last night were apparent.

To say that last night was an emotional rollercoaster for Luke would be an understatement. He had thought that the last thing he would be doing would be waking up in a different bed, let alone Calum’s of all people. He had thought that he would walk out of that bedroom, and he and Calum would not be talking the next day, and that they’d have to explain to Ashton and Michael why they weren’t talking again; essentially, he thought that last night would be the end of the band.

But that’s not what happened, and Luke can’t still wrap his head around the fact that Calum still has feelings for him. After all these years of confusion and waiting and doubt, he finally knows that Calum does in fact love him, and wants to be something with him. The fear of Calum regretting what they had done that night at Calum’s birthday lingered in Luke’s mind the moment he saw Calum again, because he was certain that Calum wouldn’t want to be around him due to awkwardness. Luke should have known that he was pushing Calum away, and that these weeks spent in isolation were not from spite or from hatred.

They were from guilt, from insecurity and sadness.

He knew from the moment Calum finally admitted his feelings for him that he wanted to kiss him. His brain had immediately flicked a switch and all he wanted was Calum’s lips on his all over again. But of course, it took some talking and some yelling to finally get to that point, and Luke was still trying to figure out how to approach Calum’s confession of why he never came home as well. Because now Luke felt incredibly guilty, despite Calum insisting that they both forget the past and move on to save themselves from their sadness. Luke can’t help himself though; regret already eating away at him as he looks lovingly at Calum’s chest rise and fall as he sleeps. And Luke is a little bit uneasy still, waking up in Calum’s bed, shirtless nonetheless, but he knows that it lead to this after that kiss.

* * *

 

_Calum can feel the tears forming again in his eyes at the sound of Luke uttering those words. The years spent questioning himself and questioning how Luke felt had all lead up to this moment, and he was so emotionally exhausted that the only way he could express himself was through crying._

_“C-Cal?” Luke asks hesitantly, as he takes his right hand and wipes away at Calum’s tears, “What... what’s wrong, Calum?”_

_Hearing Luke’s voice again, Calum grabs at Luke’s hand that’s stroking his face, and interwines their fingers as he presses a quick kiss to Luke’s lips once again, “These aren’t sad tears, Luke.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“Yeah,” Calum reaffirms, “They’re happy tears. Or at least, tears of disbelief.” He say with a laugh, as he wipes at his tears with his free hand, “I just... I just can’t believe you still love me after all these years.”_

_“Are you kidding?” Luke says in disbelief, “Calum, I never stopped once. I couldn’t.”_

_“You really don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”_

_Luke smiles, blush forming on his cheeks as he rubs his thumbs over Calum’s, “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say you loved me either. Can I be honest with you?”_

_“Can we get any more honest after tonight?”_

_“Good point,” Luke replies with a chuckle, “I... I honestly thought...you’d come back after the break and hate me or something.”_

_Calum is startled by this; he had thought Luke hated him after he left but why would Calum have any reason to hate Luke?_

_“Why the hell would I have any reason to hate you?”_

_“I...I don’t know. I thought you’d see me again and you’d just think...”_

_“Just think what, Luke?”_

_Luke sighs, his insecurity rising as he looks away from Calum “You’d just think, that I was like... a regret or something. And that you never actually-“_

_“Luke,” Calum grabs one of Luke’s hands and cups it in both of his, kissing the top of it as he begins to rub reassuring circles onto the back of his hand, “Luke, you could never be a regret. There’s no reason for me to ever, ever hate you. If anything, you have way more reason to hate me and I know that you were angry and I know that we’ve both made mistakes but none of that matters anymore, Luke. ‘Cause we’re here now and all I know is I love you very, very much and I have for so fucking long.”_

_“You-you have?”_

_“Mhm,” Calum kisses Luke once again, “I’ve always loved your lips, especially with that fucking lip ring it drives me insane,” Calum kisses Luke’s cheek, “I love when you get embarrassed and blush and I love the glow of your face whenever you smile,” Calum kisses Luke’s forehead, “I love how you think, how you’re not super cocky or super out there and you’re grounded and loyal and help me think straight.”_

_Luke can feel his face flush pink, as he allows for Calum to pull his shirt over his head. Calum smiles as he kisses Luke’s collar bone, “God knows how much I fucking love these,” Calum kisses Luke’s stomach, “I love how perfectly imperfect you are, and even though you stress out about your body and shit you still manage to look perfect every single fucking day.”_

_“Calum...”_

_“I love you, Luke. I love every part of you.”_

_It’s fast and done in a swift motion, but Luke crashes his lips against Calum’s, bodies stumbling downward and onto the bed. Luke grabs for Calum’s shirt as he rips it off the raven haired boy’s body, the two of them clinging to each other desperately. In a quick motion, Luke is on top of Calum, and Calum grabs at Luke’s neck and pulls him closer._

_“I fucking love you, Calum.” Luke almost shouts, pulling away from the contact of Calum’s lips._

_“Shut up and kiss me, idiot.”_

_It’s hot and it’s exuberant, and maybe a little too fast for Luke’s liking, “Wait, Calum.”_

_“What?” Calum asks, slightly out of breath as he collapses back onto the mattress as Luke straddles him._

_“I... I think we’re going a bit fast here.”_

_Calum looks at Luke and at their surroundings, the realization of how quickly things climaxed becoming evident to him, “Yeah... yeah...” He says through heavy breaths._

_“Should I...” Luke slowly throws his leg over Calum’s body in an attempt to get off of him, “Should I go?”_

_“No!” Calum shouts, as he sits up quickly, “I mean... I’d really prefer if you stayed.”_

_“But Calum-“_

_“We don’t have to do anything, Luke. I just... I just want you here. We’ve been fighting and resenting and breaking each other for so long and now that we have each other let’s just... enjoy each other’s company again.”_

_Luke’s eyes gaze to his shirt on the floor and then back to Calum, sighing as he falls down next to him, “Ok, I’ll stay.”_

_Calum smiles as he wraps his arms around Luke’s body, “Thank you.”_

_“Thank you?” Luke questions, “For what, staying?”_

_“No... well yeah...” Calum leans down and presses his lips to Luke’s again, a quick but passionate exchange between them, “I guess... thanks for staying the same all these years. And for just, being you.”_

_Luke smiles, resting his head against Calum’s chest, “I love you, Calum.”_

_Calum presses a kiss to the top of Luke’s head, “Love you too, Luke.”_

* * *

 

There was a lot Luke still had to work through though, like figuring out. For starters, he had to figure out what he and Calum were exactly, because as fast as things went last night, and they may have exchanged many loving words to one another, they never established what they were or if they wanted to actually try dating. There was a lot to consider too, if they were going to actually try at being in a relationship: They had to conider the band, Calum was right in warning Luke about endeavors with men seeing as he wasn’t even out to Michael or Ashton yet; they had to consider the fans, because the fans were definitely avid in “shipping” and what not and for Calum and Luke to be distant for years and suddenly be a thing, that would confuse the hell out of them; they also had to consider their parents, because, as far as Luke’s concerned, both of their parents had been pushing for them to start talking again (the amount of times Luke had talked to Joy over the hiatus was fair, and as much as Luke enjoyed her company she never failed to slip in Calum’s name every so often); and most importantly, they had to consider themselves, because dating while on the road can be difficult, but dating someone you’re on the road with could be equally as difficult as well.

Luke sighs to himself, nuzzling into Calum’s bare chest. This motion appears to cause Calum to react, as he squeezes Luke once again. Looking up, Luke can see a smile creeping onto Calum’s face, “Are you faking being asleep?”

“Shhh Lucas, I’m sleeping.”

Luke smiles into Calum’s chest, “You’re such an idiot.”

“Just because I’m asleep, doesn’t mean I can’t hear the name calling.”

“You just want me to think you’re asleep so I’ll keep lying here in bed with you, don’t you?”

“Maybe.”

Luke starts to rub his fingers along Calum’s sides, eliciting a small giggle from Calum as he attempts to suppress a smile, “Come on, Calum, wake up,” Luke says in a teasing voice.

“No.” Calum says, eyes still shut.

Luke kisses at Calum’s jaw line, which appears to be the thing that Calum wakes up to, “Looks like I got you.”

“You don’t play fair,” Calum rubs sleepily at his eyes, yawning into Luke’s hair, “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Luke responds, “sleep well?”

“I had a pretty good body pillow, so yeah. Have you been awake long?” Calum asks, sitting up so Luke can lay his head in Calum’s lap.

“A bit.” Luke says with a shrug, adjusting his head in the process.

“What woke you up?”

“The sun, and some thinking.” Luke admits.

“Oh?” Calum’s fingers trace the lining of Luke’s spine as he speaks, “What were you thinking about?”

Luke sighs, “I don’t know... us? The band? Life? Breakfast?”

“I see,” Calum says with a nod, “Do you wanna talk about anything?”

Luke sits up and across from Calum cross legged on the bed, “I guess we should probably talk about us.”

Calum mirrors Luke’s, but instead rests his elbows on his thighs and his chin on his hands, “Ok, well, what about us?”

Luke rubs at the back of his neck, “Well for starters... we should probably re-establish that we both have feelings for each other.”

“Oh I definitely have feelings for you. 110%.” Calum states confidently, “Wait,” he says, an undertone of fear in his eyes, “You’re not about to tell me you don’t actually have feelings for me do you? Because-“

“What?! No!” Luke says, hands reaching out in front of him to get Calum to stop, “No, no Calum not at all. I have feelings for you, many many feelings for you.”

“Ok good,” Calum says, body relaxing as he lets out a breath, “Well, we both have feelings for each other. Is there an issue?”

“Well, no... but also, yes...”

“Care to elaborate?” Calum asks, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

“Well... there’s a lot we have to consider here. I mean, neither of us are out to Michael and Ashton, right? Do we just tell them this is happened? Because I didn’t tell them anything about why we stopped talking or how I felt about you.”

“Right...” Calum says, nodding along to what Luke states, “And I haven’t mentioned anything either.”

“Exactly, so if we suddenly start hooking up with each other or flirting that isn’t for fun, they’ll probably question us.”

“We’ll have to tell them eventually, Luke,” Calum reasons, “They’re our best friends, and God knows they’ve been stressing about the two of us for so long. I mean, they’ll probably be glad we’re just talking again and not ignoring each other.”

“So do we just-“

“Let’s just, hold off on telling them anything for a while,” Calum states, “And we’ll just be friends in front of them. I mean, we probably have a lot of convincing to do seeing as we have three years of being mad at each other to make up for-“

“Cal,” Luke interrupts “I told you, I forgave you years ago. I still love you now as much as I did then, especially as my best friend.”

Calum smiles bashfully at Luke, “I feel the same way.”

“So if we don’t come out right away to Ashton and Mike, what about the fans?”

“Dude the Cake shippers are gonna go crazy,” Calum states with a laugh.

“Oh, dude, tell me about it. But we should probably not go public any time soon, right?”

“It could be pretty overwhelming, yeah, seeing as we all just got back together and the tour just kind of started.”

“Ok, cool.”

Calum inspects Luke’s expression, “I feel like there’s something else bothering you,” he states.

“Well... kind of...”

“Luke if it’s about my sexuality-“

“What?!” Luke moves forward, eliminating the space between him and Calum, “No! Calum no. I mean, you still need time to figure it out and you said that you love me and that’s honestly all I need. You take your time figuring you out, and we’ll work together through this ok?”

“Ok,” Calum presses a quick kiss to Luke’s cheek, “Then what’s bugging you?”

Luke juts out his lip in thought, “Well... I guess...”

“You guess what, Luke?”

“I guess... I mean.... what are we exactly?”

Calum looks at Luke confused, “I don’t follow?”

“I mean... to kind of put it out there, we were best friends, then we had sex, then you left for three years and we thought we hated each other, we came back into each other’s lives, ignored each other, fought, pretended to be friends, started to actually be friends, fought some more, ignored each other again, and last night we confessed our love for each other.”

“Wow.... that is.... definitely something,” Calum responds, “I see where you might be confused.”

“Yeah... so.... what are we, exactly?”’

Calum shrugs, “Simple: We’re Calum and Luke. We’ve known each other for years and we’ve been best friends ever since. We get each other, we need each other, and yeah we may have fallen off the wagon a bit there but we’ve always worked things out and we worked things out together. And if that means that we can go from having tension every single day to being boyfriends the so be it.”

Luke blushes, “Boyfriends?” He asks, the word enticing him and scaring him at the same time.

“Yeah, boyfriends.” Calum reiterates.

“But how can we be boyfriends? You haven’t even asked me on a date yet,” Luke jokes.

Calum ponders this, reaching for his phone on the side table, “What time do we have to be at the venue today?”

“Uh... 3:30 I believe?”

“Perfect!” Calum shouts, “Well then, not-boyfriend, would you like to go on a date with me? Right now?”

“Right now?” Luke questions, “But Calum-“

“It’s only 10:30 and I know exactly where I can take you and if we leave here at 11 we’ll have more than enough time to get lunch and go to where I wanna go!” Calum is bouncing in his seat as he speaks, and Luke can’t help but giggle at Calum’s adorableness, “So? What do you say? Is it a date?”

Luke sighs, “You know if we’re late Ash is gonna rip is a new one.”

“Yeah yeah yeah I don’t care about Ash I care about making you my boyfriend as fast as I can.”

Luke smiles and stands from the bed, picking up a shirt and tugging it over his head, “Ok then, date, pick me up from my room in half an hour? Don’t be late it’ll make for a bad first impression.”

Calum watches Luke as he moves towards the door, “Ok just make sure to tell your father I have the best intentions when I get to the door,” Calum jokes, “Also you’re wearing my shirt!”

“Oh, I know,” Luke responds in a teasing voice, “See you soon, not-boyfriend.”

Watching the door shut, Calum collapses back into bed with the largest smile on his face. God, Luke did things to him, things that apparently made him revert to being a teenage girl because Calum could not contain his excitement at this date. And yeah, it’s sort of weird to be going right into a date after all they had been through but now that Calum knew that Luke felt the same way as him, there was no holding him back from finally calling Luke his. It was going to take some time before he could publically call Luke his, sure, but this was all Calum needed right now and he’s more than content to have Luke in secret.

Because truthfully, Calum never thought that the two of them would get to this point. Friendship was already such a far off goal that Calum thought they wouldn’t reach, but a relationship? He didn’t think it would be possible. And yet here he is, scrambling to jump in the shower to get ready for probably the most pressure-filled first date of his life.

This wasn’t just anyone he was taking out, it was Luke. Luke had been his best friend for years, his partner and accomplice through the trials and tribulations of growing up. Both of them had gone on dates with other people and they had both been the most supportive people they could be. And wingmanning each other was essentially a specialty of theirs, but how could they wingman each other to get with each other?

There was no doubt in his mind that Luke wouldn’t be his by the end of this day, but Calum had to make sure to do this right if he really wanted Luke to be his.




Luke could feel the butterflies in his stomach as he waits for Calum, anxiously pacing back in forth in his room. He shouldn’t be this nervous, it’s Calum for crying out loud. But maybe the fact that it’s Calum is the thing making him most nervous.

This was different from other dates he had been on: He didn’t have to get to know the person on this date because he and Calum had known each other for years, he didn’t have to act a certain way because Calum already knows him inside and out, he didn’t have to worry about paying for the meal or making the plans because Calum had already done that apparently, and, probably most obviously, he had never been on a date with his male best friend who he had spent years pining after.

So when Luke hears the gentle knock on the door, he initially panics. Straightening out his jacket and rubbing his clammy hands against his black jeans, Luke opens the door to see a just-as-nervous Calum.

“H-hey,” Luke says shakily, “right on time.”

“I thought it was important I be punctual,” Calum jokes, “I was gonna bring flowers but, I couldn’t get to a store on time and back.”

“It’s cool, never really been a fan of flowers anyway,” Luke follows Calum out into the hall and shuts the door behind him, “My dad said that I had to be home by 3:30 so don’t get any ideas.”

“Oh Ashton said that?”

Luke shoves Calum playfully as they make their way down the hallway and into the elevator, his nerves quickly depleting as he falls into a comfortable air knowing it’s Calum, “So where are you taking me, anyway?”

“What kind of date would I be if I revealed all the surprises?”

“Calum come on-“

“You trust me, don’t you Lucas?”

Luke sighs, “Yeah...”

“Then shut up and let me be a good date.”

“Telling your date to shut up isn’t exactly being a good date, Cal.”

Calum sighs dramatically, “Fine, beautiful.” He says, putting a humorous tone on the word.

“Are we gonna walk around security?” Luke questions as the two of them step out of the elevator and into the lobby.

“Nope, just you and me.”

“But what about the fans?”

“The fans will probably be heading over to the venue soon anyway so we should be in the clear.”

“Ok...” Luke replies skeptically, “And did you tell Ash or Mikey anything?”

“I texted Michael and told him that you weren’t feeling well so I was taking care of you.”

“And he believed that?”

“He had no choice too. Ash forced him out of bed early so they could talk business with each other and they left for the venue ten minutes ago.”

“Poor Michael...” Luke pushes the door open in front of him and holds it open for Calum, “Mr. Hood.” He states in a security-like voice.

“Thank you, sir.” Calum jokes, as he and Luke get into one of their designated vehicles.

“You know where to go, right?” Calum asks the driver.

“Uh huh, we’ll be there in under an hour.”

“Under an hour?” Luke questions, “Where exactly are we-“

“Just wait and see. Man, you ask a lot of questions not a very good first impression Lucas.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Calum holds his heart in mock offence, “And name calling too? You’ll be lucky if you make it to a second date.”

“Yeah, whatever.”




The car ride is mostly spent chatting about the show they’re about to play, and Calum makes Luke close his eyes before they arrive at their destination.

“Ok Luke, you’re gonna have to get out of the car now.” Calum directs from outside Luke’s door, as he holds it open for the blond to step out of.

“Calum this is so sketchy.”

“Just trust your date and get out of the car.”

Luke sighs, eyes still shut, “Ok, and maybe not use that word now that we’re in public.”

“Ok ok fair. Open your eyes.”

Luke opens his eyes, one eye before the other as he attempts to take in his surroundings, “Is this...”

“Central Park.” Calum shoves his hands into his pockets as he watches Luke smile, “Thought it’d be nice if we went for a walk and what not.”

“A walk through a park? Good choice.” Luke follows Calum out of the parking lot and down a path, “I’ve never actually gotten a chance to walk through here.”

“Me either, every time we’ve been in New York we’ve always been too busy or too distracted to actually do any touristy stuff.”

“How are you adjusting to tour life again?” Luke asks, looking around at the trees and the people.

“Better than I imagined, to be honest. I got pretty bored being in one place and I really wanted to start travelling from place to place again. It’s pretty exciting getting to be in a different place almost every day and see different things and different people.”

“Yeah I get that,” Luke states, “I definitely missed seeing the fans and what not.”

“Same here, I mean, I would run into a bunch in LA but most of them were less enthusiastic then when we were teenagers, which, you know, isn’t good nor bad.”

“Mhm,” Luke says shyly “But... LA was good, yeah?” LA was something Luke had never asked Calum about, something he mostly avoided mentioning while Calum was gone.

Calum senses the air around them change at the question, “Yeah, it was ok I guess... It just wasn’t-“

“Home?” Luke looks at Calum and smiles sadly, directing his gaze back the nature around them once he and Calum share a gaze, “You know, I never talked about LA when you were gone.”

“You didn’t?”

“Nah... just...”

“Made you think about the fact I was gone, huh?”

“A little,” Luke confirms with a sad sigh and a shrug, “And I know we’re supposed to move on and what not but-“

“If you want to talk about some stuff, we can you know. It’d be good in the long run if we clear the air about some things we didn’t talk about last night.”

“S-sure, if you want.” Luke shifts uncomfortably.

“Only if you’re comfortable,” Calum reassures, “How’s about we go get hot dogs from that guy over there first and find a nice bench to sit on? I’ll pay.”

“Calum you don’t-“

“I’m being the good date, remember? Which means I pay for the food.” Calum smiles warmly at Luke, and Luke in return can feel the warmth of Calum’s smile burn his insides.

“Ok, fine.”




After grabbing some food and walking for a few minutes, the two of them eventually end up on a bench on a high, looking down at the people walking by.

“So, what was it like working in the studio in Sydney?” Calum asks, finishing off his hot dog.

“It was... productive,” Luke wipe his mouth with a napkin, “I mean, we definitely got a lot of work done and collaborated with some great artists. I guess it was just a good way to pass the time.”

“Yeah, same here. I mean, it was definitely a lot lonelier than what I can imagine you were working with.”

“Mhm,” Luke smiles, thinking back to the years of working with Ashton and Michael, “Having Ash and Mikey there definitely made hard days a lot easier. They essentially kept watch on me all the time because... well...”

“They didn’t know what was wrong?”

“Yeah...” Sighing, Luke turns to Calum, “I just never wanted to expose you like that to them or make you out to be a bad guy.”

“I appreciate you doing that,” Calum slouches in his place on the bench, “I definitely thought about you guys a lot; you especially.”

“We should have called, should have at least asked how you were doing.”

“No, no you guys did what I asked and didn’t reach out and it really did help. I gained a lot of independence and I think that’s what I needed.”

“Yeah but-“

“But nothing, Luke,” Calum stretches, looking over at Luke and smirking, “Living alone for so long really taught me how to be my own person. And I know you and I know that you’re still worrying about the whole me not coming home thing but honestly, Luke, after last night none of that really matters, right? Because we’re here now, back on tour and you and I are working things out and I couldn’t be happier.”

“You always knew exactly what to say,” Luke smiles at Calum and moves closer to him, their knees almost touching, “I’m really happy too, you know. Not knowing where we stood when you first came home really sucked.”

“Ok, now that we’re passed all that bullshit, how awkward was that Shazam interiew?”

“Oh, I thought I was going to die.” Luke admits, laughing at the previously horrid memory, “I was just so caught off guard and I needed more time to think and all of a sudden you were there in that waiting room and I thought I wouldn’t make it.”

“Well, you did, and I did, and then you didn’t come to the studio and I automatically thought that you hated me.”

“Yeah... sorry about that.” Luke tenses at the memory, at how Michael had gone to Luke’s and held Luke as he broke down.

“Dude, it’s fine. I would’ve done the same thing had I not been the one to impose myself on your guys’ plans.”

“Our plans are your plans, Cal, you’re a part of the band.”

“Yeah but still...”

“Since we’ve opened this box up,” Luke states, “Should I mention that playing ‘If You Don’t Know’ was probably the lowest I’ve ever felt?”

“Good, because same here.” Calum sighs and attempts to repress the memory, everything from the emotion on stage to Luke running off stage and their fight in the back, “I knew doing that song was a bad idea but we both went for it.”

“The fans love that song, and they’ve been wanting to hear it live for so long.”

“I know I know... that’s still my favorite song we’ve written, by the way.”

“Same here. We write incredible songs together.”

“I’ll say,” Calum stands and stretches, and reaches out to take Luke’s hand, “Shall we keep walking?”

Luke accepts Calum’s hand, but quickly releases it as soon as he stands up, “Mhm. Lead the way.”




The two of them walk and chat for what feels like forever, catching each other up on funny stories over the years and things they missed in each other’s lives.

“Yeah and Michael still hasn’t figured out where that pair of underwear came from,” Luke says through his laughter.

“And you swear to god it wasn’t yours or Ash’s and both of you are just playing it off?”

“No! I swear!”

“That’s hilarious,” Calum states, as he laughs along with Luke. The two of them stop by a body of water, where some children are feeding animals and couples are sitting on benches.

“So you really didn’t have anyone else over the years?” Calum asks Luke, as Luke subconsciously stares at a couple cuddling on a bench.

“Hmm?” Luke asks, realizing he was staring, “Oh... uh, no. Never thought to find someone else.”

“I see.” Calum replies, “Did you want to find someone else?”

“No...” Luke admits, “I mean I tried, but I think my heart knew that it only wanted one person.”

“And who would that person be?” Calum teases.

“You might know him. He’s in this band and he has great hair and his legs look fantastic in skin tight black jeans.”

“Dude I didn’t know you liked Michael!”

“Yeah, I’ve been in love with him for years.”

The two of them continue to joke until they notice some fans approaching them. Calum is quick to tense up, as Luke looks at him and smiles reassuringly, “They probably just wanna say hi.”

Two females and their male friend come up to the duo, the three of them all visibly nervous, “Uh... hi,” one of the girls said, “Sorry to bother you guys but we just really love you and we’ve waited so long for this new album and to meet you.”

“It’s no problem at all you’re not bothering us,” Luke says to them, “You guys really like the new album, huh?”

“We love it!” The guy says, “We all like Outer Space/Carry On a lot.”

“That’s my favorite too,” Calum chimes in, “Are you guys going to the concert tonight?”

“Yeah, we all got pretty good seats so hopefully you’ll see us in the crowd tonight,” One of the girls jokes.

“We’ll look out for you, definitely. Do you guys want to take some pictures?” Luke asks, knowing protocol for what fans usually want when they approach.

“If it’s too much trouble,” They all say, and Luke and Calum smile at each other as they get ready for pictures.

After cycling through the three of them in different cominations, the three fans appear content, “Thank you guys so much we can’t wait for the concert tonight.”

“We can’t wait either,” Calum says, “Wantagh is always a good show to play.”

“Yeah we love coming to New York to play.”

“We should probably get going we need to be to the venue soon,” The guy says to his two friends.

“Oh, you’re heading over so soon?” Calum questions.

“Well, soundcheck started half an hour ago so-“

“WAIT WHAT?!” Luke yells, looking down at his phone, “Calum it’s 4:00!”

“SHIT!” Calum screams, “Dude Ashton is going to kill us.”

“Thank you guys for your support but we really have to get going, hope you enjoy the concert!” Luke shouts to them as the duo start to run off.

“Oh my God how could we let the time slip by?!” Calum says, as he and Luke spot a taxi.

“I don’t know! God we are so dead meat.”

“Maybe Michael can defend us?” Calum argues.

“Dude, no one can protect us from Ashton.”

Finally getting a cab, Calum holds the door open for Luke as the two jump into the yellow vehicle, “Nikon at Jones Beach Theater please! And fast!”

The cab driver nods to him as Calum sinks back into the seat, looking over to Luke who is texting animatedly, “Who you texting?”

“Michael, just letting him know we’re on our way.”

Calum sighs, “Dude we’re screwed.”

“Yeah... I know...” Luke says with a sigh, “But I kind of don’t care.”

“What?! Why not?”

“Because,” Luke leans over and presses a kiss to Calum’s lips, “I had a fantastic first date.”

Calum blushes and pulls Luke in for another kiss, before pulling back abruptly, “We shouldn’t do this here.”

“You’re right...” Luke says sadly.

“We’ll wait for tonight in your hotel room.” Calum states with a wink.

“Taking it slow, remember Cal.”

“I know I know... but I am sleeping in yours tonight.”

Luke smiles, interlocking their fingers in the seat between them, “I don’t think I mind too much.”

Calum smiles and looks out the window. Sure, they were positively dead men on their way to their funeral, but Luke was right in saying that really didn’t matter.

They were together, and Calum couldn’t have asked for a better person to get in trouble with than his not-boyfriend Luke Hemmings.


	20. Chapter 20

Unfortunately, Ashton and Michael were not on a similar wave length of having any reason to be late to a sound check. In fact, the wave length they were on involved a lot more annoyance, anger, frustration, and a lot less secret loving. But really, Calum wouldn’t expect anything less from the two older members of the band.

“Where the hell are they?!” Pacing the green room back and forth, Ashton repeatedly sends messages to Luke, most of them empty threats but Ashton feels as though they are all necessary.

Looking up from his spot on the couch Michael sighs, “Dude I have no idea...”

“They both knew that we had to be here at 3:30 sharp, and what time is it?” Dramatically, Ashton pulls up his sleeve and stares at his watch as Michael shakes his head at him, “It’s 4:45! We’re due to start letting people in in an hour and 15 minutes and they haven’t even shown up to warm up!”

“Ash you’re being ridiculous-“

“Don’t you test me right now, Michael! Luke and Calum know that being punctual is important and as professional musicians we cannot succumb to poor routines of tardiness or irresponsibility.”

“Professional musicians? Last night you and Niall cried when someone put Piano Man on the juke box and you wouldn’t get off the bar until the song was done,” Michael argues, with a chuckle at the memory.

“That was a different circumstance!” Ashton moves towards Michael and places his hands firmly on the back of the couch, “last night was fun time, right now is work time and these two need to get their asses over here ASAP.”

“New York traffic is a bitch at this time, you know that.”

“Yeah, well, they should have accounted for that before they decided to lollygag and show up late for soundcheck!”

Michael scoffs, head craning back to look at Ashton, “Lollygag? What are you, my grandfather?”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ashton sighs, “Just-just call Calum and ask them how long they’re gonna be!”

“Yes your highness.” Michael says with an eye roll. Man, could Ashton be snappy when he was stressed.

“Don’t you give me that attitude Clifford!”

“I know I know they’re in trouble and you’re in charge I got it Ash.”




“Dude,” Calum turns to Luke, their hands lightly touching in the seat between them, “I know getting in trouble was worth it and all, but we’re fucked.”

“Yeah... I mean, please take no offense but I may retract my statement,” Luke admits with a shrug, “Maybe getting a firm yelling from Ash makes me kinda care...”

“What do you think Ashton will do?” Genuine fear crosses Calum’s face as he contemplates the different methods of torture Ashton could bestow upon them.

Shrugging, Luke sighs, staring down at his phone lighting up, “From these texts he’s sending me it’s going to involve a lot of phallic objects and our rear ends...so...”

“Oh man, I cannot go through with that right now is he saying anything else?”

“He also said that...” Luke scrolls up on his phone, “we should sleep with one eye open tonight.”

“What’s he gonna do to us in our sleep?!”

“The worst he can really do is wake us up... He’s not gonna kill us, Cal, that’s a little extreme.”

“But you know that look Ashton gets behind his eyes when he’s really angry... it’s like... it’s like some monster takes over him.”

Luke sighs, Calum was most definitely being overdramatic, “You’re over exaggerating. Ash isn’t some psycho or something.”

“Am I, Luke? Do you not remember the fifth member of our band?”

“Cal-“

“Exactly. No one does to this day.”

“Calum,” laughing to himself, Luke holds onto Calum’s bicep in a comforting manner, “first of all, there was no fifth member. Ever. Second, Ashton is our best friend. I mean yeah, he may take on the responsible role a lot and we kind of fucked up today but that doesn’t mean our lives are in any kind of danger.”

At that moment, Calum’s phone starts to ring, and it’s within this moment that Calum yelps and throws his phone over to Luke. Looking down at the screen, Luke holds it in front of Calum, “It’s Michael. You should probably pick this up.”

“Me?! Why don’t you do it!”

“Because it’s not my phone, Calum!”

“Yeah, but what if he’s angry?”

“Michael couldn’t be angry at you if he tried.”

“Oh yeah? I highly doubt that.”

“Calum just answer the phone!”

“Ok fine!”

Calum snatches the phone out of Luke’s hand, gulping down his nerves before sliding his finger across the screen to answer, “H-hello?” His voice comes out quieter and younger than he intended, and he can almost feel the eye roll Michael gives him from the other end of the line.

“Calum,” Michael looks to Ashton, who mouths him a “yes” and gives him a thumbs up for his tone, “Calum where the hell are you guys?”

“We-we’re on our way. Traffic is absolutely awful.”

“How long do you think you’ll be?”

Pulling his phone away from his face, Calum turns to Luke with a nervous look, “How long do you think we’ll be?”

“With this traffic, about enough 20 minutes by cab.” The driver answers for Luke.

“Did he just say 20 minutes?!” Michael screams into the phone, completely losing any means of remaining calm for the younger twos’ sake.

“20 minutes?!” In a swift motion, Ashton pulls the phone away from Michael, shoving Michael aside on the couch and taking a spot next to him, “Calum T. Hood did you just say that it’s gonna take you another 20 minutes for you two to get here?!”

“I’m sorry Ash! I-I don’t know what to do the traffic-“

“I don’t care about the traffic!” Ashton pulls the phone away from his face, handing it to Michael before letting his head fall into his heads.

“Uh... Ash?”

“Just... just tell them to get here as soon as possible.”

“Ashton says to get here as soon as possible.” Michael repeats, running his free hand over his face in annoyance.

“We’re trying we’re trying... We’re sorry Mikey.”

Michael sighs, “Yeah we know, Calum. This is just super inconvenient is all. Just try your best to get here soon.”

The line goes flat as Calum lowers his phone into his lap, sighing to himself as he stares blankly out the window, “We’re dead.” He says with no emotion.

“It can’t possibly be that bad,” Luke insists, “I mean, maybe these 20 minutes will go by super fast?”

“What time is it now?”   

“5 o clock.”

“Dude the concert starts in like an hour and a half and we haven’t even warmed up yet!”

Frustrated, Luke sighs, “What do you expect us to do, Calum? We’re 20 minutes away by cab with this traffic and I don’t see any way for us to get through this traffic.” Calum immediately tenses, turning to Luke with a sly smile on his face, “w-what?” Luke asks, curious as to what Calum has formulating in his mind.

“You said we can’t get through it, right?”

“Yeah...”

Pulling out his wallet, Calum grabs a large amount of cash, “Well... how about we go around it?”

“What?”

“Here you go sir thank you so much,” Handing the cab driver the cash, Calum grabs hold of Luke’s hand, “Come on let’s go.”

“Calum what-“

“No time! We have to get out of here.”

Luke allows his body to be forcefully pulled as Calum pushes the cab door open, exposing them to the open streets of New York. Swiftly, the two boys sprint to the closest sidewalk, making sure to release their hold on each other as soon as they’re out of the vehicle.

“Calum-“

“Trust me, Luke, if we run we could probably beat this traffic in a heartbeat we could easily be there in like 10 minutes.”

“Yeah but Calum-“

“Luke, trust me!” Before Luke has a chance to put in his opinion, Calum is off, running down the road in the direction of the venue. Luke groans to himself, “some end to a first date,” he mutters under his breath as he makes his way up to Calum.

Eventually, the two are side by side, running down the streets of Wantagh towards Nikon at Jones Beach Theater. “We’re making for great time!” Calum announces, as he quickly glances at his phone.

“Yeah but this really isn’t ideal Calum.” Luke says between breaths.

“What are you talking about? This is perfectly fine! It’s faster and the weather isn’t even that bad!”

A single drop hits Calum’s nose as he finishes his statement, and if Calum could mimic the look of utter frustration on Luke’s face, he would.

“Calum-“

“I know! I know! Ok it didn’t look like it would rain from inside the cab!”

“My hair is gonna be ruined by the time we get there.” Luke runs his fingers through his hair, already losing shape due to the wetness falling from the sky.

“Yeah but luckily we have fantastic hair people to fix it up for you!”

Luke sighs, “Calum-“

“Look on the bright side, Luke, we’re practically almost there and you know, this rain kind of reminds me of something,”

Confused, Luke cocks his head to the side, “What does it remind you of?”

“A really great song written by two fantastic singer/songwriters.”

“Please tell me you’re not about to start singing Disconnected.”

Calum laughs, “No, it did cross my mind though.”

“If Ash and Mikey don’t have a song picked out for tonight, we should do that one,” Luke says with a smile, thinking about the relevance the song currently had to their situation.

“Agreed. Hey if you listen now you can hear fans off in the distance?”

Luke abruptly stops in his tracks.

“Calum...”

“Yeah? What’s wrong?” Calum stops, turning to slowly walk back towards where Luke had stopped running.

“Calum... the fans...”

“What about them?”

“Calum! We’re bascally running into a battlefield by showing up at the venue when literally all of the people going should be there!”

“Oh...” The thought hadn’t crossed Calum’s mind at all, and it’s from his split decision acting that Calum slowly continues to start running again, “I’m sure everything will be ok, security will probably see us coming or hear the uproar if one starts.”

“You know, I’m putting far too much trust in you.” Luke states as he continues to run alongside Calum.

“Yeah, well it’s because you love me.”

“Sure I do.”

“Well maybe-“

“Calum, let’s save whatever you’re about to bring up until after the show, ok?”

Calum grins to himself, “Deal.”

Moments later, the two hear the roar of fans animatedly talking increase. Calum stops, turning to Luke and stretching, “Ok we’ve just about made it, we just have to get inside without being-“

“Oh my God!”

“-noticed.”

Looking up, the two boys see the wave of bodies running towards them, fans sprinting from their place in line in order to meet them.

“Calum?!” Luke yells, as he and Luke try to nonchalantly pick up pace and make their way towards the entrance of the arena.

“Just follow me!”

In a matter of seconds, Luke and Calum are surrounded by fans, each of them vying to either touch or get a picture with one of them. As they make their way through the crowd, the two feel their place slowly going slower and slower as more and more people come up to them. Calum turns to Luke, eyes filled with discomfort as fans continue to swarm them. He should have known this would happen, the fans were obviously going to see them running up and he should have known that the cab would’ve been the safer option.

Luke looks at Calum, smile plastered on his face for a fan as Luke attempts to move closer to him. They had to keep moving, keep from getting stuck in the crowd before everyone was outside attempting to meet them.

From within the crowd, Luke and Calum feel two large hands grab one of their forearms, subsequently pulling them through the crowds of people as fans continue to jump towards them for an interaction. It takes them a while, but eventually the boys find themselves in the safety of a barrier set up by security, their savior the crowd revealing himself to be Dave.

Dave pulls the two of them into the safety of the closed arena, but doesn’t let go of either of the boys as he makes his way towards the back of the stage, “Dave!” Calum exclaims, “Dude you’re a lifesaver.”

“Don’t thank me just yet boys.” Dave utters with sympathy.

“Why not?” Luke asks.

“I’ve been given specific orders to bring you to the back room as soon as you arrived.”

Sighing, Calum accepts his fate, “Ash is gonna rip us a new one, isn’t he?”

“You bet. Well, your maker lies beyond this door. Good luck boys.” Dave says with a smile, walking away with a laugh.

Calum turns to Luke, a hint of a smile creeping onto his face, “You ready for this?”

Luke sighs, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Reaching out to turn the knob, Luke pushes the door open, the silence in the air only disrupted by the creaking of the door. It’s a faint sound, but one that immediately makes Ashton and Michael look up from their respective spots, Michael on the couch and Ashton leaning up against a counter.

Calum can feel Ashton and Michael staring, but refuses to acknowledge their glances by simply looking at Luke. The air in the room is tense, almost comically tense by how uncomfortable each of the boys currently felt. Calum turns to Michael and smiles half-heartedly, “H-hey guys...” he says, turning his head to address Ashton as well.

“Hey? Hey guys? Is that all you have to say?” Ashton states.

“Look, Ash-“

“Oh, don’t ‘look Ash’ me! Do you two have any idea how late you are?”

“We know we know...” Luke says disappointedly, “We’re sorry.”

“Where the hell were you two anyway?” Michael asks, genuinely curious.

“We were-“

“We were at Central Park,” Calum interrupts, “I wanted to take Luke there because we’ve both never been. It was my fault we’re late.”

“Care to explain why exactly you felt the need to go to Central Park?” Ashton asks, arms crossed as he walks towards the two intimidated boys.

Calum look at Luke, sweat building at the top of his forehead, “Well... you see...”

“We talked.”

“You.... what?” Michael asks, raising from his spot on the couch.

“We finally... talked things out,” Luke says, looking to Calum for confirmation.

“You mean like... _talked_?” Michael meets the three other boys, eyes wide with shock at the sudden announcement.

“Yeah... me and Calum both felt it was time we finally.... let go of the past and we talked everything out and we didn’t want to involve you guys because we know how worried you both already are.”

“Y-yeah,” Calum could see where Luke was taking this, and wanting to keep up the story he contributes, “We finally made up over that stupid fight from three years ago and are ready work towards being best friends again.”

“I told you, Calum, we never stopped being best friends.” Luke says, confirming this by placing his arm around Calum’s neck.

Ashton sighs, “That’s great guys, really, but-“

“Great?! It’s FANTASTIC!” Michael extends both his arms and wraps them around Luke and Calum, “Holy shit I’m so glad you guys finally talked things out. I’m so proud of you both holy shit. You don’t know how long me and Ash have been waiting for this day to come.”

“We know we know, and we’re sorry.” Luke admits.

“Yeah... we’re sorry for worrying you two for so long... we definitely didn’t meant to cause this rift in the band and we didn’t mean to concern you guys about how we were. It was definitely very selfish of us and we really owe you guys.”

“You’re damn right it was selfish and you’re damn right I’m still mad about you two being late but oh my God you two finally talked!” Ashton proclaims, joining in on the group hug.

“I don’t think we’ve hugged like this in years,” Calum states, face pressed against Luke’s as they’re pulled in tightly by the addition of Ashton’s embrace.

Michael’s smile grows, “I know it feels really good to be this close to you guys again.”

“Does this mean group cuddles are gonna become a thing again?” Luke asks, cheeks blushing at the pure joy the band was currently feeling.

Nuzzling his head against Calum’s arm, Ashton smiles, “You’re damn right they’re gonna become a thing again.”

“I love you guys,” Calum announces.

“Oh God we’re getting emotional I don’t like it,” Michael attempts to pull away, but is pulled back in by Luke.

“No Michael. Embrace the emotions.”

“I’m really glad we’re all together guys,” Ashton announces, “I mean, yeah, we technically were before this but I’m glad we’re all moving on as a _band_.”

“Does this mean we’re also moving on from the fact me and Luke were late?”

“Oh, you two are probably still gonna be in trouble for that.”

“Actually Mikey,” Ashton inquires, “I think I’ll let this slide. The two of them obviously had a big day.”

“You mean it?!” Luke exclaims, releasing a breath of fear he was previously holding.

“You bet. But don’t think you two can get away with this shit again because lord knows now that you’re working towards Calum and Luke again you two will go back to your shenanigan ways.”

Calum chuckles to himself “Wouldn’t dream of it, Ash.”

“Can we finally stop hugging now we’ve been like this for minutes now.” Michael groans, untangling himself from Ashton and Luke’s embrace.

“Yeah we should probably get ready and figure out what song we wanna do for encore.”

“Actually Ash,” Calum interrupts, “Me and Luke kind of had an idea.”




The boys are about to run back on for the encore and Luke is in the wings pumping himself up. Wantagh always managed to be a fun and lively crowd, and after such a long day Luke was definitely having some trouble keeping up with the crowds’ energy. They had gone over Disconnected only once, and the band knew for the most part what they were doing.

“Hey,” Calum walks up to Luke handing him the remainder of his water bottle, “Drink it, your voice probably needs to be lubricated.”

“Thanks,” Chugging down the bottle quickly, Luke hands the empty bottle to a PA before turning back to Calum, “You ready?”

“Born ready. You’ve been killing the set today, by the way.”

“Have I? Or are you just saying that to butter me up?” Luke teases, watching as Calum smiles cheekily at Luke’s remark.

“Mmm you know, never a bad idea to throw a compliment around every now and then.”

“You still coming over to mine after the show?”

Leaning close to Luke’s ear, Calum whispers, “Wouldn’t miss it,” leaving Luke to his thoughts as he walks away to talk to Ashton.

“You already seem happier, you know,” He hears Michael say from behind him, approaching him silently.

“You think so?” Luke answers Michael but still has his eyes on Calum, the bassist pumping himself up with Ashton as they’re mere seconds from running back out.

“Yeah... it’s good. I like it.”

Luke watches as Michael descends onto the stage, “Yeah... yeah I like it too.”

The crowd roars as Luke joins his band mates, the atmosphere in the room just as high as it was before the end of their set. Luke waves to the fans in the crowd, all of them returning his gesture and screaming in excitement. “You guys having a good night?!” He yells into the crowd, the message getting lost amongst the roar of the fans. “Glad to hear it! So we’ve got one last song for you here and first of all we just wanna apologize on behalf of Mother Nature for this weather.” Luke looks up to the sky, gesturing towards the slight rainfall currently hitting them.

“Luke you can’t just apologize on behalf of Mother Nature like that,” Ashton announces into his microphone, “Who gave you the right?”

“Mother Nature. She gave me the right herself.”

“No she didn’t how the hell would she do that?!” Michael comically questions, gaining a positive response from the audience.

“Ok, whatever. Well basically, we’re gonna play an old favorite tonight that has a little something to do with the weather. And the summer. And the rain. You get the point. If you remember it, feel free to sing along.”

**Oh oh o-oh oh oh o-oh oh**

**Life's a tangled web of cellphone calls and hashtag I-don't-knows** **. And you, you're so caught up in all the blinking lights and dial tones.**

Hearing the crowd scream back the lyrics elicits a chill to go up Luke’s spine, the words sinking into his skin as he looks out into the crowd of people. Disconnected was always one of his favorite songs, undermined despite having, in Luke’s opinion, some of the best lyrics.

 **I admit I'm a bit of a victim in the worldwide system too** **, but I find my sweet escape when I'm alone with you**

Luke thinks back to his day with Calum, waking up next to him in bed and initially being hesitant and going about their usual business. Things after last night would definitely not be the same for them, and Luke couldn’t be happier with the result. Because now he had something back that he had longed for for almost three years. It wasn’t just the love or the feelings or the physicality of Calum, it was just the feeling of having his best friend back. It was the overwhelming feeling of being complete again after being broken for so long, the piece that was missing finally fitting back in perfectly as if it had never left. And to think that Luke could say to himself that he went on a first date with Calum is still ridiculous in his mind. Yes, they had suffered consequence for their actions and they still weren’t sure what they were, but Luke couldn’t help but be completely content with this. He had Calum back, and that’s all that mattered.

**Tune out the static sound of the city that never sleeps, here in the moment on the dark side of the screen**

**I like the summer rain, I like the sounds you make. We put the world away; we get so disconnected. You are my getaway, you are my favourite place. We put the world away; yeah we're so disconnected**

Singing the chorus into the crowd, Luke feels the rain hit his face, turning over to Michael who looks back at him with a large smile. Michael was right; having Calum back was definitely looking very good for him. It definitely felt better than it how it looked, at least to Luke.

**Oh oh o-oh oh oh o-oh oh. We're so disconnected. Oh oh o-oh oh oh o-oh oh**

**Hands around my waist, you're counting up the hills across the sheets. And I'm a falling star, a glimmer lighting up these cotton streets. I'll admit I'm a bit of a fool for playing by their rules, but I find my sweet escape when I'm alone with you**

Calum comes towards Michael’s side and plays around with him, the two of them falling into a fit of laughter as Luke sings the second verse. As Calum walks away and back to his side of the stage, Michael smiles to himself, watching at how Calum rests his chin on Luke’s shoulder before completely stopping at his own microphone. Nothing about their interactions were forced, nothing about them screamed “awkward” or “uncomfortable” or “tense” at all. They were just being Calum and Luke again, and Michael couldn’t express greater how long he had waited for this moment to happen. Because it’s one thing to watch your best friend fall apart, but to watch it happen to two best friends over the course of three years was more than upsetting for Michael. And it was looking like all of his efforts of being a good friend were paying off, because there was nothing better than seeing his two of his best friends genuinely smiling again.

**Tune out the static sound of the city that never sleeps, here in the moment on the dark side of the screen**

**I like the summer rain, I like the sounds you make. We put the world away; we get so disconnected. You are my getaway, you are my favourite place. We put the world away; yeah we're so disconnected**

Looking at the three boys playing in front of him, Ashton shakes his head in disbelief. The energy on stage was definitely different, an energy Ashton hadn’t felt in a long ass time. It was complete, a whole energy that wasn’t missing a piece or wasn’t off at all. It was right, wholesome and perfect, and exactly what Ashton had been waiting for all this time. Yeah, it was irresponsible of Luke and Calum to doddle off and go to some far off location. But now that Ashton knew why, he understood. And looking at the way Calum looks at Luke now and vice versa, Ashton supposes that maybe irresponsibility isn’t so bad after all.

Of course, they still won’t be getting away with it if they pull the same shit again.   
  
Turn off the radio, those late night tv shows. Hang up the telephone and just be here with me. Turn off the radio, those late night tv shows. Hang up the telephone and just be here with me

Calum can feel Luke beside him without even having to look, his energy radiating off of him as Calum sings the bridge of the song. He turns to the blond and sings, almost directly singing the song to him. That’s all he wanted right now, just him and Luke with no one around, finally allowing themselves to fall for each other the right way without anything intervening. It was a long time coming definitely, a lingering feeling that Calum both feared and longed for. Now that it was here, he didn’t want to let it go.

Luke did things to him he didn’t understand. He made him happier, he made him wiser, he made him more patient, more kind, more willing to do more in life. And Calum still had a lot of soul searching and a lot of talking to do with Luke, but at this point he was just happy to have his best friend back.

**I like the summer rain, I like the sounds you make. We put the world away; we get so disconnected. You are my getaway, you are my favourite place. We put the world away; yeah we're so disconnected**

**I like the summer rain, I like the sounds you make. We put the world away; we get so disconnected. You are my getaway, you are my favourite place. We put the world away; yeah we're so disconnected**

This was it, this was the 5 Seconds of Summer the fans remembered.

  *          **  
**



Relaxation.

That’s all Luke wanted right now after such a fun and exciting show. Wantagh had given them their most exuberant show to date on this tour, and Luke was more than ready to just fall into bed and sleep off the entire day. But of course, he was still waiting on Calum, who was in his room showering and doing his night stuff before coming over to Luke’s.

Luke couldn’t tell if they were moving fast. Less than a day into whatever it is they’re doing and they’re already making plans to crash at each other’s place. Now, Luke had never really had a full or steady relationship before – most of the ones before the age of 16 didn’t really count- so all of this was new to him. He figured Calum was the same, but neither of them were seemingly fazed or bothered by the suggestions the other was making. Luke didn’t see any issue in Calum staying at his; arguably, if they did it as friends on the last tour why couldn’t they do it as ... _somethings_ on this tour?

Hearing a knock on the door, Luke hoists himself out of bed and glide towards his door, bare feet brushing against the brown carpet of the hotel room. Opening the door, Luke finds Calum standing before him with a tray of room service food, “Guess who got food?” Calum asks, moving passed Luke and into his room.

“Calum I don’t think I’ve said this enough so I’ll say it again: I love you so much.”

“I knew food would be the way to your heart,” Calum pulls the covers off of the two plates, “Got us both some fish and chips because I know you’ve been craving them.”

“Dude, yes, thank you so much.”

“Are we still going to be calling each other dude when we’re dating?” Calum’s question is distorted by the chip in his mouth, but Luke catches the gist of it.

“I don’t know... I don’t really mind it.” He says with a shrug.

“Cool, me either.”

Grabbing another chip, Luke speaks with it in his mouth, “You still mention the dating thing, yet we still both have no clue what we’re doing.”

Calum shrugs again, “I kind of like that we both don’t really know what we’re doing. It’s kind of refreshing to go on this... ‘journey’ with someone who understands.”

“So dating is a journey now, huh?”

“Of course it is! It’s a daring adventure of the unknown, filled with twists and turns and a brave knight who saves the day.”

“And who would the brave night be?” Luke asks, eyebrows raised at Calum’s odd comparison.

“That would be me, of course.”

“Then what am I?”

“You, my lanky friend, are the fair Prince, who I rescue and you grant a kiss because of my noble deeds.”

“In what world am I a Prince?”

“Have you seen the way most of our fans treat you?”

“Touche.” Luke and Calum share a laugh, before falling into a comfortable silence, only sound between them the sound of them chewing their food. “Can I ask you a question?” Luke eventually asks once his plate is full.

“Sure thing.”

“Ok... well... once we actually start dating-“

“Which will be soon enough.”

“Calum-“

“What?”

Luke sighs, “ _When_ we start dating, is that gonna change things between us at all? Like, we’re still getting out of that awkward tense period, and are we really ready to just go right into dating?”

“You know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think we are,” Calum nods to himself before standing, “I feel like, like we’ve spent all these years waiting and pining and trying to deny whatever it is between us. But, seeing as we’re both here in this moment, you and I both know there’s no denying there’s something here. And we spent years of our friendship blind to this, thinking that our flirting was just for fun or to get a reaction out of the fans. And while those both proved to be true, there were some feelings behind them, and we both just failed to acknowledge them.” Calum walks over to Luke and grabs his hands, pulling him off his seat, “Listen, I love you Luke. I love you as both a best friend and whatever else this may lead to. And I just want to let you know that whatever does happen between us will not change whatever history the two of us have. If we dated ten years from now vs. ten days, you would still be the person I nap with and the person I spend my off days with because apparently I have a dependency problem.” Both boys chuckle at Calum’s remark, “And I know that you’re gonna Facetime me every time we’re in a different room because we would do that all the time, and no matter how annoyed I can pretend I am I’ll always secretly love picking up your call and seeing your face.”

“Ok... I think I get the point.” Luke states, blush very prominent on his cheeks.

“Can I ask you a question now?”

“Y-yes.”

“Well, I don’t think I need to make myself any more clear in how I feel about you. I think I’ve made it very obvious that I’ve felt something more than friends for you for the last couple of years, and hearing you say yesterday you felt the same way has been like some sort of wake up call to tell me that fate might just be on my side. And today was definitely not the ending to the first date I had in mind but I had a fucking awesome time, and you know why?”

“Wh-why?”

“Because as much as it was a ‘date’, it just felt like you and me. Calum and Luke. It felt like something we’ve been doing for so long but we didn’t or couldn’t put a name to it. And I know we’re moving faster than we wanted and we could waste time going on more dates and waiting for one of us to finally get the balls to ask. Well personally, I’m done waiting, Luke. I waited for three year and I waited for an entire day after knowing that you loved me back. I am not a patient boy, Lucas, and I need to move on now.”

“You know, you’re not very good at getting to the point of your questions,” Luke jokes, feeling his heartbeat intensify at what he knew Calum was about to ask.

“Sorry, I like to get wordy when I’m passionate about things,” Calum responds, “What I mean to ask is... well... would you, Luke Hemmings, do me the honor of being my boyfriend?”

There were many ways Luke could have answered this question, but he felt that kissing Calum would be the most appropriate one. The kiss lasts longer than the two of them realize, both of them grabbing onto each other as their mouth spark and their hearts fall into rhythm with one another. Calum pulls back, smile on his face as he quickly presses another kiss to Luke’s soft lips, “Is that a yes?”

“That, Calum Hood, is a fucking yes.” Luke presses a soft kiss to Calum’s jaw line, "And that will continue to be a yes because I've waited for this moment to happen for so. long."

"You and me both,  _dude_."

"Ok, now that we're actually dating maybe calling each other dude will start to get weird."

"Ew you just said we're actually dating. that's weird."

Luke rolls his eyes, "Really Calum? It hasn't even been like 5 minutes."

"I know I know. Just, too good to be true is all."

Luke smiles, “Come on, I’m exhausted and about to go into a food coma because of that room service food.”

“Oh, I’m so down to pass out right now.”

Hand in hand, Luke and Calum crawl into Luke’s bed, Luke placing his head on top of Calum’s chest as Calum’s arms wrap themselves around Luke’s broad frame. It doesn’t take long for both of them to fall asleep, and Luke can’t remember a time where he went to sleep any happier.

Finally, things were falling into place.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHH!!!!! IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!!!!!!!  
> That concludes part 2 of IYDKLMG and wow what a journey it has been so far. Trust me when I say this journey has really jut begun, there's a lot in store for Cake and I am both excited and terrified. 
> 
> Just to let you guys know you can now find me on Tumblr at 585322586.tumblr.com I haven't really done a lot with it yet I apologize but feel free to hit me up and drop a message! If you want any requests for shorts or drabbles I may be able to get to them or if you just want to discuss some fics/ask questions I'll get to those too :D 
> 
> Really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and this arc, and be prepared for part 3 of this story, also known as "Everyone else figures it out" ;) ;) ;) ;)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! A couple of things:
> 
> -First of all, I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE SUDDEN 2 WEEK HIATUS! Life got super busy with school and exams and just... events in life in general so I really had no time to write or edit or anything   
> -However, I am glad to see that a lot of you are enjoying the story and coming back to a lot of positive comments was the best thing I could ever ask for so thank you :D  
> -Moving forward, we're now into part 3 of this story and I'm super excited for it because it means that I can write coupley Cake and have fun with that dynamic and trust me things are going to get fluffy (but then angsty but then fluffy you know how this works by now)  
> -It's been two weeks and a few days since they became official and the boys are currently in Cleveland, Ohio. The exact date will become apparent in the story next chapter but let's just say it's mid-June right now.   
> -I'll try my best to get the next chapter up in the next week! If I don't feel free to pester me on Tumblr because I will probably feel super guilty and make time to write
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoy the chapter and once again sorry for the sudden disappearance thanks so much for reading <3

 

Breakfast with the band was always a thing.

It was the one designated time in the day where the four of them could be around each other in complete serenity; no fans, no loud atmosphere, no tour members, no interuptions. No one. Just the four boys, an assortment of breakfast foods and some light but comedic discussion. With the amount of time the boys spend either tending to the needs of management, meeting with fans, and sleeping, it was nice to have some time specifically for relaxing with one another and touching base on a few things. Usually, they talked about tour and the shows they liked and didn’t like, and conversation was never stale or forced.

Currently, the boys were in Cleveland, Ohio, a few weeks now into the Sounds Good Feels Good Tour. By now each of them had gotten back into the rhythm of tour life again, not at all phased by the late nights and the early mornings. The sleeps still weren’t as comfortable as they would have liked, and there were still some instances where fans got a little too “in their face,” but really, none of them could complain. Tour life was great, and now that the dynamic of the band was shifting back to normal, things were definitely easier to deal with.

Except, however, for Calum and Luke. And it’s not even for the reasons before, no, it’s almost the exact opposite.

The problem with having a secret relationship is the fact you have to hide it from so many people. First, there were the fans. Much to the fans’ dismay, the boys were not at all blind or unnkowledgable to the concept of “shipping”. They were very aware at how even the smallest interaction of two of them hugging in an interview could cause a wave of emotions that fans find themselves drowning in, encaptured by the tides of homosocial relationships and the raging sea that is romance. Starting out, the band had no issue with playng up this “shipping”, it was a little fun to see how wild the fans would react whever Calum would sit on one of the boys’ laps or Michael would flirtatiously touch one of them or Luke would talk about band cuddles. It was fun, yeah, but it was definitely overwhelming when considering the result. Which is why the fact that Cake was actually real put a lot of pressure on them. It would be great if they could just explain to the fans the backstory and how much has gone down between them, but both Luke and Calum agreed it would be pretty hard to voice all of that without causing for an international widespread of confusion. Because as much as they’d like to think the fans would go crazy, in a positive way, there is the slight chance the fans could react poorly. And not poorly in the sense that they dislike the two of them together or the fans are homophobic; it wasn’t anything like that. It was the fact of the matter that the fans would put a lot of pressure on the two of them being together; they wouldn’t be able go outside or think or breathe without having to question whether the fans would overreact at “Cake”. Everything they did around each other would be put into question, something so simple as a hug could be blown up and they weren’t sure they were ready for that. And even now they still had to question what they did, making sure to resist flirting too much so as to not give the fans any ideas. It was also the matter that they didn’t want to put the band in any uncomfortable place, because they both knew that if two out of the four of them started dating, a lot of the publicity and attention the band would be getting would be from the new couple.

            Which leads to the second issue; keeping the relationship a secret from Michael and Ashton. The two older members of the band were their best friends; there was no doubt about it. So one would think they would be able to tell them so easily without any hesitation or second guessing. Yes, one would _think_. But there’s the boys had to consider, starting with the fact that both of them have been “straight” to Ashton and Michael since they met, and that by suddenly coming out and revealing to be a couple could be a little overwhelming. It was also a scary thing to come out, something that Luke had yet to do with Ashton and Michael and Calum with everyone. Luke had originally not wanted Ashton and Michael to find out he was gay due to the fact it put a lot of perspective into why he and Calum broke apart. And Luke didn’t want to put either of them in that position, nor did he want to out Calum, so he chose not to speak publically about his sexuality to them and go about figuring it all out secretly. For Calum, he still had a lot of things to figure out. It would be easier to figure things out alone, instead of being hounded by Ashton and Michael over whether or not he was just questioning things or whether he was just up in his head. Both of them loved Ashton and Michael dearly, but they both were just not ready to tell two of the most important people in their lives possibly their biggest secret.

Third, there were the important people in their lives, like their families and really close friends. Even the people on tour, the boys tried to keep their relationship a secret from. Both of their families had known that the two boys were close, and were definitely very aware of the falling out the two of them gone through. The effects were residual; the families both very close attempting to reunite their two boys for, as per what both assumed, their parents thought would be best for the band and the boys themselves. And it wasn’t that they didn’t think their family nor friends would understand. It was just such a scary concept of telling them that suddenly, the two of them were together and that, contrary to what their families believed all their lives, both of them were very into each other and very not straight. In terms of their friends and their crew, the boys just didn’t want to cause any unnecessary commotion on tour or within their group. It was simply a matter of not wanting attention; this tour was meant to highlight the band and to bring the band back into the public eye, not to be the stage for the “Cake show” and have everyone pay attention to them.

And that’s exactly why Luke and Calum fear the media most; possibly the worst and most horrendous group of people the boys wish to hide their relationship from. Even without having to come out, the media already plays up the relationship between the two boys; the good, the bad, and the awkward. When the boys went through their falling out, the media picked up on it immediately, creating stories and theories as to what was happening within 5 Seconds of Summer and the reasons as to why Calum was all the way in LA. Thankful for their training in public relations, the boys did their best to cope with the constant questions and the abuse from the media wanting some information about the dynamic of the band. And while it was definitely off at the time, the boys would never let themselves play it up to the cameras at all. If the media were to find out they were actually a thing, the amount of stories and false lies spread about them would increase, and they both know how nasty magazines and talk shows tend to be.

So this is where they’re currently stuck, two weeks into dating and unable to tell anyone for their own benefit. It sucked sometimes, yeah, especially when they wanted to be cute with each other and do the coupley things like hold hands and kiss in public. But all of those things would have to wait; the priority right now was the band and keeping the dynamic solidified, and if that meant having to sneak off every now and then to do some... “Recreational” activities, then so be it.

Which is what both of them were planning to do at this very moment

Luke is sat across from Calum, eating his food quietly as he listened to Michael and Ashton talk loudly beside him. Every so often, in moments like these, he can feel Calum watching him, playing a game with him of if he can handle Calum’s strong stare on him, and Luke always does his best to resist looking back but always finds that he fails. The longing stares and the playful games are usually how things lead to them sneaking off, and by the burn of Calum’s stare he could tell this game was currently on and running.

Still ignoring Calum, Luke shoves a bit of pineapple in his mouth and turns to look at Ashton, “So, what award shows do we have coming up again?”

“Well first of all, you’re gonna swallow before you speak to me,” Ashton jokes, wiping at the corners of his mouth with his napkin, “and to answer your question, we’ve only got the Teen Choice Awards coming up where we’re opening the show. There’s not much else really until later on when we have the VMA’s, but again, that’s not until later.”

Michael puts down his glass of water, “Are we performing at those ones or just appearing?”

“Just appearing. There’s a chance we may be presenting an award too but that’s still up in the air.”

“Let’s just hope someone’s junk doesn’t show this time,” Michael jokes, as Luke shoves at him.

“Hey! Come on, man. I thought we let that go.”

Scoffing, Michael places a hand on Luke’s shoulder, “Dude we’re never gonna let that go it was hilarious,”

“I wouldn’t mind it happening again,” Calum humors, making sure that Luke hears the drag in his voice as he continues to stare at him.

Luke rolls his eyes. God, Calum could be the worst sometimes. “Of course you wouldn’t,” He replies dryly, making sure to drink from his mug to distract his mouth.

“We also have a few things to do when we get to LA so we need to prepare ourselves for that,” Ashton states, attempting to bring the conversation back to focus, “We’re also flying back to New York in a week and a bit to appear on Fallon.”

Astounded by the news, Michael perks up “Holy shit we got asked to do Fallon?”

Ashton nods proudly, “Heck yeah we did.”

“Are we performing or getting interviewed?” Luke questions.

Scrolling through his phone, Ashton searches for the answer to Luke’s question, “Both, I believe, so we need to figure out what song we want to perform and what we wanna talk about.”

The squeaking of a chair distracts the three band mates as they turn to watch Calum stand, “That sounds great and all but I think I’m gonna head up to my room,” Calum says, putting some cash down on the table before grabbing his coat.

“What? Cal you haven’t even finished your breakfast.” Michael states, eyes glued to Calum’s half-full plate of food.

Shrugging, Calum picks it up and hands it to Michael, “You can have it if you want?”

“Sweet dude, thanks!”

“Are you just gonna be up there all day? We do have the day off after all.” Ashton questions.

“Mmm maybe, we’ll see what I do.” Calum makes sure to stare directly at Luke when he says the word “do”, a sly attempt at implying to Luke what, or rather, _who_ , he plans to spend his day doing.

“Cool, well have fun!” Ashton waves and turns back to conversation with Michael and Luke, Luke’s eyes following Calum as he walks out of the hotel restaurant and into the lobby.

This is what Calum and Luke did. They would do a band thing, regale themselves, Ashton and Mikey for a bit, and then go off and do their own thing. It was another routine Calum was getting used to and one he particularly liked. Something about moving around in secret was a little fun, and definitely reassuring in the department of figuring himself out. So having a bit of fun with their relationship was always his intent, and he knew for a fact that as much as Luke looked like he hated it, he loved it. With a smile on his face, Calum walks into the elevator with an idea forming in his mind.

Back at the restaurant, Ashton is currently discussing fan stories and reactions to the new album, “You wouldn’t believe the amount of people who come up to me and tell me how much they love Catch Fire,”

“Oh, dude I know,” Michael affirms, “that, or Invisible definitely. Pretty sure everyone I’ve talked to has said that’s their favorite.”

“Don’t forget Outer Space/Carry On,” Luke contributes, “I’ve seen some people getting lyrics from that song tattooed on themselves already.”

“Dude, what? That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, I know.” Luke says to Michael, “just weird to think that’s our words being put on people’s bodies.”

“I mean, not to brag but they _are_ pretty kick-ass lyrics.” Ashton states, chin high in the air in confidence.

Michael nods before sticking a piece of pancake in his mouth, “Can’t argue with you there.”

“Agreed. Well, I think I’m gonna head up to my room now.” Luke says hurriedly, mimicking Calum from before and standing abruptly.

“You too?! But you didn’t finish-“

“Michael do you want the rest of my food?”

“Heck yeah I do!”

“You going up to sleep?” Ashton asks, “you seem pretty out of it.”

Luke shrugs, playing with the buttons on his flannel in the process, “Yeah, something like that.”

“Well, today’s your day off so you better rest up.”

“Will do, thanks Ash.”

Walking away from the table, Luke sighs to himself. It did kind of suck that they had to hide everything from Ashton and Michael, but he knew that it was probably for the best and that things would pan out well eventually.




Luke ends up in front of Calum’s door, not at all discussed between the two of them, but instinctly where Luke assumed Calum would want him to be. With a light knock on the door, Luke stands back and waits, pulling out his phone to pass the short amount of time he thought it would take for Calum to come to the door. When Calum doesn’t immediately come, however, he knocks again. Still, no one comes to the door. Puzzled, Luke goes to knock a third time, only to watch the door open and reveal Calum behind it.

And for whatever reason Luke can imagine, Calum is naked.

“Uhm... you’re naked.” Luke states, eyes glued to Calum’s chest.

“Yes, Lucas. Astute observation.”

“ _Why_ are you naked?”

“Why aren’t you?” Calum asks with a smirk, stepping aside so Luke can enter.

Luke sighs, doing his best not to look at Calum’s exposed package, “Calum, come on now.”

“What? I’ve been naked around you before we were dating.”

“Yeah but-“

“But now you’re actually allowed to look but you’re just too cheeky to do that.”

“If anyone here is cheeky, it’s you, Hood,” Luke humors back, as he sits on Calum’s bed.

“Was that a pun off of my bare ass?”

“Mmmm unintentional, but yes.”

“Funny.”

“Thanks, now why don’t you put some clothes on so we can cuddle and watch a movie?”

“Can’t we cuddle with me naked?” Calum pouts.

“We _could_ , but we’re not going to because it’s weird if only one of us is naked.”

“Then why don’t you get naked too?” Calum reasons, standing in front of Luke with his hands on his hips.

“B-because,” Fuck, he looked, “Because-“

Calum smirks, “Eyes up here, honey.”

“Oh, fuck off, you’re not playing fair.”

“Am I not? Is standing in front of you with my junk out not being fair? I think you’re not being fair because you’re making me wait for you to get naked and it’s really throwing me off.”

“Oh, you want me naked then do you?” Luke says in a teasing tone, “It’s not gonna be that easy.”

“Making me work for it, Lucas?” Calum sits on Luke’s lap, straddling him.

“Maybe. Depends on what you’re willing to do in return.” Luke licks his lips, eyes scanning down Calum’s bare chest and down to his crotch.

Calum scoffs, pressing a passionate kiss to Luke’s lips. Pulling back, Calum bites his lip, “Well in that case-“

A knock at the door stops them both as Luke falls with his back down onto the mattress. Of course someone would come knocking just when he was getting into it.

“You should probably get that,” Luke says angrily, back still to the mattress as he lays with his hands sprawled to the side.

Still on top of Luke, Calum sighs, “Can’t we just ignore it?”

“Calum! Calum open the fuck up!” Michael yells from the other side.

Luke sighs, “No, we can’t.”

Pulling his leg overtop Luke’s lap, Calum stands and starts walking towards the door, a look of annoyance on his face as he pulls it over. “What do you want, Michael?” He asks, door not fully open as he hides behind it.

“Bro, I just wanted to hangout, sheesh,” Michael states, attempting to move through Calum’s door, “You gonna let me in or what?”

Calum turns to Luke and mouths “I’m sorry” before pulling the door open and letting Michael in.

“Oh, Luke’s here,” Michael observes, turning to Calum with confusion, “And you’re naked. Why are you naked?”

Shit. He completely forgot.

“I just got out of the shower,” He makes up on the spot.

“But you’re completely dry?”

“That’s what towels are for, Michael.” Calum says with an eye roll, hoping his genuine annoyance is helping to play off the awkwardness well.

“Don’t feel special, Michael, he opened the door naked for me too.” Luke says, attempting to bring light to the conversation.

“Damn, and just when I thought you were finally giving me the special little show I always wanted,” Michael jokes, slapping at Calum’s bare butt in the process.

“Dude, fuck! That hurt.”

Michael scoffs, “Then put some clothes on and maybe that wouldn’t have hurt as bad.”

“You’re a dick.”

“Yeah, and yours is staring me right in the face.”

With a frustrated sigh, Calum moves towards his suitcase and pulls out some clothes, walking towards the bathroom and shutting the door. This is the part that sucked about having a secret relationship; the fact that there was always a risk of getting caught and that sometimes, that would ruin some potentially extraordinary moments.

Over the last two weeks, Luke and Calum have experienced a few close calls. The boys have grown accustom to sharing a bed every night, either sneaking into Luke’s or Calum’s when both of the boys would know the other two were asleep. The only time they were ever prevented from sharing a bed was when they were on the bus, but that’s not to say they didn’t sometimes use the excuse of “passing out on the back couch” to sleep closer to each other. The sneaking around part was pretty hard sometimes, especially because of how close all four of the boys were. Generally, it was hard to get alone time, let alone some time with another member of the band without the other members being there.

There were a few close call moments that the boys were pretty proud of, such as the first time they decided to get a little too close in the wings when Calum pulled Luke into his arms and kissed his neck. The action of neck kissing wasn’t seen, but Calum was certain that Ashton was aware of the entire thing when he walked up. So in a matter of attempting to subdue the awkwardness, Calum went up to Ashton and did the same thing. He was never good at handling situations under pressure. And Ashton, for what it was worth, took the act as being pleasant, blushing slightly at Calum’s random affection and assuming it was from the high of performing.

The second time happened when Luke had spent the night at Calum’s, the two boys forgetting that Michael was in a connecting room and had access to Calum’s room without a key. In the morning, the boys had woken up just enough for Luke to scramble into the bathroom and lock it before Michael could find Calum in bed with him. It had taken four hours for Michael to leave, two times in that hour Calum had to direct Michael into using his own bathroom, as Calum had apparently grown a sudden issue with “people being in his bathroom”.

There were also a few times where one of them would end up over-doing the flirting with the other, making for some awkward “what the fuck are you doing” faces and some weird looks from the people around them. These were the ones the boys were least proud of, putting it off as not being able to deny the other.

It was pretty annoying to say the least. But definitely very worth it. It just sucked sometimes, and Calum wishes that in some way, things were different. And in other ways, he wishes nothing would change at all.

Calum walks out of the bathroom fully clothed to find Michael and Luke sitting on his bed, talking aimlessly about something he can’t identify from his place in the bathroom doorframe. “So, Luke, Mikey, what reason do you two have for coming over?” He says, pretending that Luke had just come over as well.

“Well, I just wanted to hangout, I guess,” Luke says, staring down at his feet as he plays along with Calum’s act.

“Yeah, same here. Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to the mall to find some new shit. I kind of realized I’ve been wearing the same stuff on stage and I really need to change things up. Luke you can come too if you want.”

Luke and Calum share a sad look. So much for their afternoon plans of staying in and cuddling.

“Yeah, I’m in.” Calum says with a forced smile. He loved hanging out with Michael and he did make sure to balance his time with him, Luke and Ashton. But right now, all he wanted was Luke, and it wasn’t looking like things were going to go that way.

“Me too.” Luke answers. He could tell from Calum’s smile that he was disappointed too.

“Great! Ash is busy with management stuff so he won’t mind if the three of us go. Let’s go get a cab, shall we? Oh and Calum, nice to see you clothed it’s a good look for you.” Michael jokes, standing to walk out of Calum’s room.

With a pat on the shoulder by Michael, Calum sighs, “Thanks, Michael.”




The three boys end up at the closest mall they can find, intent on finding some new clothes to change things up for tour. Calum is walking with Michael on his left and Luke on his right. Every so often, he can feel Luke’s hand brush his, and so badly he just wants to grab it.

He knows he can’t.

“I think the directory said there’s an Urban Outfitters that way,” Michael states, pointing in some direction that Calum and Luke follow.

“What exactly are you looking for Mikey?” Luke asks.

“Mmm no clue. Maybe a few new shirts and cut offs and black jeans.”

“Do you think we’ll ever get rid of the black jeans?” Calum questions, “I mean, love them and all but sometimes my legs really do suffer.”

“I mean, you could just do what Luke does and invest in some girl jeggings.”

“Michael! That was a secret!” Luke exclaims.

“Dude it’s really no big deal. It’s pretty genius even.”

Luke smiles to himself, “Really? Thanks Michael.”

“Just kidding dude it’s pretty embarrassing that you wear girl jeans.”

Calum and Michael laugh as Luke sighs, he should have seen that coming.

Eventually the boys end up at the Urban Outfitters and immediately part ways, Luke finding himself in front of the display of shirts. He really wanted to stay in today, and really wanted some time alone with Calum before going into another show tomorrow, but it really couldn’t be helped with the closeness of their band. Figuring he’s done looking at the displays, Luke heads towards the sale section in the back. He may be a producer, songwriter, and musician, but no one could deny a set of killer deals.

Pushing through the hangers of clothes, Luke feels a tap on his back. Immediately, he turn around and smiles to find Calum there wearing a ridiculous hat and pair of glasses.

“I’m sorry, sir, could I help you find anything?” Calum says in his best worker voice.

Luke chuckles, “Mmm no thank you, just browsing.”

“Just browsing you say? Well we have a lovely selection of underwear over on that wall if you’d like to have a look.”

“I think I’m good on underwear, thanks.”

“Really? You know, there are some pretty nice ones. You might find that you might want to try some on... potentially model them if you will,” Calum wiggles his eyebrows which moves the glasses, causing Luke to erupt into laughter.

“I would do that for you, sir, but I’m afraid my boyfriend wouldn’t like that.” He says in a hushed tone, continuing on with Calum’s joke.

“You have a boyfriend?” Calum asks in mock-disbelief, “Well, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?”

Scrunching up his face, Luke reaches forward and pulls the glasses off of Calum’s face, “Oh, I think he’d have a pretty good clue if I was just modeling underwear for some stranger.”

Calum gasps, touching at the place where his glasses used to be, “My disguise! I’m ruined!”

“You’re so cute sometimes.” Luke says happily, going back to his searching.

“Only sometimes?” Calum pouts, as he take the hat off of his head, “I’m wounded, Lu.”

“Lu? That’s a new one.”

“I thought it was cute.”

“There you two are!” Michael yells, walking up to them with his hands full of clothes, “Calum for fuck sake take your stack of clothes back I’m tired of carrying them.”

“You made Michael carry your stuff?” Luke asks with a laugh.

“I couldn’t have my hands full when I put on my disguise. It would have blown my cover.”

“You ready to go try stuff on?” Michael asks, already walking towards the changing rooms.

“Yup! You coming Luke?”

“Mhm,” Luke says, walking passed Calum and smacking his butt before meeting up with Michael.

As he had not found anything worth buying, Luke was merely sitting outside Calum and Michael’s changing rooms, acting as their judge for their item choices.

“What do you think of these?” Michael asks, coming out with a pair of ridiculous lime green pants.

“Michael... you’re not seriously getting those are you?” Luke questions, eyes stilled glued to the pants.

“Why not? They remind me of one of my favorite hair colors!”

“Michael I will not be sharing the stage with you if you ever walk out in those.”

“Fine, be that way, jerk.”

Luke sighs as Michael walks back into his dressing room, knowing that Michael really had no intention to buy the pants and only wanted to gain a reaction out of Luke. Eventually, Calum comes out of his room with a black button up, the sleeves rolled up and the shirt not buttoned.

“So, what do you think?” Calum asks.

Luke would’ve responded right away, had he not gotten distracted by the tightness of the shirt round Calum’s bicep. With the sleeves rolled up, there wasn’t a lot of loose fabric left for Calum’s muscles to breathe, so instead they were almost bursting out of the seams of the button up as Calum stretches his arms, only emphasizing the tightness. The tightness continues to Calum’s shoulders, where Luke can spot the definition of his back muscles through the button up as Calum turns to inspect how the shirt fits. And it definitely wasn’t helping that his shirt wasn’t buttoned up, exposing Calum’s golden torso.

“Luke?” Calum asks, knowing that he’s put Luke in some sort of trance.

“W-what?”

“What do you think of the shirt?”

Feeling his mouth going dry, Luke attempts to speak, “It’s.... it’s uh... good. Yeah. Good. You should buy it.”

“You really think so?”

“Y-yeah...”

“It’s not too tight by the arms?” Calum smirks to himself. He got Luke, and got him bad.

“N-no. It’ perfect.” Luke can’t take his eyes away from Calum’s body, “you should probably button it up though.

“What? Don’t like this exposed abs look I got going on?”

“N-no. I mean, I don’t know. It’s just not right.” Luke says, flustered and annoyed that Calum is playing with him again.

“Well, if you have such a problem with it, why don’t you come over here and button it up for me?”

Luke stands without thinking, running his hands down Calum’s sides before his hands meet the button of the button up. Slowly, Luke begins to button Calum’s shirt, as Calum looks at him with a flirtatious smile. When Luke gets about halfway, Calum takes Luke’s chin in his hands and directs it towards him, forcing the two of them to look at each other. Feeling his mouth also going dry, Calum licks his lips, wanting to lean in and kiss Luke right there.

“Uh... guys?” Michael asks, standing outside his changing room with his hands full of clothes.

Immediately feeling embarrassed, Luke pulls back and takes his seat back on the couch, while Calum turns around to button up the rest of his shirt.

“You guys good?” Michael looks between the two of them waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, we’re good,” Calum says nonchalantly, “Luke’s just helping me with this shirt is all.”

“I could see that.” Michael states.

Luke is sitting with his knees shaking, the nerves moving through him as he questions how much exactly Michael had seen.

“Well, I’m gonna go pay for these, so you two take your time.” Michael says, turning to walk away.

“Ok! Will do!” Calum yells, as he sighs to himself and walks back into his dressing room.

Walking towards the counter, Michael laughs to himself.

Man, could his friends be total idiots sometimes.




Done with their shopping, the trio heads back to their hotel, Michael and Calum both coming home with a few purchases while Luke comes away with none. It’s not like he needed anything new anyways, plus he was more than likely to steal a few things from Calum. The amount of times since they started seeing each other one of them ended up in the others clothes was too much to count.

Walking down the hallway, Luke walks behind Michael and Calum, the two of them lost in a conversation Luke isn’t part of. They finally end up by Calum’s door, closer to the elevator and far down the hall from Luke and Michael’s.

“Alright, well this is where I depart,” Calum announces, “I guess I’ll see you two tomorrow?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Luke says with a forced smile. He really just wanted to be with Calum all day.

“Make sure you get some rest, got a good show tomorrow!” Michael yells as Calum disappears into his door. Michael turns to Luke, “So, today was fun.”

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Luke answers dryly, “I’m just ready to go to bed honestly.”

“You and me both, dude. You know, I never go shopping but when I do, I go absolutely batshit crazy.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell?” Luke gestures to the numerous bags Michael is holding.

“Well, I’m a man of options.”  The two of them part ways at Michael’s door, “Sleep tight, Lukey!” Michael exclaims as he fumbles for his key card.

“You too Mike!”

Luke walks back to his room dejected. This day had definitely not gone the way he wanted it to, and he really didn’t want to blame Michael for it at all. Michael had every right to want to hangout with Calum and it was completely normal for Luke to be a little upset that their time got interrupted. But Luke just wanted Calum, and he wanted Calum now.

Entering his room, Luke slams the door behind him as he tosses his jacket onto the arm chair by the wall. If anything, Luke learned today that they had to be a little more careful. There were far too many instances where they could’ve been caught had they not come to their senses in time. He really did want the freedom of kissing Calum when he wanted and being able to call Calum his boyfriend in public, but he knew Calum still needed time and Luke didn’t like to admit but he still needed time as well. And he was certain they were still going a bit faster than they anticipated, but they really couldn’t help it. They were so into each other it was disgusting, and there was nothing they could do when one of them decides to play with the other.

They needed to be more discreet, and discreet is what they needed to do.

Hearing a knock on his door, Luke walks towards it and pulls it open. Immediately upon opening, Calum lunges forward, crashing his lips into Luke’s as he kicks Luke’s door closed with his foot behind him.

Yeah... discreet. They could be discreet.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am honestly so terrible and I'm sorry once again for taking so long on an update :/ School life is just getting very stressful and I'm doing my best but thanks for being patient and reading and just being fantastic human beings! Really hope you enjoy this chapter it definitely presents a lot of future plots that are to come. I'll try to get a chapter up sooner this time I swear expect one AT LEAST within the next week :) Love you guys and once again thank you for reading!!!!!

“Luke, that is a _terrible_ shade of blue,” with his arms crossed across his body, Ashton looks at Luke with a tired sigh, the older boy unimpressed with Luke’s apparent poor taste in woman’s clothing.

“What?! Ash I literally don’t see how anything could be wrong with this,”

Ashton shakes his head, sighing as he starts to walk away, “It’s just not what I’m looking for, Luke. Don’t think Bryana will appreciate me buying her a present she won’t like or use.”

With an annoyed grunt, Luke puts the top back on the rack, following behind Ashton out of the store. Currently, Luke was on a mission to help Ashton find something to buy for Bryana to give to her at their next show. It had been a while since the two of them had been together, and Ashton was almost bouncing off the walls in excitement at seeing her again. There wasn’t any real reason that Ashton had to buy this present- it wasn’t either of their birthdays, their anniversary was still months away, and Ashton had most definitely not done anything wrong. He just really wanted to get her something for the next time he saw her. And Luke had to give Ashton credit; as difficult as he was being Ashton was most definitely one of the sweetest people Luke had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Which is why they were tirelessly searching at some mall in the middle of nowhere somewhere in Michigan, because Luke knew that Ashton would stop at nothing to treat Bryana right or surprise her with his continual selflessness.

“Do you have any idea what you’re actually looking for?” Luke asks, wanting to do his best to help Ashton.

“I really don’t know, to be honest,” Ashton says with a shake of his head, “I just want to get her something sweet that’ll at least make her smile.”

“Wouldn’t flowers work?”

“Those are far too overdone, if you ask me. Kind of ruins the appeal of symbolism if the symbol that’s used has been overused.”

“I guess you have a point,” Luke says in agreement, “And you want to get her something that’s not typical or not overused because then it’ll be more special?”

“You got it,” Ashton smiles, looking down the corridors for a potential shop to go into, “I just want to make her happy, you know?”

Luke shrugs, “I think you do that enough just by being you, if you ask me.”

“Why thank you, Luke, that’s very sweet.”

“Seriously, Ash, she’s really lucky to have you.”

Ashton shakes his head in disagreement, “No, no that’s definitely not the case. I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one.”

Hearing the way Ashton talks about Bryana makes Luke’s heart swell. It was really nice to be around someone who was so invested in another person, so enamoured and intoxicated by the idea of love and being loved by someone else. It was just a constant reminder to Luke that genuine relations and love exist, something he was still trying to convince himself of with this newfound relationship in his life.

And of course, Ashton still has no idea said relationship exists.

Luke had always prayed that one day he could find someone to make him act the way Ashton did- Ashton and every other lovesick individual out there in the world. He would never like to admit, but Luke was most definitely a softy when it came to romance and cheesy coupley stuff. He loved random gifts and random hugs and random surprises here and there. He loved the idea of anniversaries, celebrations of time passing with someone you truly care about. He had wanted a relationship for quite some time, but due to unforeseen circumstances a relationship just wasn’t ideal at all.

Now that he has one, though, Luke has to do everything in his power to make sure it goes smoothly. Luke had tried to live the bachelor life as exemplified by Michael- the lack of commitment, the freedom to do as one wishes, you name it. But with the constant reminder of what romance could be like as exemplified by Ashton and Bryana, Luke figured that bachelor life just wasn’t for him.

“What about that store?” Luke says, pointing in the direction of a store with cute knick knacks, “you could look for some cute frame that you can put a picture of the two of you in and then buy her some stuffed animal at that kids store we passed back there?”

“Hmm...” Ashton pulls out his phone, scrolling through his camera roll, “I mean, she does love this one picture of us a lot,” Holding the phone up to Luke’s face, Ashton smiles at the memory. The two of them had snuck off from the boys’ hotel in Toronto; Bryana was there doing a photo shoot for some Canadian brand of clothing. They had spent the evening at a random coffee shop, just talking and enjoying each other’s company. The night ended with the two of them walking to a local park, and the picture displays the two of them on some park bench lit by the moonlight, Bryana with her head tucked in Ashton’s neck as Ashton blushes into the camera.

“Yes. Definitely get this picture framed,” Luke announces, “Come on, we should probably find one quick so we have time to get the picture printed.”

Walking side by side, the two boys enter the shop and walk towards an area where various colored frames line the shelves, “Any specific color you think she’d like?”

“She likes things simple,” Ashton grabs for two different frames, one black with a golden fringe tip and the other plain white, “which one?”

Looking between the two, Luke bites at his bottom lip, “I think you should go with the black one. Kind of fits the tone of the picture since it’s kind of dark.”

Ashton looks at the two frames in his hands, “Yeah, yeah you’re right.” Placing the white frame back on the shelf, Ashton brushes passed Luke to walk towards the counter, “You know, thanks again for coming along with me and what not.”

“Dude, of course,” Luke says with a humble smile, “You know I love the idea cute presents like this. I’m just glad I can help.”

“Kind of makes you wish you had your own person to do this for, huh?” Ashton nudges Luke teasingly with his elbow, gaining an awkward chuckle in response from Luke.

“Yeah... it would be kind of nice.” It was nice, really. But Ashton couldn’t know that.

“I mean, you know you could at least give it a _try,_ Luke,”

“Give what a try?”

“You know... getting back out there.”

“I... well-“ This was not a conversation Luke wanted to be having right now.

“I mean, I understand that it can be a little intimidating, because of, you know, us being in this band and all. But you shouldn’t let yourself miss out on something because of all this pressure, you know?” Ashton leaves Luke to himself as he walks up to the counter, making small conversation with the cashier as he collects his change and his gift.

Seeing that Ashton has finished with his purchase, Luke follows behind him out of the store, hoping that their conversation was passed its previous topic.

“When’s the last time you were in a relationship anyways?” Ashton asks, clearly indicating that this topic was not yet over.

Pretending to think, Luke scrunches his face in thought, “I don’t know...”

Ashton shrugs, “Guess that means it’s time to start looking again!” He says with an enthusiastic smile.

“I don’t know, Ash-“

“Luke,” Ashton says, somewhat seriously, “I mean it, dude. You’re a great guy and any girl would be lucky enough to have you. You’re great company.”

“Thanks, Ash.” And Luke genuinely takes the compliment. He just wishes he was ready to tell Ashton that he doesn’t need any _girl_ to be lucky.

“Speaking of company, you’ve really been hanging around Calum lately,”

“Have I?” It’s not like he didn’t know, he just didn’t want to admit to it so quickly.

“Yeah, man. I mean, I’m pretty surprised that you were free to come with me today since you’re usually always with Calum or doing band stuff.”

“I haven’t really noticed.” Luke attempts to admit, but he knew this was a huge lie.

“I’m not saying this to antagonise you,” Ashton clarifies, sensing some discomfort in Luke, “In fact, I’m pretty glad actually.”

Cocking his head to the side, Luke looks at Ashton, “Really? Why?”

Ashton shrugs, “Well, I mean look at the two of you now vs. when this tour started; you’re like two completely different sets of people. I mean no offense but me and Mikey really didn’t know whether or not the two of you could last on this tour with whatever tension was going on between you.”

“Yeah...” Ashton did have a point. They essentially pulled a complete turnaround on this tour and they were most definitely compensating for lost time.

“And I think it’s great that you guys are back to your old ways- attached at the hip, co-dependent. Typical best friend stuff.”

“Yup... best friends.”

“And I’m sure the Cake shippers are loving it.”

Luke fumbles with his words, somewhat unsure of how to respond, “I mean... yeah... I guess...”

“Is something wrong?” Ashton inspects Luke curiously, the younger boy appearing externally uncomfortable.

“What?” Luke holds his hands up in defense, “Yeah, yeah, no I’m good. Sorry. Just... kind of weird to actually think about how much has changed between me and Cal since tour started.”

“It was pretty surprising for most of us, I’ll tell you that much.”

Everything Ashton was saying was essentially true; things were definitely different between the two of them. It was just a different that they both couldn’t admit to just yet

At the mention of Calum and Luke spending all their time together, Luke is drawn back to a conversation they shared earlier that day, on the very topic Ashton had addressed.

* * *

 

_“I just don’t understand,” Calum says, head resting against Luke’s chest, “I mean, I get the idea of grand, romantic gestures but this dude is seriously building this chick a fucking house to get her back.”_

_Luke rubs up and down Calum’s back, his other arm holding onto the smaller boy tightly as the two of them cozy up in Luke’s hotel room. They were currently in the middle of watching The Notebook, wanting to add it to the list of romantic comedies they would admire and mock. Typically, Calum did most of the mocking, while Luke did his best to enjoy the movie._

_“It’s kind of sweet, if you think about it,” Luke states, “I mean, his last saving grace of getting back the girl of his dreams is by putting back together a place they once dreamed of having together. It’s kind of metaphoric if you think about it, you know; by rebuilding and fixing something that they once dreamed about, it’s almost as if he’s symbolising his efforts to fix the space between them.”_

_“You’re such a fucking sap.” Calum jokes, nestling his head against Luke._

_Luke squeezes Calum tightly in his arms, “Shut up. I think it’s very romantic and I want to hear no judgement from this.”_

_“It’s a fucking house, Luke. Get the girl some flowers or a puppy and call it a relationship.”_

_“If I wanted you to build me a house to get me back would you do it?”_

_“No.”_

_“No?” Luke asks, voice not exactly angry but more so in confused shock._

_“No, because you’re implying that we’re gonna break up at some point and I’m gonna have to win you back. But we’re not breaking up, so there’s no need for me to build some lame house.”_

_“You redeemed yourself, I’m impressed.” Pressing a kiss to the top of Calum’s hair, Luke rests his head on Calum’s._

_“What can I say, I’m a master at romance.”_

_“Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.” Luke jokes, as Calum looks up at him with a pout._

_“Whatever, dude.”_

_“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t call each other that anymore!”_

_“I know, it’s just funny to see how uncomfortable it makes you.”_

_“I hate you.”_

_“Mmm, I don’t believe that.”_

_Leaning upwards, Calum presses a kiss to Luke’s lips, pulling back and looking at Luke with a smile._

_Luke sighs, watching as Calum removes himself from his body and sits up “You always do this, you know.”_

_“Do what?” Calum throws one leg over Luke’s legs, straddling him as Luke looks up at him with an exuberant smile._

_“Every time I’m about to get invested in one of these movies, you always turn romcom time into some wild makeout session and I never get to see the ending.”_

_“Are you saying you’re opposed to me being on top of you like this?” Raising an eyebrow, Calum begins to unbutton his flannel, slowly exposing his golden chest._

_“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” Luke leans upwards, clasping Calum’s hands in his to prevent Calum from unbuttoning his flannel any more, “I’m just saying, maybe wait until after the movie’s done?”_

_Removing his hands from under Luke’s to grab them in his own, Calum sighs, “You know, for someone who always seems to want things to go just that extra bit longer, you seem pretty unwilling to get things started right now.”_

_“Calum-“_

_“Come on, rockstar,”_

_“Using a nickname I like, are we?” Luke chuckles, eyes fixated on Calum removing his buttons once more._

_Winking, Calum laughs to himself, “I guess I know how to get to you.”_

_With a sigh, Luke sits upwards, attempting to do so without removing Calum from on top of his rested legs, “Can we at least pause the movie so we can continue it after?”_

_“Fuck, fine, whatever makes you happy.” Rolling his eyes, Calum reaches over and pauses the TV, throwing the remote aside as he crawls upwards so he’s face to face with Luke. “There, happy?”_

_With his hands, Luke grabs Calum’s face and pulls him closer, mouths colliding as Luke’s tongue finds its way into Calum’s mouth. Pulling away, Luke smiles, “Yes. Very happy.”_

_“You’re a bird, I’m a bird am I right?” Calum teases._

_“So you were paying attention!”_

_“When I wasn’t staring at you, yeah.”_

_“Fucking sap.”_

_“Shut up Hemmings and kiss me.”_

_At that, Luke leans forward once more, as Calum forces the two down onto Luke’s bed. It’s only then that Calum hears his phone go off, and with Luke flat on his back below him, Calum groans._

_“For fucks sake,” looking down at Luke, Calum pouts, “Can we not catch a fucking break?”_

_“Don’t think we ever will, sadly,” shutting his eyes, Luke lets out a frustrated sigh- nothing in which he wanted to complete was going to get done apparently. “You gonna check who called?”_

_“Is the mood ruined?”_

_“A bit.”_

_“Then I guess I better go check,” Calum crawls off of Luke, and sits along the edge of the bed. Picking up his phone, he looks at the dimly lit screen, “It was just Michael. He sent a text though.”_

_“Oh?” Luke asks curiously, “What did he say?”_

_“He wants to meet up later and hangout.”_

_“Did he say when? I mean, we’ve got dinner plans and all.”_

_“I know... I mean...  I should probably hangout with him though.”_

_“Yeah, I know...” Luke looks down at his hands, playing with them idly as Calum crawls back onto the bed._

_Sitting in front of Luke cross legged, Calum presses a quick kiss to Luke’s cheek, “I think we need to talk about something.”_

_This catches Luke’s attention, as he swiftly looks up to make direct eye contact with Calum, “Is something wrong?”_

_“No, nothing’s wrong,” Calum claims somewhat convincingly, “It’s just... I think...”_

_“You think what, Cal?”_

_“I just... don’t know how to say this without coming across as not wanting to be with you or not wanting to spend time with you or-“_

_“Calum,” Luke grabs Calum’s hands in his, placing them down in Calum’s lap, “Just tell me what’s wrong.”_

_With the shut of his eyes and a heavy sigh, Calum shrugs, “I guess, I don’t know... do you think we’re spending too much time together?”_

_That definitely wasn’t supposed to hurt as much as the way it came out, and Luke knows that Calum doesn’t intend to hurt him, “I... well...”_

_“See, told you this wouldn’t come across well.”_

_“Sorry...” Doing his best to be reasonable, Luke allows for Calum to explain himself, “is it me? Or are you just-“_

_“What?!” Nearly jumping in his spot on the bed, Calum reaches forward to grab at Luke’s shoulders, “No! No, never at all! I love spending time with you, Luke, I really, really do. It’s really fun to just, relax with someone else and do cute things and, and-“_

_“And make out?”_

_“That too,” Calum says with a smile._

_Sensing he’s not done, Luke attempts to push the conversation, “But...”_

_“But... I feel like we’re not spending enough time with Michael and Ash.”_

_Oh. That made it seem somewhat less personal._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I mean, well, again please stop me if you think I’m sounding ungrateful or unloving or-“_

_“Calum, it’s fine. I really wanna know what you’re thinking I’ll probably end up agreeing if I’m being honest.”_

_“Ok, good... I guess. It’s just, do you think we’re spending too much time together and sneaking off together and not enough time hanging out with the rest of the band? Or any of the other people on tour?”_

_“In a sense, I guess so...” Luke sadly admits, “It has only been a couple of weeks though that this has been going on.”_

_“Yeah, but just think about those weeks. How many times out of 10 have you seen me vs. how many times have you hungout with Ashton or Mikey?”_

_Luke puts this into perspective. Calum did have a point: whenever the two of them were free, they were spending time in each other’s hotel room; when the band went out to dinner or the crew was together, the two of them would sneak off or keep to themselves in some corner; even on stage, the two of them spent a lot of time singing and jamming out with each other._

_“Ok... ok yeah you have a point,” Luke nods to himself, “But, what do you think we should do about it?”_

_“I don’t know....” Calum admits, “I love spending time with you. Like, a lot. But I just think-“_

_“You feel bad for ditching Mikey all the time and not spending enough time with Ash?”_

_“Yeah... I mean, they’re our best friends and all and we’ve kind of been ignoring them these last few weeks.”_

_“I guess you’re right...”_

_“So...”_

_“So?...”_

_“I think I’ll go hangout with Mikey in a bit when he’s free,” Calum say sadly, “As much as I’d love to continue... this...” He says, gesturing to the two of them on Luke’s bed._

_“This... and the movie.” Luke says with a smile._

_Rolling his eyes overdramatically, Calum sighs, “Yes, and your stupid movie.”_

_“Well... if you’re hanging with Michael, should I go hangout with Ash?”_

_Almost as if on cue, the two boys look over to see Luke’s phone light up. Calum grabs the phone, conveniently placed next to his, and smiles, “Looks like Ash wants you to go shopping with him.”_

_With a small smile, Luke shrugs, “I guess this works out perfectly then.”_

_“I guess it kind of does.”_

_“But this is only now,” Luke states, “Are we just gonna tone down on hanging out together?”_

_“I don’t want to.” Calum moves closer to Luke, knees touching as they both sit cross legged, “But for the sake of keeping our friends happy and keeping attention off of the two of us, I think it would be for the best if we start doing group things or spend solo time with the others.”_

_“But, we’ll still have time together like this, right?”_

_“Of course!” Lacing their fingers together, Calum smiles at Luke, “I love spending time with the bae.”_

_“Ew you did not just say that. That phrase went out of style years ago.”_

_“Yeah, well, I’m gonna bring it back.”_

_“Like hell you will.”_

_With a slight chuckle, Calum’s smile turns into a frown, “I guess I’ll see you later for dinner then?”_

_“I guess so...” Luke leans forward once more, kissing Calum’s plump cheek softly as Calum smiles brightly, “Hold on,” Luke says abruptly, “What time was it that Mikey said he was free?”_

_“Um... about an hour from now?”_

_“And did Ash say when he wanted me to go shopping with him?”_

_“Uh... about the same time why-“_

_It doesn’t take long for Luke to pounce on top of Calum, nor does it take too long for them to get interrupted by another phone call from Michael._

_Suffice to say, Calum was late to meeting up with Michael, and Luke never did get to finish his movie._  

* * *

 

“Luke?” Ashton waves a hand in front of Luke’s face, hoping to gain his attention.

Shaking his head slightly, Luke looks over at Ashton, “Huh?”

“Where’d you go just now?”

“Sorry, just got distracted by something in my head I guess.”

“Well, I was just saying, before you rudely decided to block me out, that we can head home after we get this thing printed. I’m kind of in the mood to just stay in tonight and order room service.”

Luke offers a quant smile, “Yeah, going home would be good.”

“You’re free to join me for room service if you’d like?”

“I’d love to, dude, but me and Calum already have dinner plans to go out.”

“Ah, once again, Lasthon has fallen short to Cake.” Ashton jokes, holding his heart in mock pain.

Luke shakes his head in response to Ashton’s dramatics, “Don’t worry, we can stay in together tomorrow night if you’d like.”

Placing an arm around Luke’s back, Ashton smiles, “I’d like that a lot, actually.”




“You know, it’s really hard to find an actually decent pizza place nowadays,” Hands in his pockets, Michael leans back in his chair, apparently unimpressed with the food in front of him.

“For food you didn’t enjoy you sure ate that shit really fast.”

“Dude, it’s food that’s in front of me. Of fucking course I’m gonna eat it.”

With a chuckle, Calum shoves his pizza into his mouth, “So, what are we gonna do for Ashton’s birthday? It’s in a month from now isn’t it?”

“Exactly a month, to be specific.”

“Will we be in the UK by then?”

“Mmmm  no I don’t think so,” Michael states, “I think we’ll be here on break, actually.”

“That’ll be convenient for a lot of our friends over here then,” Calum reasons, finishing off his slice with a sip of his water. “And we’re throwing him a party I presume, yes?”

“Dude, of course. It’ll be good to have a birthday that we’re all at for once,” Michael jokes, earning a shove to the arm from across the table.

“Hey, come on man. I sent gifts every year that I was away!”

“Yeah, I know, but no gift was ever as good as you being with me again,”

“Shut up,” Calum says through laughter, “It will be good to party in LA with all of you actually there. Nothing was ever quite the same whenever I went out.”

“That’s because you were missing the ultimate party animal,” Michael says with a smirk, pointing to himself.

Calum shakes his head, “Yeah, yeah, you go ahead and think that. And we also have the Teen Choice Awards before that right?”

“Yup. We’re opening the show and presenting an award.”

“That’s probably not gonna end well.”

“What’re you talking about?” Michael says, humoured, “Us at award shows is great. We always end up making a fool of ourselves and someone pops a boner on stage. If we’re lucky it’ll be Luke this year.”

If there was any time for Calum to not be drinking some of his water, it would’ve been right at that moment. With water sputtering out of his mouth, Calum coughs, completely taken off guard by Michael’s sly and completely unnecessary comment. “Dude, what the fuck?”

Unable to contain his laughter, Michael wipes the laughter-induced tears from his eyes, “Dude, did not expect you to react like that but it was awesome.”

Wiping he wetness off of his now damp flannel, Calum scowls, “Awesome for you, maybe.”  

Michael hands Calum one of his napkins, “Sorry, sorry. Just didn’t expect the mention of Luke’s penis to make you spit shit out like that.”

“Please consider your choice of words before you say them, Michael.”

“Oh trust me, I definitely am.”

“We should probably get out of here before I embarrass myself more,” Calum says, standing up in the process and collecting his garbage.

“Yeah, well not my fault you suck at hiding your hard on for Luke,” Michael mutters under his breath, smirking to himself as he follows Calum into the streets.

“You wanna drive or should I?” Calum asks, as he walks down the street towards his and Michael’s borrowed vehicle.

“You drive, I drove here so it’s only fair.”

“Excuse me?” The two boys hear from behind them. Turning around, they find a group of about three fans, all of them staring at them excitedly.

“Oh my God, Hi,” Michael says happily, turning on his ‘fan’ face instantly, “How are you guys?”

“We’re good!” One of the girls says, her voice indicating how nervous she is, “Uh, we didn’t wanna bother you but-“

“No, you guys could never bother us!” Calum exclaims, “You guys want to take some pictures?”

“Oh my God,” All of them exclaim, as they each individually get pictures with the boys.

Michael finds himself talking to one of them, lost in conversation about what she thinks of the new album.

“-And you in The Girl Who Cried Wolf literally made me cry,” She says, bouncing in place as Michael listens to her speak.

“Well, I hope it was a good cry and not a bad cry,” He jokes.

“Good, definitely a good cry!”

“I’m glad then.”

“Could you possibly follow me on Twitter?” She asks shyly, “I’ve been following you since the band started and-“

“Say no more!” Pulling out his phone, Michael unlocks it and opens up Twitter, “What’s your twitter handle?”

“Um...” The girl says meekly, “It’s kind of lame so don’t judge me.”

“Me? Judge someone? I could never!”

“K, well it’s @Cakeis_alive,” She says hurriedly.

With a smirk on his face, Michael types in her twitter name, thinking to himself at how ironic and funny the given name is. Turning to Calum, his smile only increases.

Yup. Cake was alive, and they were both definitely idiots.




Later that evening, Luke and Calum drive down the streets of Auburn Hills. The boys had reservations at a fancy restaurant with a name that Calum couldn’t pronounce, so he knew that the place must’ve been very formal. Both he and Luke are dressed smartly in crisp oxford shirts tucked into their typical skinny jeans- there was only so much they could do in terms of dressing smart. Luke sports a pair of laced boots with this outfit, buttoning the white shirt to the top and keeping the sleeves rolled down with a leather jacket on top. To contrast, Calum wears a black dress shirt buttoned to the neck, with the sleeves buttoned at his wrist. He wears a pair of boots to complete his all black outfit, opting to not wear a jacket. They were going for a much more casual look than they both anticipated, but they both knew that there was no way they’d go out to eat wearing anything more formal.

“So you’re sure we’re not underdressed?” Luke asks, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt.

“I highly doubt this place will throw us out if we’re not dressed in 3 piece suits, Lu,”

“I know, I just don’t want to look out of place, that’s all.”

“Trust me, with you looking like that you’d definitely be the first person in the room I’d notice.”

“Is that a compliment or an insult?”

“I think I intended for that to be a compliment but I can see how that could come across as an insult.”

“Thank you, then.”

It’s not long before the two of them end up at the place, parking their car far enough that they won’t have to deal with heavy traffic right on front of the building.

“Do you think we’ll be ok without security tonight?” Luke asks, Calum pressed to his side so close their hands are constantly grazing.

“I think we’ll be fine, we’re in a pretty chill part of town.”

“Ok, I’m just making sure ‘cause-“

“Trust me, Luke. This evening is just about us, we’re just any other couple out on a date and I am going to treat you to a fantastic dinner because that’s what good dates do.”

Calum stays true to this concept by holding the door open for Luke, who blushes slightly at the tiny gesture, “Why thank you.”

“Any time,” Calum walks up to the hostess, who is smiling at him almost scarily wide.

“Good evening, gentlemen,” She says with exuberance, “Do we have a reservation?”

“Yes, we do,” Calum answers, “For Hood, I believe?”

“Ahhh yes, Mr. Hood. Right this way,” The hostess says, leading the boys into the back.

“I asked them to put us in a booth in the back just so we would draw less attention,” Calum informs Luke, who just nods in response.

Reaching the table, Calum pulls out Luke’s chair for him, who smiles at him and sits awkwardly as the hostess places down their menus.

“Your waitress will be with you shortly. Have a great night gentlemen,” The hostess says, whisking off back into the direction of the front of the restaurant.

“How much do you think they pay her to be that cheery?” Calum jokes.

“Probably not enough, so she’s overselling it to make a little more.”

Calum chuckles, “We can all get some,” he sings quietly.

Taking a sip of the champagne provided at their table, Luke laughs. Calum really was the best possible date to have.

Once food is ordered and the boy have settled, they fall into conversation about their day.

“So Ash found something good he wanted to get Bry?”

“Mhm,” Luke pulls out his phone to show Calum a picture of the completed product, “he also bought her a tiny lion to go with the frame and a box of chocolates. Couldn’t convince him that flowers weren’t overused so we both settled for a simple box of chocolate.”

“I love flowers, honestly,” Calum announces, “I’d love to get flowers from someone one day.”

“I guess I’ll have to keep that in mind then.”

“I guess you will.”

“So what did you and Mikey get up to?”

Calum shrugs, “Not much, really. Just went out for some pizza and drove around for a bit. Ran into a few fans but nothing really exciting.”

“The fans weren’t too forceful with you, were they?” Luke asks, concerned.

“No, they were sweet and understanding and they chatted with us for a while before we left them to freak out,” Calum states with a laugh. He loved watching the fans react to seeing them; it was like an explosion of pure happiness he loved to instil in people.

“Well that’s good. I hate when they make you feel pressured or small.”

“Yeah, well, what can ya do?”

“I can protect you.”

“There’s no need for protection, Lucas,” Calum says with a slight blush, “But if I ever do need it, I’m sure my knight will come riding in on his horse.”

“So I have a horse now?”

“I’m sure we could get Michael and Ashton to wear one of those two piece horse costumes.”

“Oddly enough, I think they’d agree to do it.”

Conversation between the two fizzles out as food is placed between them, mouths distracted by the good food.




After dinner, the two boys sit back, satisfied with their large meal. Although Luke had insisted that they share the bill, Calum had made every argument in the book to ensure that he was the one who paid for the entire meal. And much to Luke’s dismay, he had to let Calum cover him this one time just to see the cheerful look on his boyfriend’s face.

Sadly, that look fades, when the two exit the restaurant and are met with flashes of light.

“Shit,” Calum says, walking swiftly next to Luke as the two make their way to their car.

“How do you think they found out?” Luke asks, slightly frustrated and bothered by the flashing lights.

“Someone in the restaurant probably tipped them off,” With Luke pressed to his side, Calum attempts to keep his composure as the two attempt to brush off the flashing lights.

“Calum! Luke! Over here!” They hear one of the paparazzi yell.

“Do you think they ever get tired of this?” Luke feels his hand brush against Calum’s, and his mind immediately tells him to grab hold of it for protection. This action is stopped, however, by Calum moving his hand away – potentially unintentionally.

“Probably not.” Pulling the car keys out of his pocket, Calum unlocks the vehicle, moving around to the driver side and hopping in. Quickly, he turns on the ignition and drives down the road, ensuring that he drives carefully enough to not hit anyone or potentially put them both in danger.

“Well, that was an interesting end to a date,” Luke says attempting to lighten the mood.

With a frustrated sigh, Calum briefly turns to Luke, “Besides that last little bit there, I’d like to think we had a good date.”

“Mhm,” Luke hums in agreement, “Thanks for taking me out,” he says, kissing Calum’s cheek as he drives.

“Any time, bae.”

“Ew, ok just, never take me out ever again if you say that one more time.”

“You love being my bae and you know it.”

“Whatever you say, _dude_.”

“OH MY GOD LUKE NO.”




9am was too early for any typical person to wake up, and with the effects of tour already taking a toll on his body, Michael finds 9am to be a somewhat comforting time to wake up. Who would’ve thought 9 would be what one considers sleeping in? It was absurd, and Michael would definitely not like to admit that his nights of sleep started at 8pm.

Knowing that he’s not meant to be anywhere for a few hours, Michael grabs his phone from the side table and opens it, thinking to go to Twitter to go pass the time. He goes down his timeline, chuckling at a few tweets made by his friends and smiling at the tweets made by fans he follows.

His eyes stop, however, when he sees a tweet from a fan.

“@fivealivesauce_ CAKE DINNER DATE I CAN’T”

No. He keeps scrolling.

“@Ilikethe_summrrain k but like Cake going on a date tho”

These idiots didn’t.

Finally, he finds the pictures, pictures of Calum and Luke dressed up exiting some fancy ass restaurant with no one but themselves. The pictures of them leaving, getting into the car, walking side by side so close they’re almost holding hands-

Oh my God. They fucking did.

Lying in that bed, with the knowledge of these pictures circling the net - for how long, Michael has no clue – Michael lets out a hollowed, satisfied laugh.

God, those two were SUCH fucking idiots.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very Calum based chapter but possibly one of the most important chapters to this story. Also I LOVE MALUM so for those who do as well there's a ton of that in here :)
> 
> This chapter is going to bring a lot to future chapters, so look forward to finding out why this is...
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy the chapter and thanks again for reading! <3

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is the fact that the sun is just coming up, meaning that he had woken up earlier than both he and Luke had anticipated they would after their late night. The second thing he notices is that there isn’t somebody next to him in bed, which would mean that Luke had gotten up earlier than him and had, for whatever reason, left Calum alone in his room. The third thing he notices is the fact that he has no motivation to get up, so going by intuition, Calum pulls the sheets over himself once again and turns so he’s facing the window, looking out of Luke’s hotel room and into the streets. The band had a show to play that day, but they weren’t meant to be at the venue for soundcheck for another couple of hours, meaning that Calum had all the time in the world to just lie in bed.

After the show, the boys are meant to head straight to the airport after gathering some things from their hotel for a two to three day trip; they’re making an appearance on Jimmy Fallon, as well as making other stops before meeting up with Hey Violet and the rest of the crew somewhere in Texas.

Turning over, Calum reaches forward to the spot where Luke would usually be out of routine, despite having the knowledge that no one was actually there with him. Feeling the emptiness in his arms, Calum turns onto his back and stares at the ceiling, a slight frown on his face.

Call it their newfound attachment, but Calum really did not enjoy waking up in bed without Luke next to him. Over the last few weeks of the blossoming of their relationship, the two of them were essentially joined at the hip, something that they were both aware of and had tried to fix. But something about being away from Luke just bothered him- it was like he was missing part of him and he didn’t know how to cope without it there. Sure, Michael was equally another part of him and so was Ashton, but Ashton and Michael were not his boyfriend.

Which, if Calum was being honest, was still a weird thing to wrap his head around. It was fun being cute with Luke and it was even more fun seeing the way Luke would blush or fluster whenever Calum was just a tad bit too suggestive; and naturally, Luke’s blush only made Calum want to tease him even more. He had never said out loud to anyone that Luke was his boyfriend except for Luke, and yet here they were sleeping together almost every night and spending almost every waking moment together or waiting to be together. And Calum loves Luke, so much that it’s probably should be sickening. It isn’t, however, and Calum can’t imagine a time where he and Luke weren’t together.

But the secrecy sneaks up on Calum sometimes. He has to remember that they’re not sharing their relationship with the world and that they have to watch what they do just to not tip anyone off- including their fellow band mates. And Calum tries to downplay his nerves whenever Luke worries about Michael seeing something or the fans catching on- but in reality, Calum is just as terrified, if not more. And he would never want anyone to believe this was because he was ashamed to be with Luke or he didn’t love Luke with all of his heart- he would correct any person to think any of those two the truth. What was true was the fact that Calum really was still working through some stuff, and having the world know about his internal struggles was something Calum did not want to deal with.

Calum’s always tried to be a secretive guy; he wouldn’t speak up as much in interviews, he rarely talked about his personal life, his past is somewhat of a mystery, he even disappears sometimes out of the blue and people don’t hear from him or see him and it’s just _normal_. So with this need for secrecy and the pressures of a secret relationship, Calum can’t help but feel insecure sometimes. He wants to hold Luke’s hand in public and he wants to exclaim to the world that the two of them had finally figured their shit out, but something inside of him tells him he can’t. Something tells him he’s not ready. It could possibly be the pressure that comes with being out and in a band- fans are entitle to every opinion and while some fans may weep at their relationship being confirmed, others may resent them and think lowly of them as individuals. And Calum’s seen stuff like this happen before, with past relationships the band had to deal with. Even Ashton and Bryana had to deal with the turmoil of fans uncertainty for at least a year before they eventually warmed up to the two of them together. But with him and Luke, it’s different. It’s two boys from a band who people love and have affection for, and if they were to come out the fans that would support them would be almost supportive, while the fans that wouldn’t would just dismiss the band entirely. And Calum doesn’t want to put that on people, at least, not until he’s sure that he and Luke are both ready an d that he’s comfortable enough to handle the pressure and the questions and what not.

 Part of him knows he should talk to Luke about this, yes, but they were still so fresh into their relationship and, yes, they were moving very fast, but they had both done their pining and waiting and there was no point stalling any longer.

And Calum wouldn’t like to admit it, but sometimes, deep inside of the pits of his stomach, something inside becomes unsettled, and all Calum wants is to make this feeling go away to ensure the happiness of everyone.

With the sound of the door opening, Calum sits up in bed, a smile creeping onto his face as Luke walks in, hair still undone and a button up shirt Calum knew was his. In Luke’s hands were a tray of what Calum assumed was coffee for the two of them and a bag with what was probably food.

Shutting the door behind him with his foot, Luke looks up at the bed and smiles, “You’re up,” he says, placing all the items in his hand on the table next to the TV.

“Of course I’m up,” Calum says, stretching his arms in the process, “didn’t have my body pillow so I wasn’t comfortable.”

“Is that all I am to you? A body pillow?” Luke asks with a smirk, hands moving to rest on his waist.

“Of course not,” Calum exclaims, “You’re my loving boyfriend who just so happens to let me hold him comfortably, and apparently brings food in while I’m sleeping.”

“Oh yeah!” Luke diverts his attention back to the items he had brought through the door, “I knew you’d wake up hungry so I went ahead and bought some breakfast sandwiches and coffee from that cafe a block from here,” picking up Calum’s items from the table, Luke walks over to the bed, sitting next to Calum in bed while handing over his food, “Sorry, didn’t think me leaving would wake you.”

It’s something so simple as Luke waking up early to buy him breakfast, and the hint of a blush on his cheeks for doing something somewhat cute that immediately makes the unsettled feeling in his stomach disappear, because Calum knows – Luke loves him, and that’s all he really needs.

Taking an overly long sip of his coffee, Calum smacks his lips together dramatically “Well, seeing as you got up so early with the intention of bringing me breakfast in bed, I guess I can forgive you this once.”

With a roll of his eyes, Luke stands to grab his own breakfast, “Yeah yeah yeah, you’re welcome.” He says sarcastically.

“While you’re up,” Calum says, bite of his breakfast in his mouth, “Could you check my phone for me?”

Snickering, Luke walks over to the side table, “Don’t talk with your mouth full, babe.” He says with a wink.

“Yeah, you weren’t saying that to me last night were you?”

“CALUM!”

“Hey, you started it.”

Luke shakes his head. God, Calum could be so-

“Um...” he’s stopped mid thought by Calum’s phone screen.

Calum looks at Luke, confused, “Um what?”

“Well... you’ve got three missed calls from Ashton and two texts from Michael.”

Furrowing his brows, Calum places his coffee on the opposite side table to his right and wipes the crumbs off of his lap, “Hold on, let me see that.”

Phone now in his hand, Calum unlocks his phone, reading over the two texts from Michael first.

Mikey: LOOOOOOOOOOOL

Mikey: Dude trust me when I say u need to check twitter

Curious, Calum leans against the headboard of the bed and opens the Twitter app, skeptical as to what Michael could be talking about.

Was it some stupid thing Michael tweeted? Did he tweet an embarrassing photo of him? Or Luke? Was there some ridiculous scandal they were all involved in again?

And then he sees it.

Well, not it, more like _them._

“Shit...” He mutters under his breath, scrolling through the miles of photos of him and Luke leaving the restaurant last night.

Concerned, Luke places down his coffee and breakfast sandwich, moving quickly to the bed, “What’s wrong? Did Michael tweet a bad photo of you again?”

“No...no...”

“Oh.... then what is it?”

Eyes still glued to the screen, Calum answers dryly, “It’s nothing, Luke.”

“Well if it was nothing, you wouldn’t be this focused on it,” Luke says, scooting next to Calum to look at the phone screen.

“It’s nothing, Luke.”

“Cal if it’s nothing why-“

“It’s just... pictures from last night.”

“Oh?”

“From the restaurant.”

“Oh. Oh....”

“Yeah...”

“Can I... see them at least?”

Calum sighs, handing the phone over to Luke. He should have known the photos would surface quickly; paparazzi were quick with stuff like this- how exactly, he’d never know. And he’s not embarrassed or ashamed; he just wishes that things like this didn’t have to happen.

“The fans are going wild...” Luke observes, “I think they got some stuff trending too...”

“Of course they would,” Calum says in a monotone voice, “They _are_ passionate, after all.”

Sensing something off about Calum, Luke puts the phone down, placing his head down onto Calum’s lap in the process, “You’re upset.”

“Am not.”

“Calum...”

“What?”

Luke reaches up with his arm, playfully rubbing at Calum’s jaw line, “You’re tensing. You’re upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

Sitting up, Luke moves so he’s sitting across from Calum, “Cal...” Luke takes Calum’s chin in one of his hands, moving his head so he’s facing him, “What’s wrong?”

He can see the concern in Luke’s eyes, and there’s no possible way Calum can lie now, “I’m not upset,” he starts sighing in between speaking, “I’m just... annoyed. I guess.”

“Annoyed?”

“I mean, can’t we just go out and have a nice dinner without people taking pictures of us? I mean, what do they get out of this really?”

“It’s their job, Calum, whether we like it or not,” Luke reasons, “They’re harmless anyways,”

“Not to the fans they’re not.” Calum states.

“What do you-“

“You know how they can be,” Calum runs a hand through his hair, “This isn’t the first time the two of us have been caught out together, you know, they’re probably gonna start adding things up and realize that we’re not as platonic as we insist we are.”

“But the fans will do that regardless,” Luke rubs at Calum’s cheek peacefully, “We can’t help the way they react sometimes- if we’ve learned anything from when we were younger we’ve just gotta suck it up and let them have their fun.”

“Yeah, but when they find out their fun isn’t just “fun” they’ll freak out, you know.”

“I know,” grabbing hold of Calum’s hands, Luke rubs his thumbs over Calum’s knuckles, “But we’ve just gotta take it in stride. And we really have nothing to worry about. We haven’t done anything different than what we used to do- we’d go out to eat just us all the time. You’re only paranoid about it now because there’s reason to be paranoid about it.”

“I guess...”

“Just... let the fans have their fun and let them make things up, fake or not, and we’ll just keep doing us. If we act any different they’ll know something’s up.”

“So you don’t think we should-“

“No, we’re not gonna sacrifice going on dates to hide from the fans.”

“But what if-“

“Calum,” Luke tightens his hold on Calum’s hands, “We’re a couple, ok? And yeah, we may not be out to everyone and who knows when we will be but we can’t let stuff like this get to us, ok? It’ll only make this whole, being a couple thing more complicated and we’ve already gone through so much we might as well make things as easy as possible for us.”

“How are you handling this so well?”

Luke shrugs, “Because,” he leans forward, pressing a kiss to Calum’s lips, “I’ve got someone who makes it all worth it.”

Unable to contain himself, Calum releases a giggle, “Ok, you got me. That was cute.”

Beaming with pride, Luke smiles, “There’s that smile I love.”

“Sorry if I’m being difficult,” Calum say sadly, “It’s just-“

“You’re a private guy Cal, I know,” Luke answers for him, “And this is new to the both of us so we’ve got a lot to work out, but we have each other so that’s all that matters.”

Calum nods in agreement, “You’re right. Man, how’d I get so lucky to have someone like you as a boyfriend?”

“It’s something I ask myself every day.”

Shoving at Luke’s arm playfully, Calum stretches, “So, can we just chill in bed until we have to head out?”

“Sure, let me just take a quick shower and we can finish that movie from yesterday.”

“I’m cool with that.”

With a peck on the lips, Luke shuffles off of the bed, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

Finally alone, Calum falls onto his side, picking up his phone and scrolling through Twitter once again.

He wouldn’t dare admit it, but the unsettling feeling was coming back.




After another successful show, the boys quickly rushed to their hotels, where they packed up what they could in travel bags for their brief trip to New York, the rest of their clothes going with their tour bus to the south. In the car, Calum is sat in the front seat next to Michael, both of them on an equal rush after performing. In the back, Luke is half asleep resting on Ashton’s shoulder, who is in an equal state of tiredness as Luke.

“Did you see that chick dressed as a monkey in the third row?”

Chuckling, Calum nods, “Yeah, can’t believe our fans show up to our shows dressed in that kind of shit.”

“That’s the kind of shit I like to see at our shows, honestly.”

Wanting to join in the conversation, Ashton pipes in, “Doesn’t beat the-“

“Ash!” Calum says in a harsh whisper, “Dude, you might want to keep it down.”

“Uh... why?” The drummer asks, confused.

“Luke’s asleep on your shoulder,”

“So?”

It’s only then Calum realizes his outburst, and feels like mentally kicking himself in the ass, “Oh... uh.... It’d be considerate.”

“Considerate?” Michael says with a scoff, “Since when have any of us been considerate?”

“Yeah, Calum, think you’re letting all these Cake dating rumors get to your head a bit,” Ashton knocks on Calum’s head for joking emphasis, gaining a laughter from Michael and an embarrassed blush from Calum.

Stirring from the noise, Luke sits up, “What’s going on?”

“Well you see-“

“Nothing!” Calum rushes out, interrupting Ashton, “Think we’re getting close to the airport, so it’s good you’re up.”

“Oh... sweet.”

Turning to face Michael, Calum suppresses an eye roll at the look Michael is giving him, opting to just ignore him and look out the window.

Much to Michael’s enjoyment, he stifles a laugh.




Most of the time spent in the airport involved playful teasing from Ashton, not as playful teasing from Michael, and tending to a very tired Luke. Was it Calum’s fault that Luke was super tired after the show? No. Luke was a front man; all of his energy was left out on stage every night. Was it his fault Luke chose him to cling to while tired? No. Of course it wasn’t. Luke was just very comfortable with Calum and wanted to feel protected and not like he was going to be messed with in his tired stupor. Was it his fault he got protective over Luke? No. Luke was his, even though he couldn’t yet admit it out loud, and he wanted to make sure he was ok and healthy and not ill, so of course he would be a little protective of him. Was it his fault that Michael and Ashton were now teasing him? Probably. That’s just how things worked out for Calum.

The short flight is spent sat between Luke and Michael, Luke spending a majority of the flight asleep with Michael alternating between being awake and asleep. Calum would sleep, but he’s got far too much in mind.

Maybe they should be a tad bit more careful; it wouldn’t hurt.

But part of him knows that Luke doesn’t want to think about it like that- he’s not vexed with the fear of being outed due to insecurity. Luke just doesn’t want to be out to protect Calum, and protect something they worked so hard for. But Luke has gone through the stages of coming out once before, so he wouldn’t be as off guard as Calum. Luke was lucky in that sense.

Because Calum wasn’t sure what to do about coming out- and really, he had put off thinking about it for the longest time.




Straight off of the airplane, the boys are packed into a car, meant to bring them to their hotel to let them rest. They weren’t scheduled to appear on Fallon until the next day, but management thought it would be safer to get them to New York a day earlier.

The car ride is mostly spent in silence, as Calum has his headphones in in an attempt to block out the rest of his band mates. It wasn’t that he was irritated or that he was upset with anyone, he just needed a break after the events of the last day.

Which is why he immediately rushes out of the car when they reach their hotel, not even bothering to wait for the others before grabbing a room key and heading up to his room.

He didn’t intend to be like this really, he just needed some time to re-evaluate his current situation without the pressures of not upsetting Luke or acting a certain way in front of Michael and Ashton. All he needed to do was stop caring about what others thought, he needed to not feel so scared about the idea of being out to the world and having everyone judge him and-

A knock at the door startles him, and he’s hesitant to open it at first but he figures whoever’s behind it wouldn’t be ok with him just ignoring them. Swinging the door open, Calum finds Michael standing there, travel bag still strapped over his shoulder as he leans casually against Calum’s doorframe.

“Thought you could get away, huh?” Michael says jokingly.

“What do you want, Michael?” It comes out harsher than he intended, but he figures it may just be enough to scare Michael off.

“Just wanted to check on you, is all. Can I come in?” Well, guess it wasn’t enough.

“Will you not if I say you can’t?”

“Mmm... probably not.”

Walking into Calum’s room, Michael tosses his bag onto the floor, arms crossed over his chest as he wanders Calum’s room, “Surprised Luke isn’t here.”

“He’s probably sleeping in his room or something. He _does_ have his own room.”

“Yeah, but that wouldn’t exactly stop him from coming to see you would it?”

“Fuck off, Michael.”

“What?” Michael steps a little closer to Calum, “What’s your deal, dude?”

“My _deal_ is that I don’t appreciate you making these jokes.”

“Dude, is it my fault you’re always around him and you act like he’s your entire world all of a sudden? I mean, you guy are practically dating at this point.”

“Michael-“

“I mean seriously, dude, like you guys are straight up a couple. Can’t wait to tell the fans that all their dreams of Cake being real are true.”

“Seriously Michael.”

“What? You guys are just sneaking off and hooking up and thought you could seriously hide it from everyone? Do you really think we’re all that stupid?”

Something happens inside of Calum. The feeling of insecurity and the feeling in his stomach suddenly become replaced with a feeling of anger and tiredness. And this sudden change of emotion explodes out of Calum, in the form of a shove that causes Michael to stumble back against the wall.

It’s not an overly aggressive action at all, but it’s one that definitely instils shock factor in the both of them.

Calum looks at Michael wide eyed, probably more surprised than Michael that he had just shoved him so angrily.

“M-Mikey... I...”

Michael doesn’t respond, instead stands with his back still to the wall, arms crossing over his chest in what Calum assumes is frustration.

Calum walks backwards until his legs hit his bed, and he sits on it with his knees shaking up and down. It was as if he had just yelled back at a parent, and he was waiting whatever punishment was coming his way.

A few times, Michael opens his mouth to speak, probably to yell at him or to make fun of him even more. And each anticipated time Michael’s about to speak, Calum feels a shiver go up his spine, one that causes so much anxiety in him he can’t even look at Michael.

With a heavy sigh, Michael shuts his eyes, “I know, Calum.”

His breath catches in his throat as his eyes immediately find their spot on the carpet floor, “Kn-know what?” He asks, hoping Michael’s answer isn’t what he expects to hear.

Michael rolls his eyes, even though he knows Calum doesn’t see it, “You know what I know, Calum. Don’t be an idiot.”

He can feel his face flushing red as he looks up at Michael, lips going dry as Michael stares at him intently, “I....I-“

“And I’m gonna excuse the fact that you just shoved me, which, by the way, was not very nice, because I know that you’ve got a shit ton on your mind right now.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” His voice breaks somewhat, as he does his best to keep his eyes away from Michael’s.

With a sigh, Michael takes a seat next to Calum on the bed, “Calum. Come on, now.”

“What, Michael?”

“Calum.”

“How long?”

“How long what?”

“How long have you known?”

“Before I answer that question,” Michael starts, “I’m gonna need you to answer some questions for me.”

“But-“

“Calum.”

Calum finally let’s himself look at Michael, and he immediately can see the concern and acceptance in his best friend’s eyes. “Ok...”

“Ok?”

“Just... ask whatever you need to. It doesn’t really matter at this point I guess.”

“Ok...So... so you guys are-”

“We’re dating. Yeah.”

“Alright...” Michael pushes his tongue out in thought, albeit somewhat satisfied that he now had confirmation, “And how long-“

“A couple of weeks now. Don’t know the specifics.”

“Ok...”

“So how long have you known?” His face was in his palms at this point, the conversation at hand slightly unbearable for him.

“Calum-“

“How long, Michael?” He asks it more sternly, wanting to know when exactly he and Luke started slipping up.

Michael looks at Calum once over, before shutting his eyes briefly and sighing, “I’m gonna ask you one more question and then I’ll answer yours, got it? And you need to answer it honestly.”

Calum nods without saying a word.

He hesitates to ask at first, not knowing how far he wants to push Calum, but he knows that he has to if he wants to get something out of this conversation, “You didn’t leave back then because of a fight with Luke. Am I right?”

It’s a simple question, one that shouldn’t hit him as hard as it does. But something about the question – perhaps the weight of it and the principle of the lies he’s been hiding behind- causes him to break, and he doesn’t know when it starts but he feels hot tears suddenly start to pour down onto his face.

“Ah, jeez,” He hears Michael say, as he feels the older boy wrap two arms around him. “God dammit, Calum,” Michael hugs Calum tighter, wanting to protect his friend from whatever sadness he was feeling , “I fucking knew it.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Calum mutters through a few more tears, “I’m sorry, I never told you...”

“Yeah, you fucking should be,” Michael responds somewhat harshly, “I knew you couldn’t have left because of a stupid fucking argument. That’s not like you.”

“It-it’s really complicated.”

“I’ve got time.”

Calum sighs, wiping furiously at the tears still in his eyes. He really didn’t think this conversation would be happening, or at least any time soon. “K, well, you remember the night of my birthday, right?”

“Pretty vividly, yeah,” And truly, Michael did. He remembered the music, the old friends he saw, the look of pure ecstasy and joy on Calum’s face- he remembered it all.

“And do you remember when me and Luke left?”

“Yeah, remember that too.” He remembered thinking nothing of it. It wasn’t unlike them to do their own thing and sneak off- which should have been bizarre seeing as Calum was ditching his own birthday party.

“Well, basically, we went back to his because his parents were out of town. And I was already drunk off my ass and Luke was getting there and for whatever reason I really just wanted to go back to his and get away from everyone-“

“Thanks,”

“No, not like, you know,-“

“Dude, I’m just teasing. Keep talking.”

“Oh...” Typical of Michael to try to crack jokes to lighten the mood, “uh got it. So yeah, we went back to Luke’s and Luke wanted to go right to bed-“

“But _you_ didn’t?”

“Nope,” Calum shakes his head, remembering how he had laid on Luke’s bed waiting for him “I wanted to cuddle, because you know me, I’m very touchy and I need physical contact.”

“I know that very, very well.”

“And Luke was just... _Luke_. He held me right and he was so humble and shy and such a good person and I think I’ve always had something for him but never really realized it, or, acted on it, until that night.”

“What did you do?”

“I kissed him.”

Michael purses his lips together, both in thought and receptiveness, “I see.”

“Yeah...”

“And then what happened?”

“Well... he kind of broke down.”

“He did?”

“Yeah...”

“Can you tell me why?”

Calum sighs, running a hand through his hair, “He just... he had liked me for so long, apparently. And he had always dreamed of something like that haeppning between us, but the moment it happened, he just got a little overwhelmed. He thought that the band dynamic would be ruined ‘cause of that kiss and it would be his fault.”

“Shit...”

“Yeah... and he said he didn’t want to lose me either.”

“Wow...and-“

“I know. Both of those kind of happened.”

“I guess I understand now why Luke was so...broken for that time.”

“Do you know what’s the worst part?”

“ _Do_ I wanna know?”

“Probably.”

Michael leans back, palms resting on the bed as he doesn’t lose eye contact with Calum, “Alright, spill.”

“He told me not to go. And I promised him I wasn’t going anywhere because he thought that our friendship would be ruined because of that fucking kiss.”

“Calum...” he can feel the pain in Calum’s voice, the sadness and the regret that Michael never knew existed.

“And I fucking left, Michael. Because I was too damn selfish and had to fucking get away from it all and I left Luke and everything I promised behind and I knew he hated me for so, so long and there was nothing I could do about it.”

“And then you came back-“

“And he still hated me. And he couldn’t face me and I just looked like such a bad guy and you told me that I shouldn’t have felt guilty about coming back because of Luke but you really had no idea what I was going through, Michael. And I guess that’s my own fault for not opening up to you but I was just... so scared.”

“Calum-“

“And I regret it all, dude. If I had known that me leaving would cause so much sadness for everyone else I wouldn’t have fucking left. And shit would’ve worked out so much easier that way and the two of us would’ve woken up awkwardly and talked about it then we would’ve told you and Ashton eventually and things would’ve just... fallen into place.”

“But things kinda have, don’t you think?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, look at you and Luke now. Something must’ve gone right if the two of you ended up together.”

“It was the night we went out to that one bar when we were here last. And I texted you saying I was taking Luke home because he wasn’t feeling well.”

“I’m guesing that’s not really what happened?”

“No... I pulled him out of that bar and into a cab because he was talking to some dude at the bar.”

“Oh Calum... bro not cool.”

Calum shakes his head, disappointed in the memory, “I know, I know. I was just so jealous and I played it off like I was trying to protect him and we started screaming at each other in the cab. And Luke being Luke said we shouldn’t have been fighting in a cab so we waited until we got back to the hotel when we let everything out on the floor.”

“How’d that go?”

“Messy, at first. Very messy. We both screamed and cried and then I confessed to him I was in love with him and he yelled some more and eventually we realized we both loved each other a lot, and we kind of just, forgot about the past and moved on.”

“And then?”

“I took him on a date the next morning, because Luke’s a fucking sap and he loves the idea of first dates and shit like that.”

“Oh my God and THAT’S why you late to soundcheck!”

“Mhm.”

“Holy shit, dude,” Michael runs a hand through his hair, “this is some interesting shit I’m hearing.”

“Yeah... and now we’re here. Secretly dating- except I guess not so secretly because you and Ash know-“

“Ashton doesn’t know, dude.”

Calum sits up straighter, turning his body so he’s facing Michael on the bed, “What?”

“Cal, I’ll be honest with you. I always knew something was going on between you and Luke. Not because of any signs or any obvious shit like that. You two are actually quite subtle when you’re not eye fucking each other at dinner or suggestively helping each other dress in the changing rooms-“

“Oh, that was bad.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me. Look, Calum,” Michael leans forward, so that he and Calum are perfectly face to face on the edge of the bed, “You and Luke are my best friends, yeah? I mean, Ashton is too obviously but the three of us have been friends for so fucking long. So of course I’m gonna notice how the two of you act when the other is around, or how your flirting is just slightly less “friend-like” than when you pretend flirt with us, or how you would look at each other sometimes and you’d both just ignore everyone else in the room. I’ve seen this coming for a long time, dude. And it does sort of discredit me as your guys’ best friend because you failed to tell me anything, but I do understand that it’s tough and you both have a lot to work on and shit.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you.” Calum just has to say it one more time, to reinstate he really wished he could’ve told Michael everything all those years ago.

“As long as you’re happy bro, I’m happy. You _are_ happy, right?”

“Happier than I’ve been in a long time,” Calum admits, “I mean, being friends with Luke is great enough, but now that I get to cuddle him and kiss him and-“

“Look I understand that I’m basically your brother but please do not tell me about you and Luke’s sex life.”

Calum laughs, the first visible sign of happiness the entire conversation, “Just, can you promise-“

“I’m not gonna tell anyone, don’t worry. Can I just ask you why you haven’t told anyone though? Or at least, me or Ashton?”

“I don’t know...I guess I’m just... not ready. And I can tell Luke is ready despite the fact he keeps insisting that we keep us a secret, but I can tell he’s only saying that because he wants to make me happy.”

“You know me and Ash love you guys, right?”

“We know. I know. It was just such a sudden change in me and Luke’s relationship and I still have to remind myself that we’ve been “straight” for so long and I didn’t want to throw the band dynamic off by just revealing to you guys that me and Luke were together and-“

“Ok, ok I think I get it,” Michael says, dismissing Calum with a smile and a wave of his hand, “You two can keep your little relationship a secret. Just don’t think in private I won’t tease you about it.”

“I really wouldn’t expect anything less, Michael.”

Suddenly, Calum feels Michael’s body next to his and the older boy engulfs him in his arms, “Just promise me something, Calum,” he hears Michael say against him, “Just... if you’re going through anything, please, for the love of God, talk to me about it. You don’t have to tell me what it is or who it is or what’s going wrong in your life but if you just need someone to talk to, please come to me. Because I just want to make sure you’re ok and I worry about you a lot.”

The swelling of his heart is enough indication to Calum that he’s safe in Michael’s arms- there isn’t anyone else that Calum could imagine could provide him this much genuine friendship, “I love you, Michael, you fucking asshole.”

“Asshole? You’re the one who kept the biggest fucking secret from me for three years, lest we forget how you shoved me earlier.”

“You provoked me!”

“Yeah, and it got you to talk, didn’t it?”

Pulling back from the hug, Calum blushes embarrassedly, “I guess so...”

“I may not have conventional ways of getting people to talk, “Michael starts, “But they do work!”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Says the one who got caught on a date with their rockstar boyfriend last night.”

“How long should I expect these jokes to last?”

“How long do you expect you and Luke to last?”

And he laughs, the stress he was feeling at the start of this conversation gone. Leave it to Michael to drag out his biggest secret, and end it with such a positive result. If only, Calum thinks, he had the guts to do this with the rest of the world.




The band was known to have a good time- they loved to go out and loved to share a few drinks now and then. So it’s no surprise when the boys find themselves at a bar not too far from their hotel, many drinks deep and very intoxicated. Calum, however, is not as drunk as the rest of him, thinking that at least one of them should stay slightly responsible for the safety of the rest.

He was currently sat next to Luke in a booth, the taller boy drinking what Calum assumes is his 9th beer. Michael and Ashton were in the middle of a game of pool in the back, both of them visibly struggling to play as they’re caught up in laughing at each other every so often.

“You enjoying your beer, Lukey?” He asks Luke, who looks up at him with a smile.

“Yup! I love beer,” Luke downs the rest of his drink, slouching back into the soft cushions of the booth and giggling to himself.

“You know, for someone so tall you’re kind of a light weight, Hemmings.”

“Shut up!” He says with a laugh, “Can I get another drink?”

“I think you’ve had enough, Lukey,”

“Come on, Cal, the night’s just starting!”

“Actually, it’s 1 in the morning so the night is ending pretty soon,”

“You’re no fun.”

“I’ve been told by many people that I’m very fun, actually.”

Michael and Ashton stumble over, both laughing at God knows what, “Hey you two, think we’re gonna head back to the hotel. You coming?”

Calum turns to Luke before he answers, the blond pleading with his eyes for the two of them to stay for one more drink. With a sigh, Calum turns back to Michael and Ashton, “Think we’re gonna stay for one more drink, so you two go ahead.”

“Alright, cool,” Ashton says, “Get home safe you two!”

“Don’t forget to be safe,” Calum hears Michael mutter, and it’s only when Ashton has his back turned that Calum sends Michael an annoyed middle finger.

“So, you getting your last beer or not?”

Immediately, Luke sits up, “I love you.”

“Mhm.”




2am and Calum is ready to hit the mattress. He and Luke are just about leaving the bar, the younger boy having some difficulty standing at first, but eventually he’s good enough to make the trek home. The bar was close enough and the night was calm enough that the two of them could just walk, not wanting to pay the cab fee for an unnecessary and short drive.

Calum is walking next to Luke, who’s distracted by the stars and the night life to hold a conversation, “You have a good night, Luke?”

Luke giggles, head still pointing up at the sky, “Always a good night when I’m with you,”

“Drunk and still a sap? Only you could pull that off, Luke.”

“You love my sappiness and you know it.”

Calum shrugs, “I guess it has its perks sometimes.”

“Say you love my sappiness.”

“What?”

“Say you love it,” There’s a serious tone in Luke’s voice, but Calum knows he’s just kidding around.

With a sigh, he decides to play along, “I love your sappiness, Luke.”

“Now tell me you love me,”

“Luke,”

“I wanna hear you say it.”

He sighs, “I love you, Luke.”

“Good.”

Luke looks over at him, wide grin on his face as he’s visibly satisfied. And Calum laughs, because something so simple as telling Luke he loved him could make him react like that.

“Do you think we’ll get married?”

Ok, that was unexpected. “What?”

“We’d have the best marriage ever. Our kids would take guitar lessons, or like, we’d just teach them even though we don’t know shit, and they’d wear band t-shirts and we’d have such a nice house and we’d have dinner parties with Ashton and Bryana and Michael and whoever he ends up with-“

“Aren’t we getting a little ahead of ourselves?” Calum voices with a laugh, because he knew Luke was drunk so he probably was just talking out of his ass.

“Why not get excited for something in the future?”

“Because we don’t know if that’s going to be our future yet, doofus,”

“Well, why wouldn’t it be?”

“I think we’re moving a little fast here, Luke. We only started dating a few weeks ago.”

“But think about how great it would be to be married!” Luke says, arms flailing upwards to emphasize his excitement, “We’d be such great parents and then we could do whatever we wanted, like hold hands like this-“

He doesn’t intend to do it, but the second Luke grabs at his hand he pulls it away. And he doesn’t have to look up to see the hurt exuding from Luke’s face. To his discernment, Luke moves away from him, walking a little bit faster and to the right so there’s a gap between the two of them.

With a sigh, Calum picks up his speed, “Luke?” Luke doesn’t turn around, “Luke, come on Luke,”

“What?” His response is cold, and Calum knows dealing with a mad, drunk Luke is going to be difficult.

“Luke, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit nothing’s wrong, Luke.” He’s walking beside him now, and Calum can sense that Luke is purposefully not looking at him.

“Nothing’s wrong, Calum. Let’s just ignore everything and go home. Let’s just, go home and go to bed.”

“We can’t do that because we’ll go to bed angry at each other,” Calum puts out his arms and grabs at Luke’s shoulders, stopping and turning Luke towards him, “Just, tell me what’s wrong.”

For a moment, Luke is about to speak, and Calum assumes he’s going to completely bitch him out for not holding his hand. But he doesn’t, and Luke sighs before he speaks, “I’m sorry,” he says, looking at Calum embarrassedly, “Sorry... I just... forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

“Forgot that I can’t just, hold your hand in public,” Luke admits, “And for a split second there, I forgot that there was a reason we couldn’t do it, and you weren’t just, pulling away because I wasn’t special enough or something-“

Fuck. He did not want Luke to think he wasn’t good enough.

“You’d think you’re not special enough for me, Luke? That’s fucking dumb, because you know I love you and you know I’d love to do coupley shit in public with you too, but there’s just so much-“

“Calum, I get it,” Luke says, interrupting him, “I just... forgot, ok? I’m not mad at you and I’m not doubting the two of us. It was just stupid of me.”

“You’re not stupid, Luke,” Calum rubs Luke’s arm with his right hand, “You just... have so much love to give and you want to show everyone how much you can love and the world can’t handle that yet and it’s unfair. But hiding it is worth it, remember?”

“Why’s that?”

“Because,” Calum presses a quick kiss to Luke’s cheek, “we both have such great things going for us that we shouldn’t be bothered with the fact we can’t show it off. And I’m super lucky to have you, ok? Never forget that.”

Feeling at ease, Luke grins, “Ok... sorry again-“

“Don’t even worry about it. Let’s just, get you home, give you some water to drink and we can cuddle until we both pass out.”

“I knew I loved you for a reason.”

“My smokin’ hot bod?”

“Yup, that’s it.”

The two of them continue walking side by side, hands touching but not exactly clasped together. Calum knows that Luke will probably still dwell on this tomorrow, and he’s going to have to remind him that he was drunk and that there’s nothing to worry about. It was an honest mistake.

The two of them were so caught up in dealing with the mistake, however, they failed to notice they weren’t alone- because far in the back, somewhere hidden along the street across from them, a photographer looks at his camera and smiles.

Man did he have good footage for the press or what?


End file.
